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Blastinus
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That's Just Crazy Talk
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Dorian Greywood is a book nerd, and his handler would really like for you to know that, what with him being a BOOKworm who prizes his BOOKS above anything else and how he's really distraught that the bullies who picked on him mistreated his BOOKS and that caused him great distress whenever his BOOKS got torn or roughed up or burned or...Wait what? Folks were burning books in his school? That's pretty hardcore, not gonna lie.

Why's he coming from Sunnyside High in Florida instead of Barry Coleson anyway? Did the terrorists find him headfirst in a toilet and decide they might as well since they had some room in the back? Mysteries upon mysteries.

Suitable to his awkward geekiness, his first encounter on the island is downright embarrassing, since he succeeds in losing both his bag and his glasses and falling onto his derriere. He has a reason to be afraid, since all they gave him is razor blades in a version where characters seem to be drawing guns left and right. Being distrusting and frightened, he leaves their presence and ends up running into Angharad and being somewhat insensitive towards her Welsh-ness:
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He just brought hish ands up and said "Shoo! Go away" a couple of times..What use was a ally he couldnt communicate with?

Unsurprisingly, she takes this as an incentive to go at him with her weapon, and he flees into the next scene, where he runs into Jacob Starr, master of teleportation. Why do I call him that? Because the very first thing he does is come up to Dorian and press his gun against the guy's temple. Fortunately, Jacob has a deal to make with Dorian, since he can tell he's a smart guy somehow: find an escape plan and he won't give Dorian's skull a new ventilation shaft. It's actually an okay thread, since Dorian and Jacob discuss with one another what their options actually are. It's rare to see this kind of thing in V1, and Dorian seems like he's playing it smart and not saying anything that might set Jacob off. This continues into the next thread where Jacob barricades his fortress while Dorian tries to figure out a way to determine which island they're on.

Too bad that they're soon interrupted by Garrett Langston who's got Jacob in his sights. Dorian grabs a bread knife from the kitchen and proceeds to do nothing with it while the two of them have their extended brawl. For what it's worth, Dorian's handler actually acknowledges that his character is being somewhat useless right now. He's got these ideas about putting together the materials to ride a glider off of the island, but aside from showing some proficiency at cleaning and handling Jacob's gun, he's not really pulling his weight in this alliance. Nonetheless, once Garrett's done for, the two of them depart for the warehouse to pick up supplies, little realizing that they're being followed by Angharad. Oddly, when she pretends to be wounded, Dorian doesn't recognize her as the lady who chased him. Was that intentional of the handler or did they just forget that scene had happened?

Regardless, in the ensuing confusion with Amanda and Cody and so forth, MismatchedEyes gets sort of shunted to the side, so they explain it as Dorian passing out from the proceedings, all the stress being too much for him. By the time he's woken up, the announcement has sounded and it's time for everyone to leave.
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He would run till his balls pumped battery acid and his head hurt like a metaller at a metallica marathon.

I love a good analogy.

In the next thread, he's running running running, in fact he's running for three whole posts before he finally meets up with the group in the thread. He barely has time to cough out an explanation before it's VINCE WITH A SMOKE GRENADE! Dorian takes a round in the shoulder and tries to rally everyone to the sound of his voice, which...you know, the advantage of being in smoke is that you aren't an obvious target, but whatever. The point is that the group gets the upper side on Vince and Dorian suggests just wounding him, because he doesn't want anyone to die today. I guess he didn't realize that a shot to the foot would launch Vince like he was flung from a catapult and deposit him on a strangely pointy rock. Then the group flees from Jason, leaving Dorian to accomplish nothing again and also feel bitterness for being abandoned. Is it time for some pent-up nerd rage?!

Well, no, he's feeling pathetic again almost immediately. Coming across a sleeping girl, he screams at her to go away and so she does, leaving him to wait in the Lighthouse for an ambush that'll never come. Well, not immediately. It doesn't help that his approach to every conflict is to shriek that he has a gun. And wouldn't you know it, someone calls his bluff and starts breaking into his fortifications. Deciding that he'll take his attackers out in an over-the-top way, Dorian causes a gas leak that results in a giant explosion, and he's forced to escape by climbing to the top and descending down the side of the lighthouse with a rope. The only problem is that nobody followed him inside, so all he did was cause some meaningless property damage. At this point, Dorian drops from MismatchedEyes to Lien, and subsequently, he starts to reflect on how little he's accomplished thus far, which I have to agree with. I mean really, he just blew up a building with absolutely nobody in it. Even when he does something cool, it ends up being pointless.

Oh also, MismatchedEyes did Peri Barclay, which went to a different handler, so now the two of them are in a thread together, and Peri's being suddenly chummy and wanting to welcome in Dorian as an ally? Really? Peri is doing that? Not to dictate how someone's interpretation of Peri should go, but I know Peri. I've seen enough of him with Angharad to know how he treats seemingly weak people. If this was the Peri I know, Dorian would be put through some sadistic test right about now. But maybe it's because Peri and Dorian are actually in love with one another which...sure, I guess that's a thing? No real reason for it and it doesn't suit Peri's character at all, but yeah, let's have Peri fall head over heels for Dorian to the point of Dorian jerking him off before bequeathing him his uzi and departing. I want to emphasize that. A ruthless and sadistic killer who's been putting people through the wringer for petty reasons just got smitten with a random pathetic nerd, had a blowjob with him, and handed over his best weapon. I really have to ponder how MismatchedEyes took this interpretation of their characters.

Of course, Dorian just has to go out on a low note because that's the only note he knows, so he gets shot up by Angelina Kaige and dies immediately afterwards. Funny how a character who went as far as he did managed to leave almost no impression everywhere he went. He alienated a lot of people with his panicked nature, made an alliance that ditched him immediately, caused a giant explosion that had no real affect on the game, and in summary, his only true contribution was giving Peri Barclay a BJ in a dirty bathroom stall. Would I recommend reading him? Probably not. It's really boring, and his interaction with Peri isn't worth the dull ride. There are bad characters who are a good read because of how terrible they are, and there are good characters who are just a good read in general, and there are folks like Dorian who lie somewhere in the middle, just drifting along through the game and being generally unimportant. They're there for all that's worth, but that's all you can say about them. Dorian existed, and I guess he and Peri hit it off. That's it.

Can I go again?
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