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V5 Concepts Thread
CONCEPT CRITIQUE ALL OVER THAT SHIZ

Mimimimiiiiiiiiiiiii

Kara Caplan
Kara seems the perfect sort of girl to go around being a gossip slag, but how does her slightly more well meaning nature get along with Cara's outright mean judgmentalness at times?

storyspoilers sweetie~

Mallory Vandevere
Mallory certainly looks like an enjoyable girl to get around with given her diverse interests and wide charisma. With intellect, sports and charisma going for her I wonder if there's much she isn't good at?

Edgar Tolstoff
Rock climbing is kewlz so he gets 50 points straight off.
Since chorus is a group activity, how did that interact with Edgar's inherently introverted and shy nature? Not much I think to say here, so I think he'll do splendidly in game (Pre-game. Shooting people who can say? (But that's a good thing of course!)).

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYEcelister d=(o.o)=b
Wondered where you had disappeared to. Happy families!

Max 'Hans' Casson
More Nazis in Seattle, liberal city my ass! Really though, it's a tricky challenge but if you're up for it a neo-nazi would probably make for tons of interesting character interaction and development over the course of his shortened lifespan! White power might still get some eyebrows raised from the staff unless he goes out of his way to hide it methinks though. Also, how are his parents feeling these days if they thought it was just a phase at first?

Domnomnomnomnomnom

Cara-with-a-C Howard (That name might be illegal though)
Cara looks fairly solid as is. I'm wondering though if her good intentions but bad attitude in the judgemental department hasn't conflicted at some points or another and had an effect? ("Should I really have thought that? Oh crap maybe I'm a bitch with a b!") Also how does her fairly not-brightness mix with her desire to be a vet? Them shit needs good grades I hear.

Mike Farrell
Mike also seems well rounded, so not much to add to there. If he's smart what's dragging him down to average grades? Disinterest? Laziness? And how do his interests cross over in regards to the other group's he's a part of opinion of him?

Blind Gardener, deadly with rake.
Welcome to the site!

James Cotter
James is certainly looking thought out so far!

All the students are at the same school if it's like V4, yus, although I can't recall if we've been told where in Seattle it is yet, so it could still change for all I know.
James certainly does know a lot of complex trades; where has he picked them all up? His parents certainly seem very busy, so does he read a lot of books? Has he attended some sort of club to learn them? Or is James' dad very handy himself and is passing along all these techniques? And where did he get the funds to practice these techniques before his part time job arrived? Is his parents combined income quite lucrative or has he had part time jobs in the past?
I'm wondering where all this stamina and muscle is coming from, since you haven't really mentioned anything in his interests that would make him mostly muscle from what I can see.
What sort of reputation has James' reactions to people's badmouthing given him? Is he seen as a moral person or a trigger temper thug, for example. Big guys don't tend to be given the benefit of the doubt when they're having fights, after all.
How has he gotten his hands on all these vintage things to make clothing out of, given the time setting of 2011? Does he crawl across the internet in search of things, and if so the funding question resurfaces.
How does the rest of his family besides his father react to his agnostic attitude towards religion?
The eye thing is perfectly doable in a character, so not much to pick at there. Poor guy though. Same goes for motorbikes to my knowledge.
How did he get into punk and alternative rock if he doesn't keep up with popular culture?
What makes James try to put on a tough guy act around people at school? And how his this as well affected their opinion of him?
Do the authority figures appreciate his attitudes towards them? Has he ever gotten into trouble for being too casual?
Do the rest of his family or friends know that he's gay? And if so what do they think?
Academic mediocrity is fine, and doing well in art and working stage in theatre only makes sense with all his hobbies so that's fine.
Terrible at small talk, what about the rest of his interactions with people around him? Is he dominating in a conversation that has meaning? Does he just tend to not say much at all? Terrible at small talk also isn't really much of a disadvantage, so you can probably omit it.
Not really seeing where this down to earth advantage comes from either.

Overall though I definitely think that James has a lot of potential to him, and I'm looking forward to seeing him in pre-game!

Foxd's other writing.
Me likey the meaning behind this story very much!

