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Being a degenerate is okay these days
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Oh.

That was all he could think, like an idiot. Oh oh oh, look at me I don’t know how to use words. He didn’t know what to think, much less what to say, and everything that came to mind sounded stupid and hurtful, and for all his fumbling where this maybe-relationship was concerned, Jae had never wanted to hurt her.

He was sure that his wide eyes were clearly visible even in the darkness, and parts of him were acutely aware that he hadn’t brushed his teeth in days, that he had a broken hand and busted knee and was generally just really unattractive right now, that there were cameras and someone sleeping nearby, that they were surrounded by death and everything was wrong. He wasn’t ready, for anything. He wasn’t ready to die, regardless of where he believed he’d end up afterwards. He wasn’t ready for this, for Hazel looking at him like that, but-

But he needed it. He needed her, needed to want her. That was what it had always boiled down to. And maybe it didn’t have to be her, but she was sweet, and kind, and had given him a chance that he probably didn’t deserve. He needed someone and in his deepest, darkest thoughts, Jae had always wanted what he wouldn’t let himself have. Now Hazel was right in front of him, pressed close enough in the confines of the truck that they were almost touching, and he couldn’t admit that this hadn’t been what he’d fantasized about no matter how he’d tried to tell himself otherwise.

He reached out with his good hand to lightly press his fingers against her bare side. He couldn’t bring himself to touch her more than that, not yet. “You know, I haven’t- I mean-”
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
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