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Scarlet Darlings
Mara got up to take the dress out of the bag while listening to Summer. Mara carefully lifted her shirt over her head making sure not to ruin her hair and pulled off her pants.

"Right," she laughed. "We'll be nice, wouldn't want a Carrie. He'll be fine though, much worse to be an ugly girl than an ugly guy."

Mara stepped into the dress and pulled it up. Just as she reached around to zip it up, Naomi reentered the room. It sounded like the call wasn't any cause for concern. "That's good," she said as she pulled the zipper up about halfway. She reached one of her arms back behind her head in a feet of flexibility and finished zipping up.

She looked at her dress in the mirror and seemed satisfied. Summer picked up a photo of her and her father and Mara tensed. It was her reaction to reach back and grab the picture but as soon as she saw herself in the mirror with that intention in her eyes, she locked up. Discretely, she breathed out and her muscles unwound.

It wasn't a recent picture. She looked a few years younger and for a few seconds she looked at it. It was odd how something could be in your room, always around you and you don't often take the time to really look at it.

The younger her with her father was an unpleasant sight to look on. It was like the feeling you'd get watching a movie where you knew something bad would happen, but there's no stopping the movie from speeding along and eventually you hit the point you were afraid of.

In her elaborate home in her sparkling gold gown, Mara had an uncharacteristically soft look for a moment. This entire process took perhaps four seconds to run its course. She turned around and smiled at Summer.

"Yes, that's him," she said quickly. "He's very busy, you know," she said with exaggerated waving.

Miranda has walked in and Mara turned to greet her properly.

"Another doll! You look fabulous. I don't think it's the boys, they aren't supposed to be around for another 40 minutes or so."


"Whoever it is, the door is open!" she called.




Free Samples with Purchase
"I hope you find what you're looking for," he called after the girl. It was him and Rosemary again now. He blinked for a moment, then laughed.

"Oh goodness," he said as the laugh trailed off. "How are you, Rosemary?"


Another boy walked into the store. He recognized the kid from school. He looked lost as well, which seemed to be characteristic of males walking into the shop. They were confused or bored. Luckily for Paris he managed to snag himself someone who might be more knowable than him in these sorts of matters and who now felt indebted to him for swopping in.

"Maybe you can give me a hand. I'm looking for a present for my mom's birthday and I'm afraid I'm totally lost with all this stuff," he said bashfully rubbing the back of his neck. "If I was left to my own devices I'm sure I'd come back with five bottles of foot cream or something."






Revolutionary Rugga's Shop Shop
IT IS DONE

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Revolutionary Rugga's Shop Shop
In my free time I make stupid shit with photoshop. Do you want me to make your dreams come true with the powers of photo shop? JUST LOOK WHAT I'VE DONE FOR THESE FOLKS:


Mimi on a fantasy date with Flavor Flav

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Kilmarnock surrounded with the flames of hell

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Dom (MoonlightDrive) being seduced by a ham in a fancy car

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Kami wanted to see the Magic Bullet as Jesus because apparently it's that good

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So if you make a suggestion that I like, I'll shop it.

No One Talks About It
((Mara Montalvo continued from High Fashion High Prices))

Mara was sat at one of the desks with a computer and a pile of papers in front of her. Her cell phone vibrated and made a cheerful "ding!." She glanced at it and then at the screen again. She picked up the phone.

"Hello, this is Amaranta from the Aurora newspaper and I'm checking some things over. Is your name spelled with two Ps?"

Working.

Let me just email this girl asking her about an interview and then proof read the columnists thing and then I'll try to think of pitches for next week and I have to get ready for the debate club's debate next Friday and exercise 20 minutes every day and go dress shopping for the next pageant and look over the notes again from math because we have a text next week and I only got an 80 on the last one and I NEED TO DO BETTER EVEN THOUGH I FEEL LIKE THAT'S ALL I EVER DO, I SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF MY LIFE WORKING AND I'M MISERABLE NO MATTER WHAT I DO.


Her hand was shaking on the computer mouse she was clutching. It made a slight cracking noise and brought her back.

She dropped the mouse, looking wide-eyed at it.

"Piece of junk."

Her cell phone vibrated and made a cheerful "ding!."



Other Endings
I'll have at

I didn't really have much plans for winning.

I was kind of hoping Mary-Ann would make it to the end since out of my characters (and she wasn't even mine) I felt like she had the most to go back to. Too bad. She probably would have been shook up but grateful to go home.

The only person I really had a plan for was Nick just out of the fact that he made it so far I felt like I should make a plan just in case. I told a coupe of people, but for the record, if he'd won he'd probably spend the rest of his life in a mental hospital, crazy. He was suicidal and wanted to die though, so I would have tossed him into the grave anyway.

Plastic Hammers: V4's Finally Done Edition
The Basics

Handler Name: Ruggahissy!

Your Trademark Character: I dunno. Isabel made it out, Nick lasted the longest, Ethan seems most well known.

Current Status of Trademark Character: Unknown, dead, dead,

Favourite Character: Bleehhh I don't know. I can't pick one.

Favourite Weapon: Mmmm the lipstick gun

Favourite Scene: I'll say Kim being tricked into thinking her fingers were going to be sliced off.

