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Character Critiques
Topic Started: Oct 19 2006, 09:55 AM (866 Views)
Jotun
...Schmexy Dwarf? Eh, you play the hand you're dealt...
[ *  *  * ]
I devolop in roleplay, not in the profile. It feels better to me. I've already typed up most of Felix's entry on the student matrix which involves a more in-depth look at his life - but most of the information in it will be given during actual posting first.

Why I do this: because I don't like to have ideas only to find out I can't put them in writing satisfactorily. So I write first, put down what feels good and THEN expand on the facts.

Please, spill on Kayla, I don't have plans to change what's there and she's my least favorite character so I need help fixing her. And yeah, I'm more than six feet tall so 5'6 feels measly to me, but I should fix that.

Anyway, I don't want critique on Seth anymore, as it seems the real problem with him is the lack of character - and I don't plan on giving him any until he makes it to the island.

Thanks, Leo.

Anyway.

Damien Carter-Madison

Holy crap I LOVE this kid. I like his situation, I like the way he acts, I like the way you RP him. He's even the right age to act the way he does, I remember the 13 year olds in my seventh and eigth grade classes that were like Damien, except not as neat.

Nothing but praise, I guess.

Annabelle Buchannon

The first thing that stood out to me is that her nickname is Bubbles, based on her personality and 'a prominant physical feature.' I realized much later you meant her hair.

I have a problem with the use of 'nice' (tones and nice physique) as an adjective, it makes it seem... I dunno, Mary-Sue. Annabelle is not a Mary-Sue, so something glaring like that stands out quite a bit.

Yeah, I'm just digging with straws to sound smart. Annabelle is a very real character, someone clearly with a lot of thought put into her.

I've got nothing on Lee-Ann, sorry.
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Chase
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is only doing this 'cause you're a mod!
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<_<

Let's see how well Mai, Jenna, and Deliah do.
Risen from the dead.
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Megami
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Squishy
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
A short bit of advice to everyone out there -- use pre-game to your advantage. Your character profile isn't set in stone yet. When you develop new relationships, new scenarios, or new facts concerning your character, don't be scared to add them to your profile. The more in-depth and detailed your character profile is, the less you're going to have to sit around and worry about whether or not they'll be approved. We've got a lot of talented writers on this site, but we're also going to be cracking down on characters apps too -- we don't want any blonde-headed clones of Kazuo Kiriyama or another Mitsuko Souma in our midsts. Own your characters, guys. Make them into a person, not just a concept based off of another character. I'm not saying anyone is doing that, this is just a general thing.

I took the liberty of critiquing a LOT of characters on the old site, so I'm not sure who I haven't already checked off the list with the exception of the newer handlers' characters. I suppose, then, that I'll have to satisfy my compulsive need to critique by tearing our newbies apart at the seams. <3 Just kidding, guys. I will, however, critique your characters for you... but I'm not a nice critic, so don't expect me to go too easy on ya.

Ernest Decarteret: This is a completely random, off-the-wall comment, but the first paragraph reminds me of Cyclops from X-Men. :P It's the sunglasses. It gives the character a bit of uniqueness to him, though. I will say that although I personally think the "psychopath" persona is a bit overused, you manage to do it very well with Ernest. It's a lot more believable than the Kiriyama "metal in the brain" thing, and the fact that he does take medication for it and treats it as an actual illness rather than an untapped aspect of his personality makes him seem more real -- because let's face it, nobody's completely perfect, and Ernest's mental instability is a good example of that. He's a very well-rounded character. Good in academics, bad in sports -- he has interests and hobbies. Overall, this is a really good profile. I suppose the only thing that's jumping out at me is the statement in the last sentence about him being introverted toward women. I'm quite curious as to what spawned that, besides them being nasty to him about his skin condition.

