"We tried to be better, but we aren't. I don't think anyone could last more than a week here if they weren't willing to do bad things." - Alba Reyes

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Viewing Single Post From: The Only Way Is Up
Jonny
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You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
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"Okay, and what happens when there's no pervs left?"

Well then they'd be a really hot and kickass couple who had just kicked lots of ass and been hot. Jeremy thought that part was really obvious, and he tried to think of a genteel way to phrase it but oh God she was still talking, she was still saying words from her mouth.

"I suppose that's when King Perv himself will want something in return for all that "protection" he's gonna give me, right?"

But why would it matter what King Perv wanted if the guy was dea- oh God it was him, he was King Perv all along.

"I'm guessing he'll want to see a slip of pink rather than green though, right? I mean, you'd know, being his right-hand man and all - RIGHT?."

Okay there were a lot of metaphors to navigate in that one so- wait so he wasn't King Perv after all, that was somebody different- but all the other pervs were dead in this scenario so it didn't make fucking sense. Jeremy paused, collected himself, and tried to parse out some sort of meaning- I think the implication is that I'll kill a bunch of perverts and then start jacking off- and quickly realized that this was getting awkward. And oh Christ she was already turning her attention to the other blowjob that had shown up- and he was saying weird shit to her about big mountains and he was probably talking about her tits - and Oh Jesus fuck what if he has a map too??? So in order to preserve the integrity of his spiderweb, he, uh, needed to say something, say something, just quick, just say something, just say anything, say-

"It's Jimmy Brennan!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP JIMMY BRENNAN I'M SHOUTING OVER YOU." Yes this was a good thing to say and it established him as above Jimmy Brennan in the pecking order. Jeremy imagined what kind of girl would accept a map from Jimmy Brennan, and quickly came to a conclusion: ugly sluts. Leila was a lot higher class than that. "LEILA YOU'RE A LOT HIGHER CLASS THAN THAT so ummm, no, yeah I would never do anything like that or demand anything like that because it would be totally creepy and pervy. And I don't roll like that, honest, promise, so like if King Perv shows up I'll kick his ass for you and I won't even need anything in return so don't worry!"

Okay yes this was awesome, he was totally turning this deal around despite some initial setbacks. He just needed something to clinch this shit, some kind of final offer to seal the deal on this slam dunk like-

"AND I'LL THROW IN THREE SLICES OF MY BREAD."
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
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The Only Way Is Up · The Mountain