"We tried to be better, but we aren't. I don't think anyone could last more than a week here if they weren't willing to do bad things." - Alba Reyes

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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
So that's what happens when you get your hopes too far up.

All of a sudden Asuka wanted nothing more than to sit down against the wall, put her head in her lap, and drift off to sleep like that. What a shame, what a fucking shame. The conversation was gonna be interesting and the concert was gonna be inspiring and she was gonna get shit done and then Lili drops one line and poof, oh look, there goes her entire pyramid of hope crumbling down because really you gotta be a dumbass to keep grasping at straws like this. Great job, Lili, great job.

There's a lot to say here, like the fact that categorically dismissing mainstream music made you just as blind as the so-called sheeple, that assuming that everyone was as shallow as they appeared made you the shallow one, that you don't get anywhere by being mean. Yeah, Asuka could feel a whole rant here. Fucking judger. Let people like what they like.

Yeah. Like you're not judging the fuck out of her right now. Of course Asuka never would've made her rant. It would've made her a hypocrite. Yeah. That was why. Sure, she was too shy to rant even if she hadn't caught that, but this, this was definitely the main reason.

Asuka's tongue was totally frozen.

"Um...yes, and no."

Cop-out answer. Bet that makes her think you're plastic. But it wasn't like Asuka could pull a perfectly eloquent response off the top of her head. And it wasn't a cop-out answer after all, because it was true, because everything was shades of grey and if you ever answered in absolutes you were delusional. Hell, Asuka should answer every question with yes and no. That would get her some friends. But she had an answer now, and maybe she hadn't worked out all the wording and all the stuff she wanted to say and even all the ideas that were faintly buzzing around inside her head, but she needed to say it right now, or she never would. The other girl would start talking again and the conversation would move on and the words and ideas would die out and all this would've been wasted.

Asuka chanced a glance at Lili. She was no good at reading faces, that she knew, but if she had to guess, Lili was feeling...hopeful? Yeah, that was it. And truth be told, Asuka wasn't about to rain on her hope parade, exactly. Crushing put-downs just weren't her style. They weren't a style at all, really. All those assholes who kick verbal shit around because they were blunt, they were brutally honest and the fact that they didn't sugar-coat was a sign of respect because it meant they weren't bullshitting you, whatever floated their boat. Fuck those guys. Asuka wasn't gonna join them. Though she had to admit it made for more interesting conversation than what she was doing now.

Okay.

"So. What I mean is that, like, people who seem fake do annoy me? They do, kinda. But it's not really fair for me to be annoyed at them, because I don't see much. Like, everyone seems shallow, but that's because I can only see the surface or something. Like, to me it looks like they automatically dismiss it, instantly dismiss it, whatever. But they actually put some thought into it that I didn't see. And maybe they're not going baring their hearts to me and explaining exactly how they feel and what they think, and I wish they would, but at the same time, they're not exactly being...phony? Plastic? Yeah."

God, that came out terribly. No way was that comprehensible. Please let that not be comprehensible. Please let Asuka rinse her mouth, clear her brain, and make a second non-shitty run at this talking thing.

Still, this was progress, right? She was talking, and maybe she was fucking it up, but she was actually saying things that she wanted to say. That was good. Fucking right it was. Optimism. Silver linings. She was really fucking good at this game.
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
- Pregame: 1
- V6: 1-2
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Twin Infinitives · Memories from the Past