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Ramble Grant
I AM COMING BACK FROM AWAY JUST TO LET YOU IN.


Looks good. : )




APPROVED

Away
Handler: Ruggasomething
Dates Away: March 30th to April 5th
Days Away: 6
Reason for Away: Flying to New Hampshire for spring break to see Ricky cause I didn't just see him last week.
Characters: Michelle Weschler, Amaranta Montalvo

SOTF v4 Mafia, Game Thread
Okay, Vinny as Simon clears up the third killer from two nights ago. So we have two killers, one of which was a boy who was thwarted by Toben.

@Rocky: I thought the second lover would die in the last night phase and assumed it was an oversight and the second lover would be killed during the night to come @_@. What would be the point of having a pair of lovers if nothing happens? Just giving them the name of lover? Unless the death of one gives the other a different function which I suppose could be if it was Ema and Hayley since it makes sense for their story. We'll have to keep an eye out.

I'm not sure if this is suspicious or just Slamexo being grumpy but his complaint that the flavor text was spoilery makes me think. The person who'd be most upset by the clue would be the one that was trapped because it puts us on his trail.

Just a thought.

Bacon, could you restate your Moonlight suspicions? I don't want to dig XD

SOTF v4 Mafia, Game Thread
"She had trapped the screaming boy" "cement truck" "suspicious since day one"

TobenLiz was locking a killer in their house with a cement truck!





SOTF v4 Mafia, Game Thread
Oh wait. This is REALLY bad. Wasn't one of the killers being roleblocked according to earlier fluff? What if Toben was blocking them O_O

SOTF v4 Mafia, Game Thread
PRESENT

So I guessed right when I suggested Hayley might be a lover. So the other half would be Ema? With one lover dead the other one will die tonight, at least that's how I remember lovers working. So I don't see why someone would claim that when the lover will be revealed soon.

From the fluff it looks like
-Two people gunned for Mr. Toben
- We've got a bullet proof townie

....I got a very familiar vibe from the dialog of our bullet proof =_=. Could be wrong

Introduction Thread
Oh goodness. I'm sure Mimi, our long time member, will like your name ^_^;. Welcome!

Veronica McDonald
Okay. I guess that's everything.

APPROVED

Veronica McDonald
......


even closer.




"She can fight as well, leading to many enemies at school."




RUGGAHISSY OF 15 MINUTES AGO

- In the end it says that she can fight. I'm glad that you took out her fighting in favor for more just being hot tempered and yelling, but now that doesn't make sense. So just remove that from the bottom.





So yeah. That'd be it >_>

Veronica McDonald
HOME

STRETCH



Thank you. I was given super flu by one of the other moderators. That should teach you that we, though we have blue names, are also just filthy disease ridden people like the rest. Only the red names are immune to the follies of mortals.


So close to being done. But you have a few things still to address.


RUGGAHISSY OF THE PAST~


She and her parents often get along, and she has those friendly sibling quarrels with them You say she gets along with her parents and has friendly sibling quarrels with them. There's a problem here. She has friendly sibling quarrels with her siblings. Change that to reflect it

So that's still there. It reads as you calling her parents her siblings still. Clarify that one so there's no confusion.

- In the end it says that she can fight. I'm glad that you took out her fighting in favor for more just being hot tempered and yelling, but now that doesn't make sense. So just remove that from the bottom.

- Her advantages don't mention her being able to run quickly which you would think would be an advantage seeing as....she's on the track team. Same for her hiking.


I think that's all that's left. Go get 'em, kid.


Gavin Hunter
APOLOGIES ALL AROUND. Kay, back now and sorry. So this would be your new critique! Here we go:



"His soft features are quite rounded in a way that implies recently lost weight."

So when you lose weight your face tends to look less rounded, not more so.



"Born March 1994 in London Hospital, he was conceived by an older couple named Sebastian and Juliet Hunter who had two other children that had long since moved out."

How old are his parents that they have two adult children by the time Gavin is born? Who are his siblings? Does he get along with them? What are their names?


"As an infant he almost never slept and was either extremely active or incredibly quiet and withdrawn, disliking attention and prefering to try things on his own. He also had an almost instinctual dislike of anyone who wasn't his parents."

