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What Could Have Been
Ehhhh, alrighty. What could have been *screen goes wavy*

Ethan Kent as a villain: So I originally pitched the generator plan to the mods a few weeks after I joined around like, July I think. I didn't hear back from them by the time v4 started so I was like "Oh well, I guess they didn't like it. I'll try to make Ethan a villain since I don't know what to do with him." This accounts for why he was such a creeper his first two threads. Eventually the mods said I could go ahead with the generator plan and I had to make him a little less hateable after The Manslut the Cocktease and the Lover. I'm actually sort of pleased that he started as villainous because it made him this unlikable, cocky, pretty morally dark character who ended up saving a bunch of people. Especially because he did it for selfish reasons and doesn't give any fucks about the people he saved.

Rhory Anne and Ethan in The House of the Rising Sun: Okay, so the plan was to have Rhory Anne be Ethan's companion in the ranger station and she was going to be the one to build the generator after he died. That's why Ethan and Rhory had a past together. However, I'd fallen in love with Feo so the plan changed to have both ladies. James went away though and Feo became the sole companion to finish the job.

Isabel is suicidal and tortured: Isabel was supposed to become hopelessly depressed and become suicidal. There's a little of that in the beginning, but the mods recommended I have someone still in on the generator plan after Ethan went KABOOM and she was the best candidate left from my characters so she got sent to the escape plan and there wasn't much time for her to be suicidal. I also thought it might be interesting to see her get tortured at some point because there's just so much you could do with someone afraid of touch, but I never really went anywhere with that.

Nick as a creepy heartless killer: This was just stupid. Glad it didn't happen.

Nick jumps with Jessica in The City on the Edge of Forever: I never imagined Nick would outlive Jessica so I had a plan to kill him that involved her when he was rolled. The problem was that he never was rolled and when she was set to die I wanted him to die with her. He was supposed to die unrolled by jumping with her. A few people who knew my plan talked me out of it, so he's still alive.

How do you come up with your character names?
Sally from v4, Jeanette from TV, Kendra Gregory and Michael Sechooler from Program, Taryn Gregory from Evo and the future Michelle Weschler in v5- All named after people I know because they were based on people I know. I'm lazy.

Ethan Kent v4: Based on my real friend, Ethan Stark. We have a Stark on the board though and I didn't want a confusing mess so I named him Kent after Clark Kent because he gets the whole "Tony Stark" thing a lot in real life and I thought it'd be funny to just give him a different super hero last name.

Isabel Guerra v4- What my mother wanted to name me but my dad's pretty stupid and I got named Victoria instead. Guerra is my mother's maiden name and a pretty common Hispanic name.

Nick LeMonde v4 - Off the top of my head. His real life counterpart is named Drew LaFountaine so I wanted something short for the first name and something French for the last. LeMonde I thought was funny because it just means "The world" in French and due to the nature of the game, he had to die, so it would be "the end of the world." Har har har, I'm hilarious.

Amaranta "Mara" Montalvo v5: The real life Amaranta is named "Rosa" but because we had a pretty prominent Rosa in v4 I thought I should change it. Amaranta is a character from the book 100 Years of Solitude which is the real Amaranta's favorite book and it's a unique name so I went with it. Montalvo was her mother's maiden name.

Paris Arden: Uh, real Paris is named Sasha so I wanted another feminine name and I rather dislike Paris from the Illiad and rather dislike Sasha so I thought it was a good fit. Arden after the Ardens forest in France because he's part French.

Friends, How Many of Us . . . Yes it's one of those posts.
Mara's a popular, sexy lady. I see no reason why she should not be friends with Starshine, another popular sexy lady. Sign me up.

Friends and Relations
Well, I already said Michelle would be frands with Regan so all systems go!

Handler: Ruggahissy
Dates Away: August 22 to August 26
Days Away: 5
Reason for Away: Driving up to the bay area to visit my mother.
Characters: Nick LeMonde. Taryn Gregory on the mini.