Favourite Death: I'll stick with Simon Fletcher and Hilary Strand

Favourite Quote: "You’re right. I would kill to protect her. I would do anything to anyone to protect her. I would kill everyone on this island to protect her."- Alice Blake

Favourite Thread: Bwuhhhh We Are The Sleepyheads

Favourite Post: I dunno : (

Favourite Location: The Fun Fair


The Plastic Hammer Awards!

Most Evolutionary Character: Which character has come the farthest in terms of inner change and development? I like him and I think he changed pretty drastically in his time on the island. COME ON DOW, IMRAAN.

Most Revolutionary Character: Character whom you think has drastically changed the course of the game at any point. I'll give it to Liz.

Most Unorthodox/Original Character: Any character that strikes you as highly original or out of the ordinary. You know what? Dutchy. He wasn't my type personally, but he sure was different.

Most Realistically-Portrayed Character: A character who you feel that you can imagine existing in real life. I have to say R.J. Lowe. He was so good I forgot he couldn't talk. He's going to share this prize with Melissa Li.

Most Heroic Character: Any character that prominently stands out for his/her good intentions and his actions based on them. There was a real lack of Captain Hero types. Roland Harte. He sacrificed himself for others when he didn't have to, and sort of didn't want to.



Best Heroic Character: We're trying splitting this off this time. Who was your favorite Hero, even if they didn't necessarily manage the biggest impact/the most heroism? I have to say the same answer. Roland saved six other people by holding someone with a weapon off. Sadly, almost all of them died right after of other causes. He was just really great because he wanted to be the hero, though he was kindda disdainful of the people he felt compelled to protect. He was a good dude.

Most Villainous Character: Any character known for his/her not-so-good/honorable actions and intentions. Tough one. Ema Ryan/ Maxwell Lombardi tie.

Best Villainous Character: Who was your favorite ne'er-do-well? Aaron Huuuggghhhesss~

Most Tragic Character: A character who's actions, past, or circumstances can be considered tragic and unfortunate. Illario Fiametta, poor honey.

Most Humorous Character: Which character made you laugh the most? Jimmy Brenan and Cody Jenkins. DAMN YOU, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE, CODY? Dave Morrison as well <3

The Highway Robbery Award: Which character do you think should have won, leaving aside the actual winner? I was sort of rooting for Josie to make it to the end. Josie aside, Illario.


More Characterization

Which character did you relate to the most? Alice Blake. We have a similar sense of humor and speaking, I think.

Which character did you feel the most for? I'll go with Raine and Ridley. They got over looked a lot but I was touched by their death and devotion to each other. Reminded me of classic Battle Royale and I just felt terrible for them.

Which character do you feel 'played the game' the best? Aaron Hughes, obviously : )

Which character do you think had it the worst? There's something about Nick Reid that compels me to say he had the worst time.

Which character would you be willing to kill yourself (assuming you were the sort to kill a character)? I would have stabbed Liam Brooks right in his crazy face.

Which character do you think should NOT have died? Maaaannnn too many.

Which surviving character do you think deserved to die? Or for the characters already dead, which character do you think totally had it coming? Brendan Wallace >_>


The Drama Category

Most Tragic Scene: Which scene made you the most teary eyed? Acacia's euthanasia of Roman : (

Most Disturbing/Gory Scene: Which scene made you want to puke the most? Helen Wilson's self surgery : S

Most Pivotal Scene/Event: Which scene do you think played a huge role in the changing the course of the game? The Cavalry Arrives!

Most Humourous Scene: Which scene served as the best comic relief? This Scene is About A Hat

Most Action-packed Scene: Which scene had the most action going on? The Mighty Sparrow

Most Emotionally Moving Scene: Which scene induced some kind of emotion in you the most effectively? Death of Annaliese Hansen

Most Drama-filled Scene: Which scene had you on the edge of your seat in the way of conflict, suspense, and drama? The Death of Brock Mason

Most Unexpected Scene: There are always these unexpected turn of events that you could not have seen coming from a mile a way. I'll still say Andrea telling Allen she loved him XD


Death, Death, and More Death

Most Tragic Death: Which death brought the most tears to your eyes? Illario Fiametta

Most Violent Death: Which death do you think brought out the most gore/pain/blood/guts/etc.? Colin Falcone : S

Most Disturbing Death: Which death scarred/traumatized/made you want to puke the most? I think Helen's self surgery wins this one. She removed her own appendix and then dragged herself from the hospital to the beach with her crude stitches coming apart until she died from bleeding out just feet from the ships.

Most Unexpected Death: Which death struck you the most as totally coming out of the blue? Reika Ishida.

Most Original/Unorthodox Death: There are a million ways to skin a cat, and occasionally, you'll get a method that is just...totally...out there. Which one do you think fits the bill? Janet Victoriee-Ser's dildo drowning was certainly...something.

Most Humorous Death: If you find such a morbid matter so amusing. Richard Han for sure.


Predictions and Disillusionment

If you could change ANYTHING that has happened thus far, what would you change? I don't like to dwell on it.

