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Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools...
What's that?

Alan closed his eyes, letting the sea breeze wash over him. Fitting. Dramatic wind, dramatic speech. And it'll have to be fucking dramatic if he was going to get anyone to stay with him. Yes. A wind was perfect.

High tide was coming. Yeah, that was a thing. High tide was coming, and that meant that, theoretically, it was time for Alan to hightail it out of there and save the speech for later. It's not like you could fight against nature.

Fuck that authoritarian bitch. This was important.

He would've done it, too. Stood there like a rock, stubborn and unyielding, letting the water rush up to his eyes without moving a muscle, giving a monologue. Like, really, a fucking monologue with the wind at his back and water pouring in around him. It was the chance of a lifetime. Who was he? He was The Rising Tide. That's Rising Tide with a The. And everyone bows at his feet, because that was fucking awesome.

Alan couldn't swim.

So I guess he'll settle with a 'you're fucking coming with us, then'.

Except that was possessive, dominating. Bad Alan. Shitty, patriarchal Alan.

"We're fucking coming with you, then."

There. That was better. Didn't make it seem like he was trying to make himself the leader. Of course, Alan was going to be leader. That was a foregone conclusion. But it was better to be smooth and subtle about it. Alan was a snake. A finger-tenting mastermind with a silver tongue.

You wish. But that didn't mean he had to be blatant about it, you know?

A World Of Sadness
So Penelope wasn't gonna die a virgin. That was, like, good. Good for her, right? It'd be a terrible waste of time to spend the rest of your life desperately trying to get some stranger to fuck her. They'd probably die in the middle of it, too. Out with a bang, slasher-movie style.

Not that Asuka was jealous or anything. She'd transcended such primal desires. Didn't even rank in the top five of her bucket list.

It wouldn't've hurt though.

And, if she was gonna make a connection here, maybe blood was a really basic primal fear, but hey, Asuka wasn't gonna judge. It was a phobia. Irrational. Smart pretentious people can have irrational fears. And it wasn't like Asuka had gotten any exposure to this stuff, right? So who knows. Maybe she'd find some latent fear, want, whatever. It could happen. You don't find out about that kind of thing when you're a ghost. And a ninja. Like, maybe fucking someone made you feel like you weren't going to die alone and lonely or something. Then fucking would be, like, really important, right?

Well. Dying alone wasn't so bad. It was, actually, it was pretty romantic.

It'd still kinda suck though.

Fuck. This girl was inviting Asuka to something. Tha-that was good, right? It involved dying meaningfully, and fucking off the terrorists, all that good stuff.

Asuka caught her breathing. In, out. Steady. She couldn't stay, as good of an idea as that sounded. Because, see, she already knows how this story ends. Too many new variables. Too risky. Yeah. And other reasons, too, but she needs some breathing space to work that out. Or she doesn't wanna think about it right now. Hey, at least she's self-aware about it or something.

"No," she said, her voice soft. She needed to elaborate or something.

"There hasn't ever been one. A mass suicide, I mean."

She stood up. She'd leave as mysteriously as she came. Which probably wasn't all that mysterious. But alas.

"If it ever looks like it'll work, I'll come. But until then..."

What was she going to do again? Asuka couldn't remember.

"I'll be looking for other ways to fuck up their game."

Right. That was it. Or something like that, anyway.

Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools...
"Nononono, if you head for the bell we're comin' with you. We're going there anyways, and since you've already like stolen all our thunder and shit we're not gonna let you go if you don't haul our asses with you."

Alan bet that came off as annoying. Annoying was good, right? Better than being scary, better than scaring the fuck out of them and making them run and shit, right? Oh oh oh and it also made him look like a joke, which was good, cuz yeah it was all part of his master plan to look weak and ineffectual and incompetent, and then, well, then the people all safe and complacent in their leather chairs laughing at you, all safe and smug on the safe side of the TV screen, they all flip out and scream because there was Alan and he was sitting there staring at you and then he leans in close, reeeally close, and he grabs your shirt and whispers one word: timing. Timing, fuckers. And then he runs you through with the most badass weapon he can find. And it'll be glorious.

Yeah. All part of the plan. And maybe it's because he was calling it a plan, but really he was already feeling tempted to just fuck that shit. It's not like it would actually work, right? And maybe someone somewhere would be able to actually pull that off, but it wouldn't be Alan. You know why?

You really wanna know why?

