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Gideon Noah Colvan
This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested from the staff.

Pretend This Thread Title is a Witty Lyrical Reference
"I've heard of Alba," Steven deadpanned. He knew of most people in his class, but it seemed unlikely that even the most insular hermit in school would have not heard about Alba. The boy had a penchant for making a large impression, almost always of the negative variety. The latest thing had been the food fight, something Steven was still kicking himself for missing. He hadn't managed to track Gray down again, either.

His face went studiously neutral as he contemplated Sharon's description of the situation. Finally, he took a deep breath, then started to speak.

"It's good to stick up for people," Steven said. "It's even good to stick up for people who usually do the wrong thing, if they've changed and don't deserve the flak they're catching. Sometimes, though, it's important to get more context before acting. I mean, it was in the Castle, so Alba couldn't have done much. The security there's pretty on the ball. He'd've gotten bounced if he'd tried anything, so I doubt he was being altruistic. He might even have been trying to goad them into doing something, so they'd get in trouble. Doesn't sound like his usual style, but then again, you can never tell for sure."

Steven stood up, rolled his shoulders, and started sighting with his camera again. There wasn't actually that much of interest in the park. He could try to get a shot of the dirt or something, but his experiments in extreme close-ups weren't going so well. He glanced at the sky, but there weren't any interesting clouds.

"That said, it's probably good for everyone that you broke stuff up. And, well, it's interesting enough news. I think that could even be a headline: Adonis Alba Takes Reasonable Action; Some Rejoice, Others Predict Armageddon."

He looked at Sharon again. She was sitting under a tree, in the shade. He pointed the camera at her, trying to find a good angle for a shot.

"Mind if I snap a picture of you?" he asked. "Then you can tell me what I did wrong with my composition, and we can try to make it less embarrassing."

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
Here you go!

logs

Monad: Daniel Kensrue (V4 Start)

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
Okay, here's the improved, up to date list with everyone added in:

The New New New New List (fortified with extra characters!):


We'll use this one from now on. :) I'll do another claim-check once we're a ways into it, but right now I'm not overly worried.

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
'kay! This is the last batch before I add more characters (because that will take a few to compile and I want everyone able to get rolling).

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Moonlight Drive: Lily Maclaughlin (V4 Start) and Steve Barnes (V4 Start)
General Jueves: Jacqueline Myrie (V4 Start)
Monad: Amber Whimsy (V4 Start)

Also, from here out, since we're getting low on characters, I think I'm gonna limit it to one per handler at a time, just so we don't tie up too much of the list. :)

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
It's fine if you want to hang onto her. There's no hurry or deadline on these things, and we've still got a ton of characters to go around.

Also, here you go, Bikriki:
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Bikriki: Reika Ishida (V4 Start)

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
Here you go! Also, bringing the list up.

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Ruggahissy: Maxwell Lombardi (V4 Start)

The New New New List:

Also, when we're down to twenty-five unclaimed characters (that is, three characters from now) I'll toss in everyone else in V4 (winner aside) for possible picking. That way, they'll all get some attention. I'll also do the next claim confirmation a bit after that. :)

Diversions
"That must be fun, doing all those different things," Lydia said to Chase. "I think it'd be too much for me, though. I'm not very good at learning new things."

Lydia meant what she said, but she also didn't want to even possibly risk hurting Chase's feelings by implying she agreed with his view of their comparative chances. It sounded like he wasn't very confident about his art, but at the same time he cared enough about it to spend a lot of time and focus on it. Lydia couldn't tell if he had poor self esteem or merely a realistic assessment of his own capabilities.

Part of that uncertainty probably came from the fact that she hadn't actually seen any of Chase's art, or at least she couldn't call any to mind. Maybe some had been displayed in the school's art shows, but Lydia had never really paid much attention to those and couldn't even begin to recall which students had been featured.

"I bet you're good," she added. It seemed polite, at the very least. Even if Chase wasn't good at all, showing a little confidence in his skill might help him feel better. Besides, Lydia was legitimately terrible at art. She couldn't even draw stick figures consistently nicely.

Permanent Leave
Hiya, Vandal! I'm sorry that you're not feeling up to RPing right now. Since you've only submitted your characters for pregame thus far, it'll just be assumed that they missed the trip.

You're always welcome to pop by to say hi on the board or in chat, even if you're not participating in an RPing capacity, and you're also always welcome to change your mind and submit characters (the same you have now or other ones) for V5, if you feel up to RPing again. I hope everything goes well for you. :)

Jake Hirohashi
Hiya, Shoji! Before we give Jake a full critique, please be sure his profile conforms exactly to the template. Specifically, no line should be skipped between Advantages and Disadvantages. Post when you've got that taken care of, and we'll give Jake a full critique. Thanks!

Emily Rose
Hi again, aristeia!

Emily's profile is a pretty good start, but she is DENIED pending rather major revision.

