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Sugar and Spice Critiques

First Impressions (profile):
I'm reading his profile and the amount of detail here is incredible. Either this is an SI, an insert of someone Sansa knows or he just spent a ton of time making him. He's got all these really strange, but totally believable hobbies. Calligraphy and sonnet writing are pretty unusual, but I can totally see it (I loved fonts as a kid). It's also totally adorable that he became a vegetarian after being taken by a cute lamb he saw on a field trip. I found it interesting it was mentioned he can't swim well. I wonder if that's going to come into play later, it's a strange detail to include.

I do wonder where his siblings disappeared to. It's not really explained. All in all, he seems very normal and kind of adorable. I almost feel bad he has to be on the island : (

Pregame: It's kind of confusing that other people's dialogue is repeated in his posts in italics and his thoughts are also in italics. His dad is also kind of mean which I didn't anticipate at all. The style is really scattered, like it's Maynard himself who is writing rather than a narrator and there's a lot of "Yay!" instead of more detailed explanation of feelings, but in the last pregame thread the style really evens out to be a little smoother, less jumpy like Maynard. Not a lot of note here, Maynard pleasantly, if awkwardly interacts with people, most notably Gwen.

I was surprised when he had a teeny tiny bitchy streak at seeing Ian eating a burger and referring to him dismissively as "burger eater." That was kind of amusing and interesting.

The Game thus far: The style is sooo much improved. Leaps and bounds from pregame, so kudos to Sansa. This is a personal pet peeve of mine:

"Someone that Maynard held nothing but ambivalence towards."

Ambivalence doesn't mean what most people use it to mean. A lot of people use ambivalence to mean "no strong feelings either way." What ambivalence ACTUALLY means is feeling two opposing feelings at the same time. Being happy and sad. Loving and hating someone. Sorry, a lot of people do that and it bugs me. Moving on >_>

So the end of the first thread finds Maynard in a trio. Adam, somewhat gruff but decent brawler and Nateli, someone a little more patient and soft are the companions. The group basically just keeps moving from place to place when unwelcome folks show up and to keep from just sitting around.

Maynard kind of fades into the background around Nataeli and Adam who both have stronger, more purposeful personalities. He comes to the forefront when the announcements sound and signal the death of Daniel. It was probably the best Maynard moment thus far, and I liked his grief, it felt appropriate.

I read up to the Bazar thread. Now, I need to take an extra second to talk about Gwen.

Gwen's probably Maynard's most important relationship. It's odd because she clearly only ever saw them as friends and he mentions her almost every other post. I've been traveling with Gwen and don't really remember her mentioning Maynard much which suggests these feelings are not returned. (Also, when he changes out of his pee pants and changes underwear his spare is a pair of black satin boxers. Those are sex underpants. In my head, he was thinking of getting sexy with Gwen). I think it's going to be really interesting when he DOES find Gwen and she doesn't feel quite as strong as he does. He's a sensitive kid and I'm not sure if he'd take it in stride like when she agreed to go to prom strictly as friends (Maynard's reaction: As friends? ...... GOOD ENOUGH!) or if he'll break.

Another sign of him not being totally all right in the head: Nateli hugs him for comfort, he thinks of how pretty she is and then right away thinks he has to find Gwen. To me that signals "Nateli! Ohhhh she's pretty > lust > Gwen"

I'm a bad person though so I like the thought that everyone is a little fucked up.

FINAL ANALYSIS: An alright character who hasn't done anything too spectacular so far, but has the seeds of interesting development. Sansa has improved leaps and bounds since pregame so good on you. Also: I really like Adam and Nateli so I'm glad I got to see them too.

Sugar and Spice Critiques
I've not been holding up my reading end like a bunch of people setting up critique threads around here.

As with all mods, I am tasked with certain areas, so I only get to see people for a short while before they move on. I am, cautiously, opening up a critique thread. I've done some critique-y stuff for the v4 read o thon.

'kay so, as some may know I'm a really picky bitch. My critiques are generally fair (I think?) despite that so Imma do something they did on my other boards.

Please name a character for critique and one of the following:

- Sweet! Post your favorite flavor of ice cream. This will tell me to go a little easy and be a little kinder.