Nah, you don't. Sorry. He's being all annoying again.

And Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn was getting it. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. You put it all out there in the open. And then you point out that you're really putting it all out there as a ruse. But, see, within that ruse there is a

You get the idea.

And when the terrorists think back to all those times their fingers hovered over the button, telling themselves that there was no way in hell a kid talking about escape plans in full view of the cameras was serious, well. You know what they say about regret.

So he'll play the badass who's actually kinda incompetent but see that's a facade that's all just a facade to make you underestimate him so see there wasn't any need to change what he was doing, right?


"No boats. Not yet. Not until we have a shitload of weapons on us so that when they come after us in their assault chopper we can flip 'em the bird."

You watching Alan, kids?

Well. Watch this, then.

A World Of Sadness
So, what gives?

There was plenty of stuff that Asuka shouldn't have a problem talking about. Tumblr, yup. Art, yup. Not the boyfriend bit, but she had her pick of material to choose from. So talk about that, right?

But fuck, it was gonna go to small talk so quickly. Not that Asuka was anti-small talk. That was baggage from her snobbish pretentious days, back when she'd been young and, um, not naive no definitely not naive because she was a cynical asshole except maybe kinda? She was naive about what it meant to be a cynical asshole. That was it. But anyways, Asuka was most definitely not anti-small talk, because that would mean that she was better than all those people who did small talk. She wasn't special. But, well, this stuff was. Right? Asking banal questions about what kind of art you drew, who follows you, who's your biggest influence...well, that felt kind of like she was defiling something, didn't it? Murdering. Kill your darlings and whatnot.

Well, she'd brought up escape. There was some good material there. Stand up, get over to the doorway. Give a small and sad and mysterious smile, and say that you hope there's an escape, you really do, but it's not for her. Her future was here. Her life's work was here. She was peaceful and zen and she'd come to terms with her death. And sure, maybe, in all the years to come she'd have a chance to do something as meaningful as this, but, well, reasons. Asuka wasn't sure. Could work it out later. But she was going to say something along those lines, because it'd be the meaningful thing to say. She could already see the scene in her mind's eye, and, man, it was beautiful and perfect and pure. She was-- she was gonna make it happen. She was

Stop. Stop forcing your scenario. It doesn't work. Just let it flow naturally, just do whatever comes natural, just

But she couldn't help it, was the thing. Like, define natural. Well, it wasn't like she'd never acted naturally ever, right? See, there was that one time, right, she'd said her mind, she'd told it like it was, and she'd done it spontaneously. Really really spontaneously, and oh fucking shit she was shitting herself because why was this so fucking hard why did she have to try so hard for this shit. Yeah, real natural. Asuka never did anything naturally because when she was being natural she wasn't doing anything. She was a ghost. A ninja. And ghosts and ninjas are cool and badass and shit. So, well, fuck shaking that up, right? Because, y'see, I know it might be kinda hard to understand cuz Asuka's shit at explaining this and okay yeah she's also a presumptuous little snowflake and there's no way anyone understands her and shit, most definitely not, but anyways when she was really in the moment, really really in the moment, her eyes kinda glazed over and her brain wandered off and then she'd trip over a rock or walk into a wall or something. Anyways, she wouldn't be talking. She wouldn't be listening. Fuck that. That wasn't an option.

Fuck it. Change of scenery, right? Usually the stuff around her didn't include people who'd be dying in the next couple of days. Well. Person. Unarmed and shit, so...yeah.

"I think most people are, like, afraid of being boring? Just cuz your life story can't be made into a book or a memoir or whatever. I mean, I'm plenty boring, I never accomplish anything notable, anything worth remembering..."

A light laugh here.

"But I wouldn't remember any of that anyways. It's all the pointless, silly tidbits that I remember, y'know? So it's all okay."

Just fine. Everything was just fine. Well, except for the boyfriend bit. That was, well. It was okay actually. No shits given here.

"So tell about your boyfriend."

Okay, a few shits given. Or something. But it was the nice kind of shit, the benevolent kind. Not the shitty kind.

"And tell me about your bad shit. And your good shit, tell me about your good shit. And, well..."

Yeah, that felt forced and scripted too. Because she'd already fantasized about how this little scenario was gonna go, and it would never be more meaningful than it was the first time she imagined it, even if it was actually real this time. And then she'd never be able to dream about how great it'd be to actually do it, because, well, she'd gone and done it and the magic was all gone, even if-- especially if-- it all went according to plan. She was going in expecting to be disappointed. Not really sure why she was bothering, really.

