Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Create a free forum in seconds.
Free Samples with Purchase
Paris looked back and it seemed like the girl bought the rouse and had left the store. He took his purchases and he dropped his loud, boisterous act. His grin was sharp as a knife as he looked back at Rosemary.

"Very good, very good. That was a lot of fun. Very convincing actress and good at improve. You were a great sport. Come on, I'll buy you a pretzel on the way out of the mall for putting up with my foolishness."


Paris was happily swinging his purchased goods, having had a good time at the store.

"Come on, sis," he said with a laugh.


((Paris Ardennes continued in Earth as a Character Gallery))

Free Samples with Purchase
"Aww, Lotte! Don't be like that!" he said, patting her affectionately on the head with a big goofy smile.

Paris was clearly having a good time and seemed even happier that Rosemary seemed to play along, no matter how begrudgingly.

"Not at all. I'm sorry your home situation is hectic. I don't think we need any help though. Sis here finally agreed to help me pick out some things for mother," he said as he picked up a few spa products.

"So I think we'll be fine, however it was very gracious for you to offer your help. Hopefully we'll see you around some time!"

Paris linked arms with "Charlotte" and turned the two of them towards the register, awkwardly walking in step.


No One Talks About It
Mara continued clacking away at her keyboard intensely. Suddenly the room was all but full of people wandering around. At least two of them were with the newspaper and only one of them appeared to actually be doing newspaper work, Claire.

Mara didn't care for any of these people really and she wasn't in a particularly good mood. Zubin was laughing at something and she could hear some sort of musical buzzing emanated from his headphones.

"Hey!" she said, slamming down her cellphone. "Go watch your nonsense elsewhere," she said sharply.

"This is the newspaper room. You see?" she said pointing at a sign above the door. "News. Paper."

V5 Sneak Preview #2
Yeah. Abby is new. Staff let me have a terrorist after we noticed that personal was running short after the events of v4

V5 Sneak Preview #2
My uncle and cousins lost me at Disneyland when I was 8 cause they suck. I went to the lost child station and they let me hang out and watch the original Freaky Friday until my family eventually remembered to come claim me

Isabella Lane
Howdy Callum. Isabella is denied for now, but I'll tell you what to fix up to make her not-denied.


Name: Isabella Lane
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High school
Hobbies and Interests: Writing, Taekwondo This is a very short list of hobbies and interests. I'd feel much better if Isabella had at least one more thing she liked to do.

Appearance: Isabella has a slim build, standing at 5'7'' and weighing 120 pounds. Her skin is a pale and she has thick, brown, wavy, waist length hair which is usually tied back into a ponytail. Her eyes are hazel and are a slightly lighter color than her hair. Isabella also has a round and typical face shape I'm not sure what you mean by "typical face shape." Her face is round. She has naturally rosy cheeks without the application of makeup however, she often wears eyeliner and mascara because of her lack of self-confidence How does makeup relate to a lack of self confidence?. Despite this, Isabella often wears vibrant and colorful clothes to express her true personality which is unknown to most. Can you include something about how she dresses other than in bright colors? Does she wear a lot of jeans? Skirts? T-shirts? What sort of style does she dress in?

On the day she was abducted Isabella was a wearing a white T-shirt with blue swirls symbolizing streams running from her lower left ribs upwards to her right shoulder, encased in the middle of the shirt is the quote source of romance The description of the shirt is confusing to me. You don't need to tell me what the shirt symbolizes, just describe it to me so I know what she looks like when I picture her. In this case, just saying the shirt has blue swirls is enough. The word choice of "encased" means something that is inside of, which makes me think words are physically stuck in her shirt. I have no idea was "quote source of romance" means so maybe explain that?.Over the top of her shirt is a flimsy, gray, sleeveless cardigan. She is also wearing black leggings, and tanned colored Ugg boots.

Isabella's face needs more description. What does her nose look like? Cheek bones? Eye brows? Eye shape?

Biography: Isabella is the eldest child of Charlotte and Cameron Lane and grew up in quite a privileged manner in safe surroundings with a very low crime rate. Her father works as a criminal psychologist and her mother works as an English teacher in a school not so nearby Aurora High school in another region of Seattle If her mother works at a school in what I assume is another district, why doesn't the family live there?. Her younger and only sibling Lewis, aged 16, is very supportive of Isabella and acts as the older sibling of the two.

Her mother, Charlotte originally wanted to become an author after her short story about a couple's love blossoming in a post-apocalyptic setting was noticed by her lecturer when she had just enrolled in college. This motivated Charlotte to go on and write more stories, but she often found herself lacking inspiration to write about anything. However, it wasn't long after this that she had met her first boyfriend, love and eventual husband Cameron. It was their romance and love which gave Charlotte inspiration to write more romantic short stories, many of them in a gothic and chilling setting. With the support of her lecturer and boyfriend Charlotte went to a series of publishers in hope her short stories would be released as part of a collection. But she was turned down by all of them, many of them criticizng her for her stories being too similar in tone. With her dreams shattered she went to teaching in hope she could manage to get her brightest students into publishing their stories and to fulfill a life a life Charlotte herself was denied. So when Isabella was born, Charlotte vowed that if she had the potential she would also try to help her in achieving a life full of stability and opportunity through the writing industry.

Her father, Cameron held little ambitions in life and after meeting Charlotte, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and that was good enough for him. But , but during his teenage years he had a vague interest in psychology and after spending many of his years watching programmes involving real life criminals he began to wonder what made them so different from the rest of society. So after merging both interests into one he decided to pursue a career into trying to understand the criminal mind. But after years of studying and learning about mentally disturbing events, he also vowed to push his children away from the dangers of life no matter how extreme he would have to be to achieve this. This paragraph is confusing. You start by saying that after meeting Charlotte he had no ambition, then talk about his ambitions as a teenager. However, based on the last paragraph it sounds like they met in college. So are you telling me that he was an ambitious teenager and then when he met Charlotte in college he was no longer ambitions?

The first few years of Isabella's life where pretty uneventful. Despite her mother's wish, she did not push either Isabella or Lewis to devoting their time to writing. B, but her father was extremely over protective and disallowed Isabella from visiting her friends outside of school, severly affecting her relationships with her friends This sentence is confusing. When you add "but" to the sentence it is a conjunction which joins the two thoughts together. So if the first thought was about Isabella's mother not pushing the kids into writing, the reader thinks the next thought will be related to that. However, you start talking about the father. Those should be two separate thoughts that are not joined with the word "but." Also, since this is the second time that this has come up in the profile we're going to take a little detour and talk about conjunctions.


Conjunctions are words that connect two phrases or sentences together. These connecting words are and, but, so, yet, or. When you use one of these words to connect two ideas together, you need to have a comma before the conjunction (except for and) So:

I went to the store, but they were out of eggs.

It's common convention and Strunk and White Elements of Style rule that you not start a sentence with a conjunction. The reason for this is when you start a sentence with a conjunction is comes out as a sentence fragment. Sometimes in creative writing or narrative writing people can get away with starting a sentence with a conjunction if they want to place emphasis on the second half of the phrase. Example:

I want to go to university. But who will pay for it?

However, these are to be used very sparingly and in this case, the profile is not creative or narrative writing really. It is formal writing. So please please do not begin your sentences with a conjunction, and when conjunctions are present make sure the two thoughts they are connecting are related and remember to use a comma.

Okay, back to the profile.



As time went on Isabella grew even further from her friends as she hadn't experienced many social occasions, holding back her social skills. Isabella constantly found herself becoming more and more isolated from her classmates and after witnessing the consequences her father decided to join her up in Taekwondo classes along with her brother Lewis who was mainly there for support and comfort Why was her father so against her going out with friends? Didn't she make friends at school? Why did he allow her to do taekwondo?. At her first lesson Isabella met another young girl roughly her age and decided to go talk to her and after this one encounter with one another their friendship took off and Isabella discovered a more loud, empathetic, humorous side to herself, massively increasingly her self-confidence even though Ashleigh attended another school, but that didn't matter to either of the girls. How old was Isabella when all this happened?

When Isabella went back to school she found she could get along just fine with the other girls in her class, but not the boys as Isabella was frightened and intimidated of them because of the relationship with her father. Despite the fact Isabella had started developing relationships with these girls they were no where near as strong as the one she shared with Ashleigh. But in fear of being alone again she kept in quite close contact with the girls in her school. Sentence fragment that starts with a conjunction.

Isabella kept continuing her Taekwondo, and at the age of 13 she went under her black belt examination along with her brother, his group of friends and her own best friend Ashleigh. All 3 of them passed with flying colors, with Isabella being technically perfect, Lewis with his natural affinity for sparring and Ashleigh with a mixture of the two. With this knowledge spreading around her school and the local community many of the children in the surrounding are becoming quite terrified of the three of them. With only those nearest and closest to them associating with them once again leaving Isabella quite isolated and alone. A few things here. I know that it is possible to achieve black belt at such a young age, but I would feel better if you upped her age a little when she tests for it. 16 would make me feel much better, especially since I have no idea when she started up with the sport and I have no idea how long she's been doing it or how often she practices. Along with that, you already stated that Lewis is two years younger than her, but in this it seems like he's getting his black belt at the same time which would make him 11. The other thing is, I don't see how being very good at martial arts would alienate her from other kids. Surely she has kids who are also in her Taekwondo classes. Kids doing martial arts is fairly common. I had a friend in high school who was a black belt at 15 and no one reacted differently to her. How would these kids even know she was in Taekwondo unless she mentioned it at school?

Sinking further into depression, her brother, Lewis offered Isabella a lot of support and let her associate with his own group which Isabella felt was a great act of kindness. Although she was extremely nervous before hand, Isabella found that they were all so welcoming and one of them even started coming onto her. Lewis had then go on to say afterwards that it was always going to happen sooner or later as she was beautiful inside and out. This had lead the relationship and bond between Isabella and her brother to develop even stronger. Lewis goes to the same school, I am assuming. Why would his friends be different than the rest of the kids? I am also assuming that as a boy, Lewis has mostly boy friends. I thought Isabella didn't like to associate with boys? I'm not really sure what Lewis is trying to tell her here. That's she is beautiful on the inside? The wording is confusing

With more and more encounters and meetings with Lewis and his friends, both in school and Taekwondo (her father was still uptight on letting his children out alone) Isabella found herself falling in love with one of the boys in the group named Ryan. He had sea green eyes, light brown hair spiked up at the front and had a tall, muscular build, he was even the same age as her. B, but she could never bring herself to confront him about her feelings and in denial about the situation tried to push it to the back of her mind, but nothing ever worked . Remove parenthetical notes from the profile. That aside, I don't get why not letting her out would limit her friends. When I was a kid I was never allowed anywhere after school, but I still made friends during school. We don't need that much description of Ryan. He's a secondary character and an NPC so we don't need to know what he looks like, just that he exists.