Babies in general are fussy and dislike people who aren't their parents. Beyond that, they aren't aware enough to try things on their own. They're just little people blobs.


"It wasn't that he was stupid - in fact he was easily best in class at reading and writing, even copying the techniques of students several grades higher than his."

Kids can be bright, but being able to copy techniques of older students is problematic. Younger kids are never in the same class environment as the older ones so I don't know where he'd copy these techniques from. I'm also not really sure what "techniques" refers to.

"The Hunter family were naturally disturbed by their son's difficulties, and took him to several government psychologists. Although many of his symptoms corresponded exactly with those of Asperger's syndrome, they were reluctant to give an official diagnosis due to social stigma against the condition, instead classifying him as autistic and hyperactive. It was only after the move to America that the Hunters secured a private psychologist who confirmed their initial suspicions. In a moment of extreme irony, Gavin's quick diagnosis was mostly due to his own attempts to obfausticate the process then his actual displayed symptoms at the time. It was in fact this display of cleverness that first made Gavin question his own assumed superiority to his elders."


This paragraph has a few problems. One, government psychologists would not hesitate to give a patient a diagnosis. It makes no difference really so I don't know why you put that in there. Second, I don't understand why he'd try to alter the diagnosis. And third, how does a failed attempt to cheat the test show he has Asperger's?


"Despite his condition having been exposed, Gavin's primary school teachers still failed to get him to cooperate. All attempts to socialise him failed, and every failure made him more insular and unwilling to cooperate. Medication had almost no effect on him, and physical punishment just made him more determined to resist authority. The only people Gavin liked associating with were other disreputable characters from the school, and these other children led him into bad habits such as truancy and trespassing. It was obvious that conventional therapy was doing nothing for Gavin's condition, or at least so little that the bad influences he was subjected to in school were cancelling it out entirely. The move to America only brought further problems, as Gavin was nothing if not set in his ways, and completely refused to adapt to the altered social dynamic."

Teachers are usually trained to work with children who are Autistic or who have Asperger's. Is there a reason that he's being uncooperative even as a small child? Who is dishing out his physical punishment? I don't quite understand why Gavin likes the troublemakers either. Why would his parents move to America if they were trying to get him to learn to be social with a group of kids and then move him to a place he has to start over? You said the move was just for them to seek better employment opportunities. Do they do this at the detriment of their child?

"In the end they decided that mainstream education was not going to suddenly produce a miracle cure for their ailing child, and sought to have him removed from primary school and placed into home education. This was accomplished in short order, as his frustrated teachers were only too happy to get the problem child off their hands. Gavin left primary school for the last time in April, 2000."

This is gonna point back at one of the things BetaKnight asked for.

FLASHBACK TO BETAKNIGHT


*Screen goes wavy*


Pulling their son out of public school, where he is forced on a daily basis to socalize with others and learn to cope with situations outside of his control, and homeschool him in an exceedingly limited social environment with the expectations that he would "come to terms with himself" without the "interference of his peers...or society" leads me to believe that the Hunters really don't understand what Asperger's is. What made them think that this was the optimal solution for helping their son?


*Screen un-waves*


"Although their son was showing definite signs of improvement in his newly stress-free environment the Hunter parents knew that Gavin had little motivation to continue his academic studies without their help, and so the pair took it in turns to tutor him and encouraged him to engage in recreational pursuits that would keep his skills sharp. With his parents helping him, Gavin became steadily less emotionally defensive."

I feel like he'd be a bit emotionally and socially stunted if you were alone with only two much older people for contact. Ever.


"His ability to socialise was also improved by this contact with people besides his immediate family or friends."

What friends does he have? One tutor does not count as "people" or "friends."

"One of the few things that can break his later-life stoicism is the harm of animals, and one of the even fewer ways to truly spark his anger."

They live on a farm and his mother raises livestock. Do they never kill and eat the animals, as is normal for a farm? Sell the animals to be used as food?

"The internet was also where Gavin learnt many of his extracurricular skills, and where he discovered the world of guns. As a child, his father Sebastian had been interested in training with a gun, but was persuaded away from doing so by his staunchly pacifist wife. Gavin it seemed had inherited this interest, but even more intently. He found that his usual problems with mathematics, -an area where he had always gotten the lowest grade on in primary school- were markedly less pronounced when it came to dealing with equations related to firearms, and to a lesser extent ballistic physics in general. While his general comprehension and interest in higher mathematics remained low along with his grades, Gavin continued to excel in this small aspect of it."

