"We tried to be better, but we aren't. I don't think anyone could last more than a week here if they weren't willing to do bad things." - Alba Reyes

Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Viewing Single Post From: Airline Food
Laurels
Member Avatar
Cause what you see isn't always the truth
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"But while the Internet is good for expression and catharsis," Noah continued, "there is some danger to using it for relief. I have this friend, her name is Pina. We've known each other for about, um, two years or so. Two years sounds right. Give or take a few nights strung out on Five Hour Energy during a Golden Girls marathon, and yeah, I'd say that's how long we've known each other.

"Anywho, so my friend Pina came to me and was like, 'Heeey, Noaaaah.'"

Noah's mouth fell slackjawed as he started to draw out his voice as he gave his best Pina Bucket voice, all while putting his free hand on his hip and bending his shape to look like a crooked "S." Several days ago, when he was trying to come up with the jokes for his routine, it occurred to him to bring Pina in as a figure for whom he can tell fake anecdotes for. She could be his version of Margaret Cho's grandmother. Plus, it would allow him to disguise embarrassing stories about himself as if they happened to some crazy girl from Corncob, Tennessee.

"Yeah, that's what she sounds like," he quickly explained when the audience reacted to the PBR-induced slur that was Pina's voice. "Sorry, she's from the deep south. She grew up thinking Hee-Haw was high-brow and Colonel Sanders was a Civil War Hero.

"Anyways, so my friend Pina was like 'Heeey, Noaaaah. I want to start, um, one of those web shows. Be real famous and such.' So I asked her what kind of show she wanted to do and she wanted to do comedy. Now, I should tell you all that Pina's idea of comedy is very different from your and mine. I've heard it described as 'awkward and offensive,' but most times, it's been described in more concrete terms like 'get off the stage!' followed by a glass bottle being thrown at her head. I will say that the crowd at Cheryl's that night was much more different from this one, so thank you for not turning my face into a stained glass mural. Plastic surgery is expensive and I don't have Obamacare.

"So she comes over to my house because I have a computer, a camcorder, a tripod, costumes, lighting equipment, sound equipment, and other items for filming. Don't ask why I have any of that. Let's just say I'm exploring options in case the comedy thing doesn't work out.

"Pina tells me she wants to shoot a video of us talking, so I ask her what she wants to talk about. We're both celebrity conscious, so she wants to do a show talking about celebrities, such as their fashion and movie reviews and such. It's basically Fashion Police, but instead of having a long-faced, cantankerous, strung out she-witch as the host, Fashion Police had Joan Rivers."

Noah paused to let that joke set in. He had one last bit planned for the routine, and this was what would make or break his whole performance. The tale of The Pina Bucket Show.
V6 Cast

V5 Cast

Chat, Art, and Fun Stuff
Offline Profile Quote Post
Airline Food · Cheryl's