"We tried to be better, but we aren't. I don't think anyone could last more than a week here if they weren't willing to do bad things." - Alba Reyes

Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Nathaniel Fergus
I love him! I was gonna dock you for having Nathaniel be in a rainforest in Washington but I looked it up and Olympic National Park does have a section of forest known as a "temperate rainforest" which is a rainforest at high altitude that receives tons of rainfall but is in a colder climate than tropical rain forests. So you learn something new every day!



APPROVED

Nathaniel Fergus
Hello there and welcome. We've met already but since that was under the name of Scanty I will introduce myself as Ruggahissy and I will be your moderator for this profile. Nathaniel is a very good start for a first timer but is temporarily denied because we need some clarification and some more information.

Appearance: It's hard for me to picture Nathaniel right now. What sort of hair style does he have? What does his nose look like? Ears? Eyes? Lips? Chin? You've given me basics like the color of his eyes and hair but not much beyond that. Does he have freckles? Is his thinness wiry and muscly or lanky?

I was born in America with both of my parents being immigrants who came to this country well into adulthood and both speak with very heavy accents. However, I speak perfect unaccented English, so it doesn't make sense to me that Nathaniel speaks with an accent.

Biography:

There's scarce information here about Nathaniel's relationship to his parents. How does he get along with his mother and father? How did he feel about the divorce? When did they divorce?

There is almost no information on his socialization in the profile. Did he have friends in elementary school? In middle school? In high school? How many friends does he have? Does he have a lot of people's he's friendly with but who aren't friends? What sorts of people does he make friends with?

His schooling is given a barebones description. What are his least favorite subjects? Why does he like English? How did it make him feel that things that were once easy suddenly became harder? Did he or his parents do anything to try and pull his grades up in high school? What does Nathaniel want to do after school is over? Does he have any goals or ambitions?

There's no mention of poetry or camping in this biography. I would think that since his father is a park ranger that camping would be a bonding activity but that's just a guess. Can you tell me what sorts of things he carves? Does he take woodshop at school?

Why is this guy so introverted? I'd like more description of his personality. Is he funny? Serious? Messy? Neat? Patient? Short tempered? Loyal? Clumsy? Determined? Flighty? Think about some things that describe his personality and tell me about them. Has he ever had a girlfriend or crushes?

Advantages and Disadvantages:
"His woodcarving experience means that he at least knows the right end of a knife to hold, although hes never used one in anger"

This isn't an advantage. One does not need to have experience wood carving to know not to hold onto the knife blade. Be more specific about his outdoor experience both here and in the profile. What can he do? Pitch a tent? Make a fire? Know which plants are safe to eat?

I like that he's kind of lazy and feckless. This would be great to add and talk about in the biography because right now there's not much in there about what he's like. Also, this guy is very very thin. Is he strong? Doesn't seem like he is right now which would be a disadvantage. His thinness will also be a problem because he won't be able to go as long without food as some of his peers.




It's a good foundation, but I need some more info. Take a look at the critique and post when you're done making the changes!








Free Samples with Purchase
"That's very hospitable of you. Family is very important," he said and leaned against one of the display tables. "I've always been envious of people with big families."

His stance was casual and friendly. Paris appeared to be having a good time chatting. Rosemary suggested something for relaxation. He playfully bumped his hand into his forehead.

"Of course. That's a good idea. Something to show that appreciate her hard work and that she should relax! True, I could have asked an employee like I suggested of.....loud girl," he said, searching for a correct and not too offensive descriptor, "but you know it's their job to sell things. I'm sure they'd just hand me things and tell me to buy them. Or maybe hand me the most expensive thing in the store. 'We promise, your mother really needs this $100 face cream the size of a thimble,'" he said with a laugh. "But bath things sound like a good choice. I'm a guy so baths don't really come to mind too quickly for me"

And then from somewhere in the store he heard the girl yell something about cut up kittens. It looked like she was talking at some kid from school. A quick assessment lead Paris to believe that this was not their problem. He turned back to Rosemary.

"So anyway, thanks for the suggestion. I really appreciate it. I'm kindda hungry and was planning to go to the pretzel stand for a snack before I head home. If you-"

And then the girl from before was suddenly back in their faces, yelling at them. Looked like their other classmate got off lucky.


"I only have a name for those who ask politely," he said with a good natured smile.