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James Ford
This character has been abandoned at the handler's request. It is eligible for re-submission at any time.

Introduction Thread
RU PAUL'S DRAG RACE SHANGELA.



I like this person. Hallelu

SotF Minecraft Server!
Yes sir

Magic Man
((Start Paris Ardennes))

Paris put his hand on the metal handle of the school building door and pulled, smiling at he walked in. He had been helping some of the kids who were running for student council by making posters with them. He was a helpful guy.

His guitar was slung over his back with a strap crossing his chest and his jacket with flung over his back as well, hanging by a few fingers. He turned and saw a few girls waving. He looked down, took his sunglasses off, smiled slightly back at them and put the glasses in his pocket.

A playful girl had thrown glitter on him while they were working. He swept his hair to the side and it glinted slightly. The girls giggled.

He passed another group of people. The boys acknowledged him with a tip of the head and he did the same. The girls turned to one another and said something he couldn't hear.

Paris walked with a spring in his step to the Auditorium. It was lunch now, so a few kids were hanging around but he didn't mind. He unpacked his guitar and began practicing.


High Fashion, High Prices
One of Mara's well groomed eye brows arched slightly listening to Stacy. She motioned to the black dress and Mara folded her arms across her chest and motioned her head towards the garment with a bit of a shrug. She smiled.

"It's is nice, isn't it? Sexy."

She tilted her head to the right, to the left and stood up straight again looking at the dress.

"Not hoochie though, right? I don't want the announcer asking the judges to give a big round of applause for Candy on the main stage."

She looked to the other girls for an opinion. Quickly she glanced at her phone as was her habit and then shoved it nervously back into her pocket.

And just then by chance Kat walked up. She gave an assessment of her thoughts on the dress and just as Miranda was saying the obvious, that of course it wasn't for school, Mara's eyes lit up and she hip checked Miranda

"Shhh, let's have some fun" she whispered quickly to Miranda.

She stood up straight again and shot a quick look of warning to Stacy.

"Yeah. I'm looking for something to wear to the next student council fund raiser and I've got my eye on a special someone."

She pulled the black dress and grabbed a pair of pink lucite heels with a big sparkly platform.

"What do you think?" she said sincerely as she held the two out at Kat.

Rosemary Michaels
Everything checks out : )

APPROVED

Have you already planned deaths?
I ended up only having one planned death in v4 and it wasn't really planned until about two months into the game (Ethan's collar exploding thing).


I found most of my deaths came about as a result of the circumstances my characters happened to be in at the time they got rolled and who it made the most logical sense to kill them based on who was around. I was pretty happy with them so I guess the method works for me. And it comes off as natural in a way. Sometimes I think of neat ideas for ways for them to be killed off but I learned so early on that pretty much anything I plan falls apart that I resigned myself to just playing it by ear because I guess the universe doesn't want me to plan things. But not planning has it's own merits, like making you fit the death into the situation you're in which makes it feel more flowing with events.



Uhhhh I'm not sure i have a flagship this go around. Last time I sort of had one but she was taken out sort of early relative to my other characters so I ended up attaching to them more since they lasted longer. This time I just sort of view them equally. Except the boy because I'm sexist.



Rosemary Michaels
Thanks Formatting Fairy!


I'm RUGGAHISSY and I've already weirded you out before so you know who I am! I'll be your moderator for this critique.

The profile is temporarily denied pending a few additions but let me say a bit before we get into this.

It's clear you went through and looked at other approved profiles before submitting this one. Were it not for a bit more detail missing from it I was tempted to send it through without any alterations which is somewhat unusual for a new person. This is a very well thought out profile and I wanted to commend you on it, especially being your first one for this site. : )


Also I have a weak spot for girls who swim since I was one <_____<


ON TO THE THING I'M SUPPOSED TO DO

Interests: Since Rosemary is on the swim team can you put that in place of "swimming"? We have a big ol' list of all the sports teams and clubs so people know who their characters team mates are so if a character is on a team or club we ask you put it in the interests and hobbies section so we can easily see at a glance what lists to add them too.

