"We tried to be better, but we aren't. I don't think anyone could last more than a week here if they weren't willing to do bad things." - Alba Reyes

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Brackie
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i love him, i love him, i love him, i love him
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((Sorry about the short post and the holdup))

It vaguely registered to Jacob that someone else was there, on that beach. Another human being, possibly more than one, who had taken the time to actually light a fire. He didn't know what that fact mattered to him, as he sat hunched over the sand on his hands and knees.

The world was so quiet there, that he couldn't believe it.

He took the time to consider the possibility of them not playing, while still trying to forget. He had run from Ben, from Sarah, from Adrian and the other guy because his world had been shattered. Someone had really gone through with it, and it made him fearful. This was amplified by his loss, the loss of the one thing in the world that truly mattered to him anymore...

Paige...

He didn't know what life there was to live without her. The last thing he said to her was to scream at her for riling RobkillerkillerkillerkillerkillerJenkins up, and that was it. Nothing sentimental on his end, nothing he never got to say being said. It was just one shot, moments upon moments of pain, and then his rock was gone. He never got to apologize for lying to her, for telling her everything would be okay. But he thought it would be okay! Did that make it any better?

He wasn't sure what life he faced if he ever did make it back home, if the game was stopped and they were all rescued. He spent every morsel of money on that one gift for Paige, so his plans for leaving town, which he'd held in the back of his mind ever since he'd had aspirations, were zilch. So, once the media fawned over the people who were forced to kill, like RobkillerkillerkillerkillerkillerJenkins, and stories were made about the families of those killed, like Paige, and there would be so much media hype about them, forced to bear the unbearable. And then, once it all died down, once everything was said and done, what next? He still had a family to go home to, a family that needed work. The economy was becoming worse and worse every day, and with such lousy school marks and a lifetime of part-time work under his belt, he knew his parents would be all the more willing to have him stay at the garage, work there as part of the family business.

And once they got too old to work, and they somehow retired with the little funds they had, it would be his responsibility. But he had no idea what the future would hold, since his family wasn't the only mechanic's business in town. They had better advertising, better workers, and better people who were also SOTF survivors families. What happened once the economy hit hard, and they lost everything? What kind of life would that leave him compared to...

...compared to joining Paige.

The tears still running down his face, he could have almost punched himself at the thought. He'd done so much in helping Paige not do what just ran through his head that it was almost a gag reflex. Kill himself? Was that really an option?

Multitudes of thoughts swarmed his head, but they were all indistinguishable among the one clear answer to his question.

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.....................................................yes.


He could end it now, and save anyone the trouble of having to look after him. Say if he did manage to trust, and came across somebody who was willing have him, what would he have to contribute? He had nothing, not a weapon to protect them with, not a morsel of food to give them, and not a reason that was any more significant for them to go home to than any of them would. He would really be a dead weight.

And that dead weight could just as easily drop itself right now.

After ages and ages sitting alone in the darkness, Jacob got up again. His leg still echoing pain, he fully subconciously ignored it again. With one giant step forward, as he always did, he started towards the water.

Now was the time. He had to keep walking forward, and never look back.
I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
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Youth and Beauty Brigade · The Beach: North