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Viewing Single Post From: Still in the Dark
MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
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An uneasiness fell over Ivan as he watched Tabi pull away. Lost was the perfect sense of security that they shared when she laid atop him. Only when she was gone did the full impact of the closeness they had strike him, and Ivan instantly wished for it back. To actively seek such contact was definitely out-of-line for him, or at least it would have been a week ago. Now he felt like a new person, for better or for worse. The old him wouldn't have worried if he had just upset Tabi and fucked up royally.

Tabi hadn't let out all the pain inside her, which she made clear through just how tense she was. Unfortunately, this was only natural if she was feeling the same exact pain he himself had felt. Ivan looked away as though he were trying to preserve her dignity, or perhaps it was because he couldn't bear to look at her when she was suffering so much. Neither of them should've been forced to kill in order to live, but they were, and they had given in. They had done what the terrorists wanted, and apparently in the most entertaining way possible. Why else would they have been rewarded?

And if they had done what the terrorists wanted, did that make them bad people? Simple killers? Maybe Ivan was all of those things, but he didn't want Tabi to feel the same way. He had jumped the gun and murdered somebody out of fear for himself. Looking back, had the situation played out differently, Ivan might have even used Tabi as a shield against Keith like he did against Clio. He was in it for himself from the beginning, in order to live as long as he could for his brother. When did that change? Somewhere along the sliding scale of time, one state changed into another, but there couldn't have been any specific point where his morals just 'snapped' from one to the other and, if it was there, then he couldn't find it. Despite the power of this question, Ivan never asked himself why he had changed. The answer to that was obvious.

"No...no...no...no I'm not doing it... never."

The break of silence told Ivan to look at Tabi, and he obeyed. At first, her statement of defiance confused him to a point where he didn't know what to say or do. Then, even while she wasn't looking at him, a slight grin crept across his lips and held there for a second or two. Let's see what you say to that, assholes..., he thought, feeling a strange sort of pride. In away, Tabi had just shown another example of just how she could be stronger than him, and possibly anybody else on this island. If only she could completely be absolved of the guilt she must be feeling.

Ivan's mood dipped a little when the girl beside him sighed and laid back down. He felt a bit dirty for thinking it, but he was hoping that maybe they could end up cuddling again like they had been. Instead, they would end the night the same way they began it, sleeping with a space between them, never touching and in awkward silence. He stared at the ocean for a moment in regret, then looked back to Tabi, expecting to see her asleep. Instead, she seemed to be looking at something above them, her eyes transfixed. When he looked... he fell into a state similar to hers. The sky had now darkened sufficiently enough to where the stars emerged, peppering the night sky with an incalculable brilliance.

Ivan laid back as Tabi had done, folding his hands over his stomach so they could have something to hold on to. Before he knew it, a memory had come to him, with nothing to hold it back.

"You know... sometimes my little brother and I would watch the stars. We had this telescope that he bought with his own money from selling rabbits... it's a long story. But together, we'd pull the rickety thing out and set it up in our backyard, point it up at the sky and see just what we could find. You'd think there wouldn't be a lot to find up there... just a bunch of stars."

Ivan chuckled a little bit as he remembered just how impatient Louis could be sometimes.

"Still, we spent hours and hours looking up there, finding all the constellations, all that fun stuff. It's... it's kind of funny. Way out here, the stars are much clearer than they ever were around Bayview. This sky's a little different, I can tell, and the positions are off, but... I think at the end of the day, it's all the same sky."

Ivan put his hands behind his head to further support himself as he squinted up at the sky. Without his glasses the stars may have been a bit fuzzy, but still recognizable. He felt like he was in his own backyard again, but looking at the stars with Tabi instead. He wondered what she thought of all of this, and hoped that talk of home didn't make her uncomfortable. There wasn't much else left to talk about that could bring him happiness.
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