Appearance:

- Can you be a bit more specific on her body type besides just "good proportions"?
- How long exactly is her hair? I'm under the impression that the gold and red bits are dyed. Are they?

Biography

- Why did Rosemary keep the fact that she was being bullied from her parents?
- How did Rosemary feel when her parents kept her inside after her brother's death?
- A little more about how she gets on with her parents would be nice.
- Where do her trust issues come from?
- Does she have an eventual career goal?
- Again, how does she feel about her parents keeping her close to home?
- A little more on her personality would be nice.



That's it. It's very minimal and once again I'm impressed with the work done so far. Post in the thread when the edits are done : )



James Ford
Howdy howdy. I'm Ruggahissy and I'll be your mod for today. James is temporarily Denied . Let us step up into prisoner 24601's cell for this one.


Appearance:

- Your character has no weight

- Your character has no eye color

- Your character has no descriptions of his facial features

- Why does his cycling muscle fade before the trip? Did he stop cycling to school for some reason? The trip takes place even before graduation so there is still the need to get to school


Biography

- What does Ken do for a living that they keep moving?

- How do James and his family get along? There's little to no information about James and his brother Tom and I only know that James shares interests with his parents.

"something he couldn't quite explain drew him to the British kind of football."

-I hate to go 'MURICA on you, but as John and his parents appear to be American (no contradicting information is presented) "British kind of football" should just be "soccer."

- What sort of jerk father moves his entire family's belongings into a new house without telling them? If they owned the last house, sold it and bought a new one for the family that's a huge financial decision he made seemingly without the input of his wife. If they rented, cut the lease and then got up a new lease at another rent place, that's still a big decision.

- I understand that his teachers don't care much about his grades as long as he keeps it as some sort of minimum requirement, presumably a C since that is passing, but what do his parents think about his grades tanking?

- My understanding of high school productions are that they are directed by the drama teacher. James is free to do technical work or performing, but not directing.

- I'd like more information about how James does in different subjects that aren't theater. What subjects does he like or excel at and conversely what subjects does he dislike or do poorly in?

- I find it unusual that there would be a problem finding an antagonist actor for a school play. Usually several people try out for parts and those that aren't awarded the parts they tried out for are sometimes awarded other parts with the idea they would be better suited for the other part.

- In addition to that I'm confused as to how James would run a technical part of the productions such as lights while also being an actor since those actions take place at the same time in the play.

- You mention at the end that the stress of the last few weeks has taken a toll on James' usually chipper demeanor but this is the first time I've heard anything at all about his demeanor. More about his personality would be nice. What is his world view? Is he a pessimist? An optimist? Does he have a good sense of humor? Is he selfish? Is he generous? I don't know very much about James' personality.


Alrighty, content is out of the way. Now we need to have a talk about your grammar.


When you separate a part of a sentence with commas, like this, then it's a separate nonessential adjective clause.

You have sentences that run on for far too long with adjective clauses tacked on with commas that make it pretty arduous to read. Some examples:

"In terms of fashion, James typically wears colourful and interestingly designed clothes, usually purples and blues, though red, orange and green aren't rare sights in his wardrobe either."

Might be easier to read as:

"In terms of fashion James typically wears colorful and interestingly designed clothes. He usually wears purples and blues though red, orange and green aren't rare sights in his wardrobe."


"In the months leading up to high school, a summer vacation trip to New York City - and, more importantly, Broadway - sparked the young man's interest in musical theatre, too, which would later grow to occupy much of his time and indeed aspirations"

can be made into:


In the months leading up to high school, James went on a summer vacation trip to New York City and most importantly Broadway. This sparked the young man's interest in musical theater that would later grow to occupy much of his time and aspirations.


"Both possessing a flair for showmanship, they would often work together on artistic projects, everything from vocal exercises to composition, as Aidan attempted - later successfully - to bring a band together and James started to shine on the school stage as a singer and actor."