Isabella made the most of the resources she had, especially the internet. A and in denial about her romance she turned to fiction to try and live out what it could have been like. After searching the internet to find the right site to record her feelings, she found the perfect one and began to get to work on her story. It didn't take long for her mother Charlotte to find out and after secretly reading what her daughter had produced, began to wonder if her daughter was also in love based on her own experiences, but as Isabella didn't have much of a social life she couldn't see how something like this could arise but she did want to push her daughter in to taking a career in writing. I don't need all this information about the mother. Isabella took quite well to the idea and she went to after school writing classes in order to improve her writing and eventually get some of her works published when she was ready.

Advantages: Has a very high level of ability in Taekwondo, because of her dad, she knows a vague idea into what a killer may be thinking or experiencing. I thought you said the father wanted to shield his children from his work, so why would he talk to them about it?
Disadvantages: Is quite socially awkward making it harder for her to strike up an alliance especially with boys.



Okay, so.....I still don't know very much about Isabella. Is she smart? What sort of grades does she get? What are her favorite subjects? What sort of things does she like to write? What does she want to do after high school? What sort of people does she hang out with? How does she feel about her dad being so over protective? Outside of writing, how does she get along with her mother? Outside of Taekwondo, what does she do with Lewis? What happened to her best friend? What kind of personality does she have? Is she clean? Messy? Selfish? Generous? Worrisome? Carefree? Lazy? Optimistic? I feel like I know more about the parents than her.


Post when you've got the edits!



So We Settled for the Center of Town
Michelle noticed Garrett's attention was focused on something behind her. She quickly looked back and then resumed her semi-collapsed state on the table. She smiled a little to herself, thinking perhaps he was smitten with the girl he'd been looking at so intently and doodling. Michelle didn't really know him well enough to tease him about it though, so she contented herself with the smile.

"I already suggested not being so hard on yourself," she sighed lazily.

He at least seemed to think her joke was somewhat funny. It tended to be hit or miss when she'd say something she'd mean as a joke as to whether or not the other person would get it. Uncomfortable pause would ensue and then she'd have to stand around like a doofus and tell them it was a joke, which, there really is nothing more awkward. Michelle was feeling more relaxed than usual, probably due to the fact that the swimming had used up her energy and the sun had lulled her into a sort of sleepy state.

He said he didn't really like swimming and Michelle didn't appear offended by it.

"Mmm, it's not just the laps you know. Despite being the captain, I.....I can say it's not really very much fun. It's grueling in ways that normal sports aren't."

Michelle pulled herself up and squeezed the bottle a little, making the plastic crinkle and crack.

"Have you heard of swimmer's burn out? It's like.....it's not a team sport so there's no sense of camaraderie or community. Everything is individual so everything you do you are on your own, with the exception of relays and even then you have your own time. You have to do the same action over and over and over and there's no music or company. And when you do race....you can never win. There's no real winning. Sure, you can be the fastest person in that race, but you aren't racing against the other people. You are racing against yourself, like, an ideal. You want to have a faster time. It's almost incidental how you finish compared to the others. You can win a polo game against another team, but I'll never have a concrete accomplishment. I'll just always be trying. The isolation and the unclear and unattainable goal gets to some people and they burn out. They hate it, but they are so good at it they don't know what else to do."

She finished her drawn out, thinking aloud stream of speech and perked up a bit.

"So yeah, it's not for everyone. Plus polo players have really weird stroke. They might be peeved I didn't stick around but I'll make up something. I'm there all the other times. As long as you don't snitch," she said, putting a finger up to her mouth.


Megan Collins
Hey Game Maker. Megan is denied pending some changes, kay?

ame: Megan Collins
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies And Interests: Megan loves to play soccer, and she plays it both in her school and in leagues outside of school. She also loves to watch rugby and football, and is a die hard Seahawks fan (she loves Marshawn Lynch), although she’ll really watch and enjoy pretty much any sport. Aside from soccer, she likes to listen to music, go running, hang out with friends, drink, and hook up with guys.

First problem. Hobbies and interests should be a list, not sentences. It should be Soccer, watching rugby and football, listing to music, running, hanging out with friends, drinking, hooking up

Appearance: Megan’s 5’8”, 133 pounds, and 100% Irish. She has spiky, cropped short red hair, and bright wide green eyes. She has a face that is able to appear both cute and seductive at the same time, with a cute button nose and sultry red lips. How is her face both cute and seductive? These seem like opposing descriptions. Also, does she wear lipstick? No one has naturally red lips. She has long legs, and an athletic build. Her extra weight goes to the right places, and she enjoys showing off her ‘assets’ with low cut cleavage shirts and tight spandex or skirts. Extra weight? With those stats Megan is pretty thin. She is at the lower end of a healthy BMI She’s not a model in terms of looks, but she’s enough to get a double take from almost any guy, and when she really wants to turn her sex appeal on she can. On the day she was abducted, she was wearing yoga pants and a V neck white T shirt.

Biography: Megan was born in Seattle in a home that, it appeared to her, her parents had simply tried to fit all of Ireland in. The sentence is awkward with that interruption in it. I'd rather you show don't tell. Don't tell me it looked like they tried to put a lot of Ireland into the house. Describe it to me. Instead of football, baseball, and basketball, soccer and rugby were the sports of choice; St. Patrick’s Day, Christmas, and Easter were the biggest holidays for the Irish Catholic family, in that order. Megan grew up with two older brothers and two younger brothers, neither the older nor the younger more than two years apart from Megan. In so far as their political views went, all Megan remembered was them condemning the current president, governor, or mayor as a “stupid prick” or “fucking dumbass”. It was the Collins’s view that if you went through life just obeying every rule, you were either a coward or a fool. And the Collins definitely didn’t raise either. Her brothers have no names and no real ages. The quotations are too informal and unnecessary. Just tell me they don't like the current government figures.

Megan, growing up, took tomboy to a whole different level. Too informal. She hit her growth spurt early, being tall even for a girl, and she had an aggressiveness that always made her father smile when he’d see her playing with her brothers. Even her older brothers were afraid to play her in rugby. When they got the ball, she’d jump on their back and no matter how hard they ran or how much they tried to get her off of them, she wouldn’t relax until she had gotten them down. At the end of the day, if there wasn’t dirt stains all over her pants, sweat on her shirt and face, and a few bruises and scrapes on her arms and legs, Megan wasn’t happy.

Megan started playing soccer when she was in 2nd grade, and quickly took to it. She was a natural athlete, and her size and aggressive style of play allowed her to overpower the other girls and become a star at that sport. She loved playing it, and more than that, she loved the sense of being on a team. Awkward. Sense of being on a team? How about "She loved the camaraderie." She was a people person, and she loved talking to people and socializing with them. She loved the sense of companionship. Repetitive.

But as she got older, her personality began to develop more and more No need for the comma in that sentence. She was an abrasive girl, not because she was a bully or even really mean, but because when she had an opinion about something, she’d let people know. She wasn’t the type to agree with someone just to shut them up, and if she believed strongly in something, she’d make sure people knew it. She also cursed like a sailor that just stubbed his toe for the third time that day, which was a little hard for some people to get along with. Tone issues here. There must be more concise ways to phrase a lot of these traits and the end with being like a cursing sailor is too casual for the profile. Also you say she "cursed," I'm assuming she still does.

She matured early, and with her physical maturity came an interest in boys. She had feelings for them forfrom an early age, and even early on she knew she wasn’t like other girls. She didn’t feel like she needed a boyfriend; she just wanted the guys, not necessarily a boyfriend. Does she want to have a boyfriend? Yes, of course she does, but she’s not going to settle for the first guy that comes along. She wants a guy that likes her, that she likes, that understands her. Someone that loves her for every part of her, and someone that she can love back. She hasn’t found anyone like that yet.

But, just because she didn’t want the guys that talked to her as boyfriends didn’t mean she couldn’t have “a little fun”. As a younger girl, she was the one who always suggested ‘Spin The Bottle’ or ‘Seven Minutes In Heaven’. As a teenager, she was one of the first in her grade to lose her virginity. Whenever she’s thinking about a guy, she keeps in mind her three cardinal rules- 1. He has to be cute, 2. He has to be funny, and 3. He has to be a good guy. If a guy meets her standards, and she wants him, she sees no reason not to go for what she wants. Asking a question of no one and this conversational tone is too informal. Remove everything after "necessarily a boyfriend." I don't need the rest of this information. I got the gist.

And if you say one thing about Megan, you can say she’s a partier. She was just as competitive with her brothers when it came to partying as she was with rugby when they were younger, and by 15, she was able to drink them all under the table. Quite an impressive feat, considering her oldest brother was 6’4, 255, and had been drinking since he was 12. She drank beer, she drank whiskey, she drank wine, she drank vodka... she’d drink motor oil if it’d get her drunk. Her parents didn't care, not after she had turned 15; in their minds, she was a woman now, and an Irish woman should be able to drink and party as she wants to, as long as she was willing to deal with the consequences. That's the one thing they warned her about- any mistakes she made drunk, she'd have to deal with. But she was good at avoiding making trouble when she was drunk, and was able to enjoy herself. Some of the best moments of her life were hanging out with her friends, getting smashed in their basements, making jokes and making out. Tone problems here too. If who says one thing about Megan? Me? I'm not saying anything. I also feel like these parents are extremely cold to hand their 15-year-old a bottle of whiskey and wish her good luck. That seems incredibly irresponsible. Even parents who feel that 16 or 18 is the age when they don't have a problem drinking, I don't think any of them would encourage their child to be reckless or just tell their child that they are on their own.

Other than her friends Other than her friends, what? I feel like I missed part of this sentence. , she spent a lot of time with her family. Her family was always close, getting together all the time on vacations, playing a few annual extended family rugby games at least a few times a year. In addition, a tradition that she has with her parents and brothers is a hiking trip once every year during the summer. She loves the trip, and although she’ll never say it, she loves having her brothers around her on the trip. She puts on a tough act all the time, and she is tough, but she always enjoys that around her brothers she can show a more vulnerable side to herself.

Megan isn’t a straight A student, but she gets Bs and she’s happy with it. She’s not school smart, and she hates studying… if she looks at a textbook for too long, she’ll get a headache. But she’s not stupid, not by any means. She’s smart when it comes to everything out of school. She knows how to get out of bad situations, and she knows how to defuse them when they get out of control. She knows how to make sure her sex is safe, and she knows how to avoid a bad guy. Just to make sure, as she goes to college parties, parties in other parts of the town, and basically does put herself in situations where things could get out of hand, she attended rape prevention classes with her mother, and carries a rape whistle with her at all times. This is a lot of explanation for things that can be say simpler. Megan isn't a straight A student earning mostly Bs. She dislike studying but is clever outside of school, knowing how to deal with people and acting in a responsible manner where risky behavior is involved. Also, if she wears a rape whistle, why wasn't that in the appearance?

The rape prevention classes were simple tactics and techniques, and a lot of it was common sense, but it left her feeling more reassured. She knew where to hit a guy to stop him- other than the obvious location of testicles- and she knew the things to say to get people to notice what was happening. Luckily, she’s never have to put any of it into practice. It almost happened once, with a guy who was getting a little touchy feely and couldn’t take a hint, but Megan had gotten out of that one before things had escalated. Delete this. I don't need to know this information.

