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Is in some state of existence
[ *  *  *  * ]
And suddenly everything had happened at once.

His mind was reeling from the contact, unable to understand what just happened

Was he happy with this? This was what he wanted, right? To be there for someone, to mean something to someone. But it was only part of him that was happy, that same deep, dark part that was jealous, that was angry, that wanted to snatch up the whole world and covet it.

Why wasn't the rest of him happy? Why was he feeling guilty? Hazel did it of her own free will, and he didn't do anything but try to help. It wan't supposed to be wrong. It wasn't supposed to be wrong.

This wasn't what he needed right now, even though he wanted it and oh my god he was about to burst into tears if this kept up.

And the best part was that Jay was here too, right now, in this already burning trainwreck of a moment. As if he didn't have enough trouble just dealing with the insides of his own mind.

She was crying and he couldn't do anything again, all that earlier conviction gone, evaporated over the past few days. He couldn't help as she walked closer towards, Jae, returning to where she-

Hazel punched him. He didn't understand. There was another girl and she was running, and everything was too bright with that flashlight. By the time he was able to do anything the fight was over, the girl gone and so much blood everywhere.

He was the worst. He'd tried to make keep them both safe , but when push came to shove, he was useless. Standing around like the useless git he was.

And she was bleeding and he couldn't help.


She didn't hear him. He didn't hear himself either and he wasn't even sure if he had actually said it.

And then she was down on the ground, and they were right next to her.

She wasn't moving.

It didn't feel real. It was fake. A nightmare. Some cruel simulation by a madman scientist. Not working. He couldn't even manage to delude himelf.

He wanted to be angry. Maybe scream. Shouting at Jay for being the dick who'd set this whole trainwreck in motion. Something stupid and movie-like. And maybe he might even get killed for his efforts. That almost sounded like a good idea in the stupid cloud of adrenalin he found himself in. But all he could muster was a profound emptiness.

It was funny. They'd spent so long looking for Jae together. It was just an excuse of a purpose, but it was a purpose in the end.

"I'm sorry, Hazel."

Somehow, he couldn't think of words that were any emptier.
"I have the heart of a young boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk" -- Stephen King

Those no longer with us

It's the Grand Map of Doom! v6
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Gift for the Darkness · Northwest Cliffs