Instead becomes:

The boys possessed a flair for showmanship and would often work together on artistic projects from vocal exercise to compositions. Aiden later decided to bring a band together and James started to shine on the school state as a singer and actor.



Please go through your profile and try to fix the amount of run-on sentences so that it's easier to read.



Kay, post when the edits are done : )

V5 Captaincy/Student Government Positions
Erm,


Amaranta Montalvo for Vice President



I'll throw in a request for Michelle Weschler as captain of the girl's swim team but if there is anyone else at all who wants it, I'm happy to step down.

SOTF v4 Mafia: Fallout thread
I'm going to echo the "Having a lyncher hunger for mafia blood is sort of unfair to us" sentiment and the "Putting too much in the flavor about the serial killer getting block kindda screwed her" sentiment. I'd be kindda frustrated if I were Namira too.

SOTF v4 Mafia: Fallout thread
I am kindda dissatisfied with the way this mafia went. Especially with the inclusion of the Saulus.


In the mafiascum wiki it specifically states that Saulus SHOULD NOT be aware of who the mafia are, so the Saulus acts just as a Judas would. If a Judas is turned scum, he doesn't know who the other scum are.

If a Saulus KNOWS who the other mafia are, he can simply throw suspicion on all the mafia every lynch phase.

Not only that, but Chib was pretty much sabotaging the mafia. Whirly and I were just working on the assumption that he was a suck mafia player and trying to deal with the damage but it turns out that he was working against us, which would explain things like when he threw the suspicion on Laurels the day when Laurels was lynched when I told him not to do that and then yelled at him about it later in the mafia chat room.

I'm a good sport when the town gets me fair and square, like my lynch which was achieved with the help of the insane cop. But Whirly got super shafted at the end. He might have been able to go it alone but Chib pretty much saying "I'm a Saulus, Whirly is the mafia" ends the game sort of like "....well....I guess he's mafia. Game over. Thanks for ruining it, fun ruiner."


I can't really blame Chib for any of this though because heck, he was just doing his job. Except for when he doomed us at the end. There's no real way to fix that once it's done though. Which.....is why he probably shouldn't have been able to know who the scum were




The Lovers:

Myself and some other people are like "....then what was the point of the lovers at all?" I felt it was sort of anticlimactic for there to be lovers and have them not do anything. And I thought it was even weirder for the lovers to be Hayley and Kyle vs. Hayley and Ema who Hayley spent more time with and cared more about.




My personal opinion was that the cast was sort of underwhelming. I wasn't a fan of the inclusion of a character who'd never made it to v4 proper.



Gavin Hunter
Sorry about that, finals week sort of swallowed my time. Gavin is looking much better! Few things though:


- Why is he so pale?

-How do kids react to his strange dress and constant glove wearing?

"His hair is always carefully combed, and he takes five minutes out of break to straighten and adjust it."

- I'm slightly confused here. Which breaks? Does he do it every five minutes and takes a break to do it?

- About his accent, can you mention that he makes a purposeful effort to speak in such a way since I asked that previously?

RUGGAHISSY OF THE PAST

- As a baby he can't sleep. I looked it up and 6 month old babies sleep about 14 hours a day. If your baby ISN'T sleeping, parents need to do something in order to change that. It's very bad and needs to be addressed by the parents.


END FLASHBACK


Erratic sleeping is fine cause babies are a nuisance like that sometimes, but they have to sleep.

- I like the expansion on the siblings. Can I get some ages?

- Celiac Disease. This is what I found:

Following a gluten-free diet heals the damage to the intestines and prevents further damage. This healing most often occurs within 3 - 6 months in children, but it may take 2 - 3 years in adults.

It's rare that someone would still have pain afterward so after about a year of not eating gluten products, Gavin should be alright. Unless he is noted as one of the rare cases.

"His preference for older female company over male can be traced back to this relationship."

