Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Free Forums with no limits on posts or members.
Learn More · Register for Free
V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
Woop woop

I just finished Tom Gurthrie. This is an odd one and I will say that after Imraan, he is the read o thon person I have liked the most from start to finish.

Like my thing on Dete's Kyle, I think this is my favorite Blast character and apparently though he wasn't long for this world, he was his flagship.

Tom was very good at being a supporting character. My favorite part of Tom was the back and forth he had with Aaron. Neither of them really said it but they were both mentally up against each other and Tom could go toe to toe with Aaron until he had some bad luck at the end. He knew Aaron was a bad dude and he was the only one of the group to see through him and realize that he was trying to take the reigns for his own gain but Tom couldn't leave Aaron who he knew was bad news because he didn't want to leave the innocents behind.

From a structural standpoint, there's nothing I can say about Tom's story. It's perfect. Maybe that's because his story was so short. He didn't have any filler or padding about and everything he did fit perfectly right down to his death. The thing is that I said he was a supporting character and he is. It's perfect as a cog for Aaron and the group's larger story.

The only thing I could pick on is that he was billed as being the funny kid but he wasn't really that funny. Thankfully, he didn't try to be funny much, which was a good choice. I'm also a little sad that he didn't react or see Aaron giving him that wink and leaving him to die. That would have been interesting to see from his point of view.

The bottom line is, Tom is like.....going to a restaurant and having really great coleslaw. It's good that the coleslaw is great but no one is going to go to a restaurant just for that because no one (I hope) eats just a meal of the coleslaw. But hey, it adds to the meal when the side is good.


Also I'm cool with putting in the top umm 30?

The General SOTF Discussion Thread
Every time I've gone skeet shooting with a shotgun I end up with a massive bruise on the space between my shoulder and upper chest where the but of the gun rests because of the recoil. I'm stupid so I'll fire once and be like "That didn't hurt so much" and then after like, 4 I'm like "I'm a fool."

Rifles are stupidly easy to use and don't have much recoil. But I have no accuracy with them.

Also I'd like to call Rattlesnake to the stage to please post the drawing he made in v4 of someone shooting a shotgun at eye level sideways GANGSTA STYLE.

Do you sneak some of your own traits into your characters?
This is older but I want a work break and I don't think I've answered it. If I recall correctly my response was "sometimes."

I too made a self insert who was like....emotionally damaged in the way I am and looked like me and stuff. Other than that I don't think my characters really contain any of my own traits, or if they do they are infrequent and accidental. I share zero common traits with pretty much all of my v4 kids with exception of the insert (and weirdly, sort of Autumn even though I didn't make her.)

It's well known among y'all that I am a real life plagiarist and base everyone off real people so I try to stick inside of how those people act (to my eyes at least). There's fun in trying to be these completely different people.

Real Taryn read mini Taryn and though she liked the character and the story she said I put a lot of myself into the character. So according to her I snuck 50% of me into "Taryn" though I didn't mean to.

*Not a lesbian.

C is for Cookie
((It's bit a bit so Imma just go ahead and post and skip RXK))

Wow, Emily was willing to help her. Well, maybe help was too strong a word, but she was definitely not opposed to giving her a recommendation. A+ cookie salesgirl, would buy again.

Michelle nodded. "You can use them as a carb cram before a meet too. Hmm?" she said smiling sunnily.

Suddenly another boy walked up to the group. People were really piling in. Without even needed for her to open her mouth Cooper asked to be put down for four boxes! Michelle was certain that was the first time she'd sold that much without even saying anything. Maybe the pamphlet was right and the cookies really did sell themselves.

But as she was scribbling down the order on the order form it became apparent that Michelle's weren't the only goodies he was after. He wanted Emily to go to prom with him. How awkward!

Michelle started making scribbles on her paper just so that she didn't have to look up and give them impression of being nosey.

The King of Limbs
Paris posed for a moment with both hands firmly on his hips and looked upward at the sky for a moment like a super hero. He relaxed.

"I think so. I'm a trend setter, you see. It's only natural."

Paris accepted the money with flourish and caught Sophie's hand in his own.

"Thank you so much," he intoned gratefully. "I promise to pay you back some time. Just remind me when you see me around, alright? You can count on me."

Slowly his fingers slipped past her and they separated.

"I'm glad you had fun. It's best you get home before dark anyhow. I'll see you around," he called after her.