First off, at present her profile is very hard to read due to the large paragraphs. I'd like you to split up the larger ones into smaller, more focused chunks. You also have some spots where no space is added after a punctuation mark, like here: "good,although". Please make sure that there is always a space between words.

Next off, Emily's appearance:

Why did she choose to dye her hair such an unusual color? What has the reaction been?

Having a facial tattoo at Emily's age is rather unlikely, especially because Washington (and, by extension, Seattle) do not allow the tattooing of minors, even with parental permission.

What do you mean when you state that Emily has upward eyes? What do you mean when you state that her ears are somewhat pointed? What part of the ears?

For ease of use, SOTF uses American terminology for sports, so references to football should be to soccer instead. If you're referring to American Football instead, it should be noted that it is extremely difficult for girls to compete, and would be pretty much impossible for Emily to do given her described build.

Emily's jewelry descriptions are very specific. Does she wear the same things every day (and if so, why?) or is this just what she was wearing when she was taken?

Finally, Announcement Day is a concept unique to the world of the Program. In V5, the students are kidnapped by terrorists when expecting to go on a school trip.

Next off, Emily's militaristic background doesn't really fit that well with the main SOTF setting. The described behavior sounds a little bit unusual and extreme, and I'd like to either see it reigned in or explained why they act in such a manner.

More than that, who raised her while her parents were in the army? What capacities did they serve in?

I'm confused by the statement that Emily and Clare were more like twins than sisters. Many twins don't get along, and many sisters are very close. More than that, twin sisters are, well, sisters, so the phrase as a whole is rather redundant and confusing. I'd rather just see the relationship detailed.

I'd like to know a lot more about Emily's parents' favoritism.

How does church factor into Emily's life? What are her current religious beliefs?

How did Emily's parents deal with her changing ideology? How soon did it become apparent? How and why did they choose to settle in Seattle, a very liberal city?

Why do Emily's parents so often cave in? It sounds as though they've never taken a stand against any of her demands. Why, given this, is she so afraid of them?

I think there may be a slight cultural misunderstanding when it come to elementary school. In the US, elementary school is grades one through five, taking a child up to around ten or eleven years old. This is very early for Emily and her friend to be talking about guys using them and such. It's certainly way too early for kids to notice or care about sexual orientation.

Prom is an event held only in high school, and specifically only in 11th and 12th grades. Alcohol is not legally consumable until someone is 21 in the US, so finding a way to get drunk at a school dance, especially one for people so young, is very unlikely and would probably result in serious legal repercussions.

Why did Stephanie move away? Why would her coming out have any effect on Emily? It's possible to be best friends with someone who is attracted to your gender without dating them (or even being attracted to them).

What parts of Emily's personality did she hide? Why? This comes kind of out of nowhere, unless it's just referring to her sexuality.

What type of tabletop gaming does Emily participate in? Are we talking roleplaying, wargames, board games, or some mix thereof?

"cooler friends" should not be in quotation marks. Nothing in the profile should be, in fact, since it comes off as very informal.

What type of music is Emily into listening to? Does she still play?

Romance novels are not very realistic. How has such an unusual/skewed view of romance affected Emily's feelings? How does this mesh with her friends' experiences, which presumably have not matched stuff found in romance novels?

Did Emily's lack of effort in school have any negative effects on her? Did her parents discipline her for her poor effort?

History class in the SOTF world would absolutely not be sterilized or exceedingly pro-American; again, Seattle is a very liberal city and a lot of its education follows suit. Why would Emily's parents be upset about her doing well in language classes? Lots of government jobs are available to bilingual people.

None of the stuff about patriotism is a disadvantage in the main SOTF world, which is not notably racist or patriotic compared to the real world. Emily's sarcasm needs a lot more description if it's severe enough that she can't reign it in and it could actually disadvantage her in a life or death situation. Similarly, how could her inferiority complex (which seems to apply only to her relationship to her sister) hurt her in game?

I'd also like to see more about who Emily is now. Who are her friends? What classes does she do well in? Which are toughest for her? What does she do in her free time? How does she get along with her parents? What is her sister doing now that she has graduated high school? What are Emily's plans for the future? How does she act in school? What ae her views on the world?

Finally, I think the profile could stand another thorough proofreading for grammar, especially commas (as a good number are missing).

Post when you've got Emily edited, and we'll give her another look. Thanks!

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
Here you go!

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Violent-Medic: Logan Reynolds (V4 Start)

The General SOTF Discussion Thread
Agh, yeah, to clarify: Shooting from the hip at a moving target, probably while also moving and possibly while being shot at yourself, is hard. Especially if that target is a kid you used to go to school with.

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
Here you go!

logs

Skraal: Janet Binachi (V4 Start)

Also, I think I'm gonna toss the extra characters in when we're down to somewhere between fifteen and twenty unclaimed characters. That's actually coming right up, so now's the time to weigh in. Specifically, do people want to see the (non-winning) finalists included here? It's been a good while, so they could probably use some more love, in my opinion.