How do you think V5 will differ from V4? Other than obvious factors (different characters, different backstory, different island, different events, new rules) I don't know O_O

Who of the existing characters are you counting on to win V5? Also unknown


Your thoughts on SOTFV4(and beyond...) I liked it.

How much did you enjoy/not enjoy SOTFV4? I enjoyed myself. Would play again.

What do you like the most about SOTFV4? I got to be a better writer and like, met cool people.

What do you think could have been better about SOTFV4? Placeholders are the worst. Finish your deaths! : (

How would you compare SOTF to the original BR? Very different, but good in it's own way.

How do you feel about the ENDING of SOTF V4? I am highly satisfied!

Do you think V5 will be any more or less enjoyable than V4/V3/V2/V1, or the same? Gosh, I couldn't say.

What do you think of the overall 'SOTF' story? I'm cool with it.

How do you feel about V5? I'd like for it to start soon >:I


Talk About Yourself

What has been your favorite thing to write in V4 (or V5 Pregame, if you did not participate in V4)? Favorite thing to write in....Nick's sister Natalie in the epilogue with Kim. Nick and Jessica or Josie were also both great. Feo and Ethan and Isabel and Dave and Zombie and Ciel being the best for Autumn's death.

Which of your V4 characters (or V5 Pregame characters, if you did not participate in V4) was your favorite to write? I liked them all for different reasons. Isabel because I could take my own point of view, Ethan and Sally for being jerks, Nick for....being really cool and sad.

Which was your favorite thread to participate in? House of the Rising Sun

What are you proudest of in V4 (or V5 Pregame, if you did not participate in V4)? Nick's death. I look at it and feel worried I can't make something that good again : (

What do you wish you could improve? I refuse to proof read. I just...hate doing it.

What is your favorite OOC memory of V4 (or V5 Pregame, if you did not participate in V4)? I think I got a significant other or something.

What is your favorite V4 memory overall? I can't pick!

What else would you like to share? Anything goes! I'm pretty tired, so Imma wrap this up.

Shaun Newmann
Massive delay caused by me having to grade midterms in real life.

Shaun is still denied. Let's go through why.


In asking for more detail I feel like you turned everything up to eleven. He went from a little bit over the top to way over the top. This time, I'd like you to take him in the opposite direction.

Hobbies and interests: Things in here need to be talked about in the bio. There's one mention of heavy metal and no mentions of hip hop. Try to put in a little about his favorite bands and maybe what he likes about the music. Also, the porn. Remove it. Pornography is not a hobby. Thing of is as such: if any other character said that a particular genre of theirs was a hobby, let's say a dude who loves film noir, what clues would you expect they would display of their hobby? Film noir posters in the bedroom, a sizable collection, maybe some similar styles in the way they dress.

I'm really not comfortable with porn being a hobby because that means it has to have a fairly large impact on him if it takes up that much of his free time where it moves from "watches porn occasionally" to a hobby. And if he IS that into porn where he spends his free time in his room night after night and does nothing but look at porn and go on porn sites, that's a big character issue that would need to be addressed.

Appearance: Throw five pounds on him. Get him to the bare minimum weight where he wouldn't be considered unhealthy. I understand you want him thin, but being just slightly above the limit of being healthy is still going to make people look at him and go "Wow, that guy is tiny." If he is unhealthily thin, the school will become concerned, look into and start asking questions of him and his parents (high schools often have physical examinations at the start of school).


Biography: Shaun's family are among the most despicable family of a student in SOTF that I have ever seen. Ever. They are terrible.

"The hostility seemed to come out of nowhere, but was justified by their parents and Corey himself as just a part of playing. However, at the worst of times Corey would question Shaun's manhood by calling him gay."

How much older is Corey than Shaun? I just don't know any parents who would look at this and think it was okay. Corey isn't even sneaky about this. And I may be wrong because I have no siblings, but there is no affection between these two, you say it yourself.

"The second Corey entered the scene, Shaun would drop anything and everything to look cool for him. Frequently, this involved turning on his new friends and picking on them, if that's what Corey wanted. While some friendships remained unscathed through elementary school, Shaun always found it difficult to balance his need to be a good friend and his desire to impress Corey."

This is good. He has issues and insecurities and he reacts in a way that's very realistic. But you can have this same react without Corey being so needlessly mean.

"He was often in trouble for physical altercations at school, but Carl and Sierra were convinced the school and student body was out to vilify their boy. The few times that Corey's aggression couldn't simply be ignored, they brushed it off as a boy acting like a boy. "

This is going to be a very blunt critique. These parents are idiots. How on Earth did they manage to get their degrees? This kid is fighting people and they are just saying "Oh, boys will be boys. They like to assault people." You can get the same result by just having him busted for the weed. One weed bust at my school and kids were put on academic probation and had to attend meetings called "choices."

"Corey tried to resist teaching Shaun anything, but in their interactions he gradually came to like the idea of Shaun being his lackey again."

That ^ . That is reprehensible. First, there is no evidence that Shaun was previously a "lackey" and second, reprehensible behavior of an older sibling and really with no purpose. They have enough money, good parents.

"The darker corners of the internet provided him with a nihilistic sort of comraderie that kept him from feeling entirely alone in his interests, and he convinced himself that it was the only friendship he needed."

