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Is in some state of existence
[ *  *  *  * ]
"I don't know."

No. That was a lie. She knew exactly what she wanted to do. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't even want to say it out loud, as if saying it would make it a promise. And even if she found them, could she make things better? Was there anything she could do that wouldn't lead to people screaming at each other when she showed her own sorry face again?

But she did want to find them, didn't she? That's what she'd been trying to bring herself to do all day.

"I-" She couldn't even bring herself to stand right now, how was she going to help them? How was she supposed to apologise to them? How was she supposed to be trusted by them ever again?

"I don't even know where they are anymore."
"I have the heart of a young boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk" -- Stephen King

Those no longer with us

It's the Grand Map of Doom! v6
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