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i'm not upset
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((Hazel Jung continued from Woof Woof I'm A Dog Kill Your Friends

It wasn't her preference to leave Alex behind, mostly because she wanted to make sure he didn't do anything dangerous to himself or others. However, there was no budging him. She left with the others, mostly silent as they wandered. She hadn't slept well and felt tired, allowing Jordan and Jeremy to talk without her for the most part. It was morning now, and they'd made it without encountering anyone else, for good or bad.

"Do you feel like you're waiting around for it to be you?" she said quietly to Jeremy. "I feel like every face is kind of unfamiliar even if I've known them my whole life. I get this cold feeling thinking of people who were friends and I wonder 'Do they want to get rid of me?' I think about people who I thought of friends- now I-... and I feel this chill that makes me want to hug myself. Who else can I trust to hug me, right? Haha." She had a half smile that didn't even try to cover up her sadness.

"Sometimes I think, maybe I should....before someone else takes me out. Isn't that better than watching the people you've talked to and confided in for years trying to get you? I don't even really know why I'm trying or caring. I think it's out of habit. It feels like trying to hold up a sand castle after a wave just came along. It's mushy and running through your fingers and the harder you try to keep it up, the more it crumbles and in the end it's an impossible thing anyway. Every minute since I woke up I have this pang in my chest and it doesn't hurt me that much, but it does still hurt."

She don't know what she was doing. She wanted to see people again and remember what things were like. She wanted to feel warm and happy like she used to and smile. Hazel knew that she would never feel that again. Every minute was like being slowly poisoned and she don't know if she wanted to stay long enough to become swallowed up- a column of poison.

"But I don't know what else to do."

Jordan was still with her and she felt a certain responsibility not to just leave him. He'd been good enough to stay by her even after everything that had happened and every stupid thing she'd done. She didn't know him well, but it felt unfair to leave him on his own.
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The Way the Sun Can Still Burn Down · Group Therapy