Which interests? Outside of the porn, all of his interests are pretty mainstream with others who enjoy metal music, writing and anime. Why is he a nihilist all of the sudden?

" He wanted to be a man, and in that pursuit he found that only extreme things could please him anymore. The internet embraced and encouraged his bile fascination with sites like 4chan, and as he got older he could even stomach the likes of rotten.com in small doses. In his travels, he had stumbled upon sites that showed clips from Survival of the Fittest, but the reality of those videos was a bit much even for him. The fascination was there, and he found himself looking up what scant information was publicly available about SOTF, Danya and the terrorists, but he could never stand to watch the videos. He preferred to think that the show wasn't real, that it was a grim and elaborate hoax like he knew a good degree of the photos on rotten.com were."


Stop drop and roll. This paragraph is a big problem point.

- I went and looked at rotten.com It's a lot of pictures of mutilated body parts, dead people, grotesque things and I am not comfortable approving someone who is into looking at that sort of stuff because it screams of pre-made player. I looked up a bit of information on the website and there have been quite a few law suits against rotten.com from people whose dead, injured and maimed relatives have ended up on that site and obviously didn't want them to be up there, so there are a good portion of those photographs that are real.
- On a similar note, by the time of v5, 2012, it is well known that Survival of the Fittest is real. the 30 survivors returned in 2008. Pretending that it isn't real is akin to telling people that you don't believe 9/11 happened.

"The few times he tried to find friends at school, he could sense that it would lead him to becoming a bully again. He felt that he'd rather hold unacceptable interests in absolute solitude than be accepted among cruel people. While this was still contradictory to the O.G. lifestyle he sought to emulate and the online communities he actively participated in, Shaun didn't think about it. He tried to consider everything on the internet as harmless, no matter the content. Deep down, he feared that without his dark side, there would be no personality left in him"

- You are literally and exactly telling me here that aside from some "darkness" he has no personality. This is a person with no personality, into looking at pictures of mutilated dead people, with an emotionally abusive brother and neglectful parents who don't notice he's unhealthily underweight. You see the issue? Also, "O.G." ? Original gangster? He's into gangs now?


Here are things that I like about Shaun:

- You touch on how he starts as a compassionate and kind kid and becomes someone who is introverted and closed off as a result of his relationship with his brother, but you don't map it out much so I have to guess that that's what happened. His kind, soft personality is only mentioned long after that time has passed in the bio.

- I like his family problems. It seems like he mistrustful of people due to his parents divorce. They let him down. His brother let him down by becoming a community college flunky with a baby momma. I could see how he might think everyone will let him down so why bother. His parents are childish and bitter and I can see how that might depress him.

- Him dabbling in weed to cope is fairly realistic.

You have good threads in here, you just have to follow through and then show me how they build his personality. You also need to tone down certain things. I can see Corey teasing Shaun if he was a gentle, kind hearted kid in his youth who liked less masculine past times but I can't see his brother later trying to induct him into drugs and gangs. Their parents might miss something like casual drug use with all their issues but I don't believe parents would just brush off their child repeatedly assaulting people.


Okay. So give this another go. I'll be quicker next time. Post when you've got it

V5 Character Themes
I feel like I did a post like this in another similar thread. Oh well. New ones since my feelings have changed

Mara



Michelle



Paris


I didn't really have one for Paris for a long while and then Mimi showed me that and it was so perfect. I listen to it sometimes when I post with him.

Free Samples with Purchase
((Paris Ardennes continued from King of Limbs))

Paris stood in the Bath and Body Works rolling a bottle of lotion over in his hands. He looked at the pink bottle in a contemplative fashion. He opened the cap and smelled it. It was floral. When he'd entered there had been a dead-eyed boyfriend being dragged around the store, but now Paris was far and away the only male there. Upon entering he had to take a minute to recall whether or not they even had men's products upon seeing the mostly female cliental. He still wasn't sure. Maybe they did? He wasn't there to shop for himself, so he hadn't bothered to look.

It was going to be his mother's birthday soon and he had to make sure he picked a nice gift for her. He knew she frequented this store and had smelled some of her lotions before but it had to be more special than just what she'd normally buy anyway. Maybe one of the spa packages? Oh, but he didn't like pre-made gift packages. They screamed of someone lazily grabbing the gift basket, and while he wasn't opposed to it in certain situations, this was his mother. She deserved something special.

A voice nearby boomed rather brusquely, yelling for people to get out of the way. Paris pushed his sunglasses up to rest on his head. He spotted Rosemary was in the shop.


"Hmmm"

He'd say hello. Maybe she could help him choose a gift. Paris sauntered over.

"Afternoon, Ros-"

Suddenly some girl was screaming at them. Well, at Rosemary, rather. This was not good. He needed Rosemary's help and this was not aligned to his aims. Paris blinked in shock for a few seconds before running his hand through his dark wavy hair and smiling at the unknown loud girl.

"There's no need to yell, the shop is fairly small," he said with a little wave around the store. "I can't be sure, but I don't think Rosemary," he said, motioning to her but still looking calmly at the new girl, "works here. I can tell by the look of you that you are very intelligent indeed, so I know you'll see the logic where asking an employee might get you a faster and more accurate reply of course? If you're going to do something, you do it correctly. Don't you agree?"

