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half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Erik rocked backwards on his heels as Brendan tackled him, absorbing the weight and wrapping his arms around the smaller boy in turn. He knew, vaguely, that there were other people here, two girls, but right now he couldn't care less about them. This was more important. Somehow it mattered more than seeing the boys he'd originally met up with, the one's he'd lost days ago, and he didn't entirely understand that but some little part of his mind told him not to question. If he was going to feel utterly ecstatic that he'd found his boyfriend, despite the circumstances, then he was just going to let it happen.

He couldn't stay still, though. Brendan was clinging to his neck with a death grip, but Erik had just enough room to breathe and that was all he needed. Running his hands up and down Bren's body, he searched for wounds other than the one he could see, bloody bandages wrapped around his leg, obviously not finished, hanging sloppily off the limb in a rather stomach-churning fashion that made Erik wonder just how bad the injury below was. But his hands didn't give him anything else, no broken bones, no holes, nothing of that sort, and he bent his head into Brendan's hair to inhale sweat and dirt and sand and blood, holding onto the knowledge that he was alive, he was alive and he wasn't going to die, he was going to be okay.

"It's okay," he muttered, eyes shut, not caring what the girls thought, "it's okay it's okay it's okay, Brendan, it's going to be okay, I'm here, it'll be - I'll take care of you, I'll take care of everything. It's gonna be okay. Shh. Shhhh."

He managed to shift himself backwards, wiggling until he was sitting on his ass in the dirt, branches scratching at his back. He didn't care. He pulled Brendan closer, holding him in his lap, hands still checking and rechecking his body, needing to know, needing to understand, that there was still one constant in this everchanging world he could rely on.

"It'll be okay, I promise, I promise, everything's gonna be fine, shhh, I promise, it'll be okay," a litany of soothing words tumbling from his lips, hoping against hope that Brendan didn't realize just how many of the words were for Erik's sake, because he needed this, god.

He needed Brendan. He needed something. He'd been coasting through the days by pretending nothing was happening, shying away from guns, fights, (death), ignoring the announcements, trying desperately to just be the same person he'd always been because the person he'd always been was able to handle this, was strong enough to see what was going on around him. But now he had to see it, couldn't not p with the bloodstained body of his boyfriend sobbing in his arms, of course he had to see it. And he had to realize.

People are going to die.

He is
not going to be one of them.

Since twelve years old, he'd been scared of death. Terrified. Gnawing fear in his stomach every time his father or mother came home late without calling, frantic to pick up the phone if it rang while a sibling was out just in case it was the hospital, barely able to form friendships because what happens when they die? And now it was happening. The thing everyone had said would never happen was real, and he was in the middle of it.

People were going to die. But this was it. He was in the middle of it and as terrifying and frightening and awful as that was it meant that he had control. He wouldn't be at home, watching a television screen numbly as his classmates fell. He could protect them. He could protect Brendan.

He could save him.

So he held on, rocking slightly, arms looped tightly around the smaller boy, and words fell from his lips like tumbling rain until even he didn't know what he was saying, just knew that it all meant the same thing.

I will protect you.

marc st. yves
light it up or burn it down we'll all die in fire
{food for thought}

phineas rosario
fall down seven times stand up eight

sebastian conway
can't see the forest for the trees
{book of sparrows}

(so you've got to keep in mind, when you try to change the world for the better not everybody's gonna be on your side)
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Gypsy Rap · The Felled Forest: North