"We tried to be better, but we aren't. I don't think anyone could last more than a week here if they weren't willing to do bad things." - Alba Reyes

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shotgunkid
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not in a position to bargain anymore
[ * ]
((Wade Cartwright continued from They Stumbled into Faith and Thought.))

Backtracking it again, in a more direct manner. It wasn't unpleasant this time; he was with companions. But he tried hard not to consider what would happen if they did get into a stand-up confrontation. The 'cowardly' choices he went over mentally made a strange, sick kind of sense that again raised the specter of psychopathy and like Hell he was going there willingly. Previously, before all this started, he would've regarded them with no trouble. Often, he'd see in it squeamishness, a reluctance to do what was necessary and obvious. But it was one thing to contemplate what he or anyone else would do in a dangerous situation and another entirely to actually be in the thick of it trying to make a snap decision; people in general were far more impulsive and emotional than they liked to believe.

That truth had never been revealed to him as deeply, clearly or painfully as in the past several days. He had vague thoughts of trying to approach the entire situation in a clever, thoughtful, coldly analytical way, as 'smart' people did in so many portrayals. But the world just didn't work like that. Or didn't feel like that. Whenever he got things right, it was this flow-like state of intuitive discovery that was hard to describe. Pieces just fell into place and arranged themselves into a whole that seemed coherent. Not knowing exactly how he decoded problems was itself a problem.

It was... some time during the night, Wade couldn't be sure when anymore. Still with Irene and the others. (There he went again, placing the familiar one first!) This room brought dark images of grinning, white-coated medics to the fore.

"Makes you think about how people treat each other doesn't it?" He would've responded, yes. Something to the effect of, 'oh, back then they didn't know, oh, lobotomy had its successes, they were duped, fooled, deceived themselves'... but it was held out. It seemed pointless to try and defend all present humanity against the charges of past atrocity. In general, everything felt.. not pointless, adrift. Like they were in limbo, or waiting for something. Almost unbearable in its own right, but it carried the promise of a better tomorrow, unlike many other moods that may have struck.

Then Cass, abruptly and without warning, made a small breakthrough.

"So, uh, how are you guys holding up?" And he felt compelled to respond. It stirred real emotion he could connect and respond to, as banal as it felt. A conversation really could emerge from that. He could start it off, even. Just had to focus. focus. focus.

"Doing great here, really. I'm curious, though. What's our next move?"
Edited by shotgunkid, Jan 8 2017, 03:59 AM.
2015: V6 Incident
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