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A Magnet For Trouble
"Fat fuck Bart?" Michael made some exaggerated pantomimed gagging. "That kid has a fuckin' problem man. Nobody, and I mean, no-fuckin'-body, should smell like the inside of a friggen' colostomy bag."

Michael took his sunglasses off, waving them in his hand as he spoke. "That motherfucker really needs a shower, y'know?" Michael paused his rant for a moment. The fat kid on the ramp took another fall.

"HEY FATSO!' Michael called out to the hapless skater, hooting like a hyena. "DO A FLIP!"

"Ha he hah- Fuck where was I, man?" Something about fat boy Bart. "Oh yeah, that motherfucker Bart, he needs to take a shower with soap and water, instead of fermented ham and raw sewage." Michael paused to see if Darius would laugh or not...

After spending a good hour or two heckling skaters, gossiping about other students, and generally making an ass out of each other, Michael figured it was time to call it quits.

"So anyway ehhh, you see Jon at all?" Michael waited for Darius to answer. "Been meanin' to talk with him about some shit and- ah damn, I think he's off of work right about now anyways." Michael got up out of his seat, carrying his jacket over his shoulder. "Talk to you later, Dee." Michael waved goodbye, like a good fucking civilized being should and strode off into the sunset; well there wasn't really a fucking sunset, it was still mid-day, but, y'know.

((Michael Crowe continued elsewhere))

I Know What My Fortune Is
Jonathan had found himself cringing when Michael started laughing at the ordeal. It could've been bad, and here he was laughing at it? Oh well, it could have been worse, and Michael DID help him out when he needed it. There wasn't anything else they could have done, it was just good in general that the situation didn't get worse. Darius was off 'Showing his little Dee?' Jonathan had to raise an eyebrow and hide a smirk on that one. That one was so bad it was kinda funny.

"Michael stop..." Jonathan found himself shaking his head and covering his mouth. Michael's laugh was contagious, and he really didn't want to look that insensitive in front of Raina- wait where was she? Oh, Wayne and her were going somewhere... At least Darius was in the opposite direction, maybe they'd leave each other alone now?

Oh hey, more people! Maria and Johnny Ray were joining the party it looks like. The party will definitely be a lot more lively now! At least Drunk Darius won't be the focus anymore. Was Johnny giving him bad looks? Nah, probably his imagination. Jonathan waved to the two new arrivals as Darius came back to the scene.

Of course, Darius decided to be Darius and... call Johnny Ray a thief whilst simultaneously claiming the party as his own. Jonathan turned to Michael.

"Pardon my French, but Darius really is shitfaced, isn't he?"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Michael's laughing finally slowed. "Sorry Jon." Ironically, this apology was a bit more sincere than the earlier one. Michael rubbed his eyes for a moment. Damn that was a good laugh, he was on the border of tears from that. Jonathan was right though, Michael's play on words fucking ate shit. Nobody else but him was laughing. He'd have to remind himself not to use that one anymore.

At this point, Darius and Raina were now avoiding each other, so while a good portion of the shits and giggles left, so did the drama. A bit of a double edged sword, but the side facing Michael was significantly smaller than the opposite side; so it was tolerable.

Two new peeps joined the party. O.D Dodger Maria, and Meth Mouth Mckay. Well the party certainly was going to get more lively at this point. Michael called out to the two. " 'Ey Maria! 'Ey Jay Ray!"

Darius came back and called our new hillbilly guest a thief. Welp, Darius totally didn't learn from anything that happened in the last fifteen seconds. Hell, he even had the audacity to ask for a cigarette afterwords to- oh damn! Johnny Ray gave him one! Eh, didn't surprise him. Jay Ray had thicker skin than most kids here, Michael doubted Darius would get to him.

Michael found himself laughing at Jonathan's comment. "No doubt about it, man..."

A Magnet For Trouble
Michael knew Darius'd give up, a quick giggle for shits never last too long. Michael had watched Darius change his point of view to the piss poor skaters rolling around the place.

Darius pointed towards a particular hambeast who had as much trouble climbing up the ramp as he did riding down, just across the park.

"Jeezuz, is that the new character for Tony Hawk's hoveround racer?"

How did that fat fuck's board not break? Christ, no wonder everyone over there sucks at skating! They're stuck in this large lard-asses' fucking gravitational pull. Michael was inches away from exploding into laughter.

"Li-l-li-like, you can hear the fucking ramp creak every time he rolls down, holy shit!"