Glitter & Rot
Nick looked steadily at the girl. She didn't look to worse for the wear. She was alone and wandering the decaying building, lost among the debris. There she was, though. Josie had that same pretty face, but it was marked with the trauma and the lack of food and sleep that marked them all. He lowered the tranquilizer rifle so that it pointed straight into the ground. He blinked and it took a moment for the message from his brain to reach his mouth. It felt like he was trying to think through molasses. Nick was so drained. He was numb and his emotions were only left in shades of grey.

"I'm not hurt," she said gruffly. He was so loud and boisterous before. Nick was the one who yelled loudest at all the sporting events. The power was zapped from his throat.

He looked at his hands and saw them covered in blood for a moment, as they had been after Mike.

"Few cuts on my hands. That's just 'cause I'm clumsy. I had this weird thing with like, three different blades on a stick. Took me a while to learn not to keep playing with it. I'm just a big dummy is all. You know-"

He took a deep breath and the dust of the room got stuck in his throat. He coughed and sputtered, dropping the rifle and putting his hands on his thighs and bending down. He looked back up with water in his eyes.

"I- sorry. It's just that I-"

He laughed. It was a hollow little laugh borne from his frustration. It tailed into a sad, quiet moment. He carefully picked Jessica's rifle off of the floor and cradled it.

"I'm a murderer. I want to make up for it. For her," he said as his fingers ran over the rifle.

"Alex....I heard her name on the announcements I think, during the death announcements one of the days. Jessica..."

His eyes shifted away from the rifle and towards the darkness that wasn't lit up by the flashlight. He sucked in some air through his teeth as he felt a pang in his chest.

"Jessica died. She knew that we both couldn't win and so she jumped off a cliff. The only way we could stay together is if we died. I stayed behind for a little because....I have to make it up."

Nick lifted his head and studied Josie for a moment. Even on a good day he wasn't very good and knowing what people were thinking, and this was far from a good day. He acknowledged to himself that he'd never be able to read anyone for feelings or thoughts and probably would never be able to from this point on. There was hardly enough will and energy in him to try and wrap his head around his own feelings. He did the only thing he knew how to do to comfort people. He offered food.

"How are you? Are you alright? Are you hungry?"

Glitter & Rot
((Nick LeMonde continued from The City on the Edge of Forever))

Stumbling, lost and alone.

The end is quickly approaching. The end is near.

All this while we carry on.

This isn't the time to be alone.

Nick had been moving forward, now with the tranq rifle in his hands. The katana and the hunga munga were packed away in his bag. It was the last thing of Jessica's. He hadn't remembered until after he woke up how much he hated to be alone. He didn't even like eating lunch alone. In the residential district there was a movie theater. He quickly turned away from it. He'd never been to the movies alone either; it felt unnatural to stand in front of the movie theater by himself.

He kept walking down the road. The town felt like a mockery. He couldn't imagine someone growing up here, going down to the crumbling theater or the dirty grocery market on the weekend. In the distance, something caught his eye. A bright flash of red was moving against the gray backdrop. It vanished inside the building.

"Oh wow," he whispered, flatly.

It was the first thing he'd said when he saw that bright shock of red hair all that time ago. He sounded so different now than he had back in school at the library, sitting next to a girl who was working on her English project. He was so vibrant and helpful. Willing to help a sweet girl who'd knocked over a shelf of books.

The sadness became thick in his throat when he thought of Jess. Nick shook his head and walked to the building. When he stepped in it was pitch black. He took out a flash light and illuminated the room and the girl.

The City on the Edge of Forever
Nick sat staring out over the cliff at the ocean. He didn't look back at Teo during his good bye. His eyes seemed to be glazed, as if they were staring off into forever.

Teo was right, he had made a mistake. He realized now that when he was Jessica, he was the best of himself. He was caring and warm and gentle and kind and he felt like he was home again. Jessica made him the best that he was. Maybe that's what love is. Maybe real love is two people that make each other the absolute best version of themselves possible.

