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You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
"You! You fucking IDIOT. You lost my map, you little shit! UGH! I can't believe this!"

The chick, whose name Jeremy now remembered was Leila, seemed to have some unkind words for him. In another set of circumstances, perhaps Jeremy would have gotten angry. He would have perhaps lost his calm, businesslike cool. He would have let the hurtful words get to him, and spoken in a way that would have only exacerbated the situation. His head would have filled up with prideful and vindictive thoughts. But right now, there was only really one thought worth thinking:

Holy shit, she's hooooooot when she's pissed off.

Jeremy took stock of the situation. She had a nice face and a bangin' body. She had a temper and was thus potentially good (and hoooooot) in a fight. And what's more, he had something she needed. A map! Such a simple bargaining tool, and all he had to do to secure her alliance was offer it. This was perfect. Jeremy held all the cards. He pulled all the strings. All the pieces on the chessboard were his pieces. All that was left was to pull her into his spiderweb.

There was also the matter of the other guy who'd just moseyed up and asking for directions. Fuck off, other guy, I'm in the middle of a sales pitch right now. If the guy was really desperate, Jeremy could help him out after he'd secured an alliance with Leila. But for now, he was a distraction from the task at hand, and best ignored.

Jeremy held his hands out non-threateningly. "Leila!" It took every inch of his willpower not to break into a hilarious rendition of a particular Eric Clapton song, or to fall to his knees and hope she got the reference. "Look, hey, hey, I'm sorry! Okay? That was my bad, look, lemme make it up to you. Alright? Look, here, how's this, you're a loyal customer of J. Franco and Associates, so how about- check this out- I hook you up with a map. I got one too, so don't sweat it, you're good." Jeremy did his best to keep his gaze focused on her eyes and not her tits (nice tits, Leila!), since that was pretty much the first thing you learned about making a sales pitch. "Plus, I'll throw in an offer of protection, yeah? We go around together, kicking ass, following my map, I make sure all the pervs stay away from you? Sound good? Yeah?"

Right into his goddamn spiderweb. With any luck, they'd become the island's most feared couple within a day or two, taking breaks from their reign of terror only so they could make out. And then Jeremy would turn to one of the cameras, grin, and wink. And tip his fedora.
Edited by Jonny, Aug 22 2010, 07:19 PM.
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
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The Only Way Is Up · The Mountain