V5 Concepts Thread
Hi there measuring stick, nice to see the new ideas here! Let's have a closer looky,

-Ryan-
Ryan's bullying is a perfect valid point to work with on a character and has been done so plenty of times in the past, so that's hunky dory, but it does feel a little bit of a stretch for me that if he has that many bullies they'd all go really out of their way, what with controlled beatings and intimidations, to get away with it. Not that it'd be impossible though, it's just what I think there. Also keep in mind that this pre-game's setting, Seattle, is considered very LGBT friendly for the most part, so large scale bullying due to his bisexuality may not be as likely either. Again it's still perfectly possible (Kids are dicks after all) and I don't claim residence in Seattle so I'm hardly an expert, but just my opinion there again.
The legal studies and hard working student seem to be played well, so nothing to point out there~
The drug taking to deal with the stress will probably need some more elaboration on how frequently he's taking them and what class of drugs are in use, since it's almost inevitable they'd have some effect on his health or work and someone other than a bully or his absent parents might take note.
Also if he attempts to be as polite to everyone as much as possible, what's stopped him from making at least one other friend amongst the bullies? Surely he's had exposure to a few more people in his high school career unless he's deliberately gone out of his way to seperate himself from others, which I haven't really seen any of in what you've described.
Overall looks like a strong setting for a character there, so good work I say.

-Malcolm-
Aryan Brotherhood in Seattle = Huh? Again, Seattle ain't picture perfect place I can value, but nazis running around left wing central, again, strikes me as a bit jarring. What brings his racist family to such a location in the first place? Have they lived there for generations and are just stubborn?
The "I'm not gay but I made him get gay with me" is a valid position too, so works for the most part.
Also his dream is to be a chef, but I'm not seeing any cooking related hobbies or activities in his life. Is there some reason for this?
Hobbies outside school all seem plausible and doable.
Swastika tattoo on the arm is NOT something that will fly in school. Even if by some stretch of the imagination he wasn't ordered it removed or expelled, I don't see him getting allowed on the class trip with it. Heck, I don't see any of his racist hijinks granting him a seat on that bus. I'm assuming this friend of his is an actual licensed tattoo artist as well with the correct equipment, unless Malcolm wants a lovely splotch of infection and disease on his arm.
I'm assuming that the leadership skills come from rearing his Aryan Brotherhood, but I'm also questioning now just how big this order has gotten if he's in a position to lead multiple people. Ramifications with school officials!
We've had racist characters in SOTF before; it's nothing new so there's no reason to say you shouldn't do it. Most of those past characters when we've been stringing for realism and have made it into the game have been a lot more subdued than Malcolm is here though, and the whole Aryan Brotherhood recruitist definitely complicates the matter ten fold. It's not technically unsalvageable, at least not in my opinion, but it's not making him any simpler to write that's for sure.

The Inner Circle
Hate to shove more wang into the sausage fest but I think my Ryan Banks, who's sexy details can be found in my siggy, could possibly fit in with the In Crowd, though he'd still end up with one of the quieter types as it currently stands unless pre-game profiles change that shiz up some.

The Bad RP
Ella laughed inside at the things that the guy was saying. He really thought taht he could get rid of her by simply saying that he was tired? He must have undersestimated here very severaly.

BUt then she realised that he was planning to do something to her cause ehshe knew that he could do stuff with a click of his fingers (SPELL IT WITH A DAMN C OKAY ITS LOD NOW) and by damn it she didn't want him to doanythig that would hurt her. she couldn't rule the entire world if she didn't know anything anymore after all.

So she was next to him with a gun pointed at his head in a flash.

but she was also behind him so he couldn't see the gun that was pointed at his head and it was a gun that was built into her glove like fingerbang but without the enuendo and so he'd just think she was pointig athim if he looked.

"I hate to tell you charles but I really don't like hearing no for an answer. You have an exceptional gift and it'd be veyr very selfish of you to just sit here and think about the meaning of life hwne hte two of us together could stop thje terrorists and bring this city tot its nknees and it'll be safe cuase if everyone is doing what we're saying then nothing bad can happen. And after all I didn't say that I would take no from an answer from you, and if you're not carfeful i'll have tgo blow your brains out. but i don't want to do that Charles i want to be your friend after all the world will get on much better if we're friends don't you think? with your reality warping and my genius intellect we could change everything for the better. And if everything is better thne we'll be reknowned as heroes! And you have to decide quickly cause I have to get to thedesert and stop those anti-terrorists who're ruining hthe city or we'll both be dead before we know it"

she continued pointing her finger gun at his head ready to blow his brains out if he even moved even an inch. but she really didn't want to do that.