I find it really odd that his father would be that interested in guns, especially if they are British originally and he's lived all of his life in Britain. Guns are illegal to own there so it's not something that would have been much of a presence for him to be interested. Also, how many math problems are there really that involve guns outside of physics? Not many that I remember. So this would not make up a significant amount of his math problems so as to note it.


"The Hunter family all knew that it would be nearly impossible for their youngest son, however skilled, to get a job placement if he had not at least gained his leaving certificate from secondary education. It was difficult to convince Gavin of this, but after much debate on the subject, he finally agreed to respect his parent's wishes. After much effort on behalf of their son, the Hunters managed to secure a place in Aurora high school, which was both the closest and most promising position for him. Aurora was an older school, with a more relaxed social atmosphere then more modern institutions. It was an ideal low-stress environment for somebody like Gavin to learn in."


The reason given here for sending him to school is to have a high school diploma so he could get a job. You can get a high school equivalency diploma by taking the GED test. No need to go to a regular high school. So I need a different reason for sending him since this one doesn't really hold water. Also.....I'm not really sure I like the description of Aurora. None of that is canon. The age of the school wasn't given (that I recall) nor is it more relaxed than any other high school. It's a normal high school. If it's the closest one, then fine, but not because it's more relaxed than any other school.


"His rigid and unchanging appearance marks him out in a world of constantly changing fashion trends and helps to maintain his own air of voluntary distance from his peers. Despite the visual evidence, Gavin tries not to be overly antisocial with his classmates and does his best to make at least preliminary contact with each and every one of them, allowing them to decide for themselves if they want to return his overtures. He also tries to be polite and respectful with everyone he meets, even people who otherwise avoid him for his oddities."

We've still got some leftover here from the other profile. You say that he has voluntary distance from peers but tries to be nice to peers. You know what that is called when you make contact and try to be nice and respectful? It's called FRIENDLY. Gavin is FRIENDLY. What prompts this friendliness? He hasn't, as far as I've seen, really spoken to anyone other than his parents or tutor in years. What motivates this?

Some other things:


Who are his friends now that he goes to high school and makes the effort to be friendly? What sort of people does he hang out with? How does he feel about girls? What are his aspirations for the future?


Well, you've actually made a good number of the changes that were asked of you before and Gavin is looking better. I actually question your need to have the Asperger's angel in there at all. Having him just be a shy kid who's not so social would pretty much achieve the same effect without having to go through all the Ritalin and the testing and would make me go "Hu @_@" less at the decision to take him out of school all together which only harms his condition. You could eliminate the home schooling, having him go to regular school for the duration like everyone else, and have him just be shy, but polite and thoughtful.

Give it a thought. Also post when you're ready!





The Mafia Waiting List
I'd like to put my name on the list for a Future Diary mafia : )


In development

Clouds Up
"Heee hee hee heee"

She sat giggling to herself. Michelle looked something of a spectacle, shaking and laughing her odd little laugh, interrupted every so often by a snort in her puffy, multicolored dress.

"Of course you get it! That's what's so great about it.!" she said to Yaz.

Amy was laughing too. She'd said it was wow. Michelle nodded happily.

"It's great right? Puns are the best. I have another one! What's green and has eight wheels?"


Another moment of pause.


"Grass! Just kidding about he eight wheels!"


Michelle was sent into another fit that was only stopped by the arrival of the waitress with her food. Michelle was suddenly jolted by the waitress and turned to the other girls.

"Oh my gosh, I forgot. Did you guys order yet?"

SOTF v4 Mafia, Game Thread
Vote: Aura Master Fox

SOTF v4 Mafia, Game Thread
EBWOP:


YOU PEOPLE POST TO FAST FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.


Kay, I'll believe that Inky is Tiffany. As that would mean very bad things for Brook down the line and maybe trigger some rampage. I'm in agreement with the plan to take out Aura Fox. If he was telling the truth, then it'll come up in his death.

SOTF v4 Mafia, Game Thread
Sorry, I'm sick and I drugged myself into 12 hours of sleep.