Megan is a girl, ultimately, who just wants to enjoy life. Whether it’s playing on the soccer team, listening to some music, hanging out with a guy, or just partying it up with her friends, she just wants to enjoy life. There are people who dislike her, and there are plenty of girls who talk down about her. She doesn't care though, and as long as her family and close friends know the person she is on the inside, she can let the other girls say whatever they want. Why do people dislike her? What are they saying? Who are these friends she hangs out with? She's on the high school soccer team? When did she join?

Advantages: Megan is a strong, athletic girl, and she’s good looking. She knows a lot of people in the school, and she’s strong willed and used to being on her own. She’s not incredibly smart school-wise, but she’s got a large amount of street smarts and practical knowledge. Because of her hiking trips and her father, she has a basic knowledge of surviving in the wilderness. She's used to being on her own? Since when? She's got a bunch of siblings. What sort of practical knowledge does she have? Her parents taught her survival skills? This is the first I'm hearing about it.
Disadvantages: She’s got an abrasive attitude, and she doesn’t like working with other people if they think she’s weak or vulnerable, or treat her as an inferior. Also, she’s not the best planner; often times, she lets instincts and feelings take over when it would be a far better idea to sit back and actually think over the situation. If she puts on such a tough act why would anyone think of her as weak or vulnerable?






So.....what do her parents do? I might have missed it, but I don't recall her parents having names either. How does she get along with the parents? This profile's main problem is with the tone in which you've written it. You have to imagine that a bored terrorist in a cubical is putting this together. Yeah, one knows way more than the probably would, but that's the sort of writing we look for in these. Once you go through and make the profile more conversational it'll be easier for me to see the content.

So We Settled for the Center of Town
Michelle leaned with her elbow on the table and her cheek in her hand. She looked a Garrett thoughtfully as she took another drink. She blinked and wiped a drop of water from her eye that had fallen from her damp hair. Her strap moved a bit, revealing the perfect outline of the swimsuit where the skin was still pale.

"Well yeah, I was being sneaky. I snuck up on you. Sneaky sneaky."

Michelle stretched her arms above her head and seemed to collapse down, bringing them down to the table and plopping her head on top of them. She peered at Garrett's wavy image though her water bottle.

"Who? The girl? I wouldn't worry, I don't think she noticed you. Anyway, she'd probably be flattered. Girl's like being made into art. 'Paint me like one of your French girls' and all that."

She pushed her finger into the cracks in the table and chewed on her lip absently.

"I ditched swim clean up today. I didn't feel like stacking up all the boards and fins and paddles and pull buoys. I'm hiding out here so don't tell on me, okay?"


She paused.

"You never felt like joining swim? I know you're into water polo, but a lot of the players join swim so they have something to do on the off season."


Beware Of The Boys
Paris walked into the coffee shop at a leisurely pace, bobbing his head to some music he was listening too. There seemed to be something rhythmic about the very act of walking as he strolled. One foot in front of the other with his hands in his pockets and stylish sunglasses making it impossible to see where he was looking. He was wearing a plain maroon t-shirt and a fitted black jacket with straight-legged jeans.

He was there to meet Naomi. He'd been confused over a problem in math and she so graciously was willing to help him. He liked talking with her, she seemed to be intelligent and had interesting things to say as well as being pleasing to the eye so he decided to invite her to talk more over coffee. He saw her sitting in the café reading. She was studious. He liked that.

Paris smoothly slid into the seat opposite of her and pushed his sunglasses.

"Hello, Naomi."

So We Settled for the Center of Town
"Don't be so hard on yourself."


((Michelle Wexler continued from C is for Cookie))

Michelle was leaning over Garrett and drinking from a plastic water bottle. One ear bud was dangling from her left ear, emitting a harsh buzzing sound. Her hair was pulled back into a slick braid, hiding her normally long and messy waves. She was wearing a blue swimsuit with a large A on the chest and a Star Wars beach towel wrapped around her waist. Her skin was more tanned than usual and she smelled strongly of chlorine. She performed a short little wave as she continued drinking.

"I lived with an artist for a long time and a lot of times he thought his stuff wasn't good when it was great. He gave me a lot of his 'junk.'"

Michelle walked around to the front of the bench and sat next to Garrett.

Realism and Detail
When we ask for the reason that someone likes something, that lets the reader of the profile know something about their personality. It's another clue into the character that lets us know what this person is like.

"I like kick ball because I enjoy exercise" tells you something different than "I like kick ball because it allows me to let out pent up anger via ball violence."

Usually we ask for the reasoning behind the 3-4 interests or hobbies that are listed up front because those are things that we assume are very important to your character. Thus, knowing what attracts them to it adds depth and understanding to the person.

However, these are just one paragraph per thing. That's not enough for us to know how these traits and behaviors work together or even work practically. That is where story telling comes in and that is where depth and exploration happen.

Kelly Peterson
Hey Bacon! Mmmmm baconnnnn


Anyway, a few things before I roll you along like a cheese wheel. Mmmmm bacon cheese wheel


- Nose and lip descriptions?

- Going into the bio, it seems like her parents don't take kindly to non-conservative thought and you say her mother was pretty sheltering of Kelly. So it seems weird to me that they would want to send her to a public school to learn to deal with people who think differently than they do when they seem pretty shut off to anything non-conservative.
- I'd like some more info on her hobbies. How'd she get into each of them and what does she like about them ?
- Is Kelly aware that some people don't like her judgmental attitude and condescension? How does she feel about that?

Kay, post when its pretty

Free Samples with Purchase
Paris looked absolutely delighted. It was taking a lot of his strength to continue to make conversation politely and hold back the torrent of laughter behind his pleasant smile. A careful observer might have noticed the mirth in his eyes as she spoke.

"Well of course!" he said jovially. "I'm certain now that I've heard of you, how could I not?"

Paris turned away from Aileen quickly and winked at Rosemary.

It appeared that this girl was for real and he couldn't have been more amused. He took a moment to think about what course of action to take next. It seemed like the one that would continue with the most fun was the optimal choice

"Mmmhmm, I see it now. Well, we obviously couldn't deny our names after an introduction like that."

Paris grabbed Rosemary and pulled her in to something of a side-hug.

"I'm Peter. This is my sister Charlotte. And it's obviously a pleasure to have finally met you."

G008 - So'oialo, Makatala "Kam"[/DECEASED]
DECEASED


Name: Makatala 'Kam' So'oialo
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Volunteering, cooking (especially baking), acting/theatre (Drama club), LGBT Activism, American football (spectating), student council

Appearance: Makatala's Polynesian ancestry is fairly obvious from her light brown skin-tone, typical to natives of her Samoan homeland. Kam is a shade under 5'6" tall and at 166 lbs, she's somewhat on the overweight side, leading to a fairly chubby figure. She wears her weight well, giving her soft curves, especially around her wide hips. Her stomach is a little soft, but where Kam's weight is most obvious is her bust; her breasts are quite large, which is the source of occasional discomfort to her. Facially, Makatala is quite appealing, with naturally tapering eyebrows, soft brown eyes, a broad, slightly flat nose, rounded cheeks, a dazzling smile and full lips, which are probably her best feature. Kam doesn't usually wear much make-up, preferring to stick to the basics, as her smooth complexion rarely requires particular touching up. Kam's hair is dark, shoulder length and has a lot of curls, the shining tresses testament to how much time she spends maintaining it.

Makatala's clothing tends towards the plain, something that has rubbed off on her from her parents. She usually favours knee-length skirts and simple t-shirts in fairly neutral colours, though on those occasions she's looking to show off, Kam will go for curve-hugging jeans and lower cut tops. Kammy is rarely seen without several bracelets on both arms, preferring simple designs and materials of leather, rope and beads. On the day of the trip, Makatala had travelling considerations in mind, sticking to a pair of comfortable old bluejeans, a tie-dye t-shirt, her usual bracelets and a pair of practical trainers.

Biography: Makatala's parents, Kaila and Bali were originally natives of the independent state of Samoa, both coming from large families. However, before Makatala was born, the two of them immigrated to the United States, Bali looking to develop his burgeoning career in American Football. The young couple didn't take the decision lightly, but they recognised that Bali had a real chance of making something big of himself in football, a number of scouts remarking on his power and intensity. However, that was never going to happen if they stayed in Samoa, and so they made up their minds to move to America. With a lot of support from their families, the couple were able to bring themselves, along with their three year old daughter Alea to Seattle Washington, where they settled. Bali, bolstered by favourable reports of his ability, was offered a try out with the Seattle Seahawks, and before long, was playing professionally. This was very timely, as by this point, Kaila was pregnant, and just eleven months after arriving in the United States, their second child was born. From then on, their household became a lot more interesting.

Makatala, nicknamed Kam and occasionally Kammy was always a bubbly and excitable kid, energetic at times to the point of sheer exasperation. She would always want to be involved in everything and to know the answer to every possible question, clambering all over her father to the point where she exhausted even the athlete's stamina for play. Even so, Kam was such a cute and well-behaved child that nobody could ever fault her for it, even if her constant chatter sometimes drove everyone around her to distraction. These tendencies meant that Makatala's mother began to, in a bid to actually get dinner ready on time, talk her through every step of what she was doing whenever she was making food, something which would at least keep Kam quiet for a while. Before long, this led to the young girl developing a keen interest in the process of food preparation, Kaila's own enthusiasm for cooking rubbing off on Kam and meaning that her questions soon changed from 'What are you doing?' to 'Can I help?'. Kaila soon obliged, starting off by just giving Makatala small tasks to do and as she grew older, eventually delegating more and more responsibility to her; by the time Kam was 13, she could cook a full meal by herself. Generally speaking though, Kaila and Kam worked as a team, leading to their relationship becoming especially close.

Kam's first love in cooking has always been baking. She enjoys the individual twists she can put on the cookies and cakes that she makes, and with practice, she has become truly accomplished at it. Kam finds that baking relaxes her, and it isn't uncommon to see her warming up the oven after a stressful day.

Makatala's early years were fairly average, in spite of her father's profession. The family was well off, thanks to the lucrative salaries that came with professional football, but Bali kept his feet firmly on the ground, never overspending, never taking his career for granted and most importantly, never allowing his children to become spoiled. As such, Makatala grew up free of want, but without becoming demanding; she was aware that her family was wealthy and that was about it. She didn't get everything she wanted bought for her, nor was her allowance much more than other kids her age. What Makatala did grow up as though was a football fan. As soon as she realised that it was her father playing on the television, Kam became fascinated with the sport, her interest soon branching beyond just the matches that her dad was in. Although her enthusiasm waned as she grew older, Kam still checks out the occasional game, especially if it's the Seahawks that are playing.

The second of four children, Makatala doesn't have a whole lot in common with her siblings. Her little brother Tana is only five years old and she dotes on him when she gets the opportunity. On the other hand, Kam scathingly refers to her older sister Alea as an attention seeker and drama queen, the pair of them clashing heads fairly often, although it never translates into true enmity. In the end, they're still family and still care a lot about each other... they just don't hang out together. Makatala's other sister is Taimane, currently fifteen, and they are simply too different to ever have a whole lot to discuss. Taimane is very much an intellectual and a bookworm, her head always buried intently in her studies - a sharp contrast to Kam's own relaxed and happy-go-lucky outlook and life. In the end, they're a cynic and an optimist, and just not all that compatible. Makatala's family is important to her, but that doesn't mean they always seem eye to eye.