The Bad RP
((omg sorry i forgot that ella shouldn't know his name :XXX))

"Well stranger" she whispered, smiling slyly at him as he asked her qauesotin. "no I don't have a bttle to be fighting," she whispered continuing, still smiling slyl. In fact she didn't even think that there was a batle going on that could need her fighting, and even if there was she'd send a robot to do it instead .

"I have an offer fr you stranger," she whispered, smiling slyly at him. She would tell that this guy was in charge of the wormhole that had ruined her plan for sure, and now he was right in front of her and reayd to be mind maniuplated to suit her bidding. it was so simple but SO DEADLY! AHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!

"Why don't you team up with me and we can help stop the war that is going on? then everyone around us will stop dying and the world will be a peaceful place and you and I will both be safe togehter and alive and happy. What do you think?" she whispered slyly, smiling to him with her sexy latino smile that made any man's heart melt and even some women but she was so asexual she hadn't even had sex cause she wasn't a slut ew.

The Bad RP
Ella Tule watched from the safety of her latino hanger as teh wormhole opened above and sent everything hurtling through it to another nameless city, including hser super bombers that weren't far off from killing everyone with special bombs that only hurt people she wanted them to and stuff. Then the jets crashed into the hills cause they didn't expect a rip in time and space in the world of hte mighty boosh.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!" she screamed as sshe watchedf her monitor, screaming in shock at the wormhole that had ruined her plan to stop the tterrorists. This had totally fuckd up her day and now she was screaming her head off cause she was psised off!

Her scanner read taht the source of power (which wasn't over 9000 fu) that had opened the wormhoel was in arizonaa as well. She thought that she could use this power to haer advantage cause he could open wormholes wherever she wanted and with that poer she'd be unstoppable AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH¬! she went over to her jetrack (c wat i did there) and got her favourite jetpack that could fly at supersonic speed on only one tank of oil every three times round the surface of the earth. she snapped it on and fly out of her hanger but armed the detnonation seqeunce so that anyone inside will blow up but not her studff because its her special exposions if they tried to break in whilst she was gtone cause her stuff was very dangerous. In two seconds flat she had arrived in arizona at the source of hte power level and saw a guy on a patch of greass. She knew that he had done it.

"Hello Charles" she said slyly, looking at the prersn who had done it. she would have to be facreful of he could open wormholes but she had brought some self defence so it wasn't all bad she could kill him if it went too wrogn after all.

The Bad RP
((and ella didn't die cause she has super shield))

The Bad RP
((Guys if your killing raven join ella tule she is totally bad guy in this))

The Bad RP
Name: Ella Tule
Age: 17

Appearance: Ella has long purple hair like by her shoulders long and alsos she has freckles on ehr dark skin cause she is par lation but its not that dark cause shes only half latino. she is tall for her age like 5'7" or so and her imposing auara makes her seem so much taller its not even funny i swear. Also her boobs are bigger than her height would make you think but they're not that big it's not like she would have back pain fro them or anything you know? She also has very big purple eyes and very plush lips burt they don't look freakily out of proportion or anything.

Bio: Ella Tule is a secret mole in the Black Mamba organisation in that she's like a corporal level officer or something she's quite authoritative but she's not hte big cheese however she's not a mole for the resistance but she's a mole who snuck in all by herself and is playing with both parties to benefit her to the best of her abilities so she helps the resistance when the terrorists are cutting on her profits and she kills them when they are not. Also in her upbringing in a latino house she was rwaised to be a engineer from a young age so she's really really REALLY Good with machinery and has built herselfd all sorts of vehicles and weapons including a mecha which might hsow up later we'll see about it and she's got a very customised shield that has all sorts of glowing stuff that KABOOMS IN YHO FACE BITCH but is also invulnerable when she needs it.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ella had intercepted Raven's communication about the email that was about killing terrorists, and she knew that she had to stop it. Normally she wouldn't turn a blind eye if any of her underlings were secretly being murdered by the resistance when her back was turned but she had to have their help to conitnue her secret project that would allow her to take over Black Mamba and therefore the United States and the whole world by continueation. It wasn't that she had anything against the Raven chick and her friends it's jsut that it was business and business was never personal.