And what an eventful 12 hours it's been in my absence!

First off: THEA <3 <3 <3


I love Thea :( . For those not up to reading it all, Aura's claim makes sense. Thea's good friends James and Charlene were killed by Hayley and she was later badly injured by Hayley, though killed by Erika. It's a sort of...not as well known story line, but I suspect it's use due to the fact that Decoy's Charlene was one of the people Thea sought vengeance for so it's a rivalry he'd be familiar with and also because Decoy READS EVERYTHING.


Though I agree with TDS that making the lyncher's target mafia makes it sort of easy on the lyncher. It puts Inky in a very unfortunate light that people, MurderWeasel in particular, keep asking for some sort of solid answer or verification for things (at this point I'm not even sure if he's said he's Hayley or not) which makes the townsfolk quite ragey.


Had Inky instead said "No, Aura Fox is just trying to lynch me and said I was Hayley because it's a high profile and very damning role to get you to think I was mafia and vote for me, I am actually [OTHER STUDENT]" then his claim of BS would be stronger but the wishy washy responses are....very very bad :S


As MuderWeaselToben said things like "I'll tell you later if I have to" point to someone trying to stall for time.


The most likely scenario I can see is that Aura Master Fox is a lyncher and Hayley is likely a serial killer or maybe one half of The Lovers.

Veronica McDonald
Alrighty. So I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you missed some of my corrections from last time. If you don't make a correction that I ask for, then I will notice and I'll ask again. So please don't make me ask again ^_^


Something that was brought up to me and that I did notice but I sort of decided to let slide: She has a Swedish father but her name is Scottish? Any reason why? Did her father originally come from Scots? Explain plz.


Appearance: Veronica doesn’t really stand out. Actually, a girl that looks Asian with pale blue eyes seems like they would stand out. How does she not stand out? She stands at 5’8” and 146lbs. Veronica's skin is a tan color. Her usually straight and thick ash-black hair is often messy and tied back into a ponytail. Her eyes are an icy, pale blue, and not the stereotypical Asian almond-shape, but round. Her nose is slightly small, but nobody really cares. HER NOSE IS SLIGHTLY SMALL. END SENTENCE. Her eyebrows aren't really unusual: sort of a long-raindrop shape. Veronica Has thin lips. Her ‘curves’ are almost non-existent.


From a young age, she has been developing a personality. EVERYONE DEVELOPS PERSONALITY FROM INFANCY ON. REMOVE THIS SENTENCE. IT'S SILLY. She's been hot-headed and rash once she was able to speak to her siblings. The behavior usually elevates when with strangers.

The mixed heritage she has doesn't really affect her other than the fact that they speak both Swedish and Korean in the household. Most kids don't notice it, they just think she's Korean. She's not keen on correcting them. Who is "they"?Do both parents speak both languages? From my experience with learning another language from a parent (and trying to learn Swedish @_@) you learn when the people in the house talk to each other as well as talk to you in the language.



She and her parents often get along, and she has those friendly sibling quarrels with them You say she gets along with her parents and has friendly sibling quarrels with them. There's a problem here. She has friendly sibling quarrels with her siblings. Change that to reflect it. She doesn't usually lash out on them because of two things: she respects them, and they're not allowed to swear at home.


When she was 11, she and her family moved when her parents' employers relocated them. She then had to deal with having her parents getting home much later. She wasn't used to the new setting, though. She had trouble making friends, because of the fact that she was the new kid in town. Negative rumors were spreading about various things, from her being murderous to some obscure things about terrorists.

Stop drop and roll. This is where we hit a very big problem. Why would there be rumors about her being murderous or a terrorist? That doesn't make any sense. She's a new kid, not the Unabomber! And she's an 11 year old little Asian girl new kid. Kids might think she's weird if she's shy and doesn't want to play and call her a weirdo, but no one is going to call her a terrorist!

A few weeks later, she hopped on her bike and went to the library. Veronica read Warrior Cats, and instantly loved it. Along with that, an interest in cats.

Along with that, an interest in cats. Read that aloud. With nothing else, it makes no sense. This is a sentence fragment. This is not good. Your sentence needs to have a subject and a predicate. The subject does the verb. You have no subject AND no verb. So you need "Along with that, VERONICA (subject) DEVELOPED (verb) an interest in cats.