Teo was the opposite of that feeling. With Teo, Nick realized he was always trying to live up to some expectation and always falling short. He wasn't fast enough, he wasn't ruthless enough or strong enough for what Teo wanted. All those things that Jessica loved about him were weaknesses to Teo and it made him so angry that he had thought it was important to try and prove himself to this other person just because he approached him and wanted to form a partnership. Not being good enough, he didn't like that feeling. He made him believe there was only one way home and Jessica taught him there was another way. Home wasn't a place in St. Paul, it was a feeling, and when he was with her, he felt it.

All the same, it was nice that Teo didn't want to have to be the one to kill Nick and so he was choosing to go off on his own.

"I hope you find your way back home" Nick called to him.

He lay back and closed his eyes. He woke up some time later, alone. He didn't really want to leave this place that was so full of memories. He felt like maybe he hadn't appreciated all those things he had before now. There were cameras. Did he have something to say?

Nick looked up at one of the ubiquitous cameras.

"I love you."

It was for his family, but also for her, whom he never said it to. It was for everyone who'd lost someone in this game and for everyone who would still.

He picked up his pack and Jessica's and walked.

((Nick LeMonde continued in Glitter and Rot))

July "Midmonth" Rolls
"Blah blah blah, you suck" *DEAD*

This Side of Paradise
She brought the gun out from behind her just as Peter turned to face her again. Maybe he wanted to say something before he left. Who knew? She was standing there with a gun for what seemed like forever, but couldn't have been more than a second when he took aim at her and fired. The shot shook the whole cabin and rang in her ears. Another shot came, just after the first.

Mary-Ann would never come to know that the second shot was from her. The reaction of the loud noise Peter had made caused to her squeeze the trigger when she flinched. Her shot lodged harmlessly into a wall at hip level.

There wasn't even enough time for her to let out the breath she'd been holding in when Peter let a volley of shots off. A few points on her torso stung intensely. The pain pulsed and grew out from the points of contact just like the blood. Mary-Ann whimpered. She looked down at the blood streaming from her wounds and out of instinct, she put her hands over two of the three holes, trying to keep the blood in. It wasn't enough. Her eyes watered and she sputtered garbled words that weren't English. It hurt so much she wanted to scream, but nothing was coming out. Mary-Ann gasped and slowly she crumpled to the floor, weak, dizzy and overwhelmed.

"Sh-shut the fuh-fuck up," she finally pushed out.

She was dying and she knew it. There was nothing left to lose now.

"I don't want your prayers. I hope you burn," she warbled. "I've never even been in a fight before and you're a murderer. Which one of us doesn't deserve to be saved?"

Hush. Close your eyes.

Tears spilled out the corner of her eyes. She was staring straight up at the ceiling on her back. She could hear his foot steps as he got closer to her. She swallowed and saw him come into her field of vision, standing above her.

She could hardly breathe with the pain. It wouldn't be long. She was done. This was just the last bit before the end. She'd said good bye to her family before she left on the trip. She gave her parents hugs and smiles. They would be proud of how she handled herself, given the situation. All of her friends were dead. RJ was dead. RJ....she was sad that she'd disappointed him by not going on to have that great life he wanted for her. Maybe the next time 'round, if there was such a thing. The only regret she had was the delusional child staring down with her. He was no one to judge her.

"You're a coward," she said as she cried. "It's you. You can't blame me or God. Take responsibility."

"'You're so twisted and sick you think you're the hero. You can't save anyone. I don't accept your apolo-"

Mary-Ann was aware of a the start of a very loud noise, very close to her. Her brain, blood and bone fragments painted the floor next to her in an arc. She stared with wide eyes and lay still in her dreamless sleep.


The City on the Edge of Forever
Nick fell like a sack of bricks. Someone yanked him backwards while he was lost in his thoughts and in moments he was staring up at the sky, flat on his back. The sun had finally risen and cast an orange glow over the island. He was pulled out of his daze slightly when he realized someone else's limbs were sprawled on him and scrambling to collect themselves.

Teo was next to him, mouthing off angrily and getting back up. Nick sat up but did not move to stand.

"Shut up. You're a jerk," he mumbled.

