"We tried to be better, but we aren't. I don't think anyone could last more than a week here if they weren't willing to do bad things." - Alba Reyes

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Michael Crowe
" as he never shown any worry-some signs. "

should be worrisome

"Eventually peer pressure steps in,"

Should be stepped in. Past tense


Regarding the bus fight, how is out of school suspension different than regular suspension? Also it's a little confusing. I think what happened is he got on a fight on the bus, was losing, and then they both got off the bus and kept fighting. Is that right?

Now that a lot of the fiddly grammar and spelling stuff is out of the way there will be some thematic and content questions



- Why are his parents ok with him fighting in Arizona? Is he ever in trouble with the school for fighting?
- Did his parents ever try to get him therapy for the speech impediment before?
- How are they so well-off with such blue collar low income jobs?
- What is his general relationships with his parents?
- What's his mindset in bullying the Arizona kids? In Tennessee it was kind of a way to build a shell around himself from kids who he was pretty sure would hurt him one way or another. But he's new to Arizona. Also, how does it affect friendships in Arizona knowing that he's a bully?
- Does he have any goals for the future or what he'd like to do after high school?


AND THAT IS IT. Whoo boy, I am the worst staffer ever. Answer all those and I'll clear you for the game.


Havana Escapade
It seemed like claiming Andrew's identity, the quickly running out of time to complete a cake and the general fact that he was some-what assisting them (or at the very least, not impeding their progress) was enough to get the Spanish inquisition of cake making off his back.

And even if that wasn't enough, Alba was running around and proving a pretty good secondary distraction. He would be fine.

Caleb eyed the set of measuring cups on the table while also occasionally looking back to Alba frantically looking for them. He watched for a moment and then picked up a new bowl and set it on the counter.

"I got us a bowl," he said.

He picked up the frosting recipe card and put one hand on his hip while he read it. "Easy buttercream vanilla," is what the card read. That sounded pretty good. He went to the class fridge, retrieved butter and milk and set them on the table near the bowl.


Michael Crowe
Massive massive apologies again for the time. I've been busy with a new job, but the next edit will be coming by tomorrow and I'll include everything for changing so that hopefully you can get it on the next one and this can be done. I've been doing this somewhat in sections for fixing so that there aren't too many things to fix at once. Once again, total apologies, this was really awful of me.