Sara Corlett
Wonderful.

Then by the power vested in me by this fine roleplaying board I now pronounced Sara



APPROVED


Feel free to begin posting in v5 pre game, going to the pre game planning area to see if you'd like to build relationships and enjoy your stay.

Sara Corlett
Fabulous. The elaboration of her attempts to fit in and subsequent failure really add to the depth of the character and I like that I know more about her academic situation.

She's a depressing number, but there's no rule against that. A few more things and we'll be done.

- Her mother is a school teacher. How did she react to her daughter's grades slipping?
- In advantages (and in the profile in general) avoid using broad words like "Everyone" and "nobody." Instead of saying that no one knows about her, "She is secretive," which can be an advantage. Now, being secretive or keeping to ones self can be an advantage but it doesn't have to do with lying. If she's a good liar as a result of her story telling, just say that. It's a pretty interesting advantage that we don't see often from these loner, shy types.

That'll do it. Post when you're ready

Sara Corlett
Well, hello there. My lovely Dollbreaker, I am Ruggahissy and I am your moderator for this profile.

Sara is temporarily denied, but with a few additions and alterations she'll be ready in no time at all.

Interests: I'd prefer if you could clarify "Fantasizing" to "day dreaming" just so we all know what we're talking about since fantasizing can have other connotations.

Appearance:

-It's not mentioned anywhere in the profile so why exactly does she have such a sleepy look? I expected to read something about her working a lot and being tired.

"their bangs fall just above her"

should be "her bangs fall just above"

- Could I get a little description about her nose and mouth as far as shape and look? It helps us picture the person in our heads : )

Biography:

- I totally get that her parents are protective and don't let her out to play. My mom didn't like me going out, but I think that may have to do with her upbringing in a pretty violent third world country. Mind saying something about why her parents are so protective?

- On that note, I'd like more detail on Sara's relationship to her parents. How does she feel about them keeping her indoors?

- Can you put a little in there about her middle school/high school years? We seem to jump from elementary school where she gets teased right to the present day.

- What sort of books is it that she likes to read? More elaboration on her reading habits will help us get to know what she's into.

- How does she feel about her isolation? No friends, no siblings, no pets. That seems pretty lonely.

"Her music was wildly varied, ranging from simple and elegant waltzes to atmospheric, beautiful masterpieces."

That seems a tad hyperbolic. How long has she been playing the piano? Maybe tone down a little her skill. I'm not saying don't make her unskilled, but avoid making judgements on the music like calling it a masterpiece. This is a profile written from the point of view from the terrorists as a file on the student, albeit one that knows much more than the terrorists would. Think of it as someone filling out the file by some bored office lackey.

- How does Sara do in school? What sort of intelligence does she have? Some people might be good at writing but terrible at math or science. Some people are great at reading others and terrible at school. Some people are clueless about everything. Tell me what her favorite and least favorite subjects are in school. What does she want to do after high school?

- It's a little unusual that someone would have zero friends at all. Sara likes books and Aurora has a pretty popular book club. Maybe including her in that would give her at the very least some casual acquaintances and a place to talk about books.

- There's no mention of this but has she had any boyfriends? Crushes?



Advantages:

"Due to her creativity, Sara can improvise well in certain situations, such as deciding the best way to be safe, or coming up with ideas for useful tools and such. Her knowledge of various character personality traits and such can also help her figure out who she can trust, and who is likely to be an enemy."

These don't seem like applicable advantages. Just because someone is able to come up with creative stories does not mean they would be able to make a survival tool. Knowing what characters in books are like wouldn't translate well when dealing with people who are real and don't come as stock characters.


Final thoughts: Its a good start but there's not very much in here about Sara's personality. Is she kind? Bitter? Selfish? Loyal? Messy? Nervous? Brave? Cowardly? How does she do under stress? What's her favorite book? Is she independent? Try to put down a little more about her personality and what makes her tick.

Post when you've got the alterations done!


Shaun Newmann
Right right. I'm the burly and frightening Ruggahissy and I will be looking at Shaun today. Shaun is deniedpending the following adjustment:

Things that need to be addressed will be in gold

Hobbies and Interests: Surfing the internet, pornography, anime and manga(primarily hentai), hip-hop and heavy metal, writing, occasionally appears in Anime and Creative Writing clubs, but always attends Zombie Club You need to watch massive and probably unhealthy levels of pornography and hentai in order for it to qualify as a hobby. Unless this guy has a fine collection of pornography that he lovingly arranges by year and director, remove it. Not to mention the fact that it appears no where in the biography. All hobbies and interests must appear in the biography.

