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Brad Wilson is a Slacker/Chad character. If youíre familiar with some of Chadís other contributions to V2 *coughcoughSamSorensoncoughcough*, you might assume weíre in for a bumpy ride, and youíd be right about that. Heís not as bad as a lot of Chadís other V2 kids, but heís still not the best character (far from it).

Profile: Brad Wilson is fourteen years old. His hobbies include being a member of the NRA and Junior Businessmen of America, and running a drug trafficking ring. Oh joy. Brad wears a suit, and his appearance can be described as ďcat-likeĒ. It is now canon the Brad Wilson is an actual cat wearing a suit.

A photograph of Brad Wilson

Bradís dad (Braddad) is, ahem, ďleader of the most brutal gang in all of the U.S. with major forts in every stateĒ. Well okay, I guess. Whatever. Bradís life is described as a life of wealth, sex, and murder, none of which were mentioned on his list of hobbies *nitpicknitpick*. This statement is immediately contradicted by the fact that Bradís life was normal, up until he was six. What happened, you may ask? Well, Iíll tell you right now, dear reader. Bradís father brought him to a dark room and made little Brad shoot a dude in the face (Chadís also pimping his V1 character right now, in a way that I like far less than Adam pimping himself in Pantsí profile). Life went back to normal for Brad, even though he shot a dude when he was six. Later in that sentence, it claims that Brad was selling drugs to his classmates when he was twelve. I dunno if Iíd classify that as ďnormalĒ, but hey, maybe things are different in New Jersey. Brad befriended a boy named Louis, and promptly frames him for murder (this has no point, itís just thrown into the profile to make Brad EEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR). The last of the two paragraphs that compose Bradís biography is dedicated to describing how Brad is an asshole, and a WEAK LITTLE BOY. His advantages are that he has a cold demeanor, and that he has gun skillz yo. His disadvantages are that Jonathan Michaels doesn't like him (COME ON CHAD YOUíRE EVEN PIMPING YOUR V2 CHARACTERS STOPPPPPPPPP), and that he has a cold demeanor. Well, okely-dokely, thatís that, then.

A lot of the names of Chadís V2 threads are references to Peter Gabriel songs, and thatís bad because I like Peter Gabriel songs. Speaking of Chad!threads named after Peter Gabriel, letís head to Bradís only thread.

ISLAND: Bradís story is a cautionary tale on the dangers of giving shotgun-toting murderers named Jonathan Michaels large doses of LSD without their prior knowledge. So, Brad is apathetic to the game because, in his own words, ďHe can hide in a mountain.Ē. Honestly, Iím very confused right now. Brad wants Jim Greynolds to come save him, and then Chad makes a gay joke. Iím still confused.

Brad sees Jonathan (Who has just come away from killing Chadís SI), and decides he wants to make Jon into a slave boy. Iím not making this up. He then decides that LSD is the perfect way to do so, and yíknow, Iím not really an expert, but Iím not sure thatís how it works. This feels reminiscent of the legend of the man who did so much LSD he thought he was an orange for the rest of his life. According to Brad, this is necessary for his survival, but Iíd disagree. He could just survive by hiding in a mountain, obviously.

Brad then walks up to Jon, who is immediately all like ďcan u fuck off pls?Ē. Brad responds by being like ďWell gee golly, Jon! How about we calm the heck down and drink some of this water that I definitely havenít laced with LSD!Ē and then Jonís like ďMíkay.Ē. Jon has a headache and angsts for a bit (his headache is described as ball-busting. I guess maybe Chad thought a manís testicles were in his head, I dunno.), and then he drinks the LSD water. After drinking the drugwater, Jon then hallucinates a multitude of unpleasant things, and he kills Brad for some reason.

HEY! CHAD STOLE MY BIG COLOURED NOISE FORMATTING SHITTERY! IíM SUING! The rest of the post is entirely from Jonís perspective, and somehow by the end of it, Brad ends up naked and has his chest caved in, neither of which are explained. Jon then shoots Brad in the face before making a really shitty one-liner that makes no sense and is also the title of the thread. The end.

Conclusion: Well, I donít really have much to say about Brad, because itís pretty obvious he was designed as a prop for Jonathan Michaelsí story. His writing is technically competent for the most part, but the actual content is kinda meh, and Iím not even gonna touch upon his realism, because that kind of stuff is to be expected from V2. Bradís an obviously EEEEVVVVVIIIIIILLLLLLL pre-made player type character, so I guess Iím kind of glad he died early on without contributing to the hordes of V2ís premade players. He only really existed to give Jon another kill to angst about, which I guess for V1-3 is okay, but Iíd have rather heíd been written by another handler so the Jonathan/Brad scene couldíve been more cohesive and less character cannibalization-y. Like, I canít say that I hated him, but I canít recommend him either. Excluding his profile, he had maybe three paragraphs that were dedicated to him, and the rest were just Jon being sad/high AF. He just doesnít have enough content. Like, most of my gripes from reading him were about Jon, which kind of makes sense, considering the amount of time Chad dedicates to each character. Brad had lots of potential to be a not-a-fodder character, and he couldíve even been somewhat interesting given he was done right, but instead he got fed to his handlerís flagship.

Edited by Kermit, Aug 25 2017, 01:59 PM.
"Kermit you are the guy in the horror movie that finds a book bound in human skin and decides to read out loud what is inside for fun" - some mean lady named Ruggahissy

i make art i think????

Sadly kermit looked at a mariavel. It was so sad... such a sad mariavel... like him... he only waned a normal life... was that too much to ask? was it?
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