But if it worked, if it worked for Penelope and meant something to her, well.

Asuka would be okay with that. That would work for her too. Not exactly, but it'll do.

SOTF Grand Map of Doom! v6
I'll take a sickly shade of green that's acid to the eyes :3

Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools...
((Alan Banks and Kaitlyn Greene continued from Never Known Questions))

So. Bell tower. Let it never be said that Alan couldn't focus on a goal. He was focused. Hyper-laser focused on everything at once. Fuck, he isn't going to ignore this group of peaceful kids out of tunnel vision, was he?

So when Alan actually takes a second to look over his plan for taking down the like I mean I guess they're terrorists this is pretty much the textbook definition of terrorism but it'd still be real good if he didn't perpetrate the casual use of that word, y'know? But, to stay on track, he was taking down the...terrorists. Yeah. That. It's like about time to get the fuck out of being in denial and admit he had no idea what he was doing, right? This was their little game, their little experiment, with all the neat little variables in their hands and there wasn't a fucking thing a lab mouse can do to the human experimenting on it.

But, well, fuck, it wasn't like he had any ideas for something else to do. Something that'll work, he means, because maybe he can start playing, maybe he can just sit there and die, maybe. They were all, um, let's use the word possibilities. Yes. Definitely possibilities. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Does that give you the clue? No? Well, how about the imaginary giant double-barreled middle finger he's flipping off at you in his head that says FUCK no, those ideas were fucking fucktarded.

Whoa watch your language there, Alan. No losing control or anything.

Control. Yeah. That's what this was about. Was Alan gonna pull a big Dostoevsky thing just to show those bastards they had no control over him? Like, radical fucking freedom, bitches.

No. Nonononono, that idea didn't have the least bit of appeal to him. At all. Zip. Nada.

Promise? Cross your heart? Well, um, y'see, you have to keep your options open, and that means sometimes you can't make any strong commitments and the like but you see what he can promise is that he'll think things through, he'd be careful, he'd

"That's fucking easy. We set out to fuck the system, but we do it incompetently so the terrorists are too busy laughing at us to blow our collars. Until it's too late."

He hadn't even checked their faces.

Well, he'd carefully thought out his decision to not think this bit through, hadn't he? Yeah, he definitely had, and he really hoped he didn't die for this, he really did, but if they pulled out a gun and blew his brains out that was just too fucking bad, cuz Alan's gonna do this his way or not at all. You should've checked the records and realized he wasn't a sellout. So deal. Deal with it.

You too, Kaitlyn. But you can have a say in it, she was supposed to have a say in it, he wasn't like a fucking leader, right? Like, being a leader of a two-person group, I don't know how you'd do that. So. Um. My bad, I done fucked up, there's gonna be some fallout possibl maybe probably not but you can cut and run if you have to.

She stayed. Good.

"I mean, that's what we're doing, anyways, and I wouldn't mind joining forces here."

Now let's hope his lack of a plan doesn't fuck us all over, shall we?

Eclipse Phase: Robotic Turtle Edition
"cosmic horror story"


Um, if there's still room, that is.

What days are you free, normally? Every day but Tuesday, weekends work the best.
What times are you free on those days, normally? Please use EST. After 6
What's your experience with tabletop RPGs in general? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
Can you use Discord? Yes.
Can you tolerate a nerd who really likes robots as your GM? Yes.

Twin Infinitives
Lili got it. She really did. And that was that.

Asuka had often fantasized about having a real conversation with someone. Philosophy, feelings, books, anything but goddamn fucking small talk. Real fucking special snowflake, right? And here she was. She'd fucking did it. She'd found someone who got it, who bought into her bullshit, and when all was said and done she really didn't know what else to say. People should act like the special snowflakes they are. If they don't you dissociate and everything becomes meaningless and you retreat into your head. That was it. Move along. End of fucking story.

And when Asuka had finally found someone to let loose the little rant she'd been bottling up for who-knows-how-long, well, it was supposed to unleash some twilight zone shit, right? But she didn't get that. Because she'd caught a snowflake, but she didn't know anything about it. So change that.