Appearance: Shaun is a tall, skinny boy. Standing at an even 6'0" and about 135 pounds, he is very slightly underweight due to a diet consisting typically of fast food and freezer dinners. Shaun is indeed unhealthily underweight. You mention the fast food and freezer dinners here but they don't get mentioned later, in fact you say that his brother cooks. Disregarding that, fast food meals all the time will make you fat, not thin. He has an average caucasian skin pallor, but usually appears flushed either from activity or exposure to the sun. Being flushed from activity is not a permanent facet of appearance and exposure to the sun would tan eventually instead of just being burned which is not "flushed".He has a round face with a map of minor freckles and blemishes gathering around his nose. In the past, some of his pimples became so irritated by feverish picking that they have left tiny scars around his cheekbones, with a prominent dot on his forehead above the right brow. Both eyebrows are thick and bushy, matching his curly dark brown hair which has grown long and unruly. Shaun's eyes are light blue, but are frequently hidden behind a pair of reflective blue sunglasses. He keeps his face well-shaven, so his braces and off-white teeth stand out from between thin, pink lips. His hands are thin and often marked with tiny cuts received from playing with his father's cats. Face shape? Eye size? Nose size?

Despite his attitudes on conformity, Shaun likes to wear popular brands. He frequently wears light-colored hoodies and jeans from True Religion, with red or white chucks. When the weather is warmer, he puts away the hoodie in favor of graphic tees and light jackets. The subjects of his tee shirts vary, but are usually something very obscure he either found online or made using online shirt generating stores - unpopular metal bands, cult classic movies and provocative anime characters dominate. Because he doesn't often cut his hair, he tends to wear beanie hats to keep it all contained.

Biography: Shaun's father, Dr. Carl Newmann, was a stand-out professor teaching at Antioch about Communication Theory; his mother, Sierra, was a lawyer. The two met through an online dating service, and despite their age gap(he being 45 and she 28), they got married in four years. Carl's career was already established when they met, while Sierra was still making her way through law school. She had graduated with a psychology degree but had a change of career focus. Both of them had come from well-to-do families, but during their early years Carl was helping to pay for law school for Sierra. Stop drop and roll. If he met her while she was already in law school and my recollection is that law school is three years so lets assume she's a year in, why does she need Carl to help pay for her law school? You just said her family was well off. How was she paying for law school before? If she was one year into law school when they met and they get married four years later, she's long done with law school. .This set the standard for how the balance of power in their relationship remained, even after Sierra earned her degree and pulled in wages comparable to Carl's. This caused considerable tension in their relationship, but it didn't slow them down any in starting a family right after the marriage. First came Carl Jr., and then Shaun five years later. When Shaun came along, Sierra suggested they change Carl Jr.'s name, and so Shaun knew his older brother as Corey. Did they legally change this child's name? What parents don't consider that having a junior might be confusing ? Is Corey his middle name?

During the first decade of Shaun's life, he and Corey lived almost in other worlds due to the age difference. Corey was not very affectionate towards Shaun, and so often didn't interact with him until he grew old enough to tease and bully. Starting from around when Shaun was ten, he began to be challenged and picked on often by his older brother, whether it was in a game or in play-fighting or simply calling names. The hostility seemed to come out of nowhere, but was justified by their parents and Corey himself as just a part of playing. However, at the worst of times Corey would tell Shaun he'd never be a real man. Shaun had a hard time explaining the emotional impact of such statements to his parents without embarrassing himself and proving Corey right, so he stayed quiet. I can understand siblings picking on each other or getting on each other's nerves but why would he tell Shaun he'd never be a real man? That's a weird insult for a kid.

During elementary school, Shaun was mostly introverted and shy. He could only keep his interest on something if he thought it would make him look more tough, but because he was generally thoughtful towards others he avoided getting in any real fights or even threatening harm on any other children. He made some friendships, but they were mostly brief - the second Corey entered the scene, Shaun would drop anything and everything to look cool for him. Frequently, this involved turning on his new friends and picking on them, if that's what Corey wanted. While some friendships remained unscathed through elementary school, Shaun always found it difficult to balance his need to be a good friend and his desire to impress Corey.

Their parents only questioned Corey's behavior after it was far too late to stop him. When Corey hit sixteen years he began to seriously act out. He was often in trouble for physical altercations at school, and ultimately was found in possession of marijuana purchased off of classmates. A juvenile hearing put Corey on probation, and this unexpectedly lead to his and Shaun's relationship growing a little closer; Shaun stood on Corey's side, and didn't care what he did, even if it was against the law. Why wouldn't his parents had intervened at the point where the was fighting people instead of waiting until he was brought in with drugs? Whether it was the shock of being put before a judge or simply the surprise of how deeply Shaun wanted to please him, Corey's attitude towards his younger brother changed a great deal. Corey told Shaun not to voice his support of him to their parents, but instead to focus on his schoolwork and generally be good. He tried to assure Shaun that trouble with the law wouldn't make him tough, it would just make him stupid, and in the end he even made Shaun promise not to grow into the kind of kid he was. He might have even tried to apologize for how he treated Shaun when they were boys, but if he did then it was too buried in male posturing to have any real effect on Shaun.

Corey's message was received, but not followed quite to the letter. Through his middle school years, Shaun made B averages and did particularly well on essay writing, but he frequently bothered Corey with questions about more illicit topics. Shaun knew that Corey would never really stop, that he could only slow down and play smart. Shaun wanted to learn how to do that, too. I'm confused. Slow down what? Shaun isn't doing anything wrong. Slow down his questions? Because there is certainly a way to put a stop to those.Corey tried to resist teaching Shaun anything, but in their interactions he gradually let Shaun in on topics like where to buy weed, how to tell different kinds of gang members by their behavior, how to win in a fight - growing up privileged, Corey wasn't nearly as versed in life on the street as he or Shaun thought he was, but the brothers were still made closer by a mutual flouting of authority. And true to his word, Shaun kept his good grades in school, even if he hated it more and more with each passing year. Not seeming like a reformed kid, telling this little brother in MIDDLE SCHOOL how to buy weed and what gangs to deal with.

