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just a picture of a cloud
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"Hey, no, don't..." Johnny struggled to find the right words. He felt like the biggest shit in the world.

A few years back he'd run over a birds nest. He hadn't noticed at the time, but later, walking out of the trailer he'd seen it lying in the middle of the park, crushed and mangled. The birds were Cactus Wrens, though he could barely tell. Newly hatched - there was no sign of the mother, and Johnny pictured her looking for her babies. Could birds cry? He couldn't believe he didn't know. What kind of a fuck would do this, he had thought. Who would be so careless as to... to murder these chicks. He resolved to beat the shit out of whoever had done it, if ever he found them.

Walking back into the trailer he'd noticed feathers on his tyres, and he had felt like a monster. Here, standing in front of Raina, he didn't feel much better.

He'd never asked her to give a shit. He'd never wanted her to care, but she had because she was good, and she was kind, and he had let her down. Johnny took a drag on his cigarette and imagined himself burning away and dissipating into the wind. Right now it seemed pretty appealing.

"Look I... don't be like that, yeah? I mean it'll be okay. Like yeah, school's not for me, but so what? Steve Jobs was a dropout, yeah? Einstein too, all of those kinda guys, really. It's not for everyone, I mean, but you can still, y'know, make computers or like, invent time or whatever. Darren's a genius, y'know. I mean you do know, yeah? I mean he was round your place every other night, like. Whatever he's got goin' on, y'know with someone he can trust on board I'm sure it's gonna be like, some next level shit."

He forced a smile.

"Don't worry about me, yeah? Please I mean, really. I'll be fine, I promise."

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Two Breaths Walking · Memories from the Past