Felix Travertil: The profile, overall, is pretty good. It's pretty obvious that you've focused a lot on just Felix's personality, though, and I'm curious about a lot of things concerning him. You've begun delving into his (former) relationship to Kayla Ravoy in the roleplay, and I find that quite interesting and hope you'll expand upon it. The Felix in the roleplay doesn't really seem to be the same Felix in the profile, if that makes any sense. I'm curious about this vicious, amoral side of Felix Travertil, and how and why he's capable of extreme violence, so I'm hoping that you'll eventually delve into that. Overall, his profile just doesn't really allow me to connect with him, because it doesn't tell much about him other than how his mind works. It's definitely a start, but I'd personally like to see a little more depth added to it.

Marvin Hendrick: Ah, Marvin. I'll start with the profile, then move on to his performance in pre-game. The first thing I'd like to see elaborated on is his relationship with his brother, because I find the jealous little brother living in the shadows fascinating on many levels. I can't help but wonder if his jealousy over his brother is what causes the inferiority complex he seems to have -- and he does seem to have one, seeing as he seems to feel the need to constantly exert himself over his fellow students. Some things to expand on: his relationship to Reneé -- how's he know her, why are they so close, why does he willingly follow orders from her but otherwise exert himself in a leadership position? His relationship to Damien -- what's the reasoning behind Marvin's incessant need to torture Damien? He's got the potential to be a very complex character, and I'd like to see that happen.

I'll continue my critiques some other time, when I've not been up since the asscrack of dawn. ^.^ In the mean time... *points to list in siggy* if you people so feel the need to rip my charries a new hole, it'd be greatly appreciated.
Misa Achtland

Ayako Okogamine

Kevin De la Torre

Melissa Angelicchio

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laZardo
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^This is not what a Laz looks like^
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Megami
Oct 24 2006, 11:40 AM
A short bit of advice to everyone out there -- use pre-game to your advantage. Your character profile isn't set in stone yet. When you develop new relationships, new scenarios, or new facts concerning your character, don't be scared to add them to your profile. The more in-depth and detailed your character profile is, the less you're going to have to sit around and worry about whether or not they'll be approved. We've got a lot of talented writers on this site, but we're also going to be cracking down on characters apps too -- we don't want any blonde-headed clones of Kazuo Kiriyama or another Mitsuko Souma in our midsts. Own your characters, guys. Make them into a person, not just a concept based off of another character. I'm not saying anyone is doing that, this is just a general thing.

I took the liberty of critiquing a LOT of characters on the old site, so I'm not sure who I haven't already checked off the list with the exception of the newer handlers' characters. I suppose, then, that I'll have to satisfy my compulsive need to critique by tearing our newbies apart at the seams. <3 Just kidding, guys. I will, however, critique your characters for you... but I'm not a nice critic, so don't expect me to go too easy on ya.

Marvin Hendrick: Ah, Marvin. I'll start with the profile, then move on to his performance in pre-game. The first thing I'd like to see elaborated on is his relationship with his brother, because I find the jealous little brother living in the shadows fascinating on many levels. I can't help but wonder if his jealousy over his brother is what causes the inferiority complex he seems to have -- and he does seem to have one, seeing as he seems to feel the need to constantly exert himself over his fellow students. Some things to expand on: his relationship to Reneé -- how's he know her, why are they so close, why does he willingly follow orders from her but otherwise exert himself in a leadership position? His relationship to Damien -- what's the reasoning behind Marvin's incessant need to torture Damien? He's got the potential to be a very complex character, and I'd like to see that happen.

I'll continue my critiques some other time, when I've not been up since the asscrack of dawn. ^.^ In the mean time... *points to list in siggy* if you people so feel the need to rip my charries a new hole, it'd be greatly appreciated.

