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“Mostly telling off classmates who think they matter,”

Acacia smiled, widely. Two days ago, was it really only two? whatever, a couple of days ago, when she had last seen Thea, the girl's manner had annoyed her. What was is she had said to her? "We're all equal here." She'd been so irritable about it, and then her and Roman had scurried off into the wind without asking if any of them had seen Alex, or even how they were, how they were holding up. Stuck in their own little world, they had run off; Acacia's stomach turned and her hands tingled with the memory of what she had done. She focussed instead on Thea's story, small bits of which made sense. She'd heard about James, his name had been one of the ones to light up in her brain as it was read out. It was the worst part of every day, the list of the dead. Which of your friends have died today?

The arm around her shoulder was a comfort, and Acacia began to feel herself weaken. The wall she was trying to build was starting to crumble away. She knew that she had done the right thing, but it was going to take time before she would fully accept that. Time she almost hoped she didn't have.

"I didn't mean to kill him. Well, I did, but it was to help him. He was dying, anyway. I had to save him, he looked so small, so weak, he wanted me to, I'm sure he did! I didn't want to have to kill him, and if John Smith wasn't already dead I would be on my way to kill him myself" Acacia said in a sudden rush of mixed emotions, sadness, guilt, anger. Still her stomach, devoid of food, kept churning. If she didn't eat soon, the last lot of insulin would kill her before too long. There was a little tiny part of her that didn't want to eat, didn't want to live. This would be the easiest way to go, she would fall into a coma and silently slip away. Perhaps that was why she had managed to avoid going crazy for so long, the knowledge that she had her own unique way to kill herself if the time was right. She had control over her own life. A life that Roman had given up for her, and she wasn't going to have allowed him to die in vain.

In fact, she was going to win. She needed to get home to explain to the Jackson parents why she had done it. She needed to be sure that they had forgiven her; only then would she ever be at peace. And if she had to kill every last person on the island to do that, then, well, perhaps she would just have to. She looked at Thea, saw concern in her friend's eyes, and faltered.

I will have to kill you at some point. But not now. I still need friends.

"I'm sorry about James," she said in a small voice that entirely hid her new frame of mind. She wasn't quite sure if she believed it herself, and hid her face by twisting gently out of Thea's grip and crouched down over her bag, looking for something to eat. She took a slice of bread, the crust, and folded it in half with precisely seven haribo sweets in the middle. She sat back against the wall and looked at it with an expression that read mild curiousity. Actually, she was feeling the gun against her thigh and wondering if she would be able to fire it.

"I've got a haribo sandwich!" she said, with a small amount of real excitement mixed in with the fake, just enough for it to appear genuine to anyone not watching closely. She took an experimental bite, and chewed thoughfully, before shrugging. "Bit crap if I'm honest, needs more sweets."
the world is on my side
i have no reason to run

v4 nostalgia

shiny shiny V5 concepts (now with clickies)
Phoebe Cho - I shall be playing Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto in E minor. Wizard!
Harry Hanley - I've got Hershey's at half price today! Get 'em quick before I have rehearsal!
Lor Van Diepen - I'm gonna make a video later. About running. Does that sum me up enough?
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Anthem for Doomed Youth · The Tunnels