The General SOTF Discussion Thread
Hahaha, this reminds me of the time my brother tried to fire a shotgun. He was, like, eight at the time. The recoil knocked him flat.

I think a big thing is the type of gun. SOTF favors handguns, which I understand are a heck of a lot harder to use than rifles. I feel like a certain degree of suspension of disbelief is required for guns, but the thing that always bothers me is extreme accuracy. Shooting is hard!

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
Here you go!

logs

Grim Wolf: Allen Birkman (V4 Start)

Three Peaches
((Susan Clarke continued from After Practice))

Susan wasn't always a particularly punctual person, as Iselle and Kathryn could probably discuss in great detail when it came to turning up for practices, but for a few things she made sure to arrive on time. Visits with Andi had always been important to Susan, and so she had been sitting in the park for nearly forty minutes when her friend finally showed up. Of course, Susan also knew Andi well enough to have come mentally prepared for a bit of a wait. She was busy setting a new high score on the game of Snake built into her phone. The rings on her right hand clinked against the plastic of the phone with every push of a button.

The day was fairly nice for the spring. It was a bit overcast, in the sort of way where it looked like it could either clear up and become a truly nice day or start raining with no warning, but for the moment it was pleasantly cool and grey. There had been enough consecutive semi-dry days that the park wasn't too muddy, and the bench Susan was occupying had only been a bit too chilly for comfort when she'd arrived. By now, her body heat had warmed it up to just the right temperature. Cuddled up in her coat and scarf, she was pretty content with her situation.

Just when she'd come close to forgetting why she was in the park in the first place, Andi's voice caught Susan's attention. In her moment of distraction, the snake collided with its own tail. No high score, but who cared? Susan looked up, a smile on her face, as Andi approached her, Fiona in hand. Susan gave an exaggerated wave for Fiona's sake. She liked spending time with Andi's daughter, though on some level it never ceased to amaze her that one of her friends already had a kid. It seemed altogether too early; heck, they hadn't even graduated yet. Of course, when she'd first found out about Andi's pregnancy, Susan's mother had told her about how back when she'd been in high school there'd been some married kids in her class. Compared to that, having a kid didn't seem quite so extreme.

"Hey," Susan called. She scooted over at the same time, dragging her purse with her and repressing a shiver as she left the center of the bench for its colder outer edge. "I got the seat warmed up for Fiona. How're you doing?"

She didn't bother to ask what had happened. It didn't really matter. Andi was here now, and if it was something she wanted to talk about then she'd share. If, on the other hand, it was something really personal and probably-boyfriend-related, Susan wasn't about to pry. Well, unless it became clear that Andi wanted or needed someone to go poking in her business, but that wasn't a particularly common occurrence.

See with Eyes Unclouded by Hate
Everyone went quiet after Sophie gave her sympathies. Adam didn't particularly care. He sat for a time, spacing out and not really paying attention to his surroundings, the steady movement of his hand on the bleachers the only thing keeping him from drifting off to sleep. Come to think of it, a nap wouldn't be so bad, except that he didn't trust himself to wake up in time for his next class and didn't want to go through class drowsy even if he could make it there alright. Adam hadn't fallen asleep in school in a long, long time. He wanted to keep the trend up.

He glanced over at Sophie. She'd taken out a sketchpad. Jessica was reading.

Maybe he'd take a nap when he got home, if he couldn't think of some better use of his time. There was probably more homework to do, but a few missed points wouldn't change his grades that much.

He sighed and stretched and rolled his shoulders. It really was hard to keep awake.

Thirty seconds later, his hand slowed to a stop and his eyelids drifted closed. He told himself he wasn't going to sleep. He was just resting his eyes for a second.

The next thing Adam knew, he was jerking upright again, a fresh burst of adrenaline running through him. He'd fallen asleep, just for a couple seconds, and had started to tip over backwards before the change in elevation had caused his sudden reawakening. He took a quick glance at the girls, trying to see if they'd noticed, but he couldn't really tell. Damn. That was an embarrassing loss of composure.

Adam tried to come up with some way to stay awake, maybe pinching his arms or something, but usually he needed something to focus on to avoid drifting off. There wasn't anything to pay attention to here, except for Sophie and Jessica, and neither was doing anything interesting right now.

"You getting excited about graduation?" he said out loud. He figured at least one of the girls might answer, and if he could get a conversation going, that would give him something to pay attention to instead of how heavy his eyelids felt.

Emily Rose
Hiya, aristeia! Is Emily intended for V5, or for Mini? I notice that her profile includes a lot of references to the setting for The Program, but that other information is accurate to V5. Whatever the case, please post letting me know (and please make sure she fits whichever setting she's supposed to be in). Once you do that, we'll give her a full critique (or move her to forfeited and abandoned so you can repost her profile over on Mini).

Thanks!

V4 Read-A-Thon: The Reboot
Here you go!

logs

Skraal: Janet Victoriee-Ser (V4 Start)
Alko Boom: Andrea Raymer (V4 Start)