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Laurels
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Cause what you see isn't always the truth
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"So Pina comes to my house to film the show. We would have filmed it at her house, but we ruled it out pretty quickly. Pina's broke, so she lives in an abandoned atomic bomb testing bunker out in the desert, and she has enough trouble fighting off coyotes, mountain lions, and the mutants from The Hills Have Eyes to try and film a web show there. She also doesn't have air conditioning and when I get sweaty, I look like I dived into a pool of bacon grease, so I vetoed her home instantly.

"So we're in my room, I've got all the equipment set up, the mics work perfectly, we review the script for the show, but right before we start filming, Pina tells me she has doubts about the show. She's like 'Noaaah, I don't know if I can do this. I mean, I'm so nervous.' I was worried that Pina wasn't going to be able to perform, so I gave her some tips to perform without caring how anyone would possibly view your performance. I call it 'The Gary Busey Method.'

"Step 1: Forget people are watching you. For Pina, this is a little hard since people tend to look at her anywhere she goes. This isn't helped because she's usually lying on the ground in a puddle of some kind, but if she can learn to ignore traffic crossing signals, she could learn to ignore an audience.

"Step 2: Talk and talk, while only slightly remembering what you're doing. If you're trying to be funny, just try to leave space after every important thing you say in hopes people fill it with laughter."

Noah lowered the mic, averted his gaze to the ceiling, and began to tap his foot. After five seconds, he continued to speak.

"Step 3: Hope it all congeals into something worthwhile. If not, just pray there are no consequences to your actions. For Pina, consequences usually mean getting thrown face first in the dumpster behind Cheryl's, so she's in good hands in my room. Well, better hands at least. I don't have a dumpster, but believe me, Pina's used to leaving my house directly through the windows.

"Fortunately, Pina did all of that, and our show is a hit, averaging about 800 views per video. Yes, I have about twenty-two videos on my channel and around 17,500 views total from around 140 subscribers. At this rate, it will take me about fifteen years before I can start making money off YouTube, and only twenty-five before it means I can move out of my mom's house. It's because of that small, somewhat meaningless success that I can handle going to a public school. Because if there are 140 people who would willingly look at me in private, then I can handle the 300 or so people in my grade who only think 'God, I want to run him over with my Honda Civic. That'll teach him not to loan me a mechanical pencil in math class.'"

Noah let the audience react to that final joke, flashing a large smile at the audience.

"Thank you, Cheryl's! You've been amazing! I'll be back whether you like it or not. If you do, look me up on YouTube, subscribe to my channel. If you don't, Noah Whitley is a pseudonym and I was never here. Good night!"

Noah did a quick little bow and put the microphone back in the mic stand. He chuckled to himself as he stepped off the stage and began to walk back to his seat. His throat was a little dry, and his legs were still a little jittery from standing on stage. It would be heavenly to sit down again.
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Airline Food · Cheryl's