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Barry Banks
[+] Namira approves


I am, however, going to suggest that you use pregame as an opportunity to develop further his interpersonal relationships (and hence, for the game itself, expand on that section a little bit). What's here is fine, but it's also slightly on the minimal side. Just something to bear in mind for the future.

Rochelle Ayers
[+] Namira Disapproves


Hiya Dee. There's some good content here, but there's also some issues with scarcity of detail that need to be resolved before I can approve Rochelle. As it stands things are a little incomplete, and need some more meat on the bones.


- Although gaming and literature are fine as interests, they aren't, by themselves, substantial enough to be the entirety of Rochelle's hobbies and interests. I'd like you to include two to three more of these, appropriately fleshed out in the biography section. One area you could add in here and expand upon later is Rochelle's interest in tabletop gaming, as that's distinct enough to qualify as a different hobby.

- Rochelle's father is stated to own a clinic but it's never specified what variety of clinic this is. I can make some inferences from other information in the profile, but it could do with being made more explicit. The fact that Abram is a doctor doesn't really get brought up at all.

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She was a playful girl, but preferred games to sports. It started out as just board games, then her dad bought her a refurbished Sega Genesis and the rest was history.


- This is a little vague. At what age did Rochelle start playing board games? If her dad was busy with the clinic and her mom was distracted and distant, then who did she play them with? I'd like a little more about her developing this interest in video games, particularly what drew her to it as a child.

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She began staying away from their home more often, and Rochelle was not too involved in her games.


- I'm unsure what this means. Could you rephrase it more clearly? Are you saying that Rochelle was too involved with gaming to notice her mom not being around so much?

- Lack of care or attention from a mother can have a large effect on a child. Did this ever get Rochelle down?

- Why did Rochelle keep friends at a distance?

- It seems a little much that a kid of Rochelle's age predicted her mom leaving when her dad didn't. I'd like you to rework this a little and focus more on the emotional impact. Being glad she was gone is rather vehement for a child in the sixth grade (and the subsequent 'she's dead to Rochell'), and suggests a more hostile relationship than had previously been indicated.

- On a similar note, it appears a bit odd that Tanya would just skip out on her child and marriage entirely, especially if her side of the family was fond of Rochelle and Abram. I'd like this section to be expanded a bit; cutting off all ties and travelling to foreign countries seems very extreme a reaction for being bored with the relationship. (And given Tanya only had part time jobs, it does raise the question as to where she'd get the income to just wander to different countries).

- In general this aspect of the character feels a little forced. Obviously the profile is about Rochelle and not her parents, but there appears to be some missing background with regards to Tanya leaving, like there's another side to the story that isn't quite coming across? I know Rochelle might not necessarily be aware of the exact reasons, but it comes across a little odd.

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Her efforts in school were doubled. She was determined not to let her father down in any respect, and she'd decided she was going to take over the clinic when she grew up. Her father was older, after all. He needed her there, and just being at the front desk wouldn't be good enough.


- This isn't clear. Is Rochelle already helping out at the clinic, by being on the front desk, or is this just indication that she aspires to more?

- Though Rochelle plays every system, you don't actually specify what kinds of games she enjoys playing. FPS? Fighting games?

- I'd like a bit more on her literature interest, as it's a bit minimal right now.

- Rochelle seems quite hostile and driven. How does this affect her around others? It's not really clear whether she stopped holding friends at arm's length, and at current it seems like that she wouldn't have many close friends. Is she socially isolated, or does she have a friendship group? There's only the brief description of not being very popular, and being considered easy going seems to be a contradiction to the rest of her personality.

- I'd like her disadvantages bulked out a bit. Being cut throat isn't really a disadvantage, and sleeping problems are comparatively minor. Some more meat is needed here.


Lemme know when you've got this all fixed up!

Isabella "Izzy" Gutierrez
[+] Namira greatly approves

Irene Djezari
[+] Namira approves

Irene Djezari
[+] Namira slightly disapproves


Hey Cicada, Irene is really really good, but I'd like you to remove the part about the hDEC2 gene (and the related advantage). I can find very little sourced information on it, and while there's enough for me to acknowledge that it most likely exists in the manner you're referring to, it appears to be very uncommon. Coupled with the fact it's not very fleshed out but consists of quite a significant advantage, I'd prefer if you excised it from the profile.

Vincenzo Gatti
[+] Namira slightly disapproves... but makes the edit anyway.

Vincenzo Gatti
Name: Vincenzo/a 'Vinny' 'Enzo' Gatti
Gender: Genderfluid (Biologically male)
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Soccer, video games, vining, guitar, karaoke, music.

