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His hands were shaking.

His body was trembling.

Jasper’s words hit. His smile - his voice - was felt through Alvaro. Jasper was his friend. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t pull the trigger. He knew he had to and he knew that there wasn’t any way he couldn’t but his finger couldn’t move and his body couldn’t move and he knew he had to but he couldn’t but he knew and they knew and he knew he was on this island and he knew he had to play this game but it was like before. This was Nate. This was the room downstairs all over again. He couldn’t do it. He knew he couldn’t. He knew that. He knew that he had repeated the fact a billion times in his head but it was the only thing there. It was the only thing he could think of. He knew he had to but he couldn’t and as the gun stood in front of him it was the only thing within his mind.

He had to do it.

It was easy.

He had done it before. Twice. Shot once, killed once. He had done it. He knew how. He just had to

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do it. Jasper was there. Jasper was smiling. Jasper was speaking to him. He had to shoot he knew he couldn’t do anything else he knew that putting it down was pointless but Jasper’s voice was right there talking to him telling him that it was going to be okay and he wanted to believe it above all he wanted to be okay not on this island not playing this game but he knew he couldn’t and he knew there wasn’t any chance of it being okay and he knew that he had to do it. There was no choice. He had to. Even though he didn’t want to he knew that it was something necessary.

He had to do it.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in, breathe out.

He forced himself to look, before he did it. The finger wasn’t pulled. There was still a chance. There was still a time, to look into his eyes. Let Jasper see his. Let Jasper see what he wanted, before he did it.

But there was a sight. Familiar, past Jasper. Someone he had seen before. Someone who he had met before.


Why was she here? Why was she with Jasper? What did she think of him? What did she think of what he had done?

What did she think about what he was about to do?

He didn’t know. He didn’t know what the answer was and he didn’t know what to think and he didn’t know what to do and he couldn’t he couldn’t do it he couldn’t fire he couldn’t kill Jasper. He knew that now. He knew what he had to do.

And slowly, the gun lowered.
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Thanatophobia · Group Therapy