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escaping the real world to face reality
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No, she didn't have to get up. She could, of course, a freshly dead corpse wasn't all that different from how they looked inside movies, so it wasn't really all that disgusting or horrifying as long as you focused on how fucking accurate those movie corpses were. And Asuka had gotten through those movies fine, and even if they hadn't gotten the amount of blood exactly right and there was just something about a living, breathing actor that just didn't look dead it was close enough that the difference was largely academic, was whatever the visual equivalent of semantics was, but that wasn't the point. She's not supposed to get over it, to get up and keep her mind off the fact that a unique something that meant nothing to the universe but who cares what the universe thinks she's gonna fucking care and if she focuses on anything other than the fact that yeah, someone died in front of her, how can life be sacred?

Scout's voice grated on her ears. She had gotten over it easily enough, apparently. Good for fucking her. She did what needed to be done, so of course that means she doesn't have to feel bad about it now. Or was she hiding it? Or maybe the reality of it all hadn't hit her yet? Pathetically, Asuka obeyed, choking her dry-heaves with coughing, shakily rising to her feet--no, Scout, she's not gonna show you how weak she is by grabbing you for balance, don't even think about yelling at her about that--and all the while she kept her eyes on the corpse, because that gesture has to mean something, right? Asuka might not be strong enough to actually ignore what Scout was saying, but man was she good at that symbolic resistance thing that nobody ever notices and that didn't really cost her anything.

"I'm fine."

She could shove Scout onto Alvaro's body, force her to get up close and personal with her kill. Scout was stronger than her, and it probably wouldn't work even if she could do it. Not that she should do it, either. Scout's mental health mattered more than Alvaro's memory. For all she knew Scout was a deeply screwed up person and what she really needed was a hug. If that's what it was, Asuka wasn't really up to give her one.

She could give the other girl one, though. She probably needed it more.

Asuka reached out an arm, stopped. Let it fall. They were both covered in blood, and they were strangers, and who knows how the other girl would react to this, and Asuka had been in enough similar situations--less extreme, obviously, but similar nevertheless--to know that she's making excuses when really she's just too shy and scared to do anything but stand frozen and barely responsive but she still can't make herself do it. Even if she really needs a hug too.

In a small voice: "What's your name? Were you guys...?"
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
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If That's Who I Am, Then I'll Fight Who I Am · Group Therapy