Paris slung his guitar over his shoulder, the make-shift cape still attached to him and the extra money in his pocket.

It was fortuitous that he'd found them in the park. He was starting to think he was going to have to walk home. It was also somewhat fun. Sophie's playing was quite good for someone who claimed to learn off of "sheet music" as opposed to guitar tabs as everyone else learned to play.

As he walked to the bus stop a red rubber ball rolled against his foot. A small girl was running towards it. Paris knelt down and picked up the ball, staying on one knee when she approached.

"This could have gone in the street. Be more careful when you play, my dear. Understand?" he said smiling and holding out to her.

She looked at him for a moment and nodded, slowly taking the ball back.

"Run along," he beamed.

((Paris Ardennes continued in Free Sample with Purchase))

The King of Limbs
Paris clapped at the end of Sophie's singing. It seemed Joachim had to go. That was reasonable. Paris gave him a good natured pat on the back before he stood up to go.

"It was nice hanging out with you. We should do it again some time. If you see me as school come talk to me and maybe we'll do something," he beamed up at Joachim. The other boy wanted his blanket. Paris was in the process of obliging and shifting to get up when he seemed to think better of it and just asked they return it. Paris tugged at the blanket and wrapped it around his neck like a cape.

"For sure. Now I know you'll come find me because I've got your property," he joked.

Paris gently lifted his guitar and placed it back inside his case. He closed it up and shuffled to his feed, still wearing the blanket like a hero's cape.

"I better start heading home too. Don't want my mom to worry about it and it'll be dark in a little. Too bad we didn't earn enough for me to take the bus home. There's a long walk in my future," he said with a sigh, though still managed a small smile at Sophie.

The Realism Litmus Test Revived
Paris: 19

Mara: 17

Michelle: 3

The naming stuff kindda shot me in the foot out the outset because being named after a fictional charter earns you 10 points and both Mara and Paris were named after other characters. Paris gets his namesake from the prince of Troy in the Illiad and Mara from several characters named Amaranta in 100 Years of Solitude (it's complicated. The book reuses names a lot). They also racked on points for being physically attractive and knowing more than one language.

Michelle was almost in the negatives. Being captain of a sports team got her to 3. I wasn't aware keeping a steady job was something unusual O_o

The King of Limbs
Paris pulled a bit of a face at some of Sophie's suggestions. How exactly was someone supposed to play "Feel So Close," an electronica song on an acoustic guitar? He shifted and picked at the grass a little. He put a finger to his chin as if thinking for a moment. He perked up and pointed at Sophie.

"I think you're a Hotel California kind of girl. I've got a a sense about these sort of things and I'm never wrong. That's your song, young lady."

He grabbed his guitar again and sat up.

"Let's hear it, then," he said smiling warmly at her.

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
I didn't get one, Toben : (

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot

This one might be less coherent and have less examples than I usually use cause it's 3 am and I'm like...half awake.

So I read Kyle Portman. Portman? Yeah. He was with Hayley and Ema for his entire run. I'm going to try really hard not to comment on Hayley and Ema because...that would make this so much longer. Okay, so I do need to talk about them a little.

Kyle is the boyfriend of Hayley and Ema is the ex girlfriend of Hayley so Hayley is the center of this little group. Kyle starts out as someone who only cares really about Hayley and then Ema because Hayley cares and don't give no fucks for anyone else. When Hayley decapitates Steve (Steve? I think that's right ) he rushes to what he deems the "more important victim" who is the collapsed Hayley because fuck that headless guy.

I understand his mental state in this and I appreciate that he is consistent the whole way through. Kyle doesn't give a shit about non-Hayley or non-Hayley affiliated people, but he's not a bad person. He's not someone who wants to start killing and torturing for the lulz.

Kyle really stands out in contrast to Hayley and Ema's writing style which is....it's just not good. Hayley especially constantly makes these asides to argue with herself and crosses out her thoughts (hey, you can't cross thoughts out. You thought them. That's how those work) and makes remarks on how awesome she is and all these numerous interruptions make reading her sooooo choppy.

Hayley in Instinct:

Those were literally the most beautiful words Hayley Kelly had ever heard in her entire life ever. Well, not literally, since she'd heard better things before, probably, and not literally because words couldn't really be beautiful, but they sort of could, like if you were a writer or whatever, but none of that mattered right now because the point was, her ex-girlfriend best friend wasn't about to crucify her. Hayley loved those moments where she wasn't being crucified, they were colorful and warm and full of awkward UST, or at least that was her life right now, here on Survival of the Fittest.