She crawled out from under her personal dune buggy with her laptop that she read the email off and wiped a piece of wet ofil off of her cheek with a nearby rag, winching at the rank oily smell. To think that the country was falling over such a thing, she thought, as she tossed the rag into the bin full of oil rags that she didn't need anymore. Oil was the root of all evil but it was letting her control everyone so it was a necessary evil, she thought.

She went over to her workebench and picked up her mobile phone, and iPhone 2400 (that she invented herself after stealing hte blueprint from Bill Gates), and called up all her terrorist minions in the aerial brigade. "I want an airstrike on that place ASAP!" she screamed at them because every second they wasted meant less money for her which meant less big doomy weapons she could build, and holy shit she loiked to build her big doomy weapons as she looked around her big garage hanger she lived in a very comfortable bedroom off of which was loaded with very dangerous ewapony.

Flicking her iPhone 2940 back closed she watched the television screen as her nearby planes under her control took off. Soon those counter terrorsists would be blown to kingdom come by her super specially built explosives and there was nothign they could do about it! NOTHIGN! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!

A Project
Gawd I'm late to this party.

Which is a shame cause it's awesome work here.

Dropping my values to make friends!
@story: I like the idea but I'm a little concerned that Alex might have way too short a tolerance to deal with someone that was stoned so often and that Yelene would suffer the brunt of that more than the she'd care to.

@decoy: I already declined that offer through the PM you sent as well. For the sake of everyone else my interest is more in Ryan than it is in the twin factor.

Dropping my values to make friends!
@Fiori: I can see the two spending time together on the track team and perhaps the odd occsaion outside of it. Ryan probably wouldn't pay the extrovert pushing too much heed, though how he'd definitely react is still a brainstorming matter methinks.

@Stark: One single archnemesis might not be the shebang I'm going for, but then it could also potentially make for some fun scenes so Alex will quite gladly hate Caroline with a passion for now!

Though at this rate the poor love's going to be all hate and no play. Fellow assholes, where fore art thou?

Dropping my values to make friends!
@Pippin: I can see Ryan getting on with Chase quite easily, yush. And the more people that Alex has pissed off the merrier!

@Flare: I can also see Rachel being happy enough to hang out with Monica, although I doubt she'd really play the video games herself that much. Temper could easily be dismissed by the dear girl as passionate for playing!

Dropping my values to make friends!
Cause I prefer less pre-game planning but at this rate none of my children will have any friends and a father has to control his children's social lives very precisely. So let's see who's what:

Ryan Banks


Ryan needs a few homies to be close with but isn't really seeking a large group to hang out with; a small size group to tag along with would work wonders. Fellow track members get bonus points but people have lives outside their sports foos it's not like you have to run and get all sweaty and shirtless to catch his interest. No boyfriend volunteers cause I'm still gonna find one of those through pre-game.

David "Dave" Russell


Dave needs friends, lots and lots of friends. He also could do with some buddies who were members of Aurora's former Student Volunteer Club (Which he is currently trying to rebuild), but other than that he just needs loads of pals and maybe some people he's rubbed the wrong way with his overenthusiasm.

Gabriella 'Gabby' Parker


Not looking for any bands or musical allies or the like as as mentioned in there I already have a partner handler talked out, but Gabby still needs friends and folks to hang out with. Not mentioned in that concept but she'd typically hang out with the peppy crowd more than anything else, but if you have another sort of suggestion please don't be afraid to whip it in my face. No romances though please, scornful and hate filled or otherwise.

The Reputation Thread
Ryan Banks- Probably known for his position on the track team and for being a bit of a mystery due keeping his thoughts to himself for the most part. Most people who have talked to him though won't have too many bad things to say apart from some difficulty in making a connection with him. Total lack of ever having a girlfriend despite any obvious reasons why he wouldn't may also cause (correct) rumours amongst people who have more exposure to him, such as fellow track team members.

Alex King- Remember that kid that everyone hated in school because they blamed everyone else for their own lack of social grace? That's Alex.

v5 Bitch Squad
Alex King of mine probably isn't the type of bitch that would fit in with the squad, but she'd make for one excellent punching bag on a slow day for them! Because what is a bitch squad without their victims?

(Warning: over-victimising may cause eventual death, breakdowns, guilt or comeuppance.)