-Slightly confused again. Does this means he prefers the company of females to males or he prefers the company of older females?

- You say he's on the school debate team. Could you please add that to the top where the interests and hobbies are so the staff team can easily see it an add him to the list of kids on the debate team? Thanks : )

- It might be good to add to his disadvantages things about how he doesn't connect well with others or understand people very well.




OKAY. This is a step in the right direction, totally. He's a lot better than he was. You can probably tell because this is the shortest critique thus far. Post it when you've got it and for the love of all things, please don't PM me when it's edited unless you have a question.


The General SOTF Discussion Thread
Ermmm romances:

None of the romances I've ever been engaged with followed that structure, weirdly enough. I guess it's because none of my characters are well adjusted enough to just fall in love with someone like that.

Those sorts of romances bore me. And they bug me too. I don't like that it doesn't occur to some of these couples that "Hey, maybe I only THINK I'm in love with this person so quickly because I'm scared. Maybe it's not real." No, it's always love <3

I explained this to Toben a bit ago. It's the Suspension Bridge theory. Two people are standing on a suspension bridge. A man sees a woman on the other side. His heart starts racing because he's on a tall suspension bridge that wobbles and he's scared but as he looks at the woman, he assumes his heart racing is because of her and figures he's in love.

Fear often tricks people into thinking they have an attachment to someone. That's why so many people take dates to scary movies. But not often is the validity of these feelings explored by the kids.

If that for of romance is all a character has going, it's not room for much growth unless there's a problem in the couple. I guess that's why I made my couples so....dysfunctional >_>


Waking up:

I open my eyes. OW THE SUN. Am I on SOTF D: ? Yes, I am.


I also got sort of tired writing these because every time I do I feel like I was playing a game of Candyland and just got sent back to the start of the board. I'm sort of with Outfoxd. By the time I got to my last v4 kid waking up I just started the post with him walking around and briefly mentioned that he found a weapon in his bag on waking up. It sort of allows you to skip over.

Clouds Up
((Sorry for the slow. Finals week ate my life @_@))

Michelle looked at Amy and Amy seemed to be similarly confused by Yaz. The waitress set down the brownie and Michelle leaned across the table to grab Yaz's hand.

"Hey yeah, you can come with us! Kami and I are probably going to go in a group, you should come! It really takes down the limo cost when there's more people to split with. And you can get dressed up and look fancy and prove to your kids that you were hot in your young days!"

She looked at Amy and nodded. "Uh hu, you wanna?"

Home is Where the Heart Isn't
((Sorry for slow. Finals ate my life))

Michelle's fingers were twisting up the quilt square. Her long lashes half hid her eyes and she looked down at the slight space between her hands and Kam's. She listened to the other girl and when she stopped the sound of kids playing red light, green light carried on the slight wind from not far off.

"You should do what you want," she said finally. "If your family decides that the can't deal, then maybe you won't see them for awhile, but I think that they'll miss you and then they'll come back. I don't know how long that will take, but until then, I'll be your family. Just until they come back. Okay?"

Michelle took the garland of willow branches, leaves and blue flowers off and placed it gently on top of Kam's head.

SOTF v4 Mafia, Game Thread
I'm not sure if it's Decoy being purposefully clever or an accident but I was the one (Autumn) who looted Staffan's body and took his dynamite in the game XD.



Welp, that will teach you all the lesson I've known for awhile which is never to trust Swedes. Why do you think Ikea furniture breaks so often?


Good luck everyone!


Introduction Thread
So did I O_O


Very cool though!

Introduction Thread
Ohhhhhhhhh

Welcom Skinflies! You aren't too late at all! We are happily taking applications. And no worries at all, we've had people in the past who haven't had English as their first language but based on the introduction you seem to do quite well : )

May I ask what your first two languages are?

SOTF v4 Mafia, Game Thread
I'm a head ache for the both of you so it's beneficial all around to do a team work run and have mafia kill me at night and the town kill me in the morning.



I'm so useless ;~;