She started to take jogs around the neighborhood, and hiking in the nearby forest, notably to try to see if she could try to stay out at the time, as her parents usually don't tolerate being out after school until they got home.

When her parents found out found out about her hobbies (Around when she was 16), they weren’t outraged. They were glad that their daughter was outdoorsy too.


How did she stay out that late without her parents noticing? Did she sneak out? Where they angry about her disobeying them?

Veronica, encouraged by their support, joined the track, and made few more friends. Her preferred event is the long distance runs.

Her preferred EVENTS with an S. Since your sentence ends with RUNS.

Socially, she’s not so well-off. Her reputation at Aurora started off with her punching a girl in the face at age 14 for calling her a ‘dyke’ (She’s not a lesbian, but bisexual.). Thus, she got several detentions. This has led to verbal fights that stemmed into more verbal and maybe physical fights (Though the physical fights are off school grounds). Veronica was seen as a hot-tempered person. She was at the point where she would jump the gun and argue over insults and such. Anybody who does seem likable to her will have a hard time gaining her trust, and will have to live with her hot-headed, rash and reckless personality.

Did you know Seattle has a huge LGBT community? It's true! But I suppose someone could call her a nasty name for it. Um, how do her parents feel about all of her fighting? She was punished so the school must have told them. Also, why does Veronica get into all this trouble if in the paragraphs before you said she knows how important getting into a good school will be. With a record full of fighting and trouble, good colleges are going to think twice. If she's scuffling a LOT after school and around, she might have been picked up by the cops even.

Kay, I'm bleeding from the mouth right now due to sick so that means I'm done. You know the drill.

SOTF v4 Mafia, Game Thread
I don't think bringing about the very idea of a serial killer or the fact that it could be a bear (which is pretty irrelevant unless someone had a post restriction to growl every post) are really big things to stake claims on.

Everyone (at least the vets) know serial killer is a popular role to throw in and given the theme of this mafia, there may be one.

It was heavily hinted at that while it may not be a SK (I know there are some other killing roles other than vig and sk but I don't recall them) we do have two killers, one of which was thwarted.


It kindda looked like there was a thwart (is that it?) the first night too. My guess would be that whoever targeted them, be it a role block or a doctor or some other protective role, noticed that when they blocked chosen person, there was an unsuccessful kill attempt. If you had a block role and you saw that, well, you'd try again to see if it happened again. And it did. So I think our protector knows they are being effective, which I imagine frustrates our killer.


With all that said, it wasn't certain (well, still not certain, but a very good chance!) that we had another killer at all before last night's fluff. If Aura said something about a serial killer BEFORE last night's fluff (did he? I don't recall when it was), then that is indeed suspicious.


While Laurelena's post is.....err....annoying :-/ , I'm not sure it's all together damning.

Veronica McDonald
OKAY! I AM HERE. And I promise much much quicker and slicker. So your profile looks pretty good for it's content on the most part, but you've got a lot of grammar and tonal things I'm going to recommend patching up, kay? Sentence re-writes are in gold and critique is in this sicklyredish color.


Veronica doesn’t really stand out. She stands at 5’8” and 146lbs, she doesn’t consider herself anything That's just kindda floating there. Not sure what her height and weight would make her consider herself to be.. Other than tan, though Her skin is a tan color. Her usually straight and thick ash-black hair is often messy and tied back into a ponytail.


Her eyes are an icy, pale blue, and not the stereotypical almond-shape, but round stereotypical for what? A Korean girl? Does that mean she gets her eye shape from her Swedish father?. Her nose is slightly small, but nobody really cares I care :(. Also that's tonally odd. Remember, super formal!. Her eyebrows aren't really unusual: sort of a long-raindrop shape. Veronica doesn't really have thick lips. They're really thin has thin lips. Her ‘curves’ are almost non-existent.



The clothes part is just fine.




From a young age, she has been developing a personality Well everyone's been developing a personality since they were young. That's sort of unneeded.. She's been hot-headed and rash once she was able to speak to her siblings, but not too much. The behavior usually elevates when with strangers.


When she was 11, she and her family moved when her parents' employers relocated them. She then had to deal with having her parents getting home much later. She wasn't used to the new setting, though. She had trouble making friends, as the whole 'new kid' thing goes because of the fact that she was the new kid in town. Negative rumors were spreading. Rumors about what?