They were literally watching an adult Bobby Hill ride down a fucking ramp like he didn't weigh 300 pounds.

"Christ, more chins than a Chinese phone book, y'know, if he didn't weigh so fucking much, he could use his bing- his fucking-!" Michael was dying of laughter right now, he could barely finish his own joke. "He could- he- he could fuh-fucking use his bin-bingo wings as a fucking wing suit and go cliff jumping!" He had to say the second part as fast as possible, otherwise he'd never finish it.

This was quite common, once one target of ridicule leaves, another comes in it's place. There was never a dull moment when it came to shit like this. It didn't matter if there even was a dull moment, as the rest of it was so fucking funny it was worth it.

A Magnet For Trouble
"Ben?" Ooooh shit, the plot just thickened. " Ben 'Electra Complex' Fields?" Darius was definitely bullshitting, but it'd be fun to humor him a bit, just to see what he has to say. "What the fuck is this? Some sort of cheap 90's nickelodeon sitcom?" Of all things, a wedgie? Who the fuck does that anymore?

Darius must've been huffing paint or jenkem again or some shit. Michael actually took a quick sniff to see if he smelled acrylic paint or recreational drugs floating around the two. All he could smell was nicotine and cancer, as of right now. Though nothing covers up any scent more than cigarette smoke, so he'd probably have to wait a bit just to see if it changes. He made a mental note of if he smelled bullshit or not, it was either Darius' story or the jenkem he theoretically inhaled. I mean, if he wanted it to be believable, he'd have probably picked anything other than a wedgie.

"You're telling me that Ben reeled your ass like that Spongebob hook episode shit?" Michael took a quick laugh before putting on a cheap Mr. Krabs impersonation. "Yo ho yo ho, near the hooks we'll never go!" Okay, it was harder to humor Darius than he thought, but damn, he was asking for it worse than wearing a fur coat down a dark alley.

I mean really? It was almost an insult to Michael's intelligence. Darius' story implied Michael had an IQ in the double, nay, single digits. It's on the borderline of warranting a dick-punch. Not like a massive ball breaker, just a quick shot strong enough to make him gasp or squeak or some shit. I mean, Ben Give me a faggot and I'll lynch the maggot Fields? The idea of him getting close enough to touch a guy's rear end is already preposterous, let alone actually grabbing their underwear.

"Could I give you some advice, Darius?" Michael reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out his Rayban Wayfarers and placing them over his face. He'd only pull out the old Blue's Brother's sunglasses on special occasions, and he'd figure this would be one. "If you ever want to be a conman, just remember..." Michael stretched his legs out on the bench, crossing his ankles, as he rested his hands behind his head, in the what could be the most campy 1980's Tony Montana cartel boss fashion possible. "You. Can't. Con. A conman." His grin widened. He couldn't take this seriously, so he might as well not act it either.

A Magnet For Trouble
"Haha-Hey! We got you to speak up didn't we?!" It was a victory for Michael and Darius, that much was sure. They did get him to say hi and bye, after all. Brendan could get as pissy as he wants about it, Michael's tactic worked. All it takes is a little leverage, and boom, job is done.

With Brendan gone, Michael could now focus at the task at hand. Wait, what was the task at hand in the first place? Jonathan still wouldn't be out for another half-hour more than likely. He had time to kill though, so he might as well see what Darius was up to. Well, y'know, outside of dicking with people.

" 'Ey Dee." Might as well start a conversation, relax a bit. He sat down beside Darius, sliding his hand into his pocket. "That was some funny shit man, fuck, you see the look on his face right?" Michael laughed as he pulled his comb out from his pocket. "Brendan looked like he was gonna shit his pants, heha!" Michael continued to maintain his Val Kilmer mane as he watched Brendan speed-walk away. "Poor bastard..." Michael chuckled as he slid his comb back into his pocket, shaking his head.

He turned to Darius. "So uhhh, anythin' goin' on right now?"

Survivor: Cambodia Mafia Game Thread
Welp. I told u I wuz hardcore.

Survivor: Cambodia Mafia Game Thread
Jul 12 2016, 04:18 PM

If Toxie is scum it's a smarter play, so he's more of a threat. If Toxie isn't scum, that means he's just genuinely unhelpful, and it's less of a loss. Either way, better vote.
Well if we're talking use, I have a good amount of it, but whether or not you choose to believe me or not on it is a different ball game.

