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Jonny
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You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
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You suck, Helen. You suck because you introduced yourself in a way that made Charlie temporarily doubt that she could get along with you. Made her doubt that she'd grow to really really like you, doubt that you'd ever say something that would make her sincerely grin from ear to ear. And you just did those things, Helen. You just shut down that aggressive retard without even breaking a sweat, and now Charlie just wants to give you the biggest hug in the world. If you were this awesome all along, Helen... well why didn't you just say so???

But this wasn't quite over yet, so the great big hug would have to wait. The asshole with the tire iron was still there, and he looked like he didn't even realize yet that he was retarded. So there was still work to be done. But maybe... just maybe, Charlie should try something other than suggestions on how the asshole ought to jack off. Helen had just done it, right? There were other ways to play this game. Better ways, maybe. Ways like this:

"She's right, you know. And I mean... we get that this island is scary, and that we got a shitload of scary people on it." So don't go treating us like idiots because we have a basic sense of human compassion, mmmkaaaaay? "Hell, on my first day here a girl tried to murder me. With a hammer. In the face." Tapped her nose with a finger, pointing out the specific target of the attempted murder. "And then a guy shot at me right after that. And Dave and Isabel? They both saw a guy get killed by a chainsaw. Right in front of them. So don't try and lecture us on how the island is dangerous. We know."

Deep breath now. "That said... if it takes you this fucking long to realize that this poor girl over here's not a threat? If it takes you shouting at her and brandishing your tire iron and interrogating her while she's fucking crying, while she's fucking terrified of you? Then I don't know what I can do for you. I don't know what anyone can. If you're gonna be that goddamn paranoid, you might as well just lock yourself in a shack and avoid human contact for the rest of your days. Spare everyone the trouble of cleaning up after you when you get this overzealous."

Ugh, not that helping the scared girl out was trouble, it wasn't a burden or... God damn this stupid fucker making her say things like that and... Charlie let out a deep sigh. "I think you maybe just ought to go, big guy."

Fucking exhausting, to deal with that pathetic little shit. And, well... if yawns were any indication, Helen found the whole thing exhausting too. There, that was two of them who clearly wanted to go to sleep, so the motion clearly passed... because... Isabel clearly got... half a vote. Little sniffle, little yawn. Yeah. Sleep sounded good. Getting back on something approaching a reasonable sleep schedule sounded good. So it was time to take decisive action.

"Alright guys, I dunno about you but I'm all tuckered out. Nose goes to determine first watch!" Charlie put her finger on her nose before she was even finished talking. She kicked ass at Nose Goes. "You can stay the night with us if you want and we'll look out for you, uh... sorry don't actually know what your name is, hi, I'm Charlie, nice to meet you!" This was addressed to poor scared girl, of course, because the asshole with the tire iron got a resounding, "You can't stay. Fuck off or me and Isabel will beat you to death while Dave lays down a sick rap about us beating you to death."

And all of a sudden Charlie was lying curled up exactly where she'd just been standing, her daypack as a pillow. "G'night, folks! Fuck you if you wake me up, but otherwise sweet dreams to everybody!"
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
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Day of the Dove · The Greens