In respondéz-vous to the critique and the fact that I cannot speak French to save my life,

1. I suppose Marvin would have an inferiority complex from living in the shadow of his brother. Of course. And as hinted from the current and intended RPs, I hope to elaborate more on that relationship the way a total n00b would...by having Richard Hendrick participate in pre-game. XD
2. That need to torture Damien most likely arises out of said inferiority complex. It's so easy to pick on him (because he's so helpless) AND get vicious retaliation, to exercise any frustration he might have for not taking his...frustration out on his older brother.
3. At this point I am currently churning about Marvin's relationship with Reneé, particularly because they do not have any more RPs together as of today. She'd probably know him for his money and reputation for being rather violent. And that probably explains his rise in ranks, though Reneé clearly won't let him be #1 (and I'm guessing it's because she's got something on him). He obviously wants to be leader of the clique and will (spoiler spoiler?) probably use his stint in the game to prove that - if and when he gets over the Game Trauma.

This reasoning/pitiful excuses will be incorporated into Marvin's official entreé. (Alt+0233, bitches!)

Unfucked: Cisco Vasquez (V4)
Proper Fucked: Harris Van Allen (The Program), Rashid Hassan (V4)
Fucked Soon: Carlos Lazaro and Eliza Patton
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Nealosi
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Level 80
[ *  *  * ]
I'd like to get in on this. Anyone willing to critique my characters? I'm fully willing to critique someone elses, just say the word...
I eat alone in a desert with skulls for my pets,
I rate the days 1 to 10 with lead cigarettes.


v4

Jeremy Ressler
Catherine Cowie
Haaziq Muhammad Sayf
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laZardo
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^This is not what a Laz looks like^
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I'm only gonna comment on Franco because he's the only one that I have experience with at the moment.

According to the biography this kid seems to epitomize the "spoiled brat" archetype, and you can see where the emphasis lies. Personally, it's not that new that this kid - like others - can pretty much call for any given material item at any given time, and of course, that familiar manipulativeness. What is unique is his current circle of friends/enemies. And what I hope will distinguish this character from the other rich brats is his reaction to life on the island, completely deprived of the former resource. This raises serious doubts as to the integrity of his personality and sanity as time will wear on.

Shit that's technical.

Unfucked: Cisco Vasquez (V4)
Proper Fucked: Harris Van Allen (The Program), Rashid Hassan (V4)
Fucked Soon: Carlos Lazaro and Eliza Patton
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laZardo
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^This is not what a Laz looks like^
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
For the sake of time quickly being lost, I'm going to bump this topic with the request that Marvin's new bio (replacing the pre-game) be re-reviewed because I recently had most of it re-written to fit in the suggestions of the critique...

Unfucked: Cisco Vasquez (V4)
Proper Fucked: Harris Van Allen (The Program), Rashid Hassan (V4)
Fucked Soon: Carlos Lazaro and Eliza Patton
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Jotun
...Schmexy Dwarf? Eh, you play the hand you're dealt...
[ *  *  * ]
Sorry. but in this post, Endless Helix gets my attention.

Harry Constantine -
http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=1394279

Sorry about that, I really wanted to use that objection thing. It's so cool. I can't believe Phoenix Wright was discontinued. It's not really a big thing considering what I can tell of SOTF hand-to-hand fights, but reading the profile it just bugged me.
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Endless_Helix
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Gaaah! They're eating the flesh off my bones!
[ *  * ]
@Jotun: Actually, I know that. However... most people don't. Think of it as an equivalent skill level, which is what I meant... I probably should clarify that. And yes, that animation was the kick ass shit. XD XD XD
-edit-

On Topic:

Marvin Hendrick: Well... He's certainly grown a lot. I ike the character a lot. You've rounded him out very nicely. I like how he's always livin in the shadow of somebody, either his brother or Renee, and can never seem to rise above it. He's certainly damaged to say the least. It'll be interesting to see how he'll react when he gets the limelight in SOTF v2...
I now have... Meat Puppets! with 70% more calories than my last ones!
Mortimer Jones, Boy 66: Emotionless and Hungry
Joeseph Gai, Boy 67: Yet to debut

Do you know why they're called revolutions?
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La Skellette!
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Meh, how about I get the critques of Michaels and Jackf?
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