As a result of having sociable siblings and parents who came home late, Veronica found her self alone a lot past the age of 13, the age at where she seemed old enough to stay home alone. The time alone was often filled with aimlessly wandering the internet, but when that went stale, she began to take up other things. What sort of things does she like to do on the internet?


A few weeks later, she hopped on her bike and went to the library. Veronica read Warrior Cats, and instantly loved it. Along with that, an interest in cats. It no longer was limited to going to the library and secret archery. This sentence is wonky. What wasn't limited any longer? Her hobbies? Also the next sentence ends strangely. What does staying out have to do with hiking and why would she want to see if she could stay out? Hiking doesn't really have to do with cats, reading or archery so maybe give it it's own paragraph separate from this one. She started to take jogs around the neighborhood, and hiking in the nearby forest, notably to try to see if she could try to stay out at the time

When her parents found out (Around when she was 16), they weren’t outraged. Found out about what? The hiking? The archery? They were glad that their daughter was outdoorsy too Remove. As a gift, they got her Feather, a light gray female kitty. She was overjoyed. She took great responsibility in Feather. She began to read more about cats, and by then, cats were her favorite animal.


With this new found courage (She didn't want her parents finding out.), she joined the track team, and made a few friends in the process. I think it might flow better to say that she was encouraged by the fact that her parents supported her instead of that she no doesn't have to worry about them finding out about her hobbies. Unless that's not what you're saying in which case I'm confused ?_?. Also, she's on track, yeah? What is her event or events? High jump? Hurdles? Sprinter? Long distance? Mosey over here for some ideas: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Track_and_field


Grades section is fine.



Socially, she’s not so well-off. Her reputation at Aurora started off with her punching a girl in the face at age 14 for calling her a ‘dyke’ (She’s not a lesbian, but bisexual.). Ahh, the plot thickens. Bisexual? Has she had any relationships? Do her parents know? Siblings? How does she feel about that? Thus, she got several detentions. Thia typo. Should be "This" has led to verbal fights in detention. I don't think so. Detention is monitored by a teacher. Any fights would be shut down quick. Once she got out, that stemmed into more verbal and maybe physical fights maybe? You don't know? Also too much fighting would get her suspended and eventually expelled so consider carefully exactly how much and how hard she brawls. It shouldn't be very much. Shouting matches are more acceptable and carry less harsh punishment. Veronica was seen as a hot-tempered person. She was at the point where she would jump the gun and argue over the littlest things. Anybody who does seem likable to her will have a hard time gaining her trust, and will have to live with her hot-headed, rash and reckless personality.


Veronica is stubborn, and holds her ground on an argument. She can fight as well, leading to many, many no need for the repitition enemies at school. She’s also fiercely loyal, and will defend a friend, even if she doesn’t agree with the said friend.
The fact that she can fight doesn't cause the enemies. It's the fact that she's had fights with other students which cause others to either dislike her or steer clear of her. What does she get in fights over, anyhow? Also, what's she like with her friends when they're juts hanging out? How does she act around the track girls? What's her general outlook on life? Optimist? Pessimist?


I think that's the whole shebang and I extra promise to be speedy this time.

SOTF v4 Mafia, Game Thread
Hey everyone!

Oh. Looks like my significant other was killed in the night. Guess I better avenge him or something ._.


That's a pretty odd thing to do. I always sort of thought the away people were kindda left alone out of .....er...politeness I guess. But I guessed wrong @_@.


About Mimi, it's been a heck long since I've played mafia or since I've played mafia with her, but last time that I recall playing with her in the No More Heroes Mafia, she hardly said a word the whole time. So her being a quiet player doesn't strike me as unusual.


Reading the fluff is certainly seems like we've got two killers, but the one targeting the blond boy was unsuccessful. No particular blond boys of v4 jump out at me so I have no idea who that's referencing (cue people telling me which of their boys was a blond XD ). But I would agree that there's a high probability of serial killer.

Though actually.....I suppose Ivan and Dutchy. But anyway.


Let me see if I've got this down. Whirly is under fire for what people perceive as trying to put blame elsewhere and Aura is under fire for...being quiet and not wanting lynch?