- Savory! Post your favorite sandwich. This is middle of the road.

- Spicy! Your favorite spicy item. This will tell me to pretty much spill my thoughts.

I guess I'll take five if that many people respond. Once I'm done, I'll take five more.

Right now I got

Maynard Hurst
Garrett Wilde
Finn Grant
Joseph Chaplin
Juhan Levandi

V5 Fifth Rolls
Good morning/afternoon,

We've got fresh rolls right out of the oven. The rolling list has been updated so let's not wait any longer.

1. Michael Eastmund (The Burned Handler)
2. Carlon Wheeler (Imehal)
3. Katy Warren (Outfoxd)
4. Alex Ripley (Kamikaze)
5. Travis Webster (Delroy) - Mallory McCormick (Violent-Medic, Hero Card used)
6. Brian Zhdanovich (Fioriboy)


As always, three days for cards and a further seven for deaths. Please remember that, while you may get extensions beyond this deadline, failure to meet it will likely get you disqualified from BKA/BDA at this point, as that will probably occur soon after deadline.

Old Holmes
"See, you're getting more cheerful every uneasy minute."

He stood and dusted his pants off. Paris stretched his hands above his head. He picked up his bag and the rifle. He unzipped the bag, gently put the rifle inside and removed a food bar.

"I don't want to have to use it," he said quietly.

He reached down and put his hands around Cho's waist, lifting her up off the ground into a standing position like some sort of ballet lift.

"Good as new," he said as he turned back to zip his bag up.

"Maybe we should head towards something that's a bit more like a building. We're rather exposed out here, don't you think?"

Paris picked up the riot shield. "It's not terribly heavy, but imagine it's annoying to haul around and would start to get heavy over time."

He slung the bag over his shoulder and hooked his left arm into the shield.

"Come on. Let's find somewhere safer." He made a sweeping motion with his right arm towards the exit.

"Ladies first."

((Paris Ardennes and Cho Lee continued in The Farmer and the Viper))

Cross Pollination
Ciara sat at the lunch bench fretting. She chewed her lip as Beatrice ate a sandwich and Amy read Seventeen.

"What the heck am I going to do, guys?"

Amy shrugged and flipped a page. "Move?"

Beatrice swallowed. "Buy a new one?"

Ciara buried her face in her hands. "No! Mrs. Umbra is totally going to kill me when she comes home and finds out I forgot to take care of her plants! This was supposed to be a test run to my folks that I could take care of a dog!"

"I think this just shows you probably shouldn't have one of those either," Amy said without looking up.

Ciara slapped the magazine out of her hand. "Not helping!"

"Maybe I can help you."

Ciara nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the deep voice next to her. She turned and saw a young man, smiling quite peacefully.

"Are you Batman or something!? Don't do that! Wait, you said you can help?"

"I can fix your plant, but I only if you do me a favor," he said nodding.

"Pffttt. You a gardener?" Amy asked, arms crossed.

"No," he admitted. "But plants like music and I'm pretty good if I may say so. And I'll water it, something you may have forgotten."

Ciara blushed with embarrassment. "I've only got a few days. Whaddya want for a trade?"

"Write my book report for Mrs. Frank's English for next week," he said almost immediately without missing a beat.

Ciara thought a moment. She had nothing to lose, the thing was almost dead anyway. "'kay. Deal."

He grabbed her hand and shook it.


One day before Mrs. Umbra would be home. Amy, Ciara and Beatrice walked into the house she was sitting for and Ciara had her eyes squeezed shut when she went into the living room. What if it was still a wreck?

She opened her eyes and saw Paris sitting on a couch, stroking a leaf. "Ta dah."

"No f---ing way," murmured Amy.

Not only was it alive, it was thriving. Green, perky leaves and everything. Ciara stood there, open mouthed as the boy got up.

"I need the paper by the weekend," he said cheerfully, trailing his hand across her cheek as he walked by.

V5 Second Announcement
3 hours to deadline for those without extension.

4 days granted to Deamon

V5 Second Announcement
we spoke, two days granted

V5 Second Announcement
Toben's extension granted due to moving

V5 Second Announcement
Aura: Elaborate? What do you mean that the thread is still clearing out?

Solitair: You need to ask for a specific amount of days extension.