Makatala and her parents used to be a lot closer, but since Kam's early teenage years, their relationship has significantly deteriorated. At around 14 years old, Kam began to notice that, unlike many of her friends that had started to giggle over boys, it was other girls that set her heart aflutter. Her first big teenage crush wasn't Leonardo DiCaprio or Christian Bale, it was Beyonce. Homosexuality was not a topic discussed in the So'oialo household, and it took Makatala several months to realise and come to terms with the fact that she was a lesbian. She decided immediately that her parents had to know, and came out to them not too long afterwards. Unfortunately, both Bali and Kaila still held the traditional Samoan view on homosexuality (on the island, it is illegal), and they reacted poorly to the news, especially Bali. They didn't disown Kam or kick her out of the house, but their closeness suffered greatly, both parents on a number of occasions trying to 'persuade' their daughter to 'change her mind'. To this day, their attitude largely remains that they love Kam, but they do not love that particular part of her, something that hits her very hard, but that she tries to stay upbeat about. So long as sexuality is not broached, the parent-child relationship remains good (especially when Kammy and her mother cook together), but there is a permanent unspoken barrier between them. It is because of her parents' poor reaction that Makatala became interested in LGBT activism, joining Aurora's Gay-Straight Alliance and volunteering in the local LGBT Centre, often using the stories of those less fortunate than herself as a means of motivating herself and to prevent herself getting too down about her parents. Makatala was recently bolstered significantly by Taimane, who secretly told her that she had massive respect for her courage, and that she 'deserves a beautiful wife someday', causing Kam to burst into tears.

The LGBT centre isn't the only area in which Makatala does volunteer work. She also takes part in some local programs aimed at disadvantaged children, channelling her positive attitude into a genuine desire to do everything she can to help others - especially kids, who Kam has a real affinity for. Makatala holds the belief that no good deed is too small, and that if everybody was willing to do small good turns, the world would become a much happier place very quickly. Kam is not naive, but she is definitely idealistic.

Makatala is currently in a relationship with one Michelle Wexler. Though they attended the same school, they hadn't really had much interaction until Kam encountered Michelle whilst the other girl was at work, in an ice cream parlour. The two of them hit it off quickly, and before long, started dating. The relationship goes a long way towards helping Kam overcome the constant pain that comes from her sexuality being so rejected by her parents. Kammy's family knows about her girlfriend, and her parents make no secret of their disapproval. Though they are polite enough on those occasions Michelle is around, the atmosphere is always decidedly frosty, and invariably an argument results once Michelle leaves. As a result, Kam doesn't bring Michelle home very much, the two of them preferring to spend time together outside of home and school.

Kam's aspiration in life is to become an actress, having been involved in drama schools and the like since she was a child. What was at first simply a means for her mother to get her out from underfoot and doing something engaging became a hobby that Kammy latched onto with a passion. She loved adopting different roles and personas, holding a fascination with what she regarded as almost becoming a different person. Whilst other children's desires for adulthood changed, sometimes on a daily basis, Kam's conviction remained firm; she wanted to star in movies, appear on stage... everything, so long as she could act. Unfortunately, whilst Makatala's abilities were never in doubt, a consistent problem she found with auditioning was with her appearance, especially as she grew older. Naturally of heavy build, Kam's weight played against her in many cases, often preventing her from landing leading roles, regardless of the level she was aiming for, whether school plays, local productions or even in minor films. This remains a frustration to this day, as whilst she is happy enough to just be on stage, Kam wants her talents to be recognised. With her enthusiasm for the theatre, Kammy is naturally in Aurora's drama club, though it is somewhat lower on her priorities than her volunteer work.

At school, Makatala isn't exactly a model student, owing to the fact that her extra-curricular activities often keep her very busy. That is not to say that she doesn't work hard, simply that she doesn't generally have the time to do extra study, which prevents her from overcoming her academic weaknesses. Kam performs best in English and Math, usually making B grades, with the rest of her subjects hovering in the comfortable C range. If it weren't for her focus on life outside of school, Kammy could probably make straight As, as she's certainly intelligent enough for it. Otherwise, Kam is quite well known amongst the student body, if not because of her father then because of her position on the student council, a position that she went for because she wanted to make sure potential LGBT issues were brought to attention. Kammy can be quite a polarising person, whilst there is a lot to like about her, there is also plenty that can rub people in the wrong way. On the plus side, she's bubbly, enthusiastic, has a positive attitude to more or less everything and does her best to be friendly to everyone. On the other hand, she is headstrong and outspoken, especially on issues dear to her, and Kam's personal problems mean that when she does lash out, it tends to be with astonishing vitriol and venom - the result of her bottling up so many of her negative feelings. Kam's happy-go-lucky demeanour can also come across as a little forced and false, and in truth, it sometimes really is a front, usually if she has had another bad experience with her parents. Overall, Kammy is a lot less happy and a lot more bitter than she's entirely willing to admit.

Advantages: Makatala is an accomplished actress, and if she chooses to, can lie very convincingly, broadcasting a wide array of false emotions, though in practice, without time to rehearse, Kam is just fairly good at faking. Her largely positive reputation and friendly demeanour will stand her in good stead when it comes to making alliances, and she may even be seen as a leadership figure if she can keep a cool head.
Disadvantages: Makatala lacks conditioning and fitness, and so is going to have trouble coping when endurance comes into play. With quite a number of deep-seated emotional problems, it's very possible that Kam's feelings could cloud her judgement and cause her to act rashly or alienate others by lashing out.

Designated Number: Female student No. 008

---

Designated Weapon: Adam Dodd's Ballestair-Molina
Conclusion: That's a lucky draw from a lucky owner, G008. And you will finally realize your dream of being on television. Putting on a good show is what you live for. Or at least, it will be.- Abby Soto


DECEASED

B015 - Lazaro, Carlos[/DECEASED]
DECEASED


Name: Carlos "The Laz" Lazaro
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Online Roleplaying Forums/Boards, writing stories/worldbuilding primarily for roleplaying, video games, internet humor

Appearance: At 5'9" and 150 lbs, Carlos looks like he's just started working out although he remains quite skinny. He has a relatively fair complexion and slightly tanned skin. His arms are the skinniest part of his body, being almost stick-like with larger-than-normal hands at the end.

He has black hair that is cut close to buzzcut, and deep brown eyes that look almost black in low lighting. His nose, once plainly rounded, is lumpy with the scars of withdrawing acne. Although the acne was once severe enough that his siblings had nicknamed him "Minefield," he is withdrawing well and acne scars and pimples cover no more than 10% of his face. The right side of his face looks a little caved in on closer inspection.

His facial expressions either indicate boredom or anger, depending on the mood. That is not to say he doesn't smile (or can't when asked/directed to). He does find his own sources of humor primarily online, so it's a fairly rare occurrence to be seen smiling in public.

Carlos' wardrobe on the day of the school trip is nothing particularly out of the ordinary. He is observed wearing a dark-gray T-shirt and loose-fitting jeans with hiking boots on the bus.

Biography: Carlos Lazaro was born to Honesto and Norma Lazaro in San Francisco. He also has two older siblings, Philip and Julian.

His parents had moved to the United States from the Philippines in the late 1980s, starting a small Asian food store. Carlos spent his infancy and early childhood in San Francisco, spending preschool and kindergarten in a Catholic private school. He was briefly considered for gifted classes, however his tendency to become distracted was ultimately cause for his rejection.

In 2000 the Lazaros closed up shop and moved back to the Philippines, taking Carlos and his then-infant siblings with them. His parents took advantage of the then-weak currency exchange rates to put their son into the Manila Global Academy, a prominent secular international school attended by the children of the Filipino social and business elite as well as the children of foreign nationals living there. They believed that he would better adjust to a more homogenous society where he would feel less discriminated against, and at the same time an education at one of the country's most prestigious schools would provide a more healthy environment for a gifted mind.

At that point, Carlos was described by others as cheerful and curious.

At the MGA Carlos was exposed firsthand to the social pressures predominant in the student hierarchy, which included bullying and being ostracized from social circles. Carlos was particularly singled out for his inability to speak Tagalog, something he continues to hold a grudge against his countrymen from. He also grew envious of Philip and Julian, who were attending a Jesuit Catholic school elsewhere in the city. Their ability to adapt and learn as well as integrate into the social hierarchy easier fueled jealousy within Carlos, resulting in lower grades.

His parents remained relatively supportive throughout this ordeal, frequently setting up meetings between him and psychologists. This was especially brought to the family's attention in 2006, when he was discovered watching archive V1 footage and V2 live-streamed on the family computer (as Philippine television was not affected) while in drag. It is believed he was attracted primarily to the ACTs' vengeance personae, the drag incident in particular stemming from bullying related to his then-lanky and effeminate figure - something not considered desirable the traditionally macho Filipino society.

As time wore on he quickly developed an aversion to such therapy, although he continued to attend and feign cooperation in order to please his parents. He also ceased to dress in drag, and does not look back on that memory with any fondness whatsoever.

That he continued to push through his education in that particular school was ironically of his own volition; he believed that only that school - through its regular hosting of international standardized testing - could help him graduate into a prestigious college back in the United States. However, such ambitions eventually turned out futile.

On 10 February 2008 Carlos was involved in an altercation with the son of a prominent family during his freshman year in the school's 9th grade. It is believed that the wealthier student provoked him into retaliating and got the upper hand during the altercation and left Carlos with a concussion. Transcripts from the school show that both students were voluntarily withdrawn in order to avoid publicly staining either family's reputation with an expulsion. Carlos was later officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder and Asperger syndrome, the latter whose existence he vehemently denies as a fabrication.

Following the conclusion of the school year, Carlos was sent back to the United States and left in the care of his aunt and uncle (Norma's brother), both evangelical Christians living with the Filipino community in Tukwila. These relatives had three children all attending college, and he was allowed to stay in a room vacated by one of them.

He remains in frequent contact and in relatively good terms with both his parents as well as his siblings, although he does not particularly enjoy them contacting him. Both his parents and his Seattle relatives are keen on helping him grow as a person. He is often called to regular video messaging sessions with them in the evenings due to timezone differences. Although he begrudgingly refuses their help, he does help out around the house to ensure a minimum level of trust. He is also medicated for his psychological conditions.

The family also expect Norma to move in with them to help support the family back home, following troubling financial straits that the Lazaros fell into following the recession.

Carlos has otherwise adapted well to life in Seattle, quickly memorizing the routes and times needed for his commutes to places he frequents. The same could not be said about Aurora High School adjusting to his new personality.

Carlos was quickly enrolled in Aurora High School for the 2008-2009 school year, and appears to have taken lessons he believed he learned from the MGA to heart. His personality has grown extremely snarky and cynical, and he verbally lashes out at any student or faculty member that tries to engage in conversation with him. Although he maintains grades that barely keep him on the honor roll, he has several detentions and at least one suspension to his record for verbally abusing school staff.