During middle school, Shaun made a point of avoiding close friendships. He simply wasn't interested in making connections with anyone except for his brother, but without realizing it he came to depend a great deal on online communities for his emotional support. The darker corners of the internet provided him with a nihilistic sort of comraderie that kept him from feeling entirely alone, and he convinced himself that it was the only friendship he needed. Then, unexpectedly, his parents' marriage shattered in the middle of his 8th grade year. He hadn't even noticed the escalation in their arguments, and whenever he came close to spotting a crack in their relationship his mother had hastily covered it up with lies. The sudden filing for divorce startled and confused him, but Corey eased his worries. Corey saw their relationship falling apart from the beginning, Shaun realized, and that was why he had grown so distant from the family to begin with. I'm confused by Shaun's friendlessness. Why is he nihilistic? You said he doesn't want friends because no one is as cool to him as his brother. It's not like people are shunning him. You said before he had friends and the reason he didn't keep them is entirely on him. So I don't understand why he's sad over being alone if he does it himself.

After the divorce, both parents were more vocal than ever about their problems with one another, and it made Shaun see them both as immature. Carl had taken most of the money and simply left to the other side of town, while Sierra remained in the old house, struggling to recoup her losses and raging against Carl to anyone who would listen - a decision that ended up strongly impacting her professional appearance. The mother is a lawyer. She really didn't have a prenup? She couldn't get child support? He can't just pick up and leave like that or he can be sued by her for child support. Also, what happened to her wealthy family?The boys were legally under Carl's custody, but had extensive visiting rights that evolved over a year into consistent alternating between the homes. Why would Carl seek the primary custody rights after he picked up and left town? Mothers are usually the ones to be awarded primary custody if they seek it. Shaun entered high school with an atmosphere of intense hostility; all Carl wanted to talk about was how Sierra had ruined him(while he still sat on a sizeable income and a house full of cats), and all Sierra did was try to catch Corey doing something wrong in order to use it as a sling against Carl. With her finances struggling and her legal career going up in smoke due to burnt bridges and lost opportunities, Sierra simply stopped being attentive to the boys and started devoting every hour of every day towards finding new clients and fixing what few friendships remained. What sort of lawyer is this? If she works for the state, a company as an in house lawyer or for a firm she shouldn't have to look for clients. If she starts neglecting the kids wouldn't their father notice? Corey ended up acting more responsibly as a result, helping prepare simple dinners when they were at their mother's house and teaching Shaun to make his own food before he had to go to community college. There was another minor eruption of drama when Shaun's orthodontist suggested he get braces for his overbite, but once Carl relented to pay for it then the parents were back to an uneasy ceasefire.This just makes Carl seem like a scum bag. You have to take care of costs that come with your children and if he has primary custody he certainly has to pay. If he didn't, he needs to pay child support.

Shaun initially reached out to the Anime and Creative Writing clubs after school just to buy himself time away from home, but over his first year both groups ended up greatly influencing his interests - he started enjoying writing as an outlet for his emotions, and some anime caught his attention, too. To his classmates, Shaun appeared like an introverted, studious kid with a sour attitude, but those who saw him outside of school could make connections with him and see the troubled side he tried so hard to mask. Playing up his decency for his parents and following his promise to Corey started to wear on Shaun after his second year due to the increased difficulty of high school - not to mention his hormones making him a taut ball of libido and aggression. After his first year, he started fighting with Paulo Abbate's backyard MMA gang and found a steady supplier of weed in Travis Webster, so covering it all up became troublesome; his home life was like a game of cat and mouse, always trying to keep his parents in the dark about his less-acceptable activities. Why not just tell his parents he likes MMA? I'm not sure why this is a dark secret. Once, while attempting to placate his mom's questions about what he did with his time, he showed her a sample of one of his fiction pieces. It was something he had written almost six months earlier, a gritty dark fantasy story influenced by heavy metal and weed. He actually showed it to her expecting it to make her lose interest, but instead she adored it. She showered him with praises and insisted he continue writing the story. Shaun was hesitant at first, but he also saw that it clearly helped his mother to know that her son was doing something creative. So, despite his lack of creative interest, he picked up the black fantasy epic The Blackwyrd Cataphract and continues to update it to this day.

Shaun's contact with Corey through early high school was almost non-existent. Corey was rooming with a couple of friends and attending community college, but halfway through high school Shaun began to have doubts about what was really happening. After Shaun started his freshman year, it seemed that Corey had only made appearances for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Eventually, his mother came clean and revealed to Shaun that Corey was in trouble with the law again, once again with drug-related offenses - on top of that, he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. Corey's issues were mounting, and though Carl had agreed to give money where it was needed, other than that both parents had signed off trying to fix Corey's situation. Sierra took the entire thing as proof that Carl Jr. had lived up to his namesake as a manipulator and a leech - through comparisons with him, she also made it clear that she considered Shaun her favorite. Her attitude towards Corey disgusted Shaun, but by this point it was obvious that his own success in life was one of the only things keeping his mother optimistic. Rather than fight that, Shaun let himself fit into the role she wanted and worked even harder to avoid letting her see his darker side.