Writing SOTF into one story
RC, the reason Toben was able to make Evo into one continuous story is because it started with only 20 people and if I recall, at least four of those were quickly inactive killed. It was a very small amount of people to tackle.

V1 is much larger and I dont think it's compatible to that sort of format because of the amount of characters.

Subtleties of Swap and Hero cards
People have refused them in the past.

Someone wanted to hero for RJ Lowe I believe. His handler felt his story was done and refused the hero.

BDA Quote Nomination: Thread #2
This ran for longer than scheduled. Imma shut this down at the end of the day and put up a poll. Thanks everyone!

Emily Rose
Ares is ineligible to adopt due to having gone inactive in v4. Chase, if you relinquish your bid on Emily, Joey is yours. If not, you and Story will coin flip

Staff need to review handler records. Stand by

Disregard this message. Previous post is in effect.

Joey Grey
Ares is ineligible to adopt due to having gone inactive with Daniel Kensrue in v4. First in line is Chase, since she has no kids and has handled previously.

Staff need to review handler history. Stand by

Ares and Chase are of equal priority. This may go down to coin flip

Emily Rose
Lots of bids! Chase and Story are the first in line as they are both without children and have both handled kids in previous versions.

Chase, in your other bid, you are tied for first in line with Ares.

This might go down to a flip of the coin between you ladies. Lemme see what staff rules.

Edgar Tolstoff
Writing sample was fine, Edgar is Swirly's. Will be transferring over in a bit

Getting Motivated
I have a method of writing which is unusual and possibly not healthy, but it helps me.

Basically when I feel a feeling I write down what it feels like and use it for later if I find the situation where I will need it.


I was in an immense amount of physical pain once. I wrote down how I felt and it later got used when my character named Isabel was stabbed in v4.

I was really really hungry once so I wrote it down and it became one of my characters starving.

I was going insane from not having seen the sun for weeks so I wrote it down and it became a character going crazy in the tunnels.

When I can't think of what to post I use whatever I'm feeling. If you feel frustrated over writers block, write a frustrated character. If you feel guilty, write a guilty one.

Walk the Streets so Mean
Mara went back to the bag. Boys clothes that wouldn't fit her. Boy's deodorant. Other junk she didn't want. She had to go back and get her own bag, if only to be surrounded by her own things in this horrible place. "Listen Finn," she began. "I'm going to go back and get my bag. I stowed it on the first day which wasn't a good idea," she admitted, somewhat quietly.

"It'll be easier if I go on my own. I'll meet you tomorrow night." Mara remove the map from the bag and rolled it out on the bench, jabbing her finger to a location. "I'll meet you there. I'll need to move in the daytime so I can see things and won't miss the bag , but you try to travel at night so people won't see you. Find a building, board yourself up and sleep during the day if you can."

Mara squeezed his hand with her uninjured one for a few seconds before zipping the bag back up and getting up to leave. "Don't stand me up."

((Mara Montalvo continued in Out of the Frying Pan))

Walk the Streets so Mean
Nina started giving some speech or something. Everyone dies, being really hot wasn't going to help her. She disagreed with that last point as being hot had already saved her life once. The rest was not new information.

"And yet she does what I asked and leaves anyway." She felt her shirt, which was now dry enough. She picked it up, carefully put her injured hand through the sleeve and buttoned it halfway up. Mara
didn't want the semi-damp cloth to be very tight against her skin.

"Thank God she's gone. What is it with these people? I'm stuck on an island of morons!" she groaned.

The truth was Nina's rant had the opposite effect of what she intended. Only one could go home. Mara wasn't as scared as she was before. She'd proved she was capable. She had no idea what she'd faltered, why she thought she wouldn't be able to take care of herself. She always had. She would be just fine.

Mara swept the hair away from her face and flipped it, sending water droplets everywhere. She'd show everyone back home, Rebeca and mother and father, that she of course could handle herself. Of course.

Edgar Tolstoff
Hey dollface,

Thanks for that. You're first in line due to the priority rules as a newbie who's been around a bit with no characters. As per rules, if you could send a writing sample to SOTF_Help that would be lovely. We just need a little something that would be like what your first post with Edgar would be were we to award him to you. Thnx!