The reactions from other students to his provocations vary from ignoring him to outright violence. How pointed his insults to other students are varies depending on what he knows about them, often from gossip or other observation. This verbal abuse is based more on luck than deliberate targeting; no social clique tends to be more affected than the other, and individual reactions depend on how well they are familiar with the insult.

Shortly after the start of his first school year in Aurora, he purchased a laptop of his own for his birthday from money sent from the Philippines by his parents. He soon found himself immersed in the then-nascent internet "meme" culture, picking up on the satirically anti-social norms of popular imageboards. He also began writing and worldbuilding in several different popular and niche fandoms. He also frequently takes part in online roleplaying forums and other video games, spending the majority of his free time there when not at school or work. Carlos clearly appears to enjoy this creative activity as a sort of escape, a trait not uncommon among others in his social situation.

It is however observed that his online personality when interacting with others outside of imageboards contrasts starkly with his offline personality. He is demonstratively willing to offer thoughtful advice to newcomers and those needing help, and is quite adept to handling criticism as well as the inevitable insults. Of course, the fact that he chooses usernames and other handles that do not directly connect or identify him in any way has helped to ensure that such an association is never made. His online identities are otherwise known to only very few individuals, whom he does not believe are at high risk of using them against him.

Nevertheless it can still be surmised that his indulgence in online culture is both a release from his current situation at school as well as a way for him to further exacerbate it. He has recently attempted to branch out his offline interests to other clubs such as the volunteer club, though it may simply be that he is looking for different ways to dig up dirt.

One area of his life where a connection may be made between the offline and online personalities is his part-time job. He currently works part-time as a cashier at a supermarket, in the opposite direction of his current residence from Aurora High School. Hired in the summer of 2011, the job was a result of pressure from both his local and remote sets of relatives to improve his social skills. Despite a few mistakes made during his initial probation period, he appears to have become a respected employee, utilizing much of the same helpful nature he demonstrates online toward customers, even the occasional classmate.

Nevertheless, further observation implies that he simply believes he is repeating scripted behavior for a $9.14/hr paycheck, behavior he is fairly content with.

In terms of post high-school plans, Carlos is relatively unambitious. He has recently applied to the Mathematics program at South Seattle Community College, and hopes to move up to a 4-year-institution out of state. Regardless of where he intends to go, he primarily hopes for a more permanent escape from his relatives, and especially his past.

Advantages: Carlos has a knack for getting the "lay of the land" fairly quickly. It worked in helping him get settled in Seattle, and under duress it could help him keep track of things when the game starts. His recent attempt to branch out to other people - albeit initially duplicitous - might turn genuine in terms of aiding his survival chances.
Disadvantages: He will have few if any allies to start with, and his habit of wanton verbal abuse will almost certainly prove fatal for those with proverbial and literal axes to grind, particularly those whom he has exposed his online identity to. Without his medication he will be especially vulnerable to panic attacks under enough duress.

Designated Number: Male student No. 015

---

Designated Weapon: Pull-saw
Conclusion: A skinny kid with no friends. What a winner. B015 doesn't stand a chance and even worse, I'll bet his last words are something about how he never saw it coming.- Abby Soto


DECEASED

G005 - Wilcox, Madeline[/DECEASED]
DECEASED


Name: Madeline Wilcox
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Science, Video Games, Chess, Camping

Appearance: Maddie is a girl of average height (5'6") and weight (128 pounds). She looks rather wire-like, along with a rather flat chest. Her hair is long and brown usually tied back in a ponytail. She has a rather small, round face, with long eyelashes and a small nose. She tends to have proper posture in an effort to look mature. She has had her ears pierced and is usually wearing small green bead earrings. Her teeth are clean and kept in good condition. Her eyes are blue; and she generally has a clear complexion. Otherwise Maddie looks rather average.

She usually wears blue colored clothing; the most common outfit of hers is her blue hoodie she is almost never seen not wearing and her indigo jeans. She occasionally wears a fedora, usually when she is going on a trip for school. On the day of the abduction she was wearing her blue hoodie, a green t-shirt, her indigo jeans, and her fedora.

Biography: Maddie is an only child, her original name being Micheal, born to Stewart Wilcox and Melissa Wilcox. Both of them are fairly successful, Stewart worked at the local clinic as a nurse and Melissa was a professor at a nearby university. At least one of her parents are home, usually, as they alternate shifts in order to spend time with her.

She was biologically male at birth, and despite her parents raising her as a boy, she never self identified as a male, and starting from age 6 she consistently identified as a female. She initially acted very friendly and kind to those around her, but as she grew up she was called names and pushed around during recess for acting girly and always trying to play with the girls rather than the boys. In an effort to cope with this bullying she shut herself out from the real world. She developed problems making friends as a result of both her shutting out the real world and the bullying; and the bullying also caused her to become cowardly and nervous. Her parents and the school attempted to stop the bullying by finding out who bullied her and punishing those who did, but their efforts proved to be ineffective due to rarely being informed because Maddie was too scared to tell them. She was depressed for a long time in her life, due to a combination of her gender dysphoria and the bullying from her peers. She grew up reading scientific books, because she liked to imagine she was among the stars or around wtih the subatomic particles, and playing video games, usually as a form of escapism from reality.

Along with reading scientific books and playing video games, she also enjoyed playing chess quite a bit. She loved the mental stimulation that came with it and enjoyed the strategy and competition. Her mother taught her the wonders of the game at an early age, and she occasionally entered a few tournaments. She occasionally went camping with her father and enjoyed the being outdoors and the exploration that came with. She enjoyed bonding with her father during these camping trips, them being the only time she really bonded with him.

Eventually at the age of fourteen she learned about what gender dysphoria was in her school's psychology class, and told her parents about how she had it. Her parents reacted negatively at first; trying to convince her she was in fact a boy. Eventually they took her to a therapist, who told them that she did indeed have gender dysphoria. Her parents then began to accept her, and at sixteen she changed her name and was allowed to begin hormone treatment and begin transitioning. Due to Maddie wanting a fresh start among new people rather than those who always knew her as a boy, her parents moved to a nearby suburb that was close enough to where they can keep their jobs, but Maddie could go to a different school, this new school being Aurora High School.

Due to the bullying, Maddie became very shy, never really talking to anyone, and having only one or two friends, although she tried to make friends with the girls at her school it never quite worked out because she was considered unpopular and weird. She usually hung out with the nerds, as that was the only group that really ever accepted her as she was, all of them being outcasts of sorts. She did quite well in school, due to being quite intelligent, never really having trouble with any classes, but she never played any sports or do anything really physical, because those activities never interested her, causing her to have poor endurance when it came to anything physically demanding. Upon transferring to Aurora High School when she was beginning junior year, she began to make many more friends than she had at her old school and began to become less shy.

As of the present, Maddie is usually quite happy (in contrast to her earlier depression). In her free time she continues her old hobbies such as playing video games, playing chess, reading up on scientific phenomena, along with some new activities like hanging out with the friends she made at Aurora, although she no longer goes camping with her dad, due to his job becoming more time consuming. She is very satisfied after her transition, as it has improved her happiness greatly. She is still doing quite well in classes at Aurora just like she was at her old school. She has been accepted to Seattle Pacific University and plans on going there to pursue a degree in physics.

Two of her best friends at Aurora are Yaz Carroll and Alexander de Gaulle, and they are the ones she normally hangs out with, although she does have some other minor acquaintances. She normally just hangs out at the castle or library with her friends, and sometimes plays video games with Alex. She is no longer being bullied by her classmates any more than anyone else as of her transferring schools. She aspires to become a physicist one day due to her fascination with sciences and her love for physics especially. She bases most of her philosophies on logic, and as a result became rather calculating and an atheist later in her childhood. She became calculating in order to best think her way out of situations with her bullies. To her close friends, Maddie is known to be very kind and caring, often helping them whenever she could.

Advantages: Maddie is extremely cunning and her wire-like frame makes her quite agile. She could potentially use the rudimentary knowledge she picked up over the years of reading scientific books and magazines to make basic traps and very basic explosives, but they would likely be ineffective and she may not remember how to properly make them in the first place. Her basic knowledge provided to her by camping with her father will give her a survivability boost on the island.
Disadvantages: She has poor stamina and endurance, which would translate to not being able to last in an extended chase or fight. She is not the best at making friends, even though she has gotten better, and it would be hard for her to make allies past her small group of friends. She is also quite nervous and very cowardly, and would put her own survival above anyone else's, meaning she will probably lose any allies she does make.

Designated Number: Female student No. 005

---

Designated Weapon: Silver pill box containing 3 Ambien pills
Conclusion: Everyone thinks their smarts will get them through, don't they? G005 is going to learn Survival of the Fittest is not the most politically correct show and when she does, I wish her sweet dreams- Abby Soto


DECEASED

G003 - Bell, Naomi[/DECEASED]
DECEASED


Name: Naomi Bell
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Politics and debate, reading, yoga

Appearance: Naomi is five-foot-eight and very slender, weighing in at 135 pounds. She's somewhat fit, due to practicing yoga, but doesn't have any noticeable muscle and looks rather delicate. Naomi is clearly someone who works hard on her appearance. She has very pale skin and uses several skin products to keep it free of blemishes. If she's not careful on sunny days, she sunburns quickly and badly. Her hair is a very light blonde and naturally rather frizzy, but she keeps it straightened and glossy with three different hair products. It reaches halfway down her back and her bangs frame her face. She has dark green eyes which are slightly slanted and framed by arched eyebrows which she keeps plucked and tidy. Her nose is short and stubby. The most make-up she ever wears is lip gloss, with the exception of formal occasions.

Naomi wears clothes that seem modest at first glance, but a closer study shows they're well-made and expensive. On the day of the abduction she was wearing a form-fitting red sweater over a white blouse, with black pants and cream-coloured Oxford loafers.

Biography: Naomi Bell is the elder of two children, being twelve years older than her little sister. She was born into a fairly wealthy family as her father, Ronald Bell, runs a successful law firm with his brother-in-law, Noam Strickland. Naomi grew up never wanting for anything, at the expense of not seeing her parents too much. Her father was often busy with work and her mother, Angeline, was busy with socializing and keeping up a strong image of the family's reputation within the local community. When they were home they were usually very tired and ended up with little energy to spend on Naomi, so she was primarily raised by nannies. When she was young, she assumed everyone was raised by nannies and was surprised when it turned out this wasn't the case.

Despite how often her parents were away, what she learned off them set the groundwork for her priorities in later life, especially what she learned from her father. She learned that reputation was everything. If people thought her father was untrustworthy then they wouldn't hire him or anyone else from his firm. They had to think he was the most trustworthy person in the entire world. From him Naomi also learned that with the right words one could convince people to believe almost anything. She built much of herself on the belief that charisma and reputation were the driving forces of success.

Naomi was well educated. Until high school she was enrolled in private schools and her parents hired tutors for her from an early age, who made sure she kept up her good grades and general intelligence. When the nannies were caring for her they often told her to sit and do something quiet, like reading. Her mother loved books so the house was full of them. Naomi spent most of her spare time reading as a result and literature started to influence her arguments from a very young age. It was ineloquent in the early years, like when she insisted that the bully at school should stop taking people's lunch money because Aslan wouldn't like it. As she got older she started citing more legitimate and less fictional sources of literature. She started reading even more extensively for the purpose of backing up her arguments and found she could talk people into things much easier if she did so.