Lili was fangirling over the band. Six Things to a Cycle. So they didn't give a fuck about opinion, huh? True artists and all that. Asuka wanted to talk about something, just shoot the shit over whatever. She wanted to put everything on pause and find a corner and be all like, "What's your life story?" On some unspoken level, right. Asuka was perfectly capable of putting her thoughts and feelings into words. Solidarity was good, though. It showed she was right.

Asuka knew she was right.

Hey. Shoot the shit later. There was an offer on that, wasn't there?

As for the shit she still needed to do for school...well.

She was headed from one fragile hope to the next. She was tip-toeing. No disturbing the balance.


Asuka pretty please :)

Never Known Questions
And the asshole was gone. All according to plan, right?

And right now, his plan consisted of going absolutely nowhere in particular. Except that plan was a goner, now, because fuck he had to have an answer he couldn't be caught with his pants down like this. He was the bullshit god, right? You don't catch the bullshit god with his pants down. Fuck you, Kaitlyn, for ruining a perfectly good plan.

"Bell tower. Find a group there. Get this thing off the ground, get the show on the road, whatever ya wanna call it. Start putting some bite behind this bark."

He pointed at his mouth, threw his shit into his bag, and marched off like someone who knew what he was doing. Which he did. Know what he was doing, I mean.

I mean, how hard was it to spot a fucking bell tower, right?

((Alan Banks continued elsewhere))

Return of the Revenge of the Realism Litmus Test
Necro'ing this because I just took the test and it felt like a waste to not post :3




Might as well do myself


City Lights and Invincible Summers
Asuka sat down, slouched, crossed her arms on the table, and put her head down. You know the routine. Golden streetlights, cricket songs, cheap concrete and metal, black choking air. God, she needed a cigarette. She didn't smoke, of course, but a cigarette would make everything complete and perfect. It was all peaceful and quiet and yeah maybe it was kinda melancholic, but fuck it, it made Asuka happy. Yeah. Asuka liked that shit. Just sit back and watch the cars pass by. Gaze at the sky a little. Listen as the laughter drifts over and wonder what the hell they're laughing about. Summer days.

Okay, so it wasn't actually summer yet, but between the Arizona sun and the fact that she was sitting outside, alone, at a cafe in downtown doing nothing in particular gave it that vibe. Sit back and watch life fly by. C'est la vie or something.

And god, wouldn't it be nice if she actually felt that way? But this wasn't the right kind of emptiness. This wasn't sad half-smiles and clouds floating over and past her and telling Sam, play it, play As Time Goes By. This was, this was staring at a blank wall, this was a mediocre joke that wasn't good enough to be funny and wasn't unfunny enough to be, well, funny.

Focus on little details. Bugs buzzing. The fwoosh of cars going by. Random white noise. Her own skinny, rickety legs.

So she actually had been staring at a wall the whole time. Well. Let's move the chair and face the street and

Nope. Still exactly the same feeling. Well, it's not like Asuka was expecting anything different.

Asuka closed her eyes. Breathed in, breathed out. Steady. Tried to make herself feel sleepy. This kinda thing always seemed to work better when she was sleepy.

Let's do a mental inventory check. Reasons to feel melancholic: the Sadie Hawkins Dance was going on right now. She wasn't against it on principle. She just really really didn't feel like asking someone out. So yeah. Yeah, that was fucking it. She was sad and lonely, or supposed to be. Forever alone and all that. She could've gone and been a wallflower, if being a wallflower was all that it was cracked up to be. Asuka doubted it. So she hadn't gone, and she'd come here with the idea that she'd live out her sad little romantic vision, and here she was.

Another reason: she'd drank a little of her dad's shitty liquor, drowning her sorrows and all, and her thoughts really should be getting foggier now. They weren't. Fuck, she should've drunken more, but she hadn't wanted to overestimate herself and gotten passed out on the street. It probably would've been worth it though.

Somewhere in there she actually did get sleepy and didn't want to pick her head up off the table. She could've been there for minutes or hours. She really didn't know.

But fuck, she needed to talk to someone if this was gonna go anywhere, right? And she was feeling a little more in the moment now, so that was fucking great, right? So get up and start walking. Start wandering downtown and looking for Cochise students to talk to, students who'd had the same idea as her and they'd sit down together and get to really know each other over a few hours and they'd keep on going long into the night and then they'd go home at dawn all sleepy and dysfunctional but feeling really good.

Or fuck, it didn't have to be a Cochise student, any stranger would do. Just tell them why you're here, it's a very romantic reason why you're here, it's a natural conversation-starter, right? Just...go. Go and give them a reason to care about you, until they like you enough to trust you with a reason to care about them.