Appearance: Vincenza stands at a svelte 5'10", 143lbs. Although in relatively good physical shape, they have little in the way of muscle on their body, and not much in terms of curves, either. The slightest flare around the hips is about the extent of Vinny's shapeliness. Vinny's skin is slightly olive toned, with a smattering of freckles across both cheeks, though they have more of a tendency to tan than freckle further. Their eyes and hair are both dark, deep brown and close to black respectively. Enzo will wear their hair in a wide variety of styles, depending on their mood, but has recently had it cut fairly short into a spiky, yet relatively feminine pixie. Vinny is facially androgynous, with a very smooth complexion, eyebrows that are usually shaped and tapered, and a generally youthful cast to their features. Their jaw is fairly square, and at the wrong angle, their chin can jut somewhat, which bothers Enzo a great deal. They are, however, fond of their nose, shaped in the typical 'Greek' fashion, straight bridged and neither overly large or small. Although it varies from day to day, Vinny will sometimes wear makeup, though they don't often go all out unless they're feeling in a particularly 'girly' mood. In general, they'll usually just have some basic eyeliner, foundation, and lip gloss.

Vinny's wardrobe is all over the place, as may possibly be expected. They are fond of many different fashions, and switches their style up on a daily basis. Sweater dresses, jeans, t-shirts, tank tops, they'll put anything on when they feel like it. Typically, though, Enzo will aim for as neutral a look as they can manage, shying away from either bulky 'male' clothes or overly frilly 'female' clothes. They tend to favour tighter clothing regardless of anything else, although they do own a handful of flowing summer dresses. An occasional feature of Vinny's ensemble is a padded bra, which they use to give an illusion of having a chest, especially but not exclusively when they are feeling particularly feminine.

Biography: Vinny was born Vincenzo Gatti to Johnny and Clio de Palma, two Italian Americans born and raised in the state of New York, a pair of business people for two separate pharmaceutical companies. The two had begun to see each other casually after striking up a friendship post an intra-company meeting, developing into a longer term relationship over the course of the next four years. Vinny was something of an unplanned accident for the pair, prompting a mini-crisis between the two as they both tried to figure out where they'd slipped up and decide whether or not a child was something that they were prepared for. Although the answer to the second question was more or less a 'no', they decided as a duo that, even if they weren't married or settled down, they'd been together long enough that the idea of starting a family was at least a little appealing to them. While neither much felt like tying the knot, they did end up moving in together over the course of the pregnancy, and soon enough, a healthy baby arrived.

Vincenzo's early years were defined by a few distinct qualities; a lot of moving around, somewhat inconsistent parenting, and a pervasive sense of confusion about how adults treated them. Johnny and Clio's jobs involved a good deal of travelling about the country, following their respective companies' policies. Though both were given some leeway in acknowledgement of the birth of their child, Vinny didn't often remain in the same home for more than 12-15 months at a time, shifting between various rented apartments across the USA, frequently not seeing their mother or father for weeks as the other took charge of parenting. The two made a game effort at keeping Vinny's childhood as balanced as they possibly could, but moving between different schools and neighbourhoods, never able to settle for too long or make too many friends resulted in a lot of disruption to Enzo's early years. This was coupled with the young child's consistent bemusement at their parents, adults, teachers and other children constantly seeming eager to impress upon them that they were a 'little boy', that they should like 'boy things' such as toy cars, trucks and army men, and should not play with 'girl things' like dolls and fluffy animals. Vinny just didn't get it. Drawing a line down the middle of everything and putting 'girl' on one side and 'boy' on the other made no sense to them, even when young. There were things that they liked, and things that they didn't like, and some fell on either side of that line, a line which they couldn't quite figure out.

In any case, the constant bouncing around had a negative effect on Vinny both socially and scholastically. They struggled in their classes and to make many friends due to the common thread of moving on after a relatively short period of time, and the locomotion was beginning to wear on Johnny and Clio too. It was difficult to concentrate on both their careers and their responsibilities to their child, Johnny in particular growing very guilty about how withdrawn and sullen Vinny was beginning to become. After a serious talk, Enzo's parents agreed that it was time that they looked into settling more permanently somewhere, for their child's sake. As luck would have it, six months later, a long term position opened up for Clio in Kingman, Arizona, her company establishing a new premises there in need of an executive manager. A difficult decision saw Johnny resign from his job in order for the family to head across the country for what would hopefully be the final time for the foreseeable future.

Vincenzo initially saw arriving in Kingman with all the suspicion that a ten year old could muster, certain that the new school would be the fourth in five years and go on to be just another in the sequence. However, as their parents assured them that no, this time they were actually going to stay, Vinny slowly began to come out of their shell both at home and at school, particularly with the greatly increased amount of time Johnny was spending at home while seeking a new job. Towards the end of their first year in Kingman, Vinny chose to answer the question 'Are you a boy or a girl?' on a fun school worksheet by just writing 'No'. Although their teacher at the time just laughed it off as a joke, this marked the beginning of a more thoughtful exploration of gender on Vinny's part. Now a little older, they understood slightly better the concept of gender roles and what was expected from 'him' as a male, something that made them faintly uneasy and produced even stronger feelings of confusion than before. Everyone else seemed to grasp this dividing line between boy and girl implicitly, and they just couldn't see it for themselves.