As Naomi grew older and became more aware of the state of the world she came to the realization that there were a lot of stupid people out there in positions of power, politicians in particular. Naomi decided that the best way to change the world for the better would be to become a politician herself and make the changes happen, and that she had to do it because most of the world was too stupid to do it properly. Her ambitions are extremely lofty. She doesn't just want to be a politician, she wants to become President of the United States and fully believes she has the potential to get there. She's tends to prefer more progressive movements, seeing progress as necessary to remove outdated ideas, and is prone to showing up at political rallies, provided it isn't anything that might get her in trouble with the police.

Naomi has always been concerned with image, but when she came to the realisation that she wanted to be president it became an even stronger concern. When she entered high school, she focused on building the image of a leader of the people, in order to get practice for when she attempted it in the real world. She makes an effort to bond with as many people as possible and often focuses on befriending the stranger people. She secretly tends to look down on many people in a somewhat sympathetic and pitying way, thinking that it isn't their fault that they're too weird or stupid to be as intelligent as her.

Although Naomi went to private school throughout elementary school and junior high, she specifically requested that she go to a public school for high school. She presented her reasons to her parents about Aurora High School appealing academically due to a variety of advanced classes, which was part of the truth, but she also wanted to associate with people she saw as less privileged in order to better understand people that, one day, would hopefully vote for her in her political endeavors.

Naomi doesn't spend too much time with her parents. She has a very strong respect for them, since her father and mother are respected people and her father in particular is rather charismatic, but there are few emotional feelings involved. She wants to be like her parents but she doesn't feel much else for them. It is a very different case with her six-year-old sister, Maria. Naomi loves her little sister and dotes on her as much as possible. She often takes Maria places when her parents are too busy and takes care of her when the nanny is having a day off. Aside from when Maria does things like eat her lip gloss or use her favorite dress to blow her nose, Naomi would have a hard time loving her sister more than she already does. Besides her sister, the member of her family that she's closest to is her cousin, Miles Strickland. They share many similar interests and often working together in the same clubs at school, particularly in student council. While they regularly make fun of the other, they're fond of each other deep down.

At school she works as hard as she can to keep straight A's. She's particularly interested in History and Humanities. Her teacher in these subjects, Mr. Connor, often engages in class in discussion and opposes their points of view to see if they have the reasoning to back up their views. This tendency gave Naomi a lot more practice at arguing her views, although she always lost against her teacher. Although she was bitter about losing so often at first, she came around to realizing that it was helping her skills as a debater and speaker and now enjoys these in-class debates.

Naomi's other favorite subject is Drama. Part of the reason is because she loves being the center of attention, but largely it's because there's a freedom in acting that she can't get anywhere else. Naomi is careful to consider the ramifications of anything she does in order to convince people that she's as close to perfect as someone can get. Acting is the only activity where she can temporarily drop these pretenses and behave like an imperfect person.

Naomi is president of both the student council and the debate club, and is also a member of the book club and the yearbook committee. In her spare time she either does yoga, which she picked up to keep her fitness levels high without applying for any rough sports, or hangs out with friends, which vary from people in the popular crowd who she's more likely to think of as close friends to people she finds odd but hangs out with anyway as a show of good faith.

Naomi attempts to cultivate a good image among as many classmates as possible and tries to memorize details about as many as she can. Because of this, she can name almost every student in her year and often remember a few things about each. She uses this knowledge to both fake interest in activities they like and avoid topics that might offend them.

There are very few people that Naomi can't at least pretend to like, but the easiest way to come into conflict with her is to loudly oppose her ideas. Naomi likes to have control of what she's doing, and can sometimes come into conflict with people during group work if they oppose her too much, and her need to prove herself right can cause her to engage into petty arguments with some people. This is how she made enemies of a boy in her year, Owen Veveris. They were placed together on an English assignment and disagreed over everything, eventually ending up in a screaming match over what colour of pen they should use. Naomi attempts to ignore him but is often pulled into embarrassingly petty conflict with him.

Naomi occasionally dates people, but she always makes sure to leave long gaps of time between boyfriends in order to avoid a slutty reputation. For similar reasons, she also never engages in anything beyond kissing. She is careful in other aspects of her life, as well. During parties, for example, she will never drink. To avoid the reputation of a prude she will usually hold an alcoholic beverage and pretend to drink from it, but that drink will go untouched for the entire party. She tries to keep a clear head at all times, to make sure she can stop herself from saying anything that might damage her image, because she knows even one offensive comment can destroy a reputation.

On the outside, Naomi maintains her polite and friendly front and buries her negative characteristics underneath a thick layer of simulated kindness. Underneath her polite front, Naomi is extremely arrogant and overconfident in her ability. When drawn into competition, one of two things can happen. If it's something with low stakes, such as an argument about politics, she will get into the competition and really enjoy it, and remain friendly throughout, if a bit stubborn and argumentative about it. Casual competition like that is essential for her to build up her skills, something she learned by arguing her points with Mr. Connor. If something more is at stake, like a grade or an official competition, then she can get rather bitter and mad towards the competition. If she loses such things, she will often throw a huge verbal (and occasionally physical) tantrum, one of the few times her polite facade drops. She attempts to keep these tantrums quiet, and it isn't uncommon to find her doing yoga-related breathing exercises to calm herself down, but they still come out sometimes.

While she has good intentions, her ego causes her to look down on people and think critically of them. Although she believes that she's open-minded and does attempt to learn more about those who she considers different, Naomi can quickly become judgmental towards people, often for small reasons, and it is difficult to change her mind once these preconceptions have been set.

Advantages: Naomi is a good public speaker and is often able to talk her way through arguments, and by extension out of sticky situations. She's a good actor and excellent at putting on a front of kindness. She thinks things through and tries to account for everything that might go wrong. She remembers information about many of her classmates and will be able to take educated guesses about their general behaviour.
Disadvantages: She is not built for any sort of fighting or heavy running and her slender build means she can be easily overwhelmed by most of her classmates. She relies too much on her ability to convince and the fact that she assumes she's always right means she'll be unlikely to turn around and attempt a different strategy. While she works fine with groups if they agree with her, any opposition in ideas could lead to major difficulties in getting along with them.

Designated Number: Female student No. 003

---

Designated Weapon: Electric hedge trimmers
Conclusion: I'll bet miss princess here never thought she'd be handling gardening tools. She better hope she remembers which ones of her classmates has a vicious streak or her pretty words will be all that's left of her. - Abby Soto


DECEASED

B004 - Kay, Owen[/DECEASED]
DECEASED


Name: Owen Elliott Kay
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Soccer, video games (especially strategy and RPGs), tennis, listening to and performing music, food, drama and acting, reading, art, fencing

Appearance: The first thing most people notice about Owen is his height. Standing at 6’5”, Owen towers above many of his classmates. As well as that, although he’s nowhere near as muscular or well built as many of his classmates, the fact that Owen’s played sport for much of his life means that Owen weighs 215lbs and looks tall and strong, rather than tall and lanky. The majority of Owen’s height comes from his legs, although the rest of his body is still a large contributor.

Owen has dark/dirty blonde hair, which he often attempts to grow to a medium length, as he dislikes how it looks short. It is normally curly, especially towards the end, and can get rather fluffy for a few days after being washed. When Owen was placed on the island, his hair was at a medium length, with the ends only beginning to curl, which he believes to be the best look for him. Owen also has a small amount of facial hair, mostly around his chin, although as it is blonde it’s not too noticeable

The most notable thing about Owen’s facial features is the pair of thin, dark grey metal glasses that frame his grey/blue eyes. Owen has worn glasses ever since he was eight, as he detests using contacts. The only time Owen removes his glasses is when he’s sleeping, and as such, he has had to replace his glasses almost once every year. In fact, Owen recently purchased a new pair, as the lenses of his old ones had smashed playing soccer.

Another notable feature of Owen’s body is the fact that his fingers and hands are double jointed. He claims this feature came from his uncle, and takes some sort of twisted delight in freaking people out by cracking his knuckles and fingers, or bending his little finger back to reach the top of his hand.

One of the things Owen dislikes the most about his features is the fact that his skin always seems to have some sort of blemish. His most hated blemish is a permanent spot on the right side of his nose. He is also rather pale, and burns easily without sunblock. Owen also has a small scar above his left eye from walking into a car door, a scar on his right elbow from a cycling accident, and a larger scar on the right of his stomach from his appendicitis, although he doesn’t mind these.

Owen dresses solely for comfort. The smartest clothes he owns are two shirts and trousers he bought for work experience. Owen can almost always be seen wearing a t-shirt and jeans, with a hoody or micro-fleece if it’s cold. Recently, he’s also started wearing a very dark navy blue Buff, normally around his neck.

When he was placed on the island, Owen was wearing a dark blue t-shirt, with a white image of Lehran’s medallion from Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn printed on the front, as well as the words “Greil Mercenaries”, also in white, with “Greil” placed above the image and “Mercenaries” below. Owen also had a light blue hoody alternatively slung over his shoulder or tied around his waist, black jeans, and a pair of very battered white and green trainers. He also had his Buff in his pocket.

Biography: Owen was born in Oxford, England, although he lived his early life in the small town of Chipping Norton. His mother, Florence, is a copy-editor, and his father, Johan, works in IT for a major company in Seattle, although until recently he worked for a much smaller company in Banbury. Owen also has a brother, Noel, who is two years younger than him. The Kay family, as a whole, are very close, although Owen and Noel are prone to long, pointless arguments about nothing much in particular.

The first five or so years of Owen’s life were fairly uneventful. He was a very cheerful child, albeit rather shy around new people and authority figures. He spent his early childhood in the same way as many other young children; playing at his friends’ houses, at the park or in the back garden, or idly sitting around drawing or watching TV. One notable difference to other children his age was that Owen was much more interested in reading than most. His parents encouraged this, and rather than reading to him before he fell asleep, Johan asked Owen if he would like to read instead, which he did. Although a lot of his favourite books were from the Tintin and Asterix series, Owen also enjoyed reading stories by Dick King-Smith and Roald Dahl. This love of reading continues today, and Owen’s room is full of books from many different genres and authors.

Aside from the birth of Noel, Owen’s early life was very normal, until a few months after he’d turned five, and the family had just returned from visiting a distant relative. Florence was putting Noel into his bed, and Johan was removing gifts from the car and placing them inside the Kay’s house, leaving Owen alone in the car, with the keys still in the ignition, as Johan was planning to drive to his choir meeting as soon as Owen was inside. Out of boredom, Owen stuck his head out of the open window, as even at five he was tall for his age. In doing so, he inadvertently hit the button to close the electric window, which slowly started to suffocate him. Thankfully, Johan had left his wallet in the car and, returning outside to retrieve it, quickly reached through the gap and turned the window off just in time. For the next week or so, Owen was understandably shaken, but after that he appeared to be back to his normal cheerful self.

