Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Enjoy forums? Start your own community for free.
Viewing Single Post From: The V2 Read-o-thon
Laurels
Member Avatar
Cause what you see isn't always the truth
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Well, that was quick. Let me make the review more entertaining than this guy.

PROFILE:

This profile is full of contradictions and odd lines. Let's start with the appearance.

"Because of his farmer's tan, Randy prefers to keep his shirt on..."

Ok.

"...but with his toned abs and pectorals Randy has no problem going topless if the time is right."

So, he's okay showing his pasty abs and pectorals even though his farmer's tan embarrasses him? Why not just tan?

"Along with his impeccable pecs and abs, Randy has the tightest calves imaginable and can run a 4.65 second 40."

THE TIGHTEST CALVES IMAGINABLE. I imagine the skin wraps around and looks like stretched Play-Doh.

"can run a 4.65 second 40."

Posted Image

"Randy is known throughout the school as being a flirt. A real lady's man. Randy is a strong catholic in his beliefs, but maybe not so traditional in his views. Randy flirts with all the girls, but if he is serious with one, he cools it with the others, and never leads anyone on. He is a firm beleiver of God's laws and that includes "Thou shalt not kill", but Randy has come to learn that sometimes it is your life or theirs."

This is the first thing we learn about Mr. Blailocke. I like that his dating history also somehow relates to "Thou shalt not kill." As if his dating life tends to be riddled with danger.

"During the spring of his ninth grade year, the brunette learned the hard way that not all men are nice."

You're a late bloomer, clearly. Also, "brunette" is generally used solely for women. And why is that the descriptor you use? Why not "The Pasty-Abbed Catholic Lothario?"

tl;dr Randy gets in a fight with some guy trying to attack a kid and wins and barely suffers because of it. It never comes up again.

The rest of the profile blazes through his football playing and chess hobby (what happened to track?!?)

"...continued to play as a reason to stay out of the house and away from his mother."

Why? Last paragraph he was calling her because he was stabbed in the leg.

Annabelle also matters because they're workout buddies, but that's it. She's peripheral.

"Advantages: He is a really fast runner and has high stamina.
Disadvantages: He can't swim very well and knows very little of outdoor survival skills."

Surprised his whole "I know I may have to break one of the commandments to survive" isn't here.

PREGAME:

There is none, let's move on.

IN THE GAME:

There's three posts in two threads. Let's go through them one at a time.

Post One:

"His head ached a little but was not as worried about his pains as those of his classmates, especially Annabelle."

His head was worried for Annabelle?

Posted Image

"He knew the rules of the game, and though the brunette didn't want to be there(who did?), he was ready to what was required to win and get home."

He falls asleep twice in two threads. I'm jumping ahead, but his priorities are not in order.

"Randy really wanted to know what he would have to kill with this time."

THIS TIME?!?

"The last time he had to win big he had to do it with his fists."

Oh, that fight. So it did matter. Sort of. Kind of. Not really.

"Randy had always been against killing."

Posted Image

"Randy was disgusted by SOTF, but knew there was a chance that he would be selected, so he had gotten used to the idea of murder being a requirement to survive, and that God would not hold it against him if he was forced to be the bad guy."

A chance? The game's happened only once before? How did you know it'd happen the next year?

Also, I'm pretty sure God doesn't like people being bad guys. But you're clearly a lapsed Catholic, so do your thing.

"After finially getting to his feet, the boy decided to go take a look around. He had not gotten very far before he fell to the ground and realized that he would have to stretch and that even though he was knewly awaken, would have to sleep."

Let's go back a bit.

"Advantages: He is a really fast runner and has high stamina.
has high stamina.
has high stamina.


He woke up, stood up, walked a few paces, then immediately collapsed and needs to sleep.

"So, Randy stretched his cramped calves and his under used quad, and he got ready to search for somewhere to sleep."

Well, you've done a lot today (what day is this anyways? There's no time marker anywhere), so I guess you've earned that.


Post Two:


Oh, finally looked at the Death Order. He made it to Day 2. This post tells us why.

"After walking towards what he believed was the center of the island, Randy noticed a building lying to his left. Randy decided that if he was quick maybe no one would notice him and he could find somewhere to sleep inside."

Posted Image

You sure "narcolepsy" wasn't a disadvantage?

"Randy felt very quickly like he was in a familiar place. In the room he saw desks, textbooks and a chalk board. "A school... no duh" Randy thought to himself. "

...

He enters a classroom, goes into a classroom across the hall, goes in a closet and sleeps on the floor.

Me:
Posted Image


POST 3

So only now is he told he went into a Danger Zone. He's traded off to another handler for the last post, meaning his handler consciously sent this asshole to a DZ and then did nothing so a mod could kill his kid.

Me:
Posted Image

So Randy and his poorly managed priorities has a moment where he realizes he's in SOTF, especially since he's been asleep for hours again. He also just remembered he's had a bomb around his neck which has apparently been blinking for hours and is only now telling him to GTFO. So, he of the tightest calves and impressive "stamina," runs as fast as he can and manages to exit the school building, but settles to just being at the bottom of the steps. After some irony, his neck blows up.

Posted Image

CONCLUSION

Randy is three posts of contradictions, poor management, and absolutely nothing of note. He's poorly written (numerous spelling and grammatical errors) and has absolutely no story. He walks. He sleeps. He walks. He sleeps. He runs. He blows up. He's not offensive, but there's really nothing here, so don't bother.

My final reaction:

Posted Image
V6 Cast

V5 Cast

Chat, Art, and Fun Stuff
Offline Profile Quote Post
The V2 Read-o-thon · Roleplaying Discussion