It's very halting and bulky.

I really appreciated that Kyle, i his writing, is simple and clean and flowing. This is the best writing I've seen from Dete. Kyle has these little details that I notice that make him seem real and are endearing. He's the most real of the group in that I could picture this person as a real person. His OCD is pretty well done too. Dete never forgets about it but he doesn't make Kyle "The OCD kid."

Kyle in Pleather for Breakfast:

Soon, however, his concentration was broken by Hayley yelling his name. He looked up, unconsciously drawing his knife rapidly. No danger presented itself, and Kyle's brain sent back that she had merely been looking for him.

"I'm-" he cut himself off. His voice was, due to stress and lack of sleep (as well as far less water than normal) beginning to crack and die. He cleared his throat and started again. "I'm over here."

How great is that? His voice isn't strong because the hasn't used it all night. I know that I've experienced that when I first talk in the morning and it's such a cool little detail for Dete to remember. And him instinctively drawing the knife even when it's just his girlfriend calling.

More Kyle in Pleather for Breakfast:

Hayley agreed with Kyle's assessment of the situation. After some dithering about not getting lost (a ludicrous notion. Kyle was never lost. He was occasionally misplaced, but never lost), she gathered some additional clothing and another cig. It was all Kyle could do to keep himself from straightening her clothing and hair- a habit that would be adorable back home, but here was nothing more than a needless distraction.

That's just freaking adorable. He wants to straighten out her clothes because they're wrinkly. I got these little glimmers of great from Kyle and I could tell he really cared for Hayely. Problem seemed Hayley didn't return even half of that caring. I felt bad for the dude.

What Dete did have with Kyle was good, occasionally great, but his posts were by in large, very very short. Kyle often didn't have very much to do because the focus was on Hayley and Ema first and him last. He has a bit of the same problem that BRidget had where he just gets shoved to the side.

This kid had a lot of potential but he was in a story that kept him in a very small box. I'm kind of sad for it. He could have been really interesting and I could have gotten really invested but he never grew because he was in too small a planter so to speak.

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
Okay, I finished Bridget.

So, quick and dirty first. Was Bridget great? No. Was Bridget awful? Also no. Would i read her again? Probably not. Though there's not really a point, it was mostly Sarah's story.

Bridget starts out in D-Day which is a big messy mess. But within the thread, Sarah, Bridget, Kim and Roland are my favorites. In this, Bridget is level headed and tries to remain calm in the bedlam that ensues after Kim is shot. Roland similarly tries to keep things together and Sarah does her best to try and patch up the throughly shaken Kim. The people that I described all do very good jobs and their characters are great.

Into the next scene Kim wanders off to do things with hats and Bridget continues trying to comfort Sarah. Conflict arises with Reiko, Sarah's girlfriend is revealed to be a killer and specifically a killer of Bridget's best friend. Ouch.

The two of them wander off on their own to the parish to enact a plan to try and figure out the location of the island using science but are stumped as to how to figure out transmitting the message. Sarah tends to Trent and Bridget starts her process of fading into the background as it is largely Sarah and Trent until Bridget drags her away.

Now we come to a problem spot. Sarah and Bridget have sex in Sedation This is a problem for a few reasons. One, it's.......um..... rape. It's never acknowledged to be rape but it's really uncomfortable to read.

The redhead broke off the kiss, and Sarah's face felt like it was burning up. As thoughts and memories churned in her mind she could feel tears gathering in her eyes.

"Uh I j-" Anything that Sarah had intended on saying beyond this point was lost as her lips became otherwise occupied by Bridget's.

The redhead broke off the kiss, and Sarah's face felt like it was burning up. As thoughts and memories churned in her mind she could feel tears gathering in her eyes.

"I, wh-what are.. I'm... I..but Reiko..."


Her mind was a vortex of conflicting emotions, her crazy, irrational love for Reiko dissolving in exhaustion and loss and the cathartic lust her companion was drawing out of her. She didn't have time to think, and without it she didn't feel this was a choice, it was just happening and she was relinquishing herself to it.


With her hands now occupied with keeping Sarah's out of the way, she needed to rethink her strategy somewhat. Keeping her grasp on the other girl's wrists, Bridget began to slide her way down Sarah's legs. Sarah felt confused by Bridget's resistance, but dismissed it as just a quirk of hers without questioning, such thoughts quickly gave way to puzzlement and renewed uncertainty as Bridget pinned her hands and began to move around . Between the darkness and her lack of glasses she could see nothing but black, and it wasn't until she felt the press of Bridge's lips against her clitoris that she had any idea where she was going.