Unfortunately, this lasted only for around a month. Owen had just returned from a school friend’s house, and noticed that Florence was in a rather sombre mood. When he asked Johan what the matter was, he told the young boy that her mother, and Owen’s grandmother, had died. She had been close to the entire family, and her loss, combined with Owen’s previous incident, lead to him feeling very upset, and he became much more quiet and reserved, reading even more than usual. It was this that brought about a huge fear of death to Owen. He’d never really thought about it before, and only occasionally does so now, but when he does, it terrifies him.

Not long after this, whilst Owen was still dealing with the loss of his grandmother, his parents sprung another announcement on him; the Kays were planning on moving to a smaller village near to Chipping Norton. This also meant that the two Kay boys would have to go to a different primary school. For Noel, this wasn’t a problem, as he hadn’t started education yet. However, this meant that Owen would have to leave behind the many friends he’d made in Chipping Norton.

The move, for Owen, brought about mixed feelings. Whilst he much preferred his new house and home village, his first few years of his new school left him feeling more than slightly alone. The students had already established their own friendships, and were unwilling to befriend Owen, due to his shyness and newness. However, a positive side effect of this was that it allowed Owen to focus more on school work, which he excelled at. It also introduced him to several of his hobbies. Owen is the sort of person who wants to try any hobby or activity at least once, and his parents encouraged this, as they thought it would be a good way for Owen to make more friends.

One of Owen’s major interests was, and is, music. He started playing the piano when he was around seven, inspired and supported by his father. His enjoys it, although he finds composing impossible, and is currently on Grade 8. A couple of years after starting the piano, Owen also picked up the clarinet. He intended to use it as a stepping stone to learning the saxophone, but he is now perfectly content with simply playing the clarinet.

As Owen went through primary school, he found himself warming up to his new classmates, thanks to joining several clubs, and generally establishing himself as a friendly and cheerful, if shy, person. Owen’s good reputation was increased by two instances. The first was during a lunch period, and Owen was walking on the school field past his classmates kicking a ball around. They had been planning to play football/soccer, but no-one wanted to play in goal. Seeing Owen’s tall frame, they managed to persuade him to play, and he discovered that he really enjoyed playing in goal, so much so that he joined the village football team later that year. Owen was occasionally placed in defence or as a striker, but found that, although he was very fast, he quickly ran out of stamina, so goalie was the natural position for him. The second instance started when he visited his best friend Thom’s house. Thom had a Gameboy Advance, which Owen was hugely impressed by, as no-one else he knew owned one. After much nagging, persuading and hinting, Owen finally received one for his birthday, which he delighted in showing off to his friends. Whilst his goalsaving antics had already made him friends with the sports fans of his year, this new love of video games made him friends with the other video games fans of his year.

By the end of primary school, Owen had pretty much returned to the cheerful personality from his youth. He was friends with the majority of his class, and had gained several new hobbies. He had even done a one week fencing course, something he dearly wishes to do again. Owen has completely memorised the main moves of fencing, just in case he does get a chance. Owen also joined a tennis club as he was interested in tennis. He is very enthusiastic, and very eager, but his shots have far too much power and very little accuracy most of the time. Because Owen enjoys sports so much, and he didn’t want to damage his glasses, he bought a pair of sports goggles. He carries them with him all the time, just in case. When the time came for Owen to start secondary school, he was looking forward to it. Unfortunately, things went rather awry.

To start with, Thom and his family moved house to Wales, which meant that Owen knew one less person at school. He was also sorted into a tutor group that contained very few people he knew, and Owen’s natural shyness kicked in. He was enjoying school, however, as it offered a lot of opportunities to expand on his hobbies. He joined the school jazz band and football team, and was looking forward to a trip to Italy with the jazz band in the summer.

However, a month before the trip, Owen was participating in a PE lesson where he was practicing the long jump. He mistimed his jump, and landed awkwardly on his foot, which caused his left metatarsal to break. This brought up questions about whether he would be able to go on the trip, but eventually it was decided he would be able to. The decision was actually a moot point, as it happened. During a rehearsal, Owen complained of feeling unwell, and was sent home. He tried to get some sleep, but woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and feeling worse than before. Over the next few days, Owen stayed at home, lying on the sofa half conscious, only breaking out of his stupor to throw up into a bucket. Florence diagnosed Owen with food poisoning, and a doctor agreed with her statement. However, when Owen became even worse, his parents became concerned, and called a doctor from a hospital in Oxford to take a look at Owen. His diagnosis was drastically different from Florence’s; Owen in fact had severe appendicitis. He was quickly rushed to hospital, where an operation was performed to remove his burst appendix. For the next month and a half, Owen could do nothing but lie in bed, and later on his sofa. He found eating unbearable and yet felt constantly hungry. In his words, “The only thing that kept me sane was the fact that dad bought me Super Mario Galaxy.”

Eventually, Owen was declared well enough to return to school. However, a new problem arose. Owen’s long period of absence had led to new friendship groups forming without him, and they were rather unwilling to let Owen join them. Year 8 was possibly the worst year of Owen’s life. He felt completely isolated at school. He decided that if he couldn’t be friends as he was, he would have to act like the popular crowd. He started hanging out with people he didn’t really like, in an effort to look cooler. Owen also joined the rugby team, after his foot had healed, despite having absolutely no idea about the rules of rugby. All of this only caused Owen to feel even more miserable, and pushed him away from people who would have been better suited to him as friends.

Owen spent most of his time outside of school at home. If one good thing could be said about this period, it was that Owen discovered even more hobbies. He had always been interested in drawing, but had never really had much time to do so. Now though, whenever he wasn’t reading or playing on his DS, he would draw something, normally from the computer whilst listening to electronic and techno music, which he also discovered he loved. Owen also found, whilst playing through a bundle of video games his friend had given him, that he loved strategy and RPGs, in particular the Fire Emblem, Advance Wars and Golden Sun series. Of course, Owen never revealed any of this to his new “friends”, for fear of being seen as uncool.

Eventually, one day during an art lesson, Owen was sat at a table along with a group of people, including a girl named Amy Bachelor. They were talking about things like video games, movies and books, things the popular crowd had never talked about. Tired of feeling isolated, Owen tried adding to the conversation, and to his delight, the group readily accepted him into the conversation.

After this, Owen quickly abandoned his previous persona, and instead became who he actually was; a cheerful, optimistic yet slightly shy person. He could talk about stuff he actually had a passion for, such as video games, without feeling like a moron, and yet could also talk about sport, especially football, with some of the friendlier students from the popular crowd. Owen was happy again, and started to join more clubs that he’d wanted to do, but wouldn’t have dared to join during his “cool-guy” period. He joined a cooking club, as he had a love of food, and Florence repeatedly found him stealing from the cupboards, or trying to take a bite of something he’d only just made. He also joined a local drama group, something he’d wanted to do since primary school. One of his teachers said that he would be an excellent actor, something Owen has taken to heart, and it is currently his ambition to become an actor.

There was growing unease, however, that Owen would have to drop all his clubs, as the Kay family had been struck rather hard by the recession. The problem was slightly alleviated by Owen’s cooking club stopping, but the Kays’ money problem was still there. When Owen was 16, however, a solution was found. The company Johan worked for was connected to a much larger one in Seattle and a higher-up from the Seattle company offered Johan a well paying job working there. A lot of discussion was made, involving education, work and friendships, but eventually it was decided that the Kays’ would move again. They needed the money, and Florence could keep her job, as it solely involved emails and the internet. Things grew even better, when Florence’s friend Ray offered them his second house in Seattle. After another couple of weeks, Owen and his family had touched down in America.

Owen had been fairly sad at having to leave his old home and tell his friends goodbye, but he could still contact them through Facebook and the like. He was also happy to find out that Amy was going to the same school he was planning to go to, having moved to America three years before.

There were worries that Owen would struggle at a school in a different country, but his natural intelligence soon put those aside. His best subjects are PE, music, English and drama, although he sometimes finds it difficult to understand certain terms, and always calls flashlights “torches”, and soccer “football”. Owen has also done his best to join the clubs he participated in back in England, joining the school soccer and tennis clubs, as well as the band, and out of school drama and cooking clubs. He also managed to find piano and clarinet tutors, and has continued with his studies. Recently, Owen has shown an interest in playing the drums. However, his parents have stated that he'll have to give up either the clarinet or piano if he wants to do so, as they believe him playing three instruments would distract him from homework and school too much.

Owen can almost always be found with a smile on his face, either wandering round with his hands in his pockets, or participating in one of his various activities. He is optimistic and cheerful, and he is slowly getting over his shyness around new people. He loves making people laugh, being able to do deadpan and hammy just as well as each other. His main bad points are that he can be very spacey at times, forgetting something someone told him five minutes ago. He can also be far too trusting of people, and once gave his glasses to an athletic friend, who ran off and hid in the opposite side of the school. Owen is enjoying his time at Aurora High, and has had no major incidents of bad luck, which he often jokes about, saying that an anvil’s likely to drop on him soon.

Advantages: Owen has above average strength from his sports, and is also fairly quick and agile. He’s friendly and trustworthy, and many people find it hard to stay mad at him for too long, which means he could easily make allies. Owen has had experience with staying outdoors before, and his fencing lessons could prove useful, albeit not too much, seeing as they were fairly short. He is also intelligent, and does not have to worry too much if he loses his glasses, as he keeps his sports goggles on him at all times.
Disadvantages: First and foremost, Owen is terrified at the thought of death, and is likely to be very panicky on the island. Despite his intelligence, Owen can be very spacey at times, and can be far too trusting of people, which sometimes borders on naivety. Although he has decent speed and strength, his stamina is very poor, meaning he can only run short distances at a time, and then being forced to stop.

Designated Number: Male student No. 004

---

Designated Weapon: Scalpel
Conclusion: A teeny tiny knife for such a big boy. That's sort of ironic, I suppose. Try not to cut off your own double jointed fingers B004, because I doubt any of those friends you love so much will lend you a hand. - Abby Soto


DECEASED

Tim Tavares
Howdy Howdy. I am Ruggahissy and I will be your moderattte. Tim (or Kenneth?) is denied for right now. Imma go through the profile and point out what needs changing and then you change it. Sound good?


Name: Kenneth Timothy Tavares
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Political action, anti-capitalist schools of thought, counter-culture activities, skateboarding, music, prose


Appearance: Tim Tavares looks like a man sick of the world at much too young an age. A 5'9 featherweight at 146 pounds, Tavares has inherited his Peruvian-American mother's green eyes and thin body and his father's black hair and sallow skin tone. He usually keeps his hair short in the front and long in the back, styled down. He has several piercings, two small black gauge earrings one in each ear, and a lip piercing. His nose is thin, and his eyes are uncommonly sunken, with highly visible stress circles underneath the eyes. His default facial expressing seems to be set on bemused- a permanent "ugh, now what happened" look seemingly etched there like a Moai statue.

Okay. So these profiles are written from the perspective of one of the terrorists as a file on the student. A terrorists who knows way more than they would realistically know about the kids, but one none the less. I'd like for the tone of the profile to be a little less casual. Think of it as a bored office lackey in a cubical writing this out. So no "man sick of the world at much too young an age" and no "Moai statue." Just describe what he looks like.