Survivor: Cambodia Mafia Game Thread
Well, I'd say anyone that's not me, but considering my posts consist of starting a meme war, shitposting, saying "Memes" for one post, and including a Kanye post, there's really nothing I can say to not vote for me either. Maybe I'd point the finger to Danny, but again there's nothing I can really say to /not/ put me on the noose at this moment.

Survivor: Cambodia Mafia Game Thread

A Magnet For Trouble
Brendan apologized and Darius didn't accept. Well... Ain't that a damn shame. Michael almost felt bad for this. Almost. "Well shit..." Michael's smile grew. This was the fun part, the waiting. The tension was the always the best part, and like a fine wine, you had to savor that shit. Much like the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Michael switched his stare between Brendan and Darius, sporting a pretty good Eastwood squint whilst doing so. And like many westerns, the first shot was quick and merciless.

"Guess we're gonna have to kick your ass then."


Michael's grin came back. "Just kidding."

Michael placed his hand on Brendan's shoulder, laughing. He'd take a moment to lower the tension, to let Brendan get his guard down. Just a few moments before cranking it back up into eleven. That's when he became stone-faced. "But in all fucking seriousness though, when people greet you, fucking wave back. Shit's rude as shit."

Michael turned towards Darius and began walking his direction, his lips curled underneath each other in an attempt to not break out laughing. He wasn't going to hit Brendan over little shit like not waving. What's the point in that? It's not fun, there's no challenge to it. Besides scaring him worked out great, you got your jollies, he learned a life lesson. Benefit for everyone! It's kid's shit man, a little fucking around couldn't kill anyone. Besides, some people around here need to man up anyways. If harmless fuckery scared someone into becoming a recluse, then how the fuck would they function at anything else?

Everyone needed a bit of challenge to get the blood boiling, you know? Get that adrenaline up. Get hyped. Get alive man! Otherwise life's just boring man. If they couldn't handle some 5'8 jagoff with a bad haircut and terrible fashion sense, how in the hell were they gonna handle a job. Michael'd guarantee their boss would be even shorter with an even worse haircut. Michael awaited Darius' response to his showmanship. Hopefully he didn't disappoint.

V6 Roll Call
I'll probably add Jonathan Gulley to the list provided he makes it through critique.

Survivor: Cambodia Mafia Game Thread
Yeah, I'd hate to get sent home early over a misunderstanding and overabundance of memes.

Survivor: Cambodia Mafia Game Thread
Psh, at the very least I'll have sequels. You on the other hand...

Survivor: Cambodia Mafia Game Thread
I have more power than you can imagine. Powerful like the powerball lottery that people are inevitably broke from already. Power like the power glove. Power like Kanye West. And we all know, No one man should have all that power.

Survivor: Cambodia Mafia Game Thread
Teaming with the Goose, coz' why not? His memes are danker.

The Outlanders!
Week 2 Day 1
The Lawmen attack warboys.
The SBAs and Gruppa Krovi do recruitment work in the sewers, before SBAs utterly facefuck Gruppa Krovi. That escalated quickly.

New America gets ambushed by Tsarnov tracksuits. Finds out an attack is imminent.

Saracens fight in the arena gauntlet. For the most part, they destroyed the competition, however D’arby was slain in battle.

Week 2 day 2,
Not much happens outside of recruitment, Saracens buy 10 snake-hybrid slaves to add to his forces, saying they’re free so long as they work for them, whilst New America buys 10 gallons of butter... What.

Week 2, day 3,
Mostly recruitment happens for each faction.

Week 2, day 4,

Preparations for the War Rig’s travel have ended and The Slaver’s guild are now recruiting for the Journey on week 3.

The Underground seems to have shaken the earth today, as the largest war in badlands history has broken out. The Remnants of Tsarnov Tracksuits teamed up with Zeed and his gang to battle it out against New America and Gruppa Krovi. When all seemed lost, The Cheeki Breeki Balaclavas came in to return the favor for New America’s aid. That’s not all however, it seems they’ll be a permanent resident within New America’s walls, as an Eldritch Abomination awoken by the Susan B. Anthony Boyszzz woke up and destroyed the Tunnels.

In other news involving the SBAs, they’ve managed to build a floating base just off the coast of the badlands, near the Living forest. What this means for everyone else is anyone’s guess, but we can assure you it is not good!

Survivor: Cambodia Mafia Game Thread
Got my confirmation!