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It wasn't that Olivia disagreed with the sentiment. Waking up on SOTF did not leave one hopeful, yes. She watched the news, she knew what their odds were. She just wanted to ignore it for a moment longer, and Hannah wouldn't let her do that. It's just that Olivia, at that moment, suddenly wanted to step back in that cave, even if the tide came in and swallowed her up, because at least there, no one else in the game would find her first. It's just that her life had been bifurcated very suddenly, between her normal life, and what would likely be the very, very short second act known as SOTF. It's just that she looked at Hannah slamming down wood into wood, performing this primal act, and then going off on her about poor kids and rich kids, drawing lines in the sand even though the Hannah she'd known wouldn't even hurt a fly, Olivia looked at that and realized how much her life had changed, that this would be her life from now on.

Except back in the cave, she could ignore that and go back to sleep, and go back to her normal life because she already had an acceptance letter from Oklahoma State University, and whether her mother liked it or not, she would go there, and that would be her big issue, that would be what she'd lose nights of sleep over, not if she had one hour or one day to live, not if she even had any nights of sleep to lose.

It wasn't that Olivia wanted to make enemies, or get angry. It was just that she could be back in the cave, covering her ears. It was just that she only realized then that she didn't have to talk to anyone, that she'd dealt with isolation for four years of her life back when she was a child, and she could deal with it for four more days as a teenager. Beginnings were hard enough in high school, but this final beginning was near-impossible to deal with, and part of her could not accept that she had no long-term future to think about, no long-term plans, no, not part of her, all of her, she wanted to go back into that cave and Hannah wouldn't let her. It was just that Olivia had only prepared herself to face a camera and walk outside a cave, that she only had the semblance of calmness on her face, only the semblance of a plan in her mind, she had not prepared herself for the island, and Hannah was shoving the island and all its realities in her face.

So, even though Hannah had already finished speaking and was now just tapping wood instead of slamming it, it still felt like she was shouting, prophesying about their deaths, and Olivia was just overwhelmed, and

"Shut the fuck up, please."

and those words had just spilled out of her mouth before she realized it, and she had actually never cursed before. She saw that unfamiliar being that inhabited Hannah in herself too, now. And Olivia's eyes widened at what she said, so she closed her eyes, swallowed, held up her hand as if trying to swallow back her panic, and said, "Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I just..." but she wasn't sure if that would be enough now.
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G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: Sæglópur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.

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"Mara was a mistake." - Cicada, 2017
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Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... · The Cove