Tim's build is thin and wiry, prompting some of his anarchist buddies to refer to him as scarecrow, because of his long bony limbs. Both of his arms from his shoulders down to the wrists are covered in tattoos, effectively forming a sleeve on both. The most common theme among the tattoos appear to be symbols not unlike those worn by monks and vagabonds that eschew most material goods.

His preferred outerwear is a black sportcoat over a t-shirt emblazoned with some band logo or a slogan proclaiming opposition to mainstream political powers. On the day of his abduction, Tavares wore a black bomber jacket, a red TSTA06 Touche Amore tee, and Free World Messenger Khaki Chino Pants over his Blackspot Unswoosher V2 shoes.

Tim is 17 and it is the law in the state of Washington that individuals under 18 are not allowed to get tattoos even with parental consent. So he can't have sleeves of tattoos or any at all.

Biography: Tim was born to Sheila Ranieri and Paul Tavares on August 29th. A well-to-do banker, Paul met Sheila at his workplace; her workplace, too. Paul was a big time investor at a large credit union, Sheila was the receptionist. Paul was enamored with the young lady, immediately- he was making all sorts of moves on the poor girl. A determined banker is only a little less dangerous than a shark; they were dating in 2 months, engaged in 9, married a little over a year later. Tim was born a week after their first anniversary. This would be their only anniversary together. Paul Tavares was a man who was relatively shallow. A natural lounge lizard, Paul's natural habitat were the bars and nightclubs that the Pacific Northwest had to offer. He slept with other women regularly.

Again, this is a tonal issue. Referring to Shelia as "poor girl." Referring to Paul as a shark. Just recount the events as they occurred and if someone was a bad person, as it seems Paul was, it will come out in the retelling.

After years of subtle and not-so-subtle infidelity, Sheila and Paul divorced when Tim was 6 years old. Almost immediately afterward, Paul, he got hitched with a blonde girl from Vancouver named Helen. In a perfect world, his ex-wife and kid did not exist; yet it was impossible to deny that fact when Sheila was at the receptionist desk every morning.

Again, "hitched" is too informal. Just say "married."

Despite all this, Tim as a young child was inquisitive and somewhat boastful of his father's achievements, despite Paul's indifference (Tim only saw his father when it was his birthday or Christmas). Tim, oblivious to the real reason behind his parents' separation, could brag in the school yard to his buddies that his dad probably lived in a mansion, and that his net worth was in the millions, even though at that age he nor his classmates had any idea what that meant. He could go home, and ask his mother why dad was so rich and famous but he wasn't around- and Sheila's face would darken, but only slightly- then she'd answer toquinho, I don't really know, for sure. As the years passed, Paul's visits became more and more infrequent, and Tim was more and more upset and curious as to why.


I think you missed some quotation marks here. "Toquinho, I don't really know for sure." Also, I do like that he boasts about his dad being a super rich guy when he's a kid because kids do that sort of thing.

This went on for 5 years until Paul was promoted to executive vice president of financial relations. Citing budget costs, Paul's first act was to fire half the staff- Sheila included. Sheila's struggle to find a well-paying job meant that they abandoned their home for a flat in Rainier Valley, one of the lowest income districts in Seattle. Paul paid welfare, but only for three years, and the bare minimum at that. Tim's family wasn't to the point of food stamps, but it was definitely a stark contract to his generally well-to-do life up to this point.

Major problems here. Why did Sheila continue to work for the company after the divorce? That seems awkward and like she would have tried to find new work as soon after as she could. Paul would not be paying "welfare." Welfare is government aid given to people who show they need assistance. Food stamps are in fact a form of welfare. Paul would be paying child support which is court order money to help with the expenses of their son and maybe also alimony which is court ordered spousal support. As both these monies are court ordered he would not be able to simply stop paying them because if he did Sheila would have the option to sue him for the child support and the court would have the option to jail him.


For Tim, this was the end of his early life and the beginning of his new one. The mystery of his childhood had finally been solved. His own dad, he thought, was more concerned with money and sex than his own flesh and blood. His own dad had relegated him and his mother to the slums and toeing the poverty line. Tim was disgusted and embittered, and began holding a grudge towards his father and the affluent at large- something that would no doubt shape his future behavior.


The beginning of his high school years marked Tim's submergence into the counter-culture. Skateboarding, graffiti, punk rock and the works of Emma Goldman surrounded his free time. For him, the lyrical content and do-it-yourself attitude of the punk genre and the works of anarchist writers like Goldman and Pierre Joseph-Proudhon intrigued him immediately, while he had already endeared himself to skateboarding's DIY values and relative status as an "anti-establishment" hobby. He spray-painted a couple buildings, but he ended up falling out with the street art subculture due to the legal ramifications- despite all his huff and puff, Tim has never been arrested.

In his Freshman year, he discovered Adbusters- that summer he already had two articles published in the magazine. With sophomore year came his participation in marches and protests, and the cultivation of his ability to hold a grudge. During freshman year he had gotten into a shouting match with one of the richer students. Nearly a year and a half later, that student went into his locker to find it filled to the brim with empty pill bottles. Not long after, the student transferred to an Oregon-based high school.

I'm familiar with Adbusters and I'm not sure I totally buy a 14 year old having writing up to snuff to get selected in the mag. Maybe up the year he writes them to his senior year. Also, I really don't understand the thing with the rich student finding empty pill bottles in his locker. I assume Tim put them there and then he transfers because of it?

In junior year, his budding interest in anarchism, socialism and other alternative political ideologies became full-fledged beliefs- though not old enough to vote, he did go door-to-door giving out pamphlets supporting the Freedom Socialist Party.

Moreover, Tim found himself getting multiple tattoos- unrepentant despite the law regulating against giving tattoos to minors- that began as small designs, yet by the end of the year he was "completely inked", as the slang term invokes. The majority of them had come from his summer spent in Portland, Oregon, riding bikes for the Critical Mass event- of course, with his parent's permission. A small amount had been obtained illegally through hush-hush parlors on the wrong side of squatter communes.

As it turns out, the tattoo laws for Washington are the same as the tattoo laws for Oregon. No tattoos for minors regardless of parental consent.

While his relationship with his father is increasingly bitter and abhorrent, Tim cares deeply for his mother, which is possibly why he feels so betrayed in the first place. A demure, if not pushed-around woman, Tim's mother has grown increasingly numb to becoming one of the doormats of the world after being repeatedly given the shaft by big businesses and men in power. While her son fires back to wrongdoing in rage and action, Sheila has been indifferent- if not completely apathetic- to what she believes is wrong. In her eyes, she's seen what these people in power can do, and if they need be, they can and will absolutely bury you. She isn't opposed to Tim's actions, but isn't fully supportive of them, either. Her toquinho is a smart boy and could easily get into the University of Oregon, but it's a struggle for him to even want to prepare to move into a system he hates.

"Getting shafted" is too informal. Also stop using "her toquinho" as it is also too informal.

At school, Tim was never an extremely social type, but is able to be a guy who sympathized with many of his peers, provided they didn't come from the castes he detested. As a student, Tim has never really pushed himself to the limit, more interested in communes than calculus. At school, he hangs out with many kids from the working and lower class, but rarely if ever participates in any clubs or sports. When not in class during school hours, he's usually loitering the halls of the student center, or reading anything to do with current events or politics in the library.

What kind of student is he? What are his favorite subjects? What does he want to do after school? What does he do with his friends when not at school? You say that he is intelligent. In what ways?

The advent of The Program, as the Survival of the Fittest "initiative" was referred to, did nothing but further infuriate him. Children and people with futures died, and everyone just watched. They gnashed their teeth, but outside of STAR, no one did anything. To Tim, this was a microcosm of society as a whole. These terrorists- much like the social terrorists that in his mind were ruining American society- were able to come in and take with few repercussions. The supposed end of program in 2008 did little to quell his anger. Too little, too late, he said. Hundreds of kids were dead, even more families were broken, and the world idly watched for four iterations. Made shirts out of the thing! For him, it was repulsive, disgraceful.

Survival of the fittest is never referred to as "The Program" or "initiative" in this world. After it is revealed widely to be real and not a hoax all merchandising of Survival of the Fittest was stopped and anyone who continued to sell or buy it would be thought of as someone today who would be doing the same thing with merchandise of 9/11. It's fine for Tim to be angry that it took the government so long to react or to hate the terrorists.

When not in school or socializing, Tim was spending time down at the docks, or the squatters housing, with the scum of the land. Druggies, homeless, prostitutes, made up his social circle, connected by one bond: Wealth, and the lack of it. Wrath and the amassing of it. Worth, and the hatred of the fact that to corporate America, they had none.

Again, druggies is very informal, should be "drug addicts." And if he is hanging out with all these people, does he ever start doing drugs? Tim seems like an intelligent sort, what benefit does he get out of hanging out with drug addicts and prostitutes who are at the level you describe, usually too forgone to really have meaningful conversation. Tim is essentially hanging out with drug addicts who are broken people and work the street for sex in order to make money to get more drugs. It doesn't make sense to me that Tim would want to stay with these people who probably aren't as energized about fighting the system as he is. Another issue is that hanging out with that crowd could easily get him arrested during a drug or prostitution bust if he happened to be hanging around these people at the time.

Advantages: Tim is intensely loyal to almost a fault, and with that brings a strong determined personality- whenever it's a cause he feels it is worth fighting for. If he feels he can trust you or otherwise identifies with you, he will run through walls if asked. More than anything, he's a perceptive young man- he doesn't exactly look, or act like a shrink, but he considers himself the kind of person that can become in tuned with someone's struggles.
Disadvantages: A combination of distrust of authority and apathy to things he's not interested in has made him sort of a social leper. He could probably be an intelligent, friendly guy, but Tavares is the kind of person who would rather hoist the black flag and tear down infrastructure if it meant benefit to what he believes. On the flipside, he considers himself to be more politically active than your neighborhood Seattle granola-eating hippie, but he's still a teenager. A short guy who is not muscular even by the loosest use of the definition, most of his exploits with Black Bloc have resulted in the police smacking him once or twice and sending him home with his head between his legs. Because of his lack of strength, he shies away from physical confrontation if he has the chance - he is almost always overpowered by the males at his school. Tim also can hold a grudge; he's been holding one against rich kids for years. Moreover, those he feels betrayed by have found that it's incredibly hard if not completely impossible to get back in his good graces. His desire to get back at those who he believes has wronged him does have a bad habit of clouding his better judgement.

The disadvantages and advantages are very muddled and confusing. Just tell me what he is and isn't good at. For disadvantages I can gather that he is A) Not well liked among a lot of the students B ) Not easy to get along with if you don't share his ideology C) Not very strong and pretty thin D) Not good in a fight and E) Has prejudices against many of his classmates that would prevent him from working with them. When it comes down to it, Tim isn't a bad character base, but the language needs some polishing and cleaning up and some issues need to be addressed. One final thing: his name is listed as Kenneth Tim Travers but he is never mentioned as Kenneth. Why not just make his name Tim?



Das all I got. Post when the changes have been made!