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escaping the real world to face reality
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Fuck, don't just sit there staring. Say something, do something, don't sit there paralyzed and panicking because you don't know what to do, because Cass was right and needed to be apologized to, but all you can do is sit here and tell yourself the things you need to do without actually doing them and then calling yourself out for doing that and still not doing it and fuck she's looping and going in circles here, isn't she. Yes, she is, and she needs to break out of it, doesn't she, but she can't put together anything that sounds like an adequate response while she's thinking about how she can't break out of the she can't put together an adequate response to the thing, yes, the thing she's responding to, because that's what a response is, and she, she's responding to, she's, fuck, just, just...shut up, brain.

Something. Anything. Stall if you need to. Just don't become so preoccupied with what you say when you stall that you can't come up with actual content.

"I...so. Um, shit. Okay. Gimme a sec, I'm still working from within the mindset of giving middle fingers. Funny enough, what you're saying you're gonna do is a bigger middle finger to them than pretty much anything else you could've done, so yeah. So. Um. I think I wanna...I think...I'll tell you..."

Unbidden, tears started welling up in Asuka's eyes, and she didn't entirely know why. Or maybe she did, but let's not think about that. Let's savor the thought she's letting reverberate around inside her head:

Fucking finally.

It wasn't as meaningful as she'd thought it would be--sudden, unexpected things just can't have that kind of gravitas--but if she'd known and thought about it beforehand, she'd have tried to quantify it, she'd have tried too hard to enjoy it, and then it'd have been buried under all the clutter.

What was 'it'? What was the nebulous 'it' that was making Asuka feel warm and cozy and searing icy shocking something and

Shh. Don't think. Don't think about it. Don't think. Feel. Histrionic to the point of meaninglessness, but even that can't snap Asuka out of it, she thinks.

"Fuck, it's alright. Nothing you should feel bad about, you didn't upset me or anything, it's just...yeah. I'm..."

Asuka started laughing, her body heaving with sobs and laughter, and, seriously, what the fuck?

"Let's, let's just...talk about shit. Random shit, personal shit and whatnot. Story time, et cetera. Fuck, I've wanted to do something like this for so long. That's what I...we...oh, I'm here for, right?"
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
- Pregame: 1
- V6: 1-2
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Rivers of Sadness and Mutual Need · The Hunting Cabin