"Jessica's g-"

His voice cracked. He stopped, coughed and cleared his throat. A few more tears fell from his eyes. "She's gone."

This Side of Paradise
Mary-Ann put one foot in front of the other. Heel to toe. Her steps bent and pushed against the wood floor, making it creek and groan under her delicate steps. She walked right up to Peter. Now the gun was just a few steps behind her.

She put a hand up to his cheek and ran her thumb just under his eye to wipe away and stray tears that might have made it past.

He's waiting.

At that moment she wished now more than ever that RJ was still with her. He would have known what to do. He would have had a plan and he could make her see it would be okay.

She gazed up into his eyes as though she was looking for something. Her eyebrows came up, knitting together and her lips trembled a bit.

"Go on, then," she whispered.

His gun had dropped to his side. He was turning to leave. Maybe she could grab the gun and crawl out the window. May-Ann was still so tired. The thought of having to escape the hut was daunting.

"I'll be here," she lied.

Peter was headed for the door. With his back turned, she edged towards her gun on the night stand. One step backwards, two steps backwards, three. The back of her leg hit the little table and she put her hand backwards. There it was.

Mary-Ann grabbed the gun off the table.

Favorite anime?
James XD


Revolutionary Girl Utena (see avatar.....and like, 5 of my old avatars....and my sig <_< ) Lupin III, Trigun, though it's got flaws left right and center, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and



Sailor Moon >_<


The City on the Edge of Forever
A flash of hesitation.

Give me one more minute.

I just want one more.


He reached out to grab her, but she was already flying. His fingers brushed against the last few whips of her hair, fluttering behind her, weightless.

Like waking up from a dream, she was gone in an instant. He came to his senses for long enough to remember to tell her that important thing he wanted to say.

"Wait for me, Jess!" he shouted after her.

He'd be with her soon. He just had some things to take care of first. But then they'd be together. He found he didn't care so much about going home anymore. He was home when he was with her.

Jessica disappeared under the waves. He hadn't noticed until now, but he seemed to be crying. He could just make out the drops rolling over his cheek and out of his vision. He shook and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Soon. I'll find you again. And then we'll be happy," he tried to convince himself. He couldn't breathe. He sniffed and choked, coughing violently. For a moment he thought he might throw up.

It felt empty without being able to touch her. The slight smell of lavender was still on his shirt from her holding onto him tightly. He closed his eyes, looked down and sobbed quietly, holding his own hand and imagining it was hers.

This was the whole point of him staying behind. To suffer. To make up for the suffering he'd caused. He was willing to stay behind in this hell if there was a chance that after, maybe they'd find a way back to each other again.

My lap top's wireless card is dead and I was forced to watch as a gang of wild iphones ripped it pieces.

I'm currently using an old USB wireless adapter and that seems to be working, but it's a bit pokey so cancel the away and I give all my love hearts to Dom for the message.

This Side of Paradise
He's insane. More than me. More than even Hayley maybe.

She stared up at him. He was trying to twist this into something where it was her choice and if she chose to die, she would die and it was out of his hands. He didn't want the blame. He wanted to think he'd done an act of mercy. She realized now that he meant to kill her and it didn't make a difference what she said to him. He was just waiting for the right moment to be absolved of blame and if they were trapped in this house long enough, the moment would come.

If she suddenly shouted to the heavens that she wanted to live more than anything else and would fight off anyone and spun all the things he wanted to hear, he'd assume it was a desperate last pitch of a broken girl and shoot her anyway. She had no more energy and even if she left the hut alive, she was certain she'd die right after. She had been wondering when they'd come to kill her and now she knew. If she was going to die, she was going to put her best face forward.

So she was going to go out her way. Mary-Ann wasn't going to let him have anything.

"You don't get to decide what I deserve," she said softly.

Now it was him who was tearing up. He was breathing hard and his hands were constricting.

"I don't want to have to do this," he choked.

She shakily stood up, though her gaze was solid.

"You don't have to do anything. You want to."

The gun was on the other side of the bed on the night stand. If she jumped across the bed and managed not to get shot, there was a chance.

