"We tried to be better, but we aren't. I don't think anyone could last more than a week here if they weren't willing to do bad things." - Alba Reyes

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Viewing Single Post From: If That's Who I Am, Then I'll Fight Who I Am
Ciel
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"Thatís not a prediction, thatís a spoiler.Ē
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
(Audrey Reyes continued from Hang in There.)

Audrey forgot what day it was. Not the day of the week, the 'day'. Day 7? Day 10? It is hard to keep your inner clock set when you sleep for twenty hours straight.

Audrey knew it was a terrible idea to let herself sleep for so long on the familiar floor of the therapy room. She could not help it though. You see, Audrey Reyes had the miraculous superpower of being able to lay down and sleep anywhere, anytime. On the couch, in the waiting room of the doctor's office, even on the cold, dirty linoleum floor. She got it from her mother's side. It was unusual for her to sleep for such a long stretch of time though.

She was still fuming about Al, even as she was waking up. Alessio, who just up and ditched her after she nearly saved his life. Audrey defended her out of the goodness of her heart and -

And it was all a waste of breath. And for what? So Alessio can go and kill a bunch of other people?

She did not want to think of Al like that, because Al is - was - her friend. But it's not like her saving him meant anything to him. If it did, he might have not been so eager to scamper away as he did.

It was nighttime when Audrey fell asleep. It was nighttime when Audrey finally woke up, and without any way to tell the time, she wasn't even sure how long she slept for. The loudspeakers managed to wrench her from REM, but just barely. So she *knew* she was asleep for a long, long time. She also knew that she did not listen to the announcements, so she wasn't even sure if Al ended up killing anyone else. Quite frankly she did not want to know. Ignorance is bliss.

You want to know the worst part about sleeping for twenty hours straight?

No dreams. No fading little memories of traveling to space, no visions of sugar plums dancing in her head. No nightmares of terrorists killing Audrey's teachers. Just, nothing. Like a movie dissolving from one shot to the next, implying the passage of time rather than showing it.

That's the worst. She hated it. She hated this Orwellian death game. But she didn't exactly have much choice in the matter.

Audrey found it difficult to sit up but she managed it. She grunted, feeling the muscles in her neck strain as she craned her neck. She rubbed away the sleep in her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie and wondered whether she should just kill herself or not.

The thought seemed extreme, sudden, but to Audrey it was a good question.

What was she even doing here?

Why was she even wasting her time? It wasn't like she was ever going to survive.

Should she just wait for someone to kill her? Or would it be better to cut out the middleman?

... Head in her hands, Audrey cursed. She shut her eyes tight. This was ridiculous. Audrey was being silly. She had to get a lid on herself, "compartmentalize." There had to be something she was missing, some way she could get back home without doing the unthinkable. "Compartmentalize." She was going to be a director for christsake, she couldn't just give up on that! "Compartmentalize."

Audrey slapped the side of her head. She breathed in deep and exhaled through her nose.

She would not let this game beat her. But that meant she had to play it.

Audrey was tired of a lot of things, but she was especially tired of this Futilitarian bullshit.
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If That's Who I Am, Then I'll Fight Who I Am · Group Therapy