And she kept walking, and she kept walking, and eventually she found herself sitting on a bench at a bus stop. Fuck, eye contact was just so fucking hard.

She looked pointedly at some thirty-something guy, baseball cap, standing in front of her. Nothing happened. He probably hadn't noticed her, but Asuka kinda doubted that anything would come of it even if he did.

She could be a runaway for a day, just sleep in the street til dawn. Today was gonna be something real fucking meaningful whether the world or fate or whatever cooperated or not. It was gonna be meaningful for everyone else, right?

Her mom was probably gonna call the police or something. But, fuck, even that would be pretty cool. It'd be like something out of a movie or some shit.

Her mom was gonna be worried as fuck.

Oh. Well.

Fuck it, then.

Hello! I can draw something for you if you'd like
Fuck it.

Requesting Asuka, pretty please :)

Never Known Questions
Fucking Kaitlyn, stealing his thunder, fucking Lili leaving the group. Yeah. This wasn't looking so hot.

So. Um. Words, right? That's what Alan had. Millions of words echoing around in his head, but none of them seemed like they'd do any good here.

"You're full of shit." That was for Scout.

"You think you're being so smart and pragmatic, huh? So realistic, so much smarter than all us little rebels."

Fuck, directly arguing with someone. Newsflash, kids: that doesn't actually accomplish anything. You don't actually make any good arguments here, because like hell you're gonna actually convince them. All you can do is push them off balance and keep the bastard there. Fat lot of good being a purist is gonna serve him now, though.

"Cuz as far as I'm concerned, you just told me you're gonna play the game, and it's two on one, kid."

Bet you don't like that, huh? Shrimpy little ginger kid, thinking she's some badass survivor.

"Yeah, you can leave the badass rebel alliance. You can live for now, because, like, killing you before you've done anything is really sketch, but please fuck the fuck off."

The wind picked up a little. Aw, yeah. Did Alan have a badass cape billowing in the wind, there? Fucking symbolic shit going on? No? How about this: ginger shrimp pulls a gun out of nowhere and blows them all to hell because maybe, just maybe, there wasn't an argument to win there.

Fat chance. He was fucking invincible.

A World Of Sadness
Well, that worked. That was surprising.

Like, how many people react well to a stranger coming out of nowhere and hugging you? Not many, probably. It probably wasn't very socially appropriate or something. Social conventions could go fuck themselves on Hellmurder Island, so silver linings and all that.

And yeah, pretty much everyone here needed a hug right now. The pretentious bullshit could wait a bit; the girl in front of her was real people, and she needed a hug.

Fucking deluded, that's what she was. Everything she did that was worth doing was pretentious bullshit. The warm and fuzzy feeling was her intellectual trademark, after all.

Asuka broke off. Sat down. "Never met. Name's Asuka. And, like, normal icebreakers can go fuck themselves, y'know? So."

So give Asuka a reason to not just hide under a pile of leaves and turn into a vegetable until the next announcements.

"I like books and movies and drawing and stretching out on the roof in the middle of the night to watch the stars and wonder about the meaning of life. I drink a lot of coffee and sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night even though I don't know why. Your turn."


Meh, might as well
So pregame's almost over, but *shrug* if nothing else we could do memory stuff or know how we'll react to each other in game, y'know?



- really shy
- used to depressed and still kind of is
- ace student, but grades were somewhat down due to depression
- bookworm
- philosophy, especially existentialism and postmodernism;
- calling you a social construct is her idea of an insult
- pretentious ivory tower elitist; she's aware of that, and has mixed feelings about it
- she'll totally shoot you down if she sees you being judgmental or snobbish
- *special snowflake*
- draws and stuff, but isn't all that good
- generally nice, cuz she either likes you or thinks you're misunderstood and need a hug
- a bit of a romantic, but hates melodrama
- basically shuts down if she can't handle it



- super chill and no chill
- Discordianism: "religion" that worships discord and chaos (pursues it as an interest/philosophy, like most "adherents")
- really really good at debate
- likes social justicey stuff
- troll and gadfly
- tries not to hurt people with his trolling though
- still sometimes hurts people due to inability to control himself
- is totally an agent of chaos
- likes the spotlight, but doesn't bother hogging it
- somewhat impulsive
- used to play soccer and is kinda athletic
- thinks he's a badass rebel