The City on the Edge of Forever
Nick smiled just a tiny bit when she pulled him up. It was like she was hurrying him to a picnic or something. They were going to be late if he didn't get up and she was pulling him and wearing that lovely smile. She was telling him she loved him over the camp fire and balloons and celebrations they were supposed to be at. Graduation trip. Congrats, grads!

Before he realized it, his eyes were filling with tears. He almost never cried.

She deserved only good things. Jessica was tugging him up by the hand and he followed her. She was dirty and smelled of the earth and sweat, but there was that thin scent of lavender from her shampoo still.

"I want you to be happy."

They stood at the edge of the cliff looking down at the ocean. His hand was on the small of her back. She was going to get that dream of heaven. He, however, was a murderer. If they died together now, they'd be apart for the rest of eternity. If he had any hope of going with her, he had to stay. He had to atone and suffer for what he'd done. He knew she wouldn't go alone though. She'd only go if he went with her.

He had to let go of her now if she was going to keep that wonderful spirit and innocence before the game had a chance to steal it.

He would die. He just had to make up for things first.

The sun was rising. He squeezed her hand briefly and then let go.

The Top 25
Nick's in good shape. A few cuts on his hands are all that can be counted in injuries. A little dirty and a little tired, but he cleaned up the blood and changed shirts so he's lookin' alright. Might be looking a little dazed and a little sad though, he might not have physical wounds BUT MAN THE EMOTIONAL ONES.

Er, best quote thought thing I could found.

"No. It's not me. It's the game."

This Side of Paradise
Mary-Ann was sobbing into the dirty sheets she'd fallen over with when she heard a click. It was familiar. It was the sound of the safety being flicked off. She swallowed and looked up, quiet and serious with her tear streaked face.

A wooden cross dangled from around his neck as he gesticulated and shouted at her. She was so tired and now she'd hit the point where anything she had left was drained by the emotional torrent she'd let out. It was comfortable now, and numb. It felt like there was cotton on her ears and someone had turned up the gray in the room.

"Peter...." she mouthed slowly.

"Peter....there was a Peter. On the announcements. More than once, I remember. Girls that you killed."

Her hands folded down and she dropped the dirty sheet. Mary-Ann had fallen on the opposite side of the bed from her gun on the night stand. She was open and vulnerable. There was not going to be any lucky break if he decided to end her.

"I want to live," she said steadily. "But I don't have any life left in me. I wasn't made to withstand this. I had a good life with people who loved me and friends and hobbies. I didn't have hardships. I was a sweet girl who couldn't tell a boy she liked him. Not brave enough even for that. With that sort of background of comfort and love, how could I ever have made it through this?"

Her eyes were trained on him, though they were still glazed and watery. Her dirty hair was stuck to her cheeks.

"God won't help you. He doesn't have anything to do with it. If you kill me, it's you who chose to do it and he's got no say."

The City on the Edge of Forever
He was startled when she'd grabbed his face and turned him to her. She'd never been this aggressive before with him, or really with anything, ever. She was manic. Her eyes were wide and fierce, drilling into his.

Her grip was possessive and scared. They'd switched. Before he'd held on tight to her, afraid that she'd run when he found out what he did. He was a murderer. Now she was digging into him, trying to make sure they were never separated. If she held on tight enough, death wouldn't part them.

Her earnest pleadings were tinged with the desperation of a wild animal, but there could be nothing more honest than something wild and scared. There was no deception in her and upon analysis of her words, she was correct.

They could never stay together as they were. The game was the game, only one could live. If they wanted to stay together, they had to die. She didn't want the game to change and warp them. If they were killed, they would win out over the game. What was the purpose of the game other than to turn everyone in monsters?

Nick wasn't sure there was a point to trying to save him. He'd already been twisted into something terrible. Jessica was still good, though. She could still be saved and kept as the girl from back home. She was all that home was.

In death, there was freedom. Beyond the darkness was the dream of heaven.

"We can't both survive," he said quietly to the girl who was inches from his face.