Uncertainty was in the front of her mind again, she still wasn't sure this was what she wanted, still didn't really know what she was doing, and already Bridget was racing to a point which Reiko and her relationship had taken almost a month to reach. She tried to get the words out to tell her to slow down, to stop for a moment and let her think this through.

"W-wait, Bridget I ca--ahh!"


he leant hard against the basin, sobbing into her sleeves as she buried her face in her arms. She loved Reiko so deeply it felt like half of her had been ripped out and torn and sullied and no matter how much she tried to tell herself she might be okay, that it might all be a misunderstanding she didn't think she could believe that.

And what the hell had she just done? Herself? She felt like she'd never need anyone but Reiko and she'd just... She'd just... She couldn't find words for what she'd done, but she knew she felt like vomiting as the reality of what had just happened hit her. She'd only really known Bridget for 4 days, maximum, and she'd just let her fuck her... no, she'd reciprocated, she'd pushed Bridget on, she was responsible for it.

It's uncomfortable. At the times i heard Rocky say that it was needed to demonstrate the power relationship between the two but the way it pans out, it seems really unneeded. What I got from this exchange by the thoughts of Sarah in the next thread was that it was meant to push her forward past Reiko who was now beyond hope. Remember that part.

Bridget kills Mia in a really....just unbelievable way. Mia runs at Bridget for no readily available reason and Bridget throws her into a tree where a branch stabs her and she dies.

Sarah and Bridget come across Reiko and in my mind I was thinking "Okay. If Sarah rejects Reiko right now, then it will have proved why I needed to read that sex scene. If not, it was for nothing." And I was extremely disappointed to find that Sarah accepted Reiko without so much as a questioning of why she'd killed 7 or 8 people along the way. Bridget is also disappointing because she thinks only briefly about her slain friend before kind of going with "Well, Sarah likes Reiko and I like Sarah so I guess it's okay." Bridget then all but completely disappears when the three go to the boats and reappears in Oxidation to knock Sarah out and take her back to the boats with not much of a word to Reiko about, again, slain best friend.

In the post game Bridget goes home and looks at her cat and hugs her sister.

My parting thoughts for Bridget:

-I wish Rocky wouldn't have used the phrase "The red haired girl" to describe her and just said her name. It was rather annoying after awhile.
- I wish he'd given Bridget more internal conflict. She had the potential for it, but it wasn't explored as deeply as I would have liked.
- The sex scene was very out of character for Bridget. She'd shown no signs of power plays and her vengeful thoughts are pretty much entirely hampered by the time she meets Reiko.
- I don't like how often a thread had two Geno characters or two Rocky characters in them. It's a classic multitasking problem where one character gets most of the attention and the other is swept to the side. In this case, Bridget was swept to the side in favor of Reiko, which is a shame.

Bridget started out as a character that I liked in D-Day and kept fading more and more until she was barely there. If Rocky had kept her as the competent girl who was fighting between looking for her best friend's killer and trying to keep her little group going, she could have been really good. As is, with all those problems, she's just okay.

Roll me another.

C is for Cookie
"Errr....um, it was a joke," she said laughing nervously. "I tried to make a funny. Guess not..."

The further away they got from her prepared speech she knew by heart the more nervous she became. It wasn't that she didn't like Emily. Heck, she didn't really know Emily. It was just that she wasn't so great at talking to new people on the fly like that. Maybe it was a symptom of having tons of older siblings who did the introducing for you.

And then suddenly two more people materialized. Yukiko from swim was around to hear her bomb of a joke. Just great.

"O-o-oh no, of course not. It's a free lunch place. I was just....being a fail...."

Hey, an opportunity to go back on script.

"Oh, and um, trying to shill cookies for my troop. You guys want some?"

The King of Limbs
Paris trailed off the end of the song so see a classmate walk by and drop some money in the guitar case. He gave a spirited strum of his guitar and nodded with a smile. "Pretty good," he mused at Claire.

"Not sure if this will be enough , but it's more than I started out with. Maybe if we keep going I can earn enough so that I wouldn't have to walk back."

He sighed and stretched out his legs as a breeze rolled through.

"I chose the last one. Any suggestions?"