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Yugikun
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i'll be your light, your match, your burning sun
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I’m… a little confused right now.

So the writing behind Laura is pretty good, and we get a pretty clear sense of her voice right out from the gate and we can pretty easily tell what her character is like - as this sorta angry, sorta cynical girl trying to fight against the voice in her head that she hates. We even get the a progressive arc in the space of four posts, trying to fight against this voice and her lashings out becoming external, to the point where she decides she’s going to kill herself just to get it to shut up. It’s pretty good, and the fact that this arc was done within the space of four posts is pretty commendable, and something that if it weren’t for her problems would make me look at her more as a way to perform an arc in a short amount of time.

The problem is that there’s a lot of things aimed at the reader which are just… seriously confusing and this severely prevents the message that Shula is trying to send from being totally coherent. This is mostly in regards to the voice in Laura’s head - we as readers don’t know where the voice come from and what it tries to represent, and the fact that we never get an answer as to what it was within her posts or within the profile just leaves me as a reader confused as to what it means and what the point Shula’s trying to convey is. In addition, formatting wise, at points I’m not sure whether something is the voice in Laura’s or Shula using italics for other things, and all that does is just make me unsure about like, whether the voice made her kill herself by doing a songpost.

All in all I can see what’s there and I can appreciate what Shula was trying to achieve with Laura, but there’s some flaws in her story in regards to what the voice is and whether it’s actually there or not which severely hinder it. I would recommend her as a somewhat good V2er, but I will warn anyone else reading her that they’re probably gonna be seriously confused coming out of it.

Another please, dear Rugga.
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The V2 Read-o-thon · Roleplaying Discussion