Today, in spite of his many outlets, Shaun often finds himself saddled with pent-up aggression and nothing to do with it. He has friends who can smoke and fight the anger away with him, but at home he continually struggles with contrary urges to be like Corey and to follow Corey's advice. Since discovering the truth about Corey from his mother, Shaun has tried to live by a personal rule not to call Corey for help anymore - not because he doubts Corey's choices, just that he wants to find his own way to discovering his manhood. He thinks his father's lavish lifestyle is pathetic and empty, but his mother's slow spiral into neurosis and bankruptcy isn't any better. He's powerless to fix his parents and continually feels like they won't listen to him if he tries to explain who he really is. His life at school is bland and full of opportunities to feel weak and disgusting. Nevertheless, he approaches every problem that arises with a new energy and drive, channeling that frustration into indignant resilience. What few friendships he's made are very strong and he tries to keep in frequent contact, especially if it means getting away from the home to be himself for a while. Most recently, Shaun joined the Zombie Club in the middle of his senior year. Despite numbering only a scant few members, Shaun hopes to rally the club into more serious activity during his final semester at Aurora.

You need to put in more about how he came to join the zombie club and how he became interested in anime. There's not much in here about his school work other than that he likes to write. What are his favorite subjects? What are his leas favorite? What does he wand to do after high school? THe finances of his parents don't make a great amount of sense to me and you need to stick with one name for his brother throughout the profile because it gets confusing. Why has he chosen to have friends now? It seems like he thought his brother was the greatest for his illicit activities so why did he turn against him after the second incident? I need more about Shaun's personality. What do his friends think of him?

Advantages: Shaun is very intelligent; when he takes the time to look, he can be very creative and insightful. In spite of his nihilistic outlook, his fury consistently prevents Shaun from completely giving up in the face of adversity. His technique might be lacking, but he throws everything into a fight and could catch an opponent off-guard with his ferocity - his short temper also means he's more likely to take the first shot in a tense situation. The friendships he makes are very tight, so if he can regroup with those select few he can hope to expect some reliability.
Disadvantages: His pent-up frustrations and big ego give Shaun a manner of stupid bravery that could end up getting him killed over matters of pride. He puts stock in strategies that simply wouldn't work in reality; Zombie Club gave him wilderness survival techniques that he considers effective, but only work in areas with lots of available resources. Likewise, his fights with his brother and Paulo have taught him a sloppy form of street fighting that he thinks is formidable. In reality, it's hardly more effective than flailing, and is particularly bad at teaching him how to properly block. If Shaun can't keep a handle on his caustic personality, he'll also have a hard time making or keeping allies.

A short temper is not an advantage. That means a person is more likely to act rashly and make a bad decision. I really need to know more about how he has friends now when he pushed away everyone before. His zombie club survival that only works in some areas isn't a disadvantage. It means he has some knowledge, but not much. Being a sloppy fighter is also not a disadvantage. Disadvantages are things that are a detraction that other kids would realistically have. Shaun is frail like a mother fucker based on his sickly weight. That is a huge disadvantage for many reasons over a person with normal weight.


Post when you got it

C is for Cookie
Michelle bit her lip and fiddled with one of her fish earrings. It was deadly silent following Emily's answer. She was frozen to the spot. She couldn't look away. She knew it was polite and normal to look away or change the subject or do something, anything but she just could not help it. Poor guy, but it was brutal.

Michelle was snapped back when Cooper asked for more boxes of cookies and they total. 3 boxes, $4 each. 4 times 3 is twelve, her brain automatically calculated once it was given a straight forward task. "Actually it's not that expensive it's just-"

But he was gone. Michelle was able to come back and suddenly she was a little hurt that someone thought that her cookies were that much of a gouge. He was trying to leave as quickly as he could though so she couldn't begrudge him much.

Michelle looked left, right, then at Emily. "Wow, that was really awkward," she said quietly. "I feel so bad. I mean, not that you did anything wrong, if you've got a date you've got a date. Seems like a nice dude, but like, bejeebus he was about as smooth as chunky gravel."

Michelle checked her Winnie the Pooh wrist watch. Tigger's curly tail had moved quite a bit since she'd first come to the lunch area.

"Kay, well that's a weird note to leave off on, but I've got to keep cookie pushing," she said, apologetically. "But thanks so much for buying some and um....I'm pretty sure next time we talk when I've got your cookies it won't be as weird."

Michelle felt like she was digging herself deeper. She put on a bright smile and waved.

Man if she didn't think you were weird with your outfit she certainly does now. Vamoose before she has time to process.

((Michelle Wexler continued in So We Settled for the Center of Town))

MurderWeasel's Post Clinic
I'm not very much in the habit of doing this but I guess since I've always been shaky on this one, I'll submit it for review:

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