Vinny, perplexed, brought the confusion to their parents, who struggled to follow the problem. At first they thought that Enzo was telling them that they were trans, and felt that they were a girl, but when quizzed on this, Enzo denied it. They didn't feel that they were a girl, and after a couple of weeks, managed to vocalise the explanation that they just didn't feel that they were a boy, either. This prompted a great deal of concern from Johnny and Clio, especially as Vinny moved into middle school and simultaneously became more forceful in their insistence that no, they didn't really like being called 'he' very much, beginning to introduce themselves occasionally as Vincenza. At length, Vinny's parents brought them to a psychiatrist in attempt to puzzle out just what was going on inside their child's head. Amidst further confusion and approximately seven months of discussions both alone and as a family group, the doctor finally came out with the conclusion that for all intents and purposes, there was nothing wrong with Vinny's mental health, but they were going through a degree of gender identity disorder. It wasn't especially common, the psychiatrist explained, but certain people identified neither with a male or female identity, or sometimes both simultaneously. Although this was quite a bombshell to Vinny's parents, their personal reaction was to smile, nod, and agree that sometimes they felt more like a boy, and sometimes more like a girl, and sometimes somewhere in between.

This caused no end of disruption at home. Needless to say, both Johnny and Clio were thrown for a loop, discussing between themselves if they'd done something wrong, and if they'd made mistakes with their son's upbringing. It wasn't until Vinny was almost 13 that the two of them came to the collective decision that they needed to do what was best for Vinny as opposed to agonising over maybes and could-have-beens. Sat down with their parents, they quizzed Enzo for an evening about all manner of subjects, from what Enzo wanted to wear, to their interests, to their preferred pronouns. Turning up their nose at both 'he' and 'she', Vinny settled on a singular 'they' as a point of reference, in addition to telling their parents that they would like to be able to go by Vincenza sometimes. Vinny was also very excited by the prospect of getting to expand their wardrobe, fond of a wide array of different clothing styles, from dresses and skirts to jeans and sweaters. Furthermore, Vinny was referred by their doctor to a psychologist specialising in gender, who worked with them over the course of a few months in an attempt to determine how exactly Vinny wanted to proceed with their gender presentation. At length and after consultation with their parents, Vinny decided that the idea of beginning male puberty - which they were just beginning to venture into, was rather a daunting one. Enzo was prescribed a course of testosterone blockers, administered by a monthly injection, a medical intervention which has persisted to this day.

Vinny's genderfluidity, already a subject of some discussion at school, became much more prominent at this point. Feeling that they now had the go-ahead to treat gender as and how they felt like, Vinny began turning up in whatever clothes and with whatever presentation struck their fancy. This caused quite a stir, with some of the more old fashioned members of the faculty considering it completely outrageous, calling Vinny a 'boy in a dress'. In addition, the age of Vinny's peer group caused a lot of immature comments, particularly in relation to Vinny's sexuality and 'manliness'. Head held high, Vinny allowed the abuse to bounce off of them, turning their anger inward and doing their best not to react when they were baited. Between their parents asking for the school's support in keeping people off Enzo's back, Enzo's own determination, and the more open-minded members of the staff, the teasing and bullying slowly began to abate, although it has never entirely faded away. On a daily basis, Vincenza wears what they want to and presents to others what they want. They've developed the habit, amongst friends, of stating that a given occasion is a 'girl day' or a 'boy day' to give them an idea of exactly how Enzo is feeling about their gender at that time. Vinny's moods can come and go, sometimes sticking with one gender for a fortnight at a time, and others going back and forth on a daily basis.

Even so, Vincenza was far happier now that they could express themselves, and now that they had settled in Kingman, their personality began to flourish in quite an exceptional coming of age. Enzo became far more exuberant and generally enthusiastic, both in their social life and in their education, finally taking to school and the maelstrom that was navigating high school. Enzo hadn't had many friends due to being considered a little odd, and a few of their peers were put off by their eccentricities. However, more were charmed by their laid back and lighthearted nature, coupled with an easy good humour and a generally buoyant attitude. For the first time in Vinny's life, they felt like that they were finally being understood, and that communicated itself into a more positive attitude. Though for the most part relaxed, Vinny was very assertive about matters of their identity and preferred pronouns, and would never accept the simply route out just because it would be easier. So far as they were concerned, they'd struggled for a long time to figure out their issues, and it would be a waste to go back on their convictions just because of doubts. Part of this willingness to put themselves out there a little more saw Vinny take to showing off on social media. Always willing to indulge their own silly sense of humour, Vinny was one of the first aboard the new trend of Vine, adoring the format of short, humourous videos. Even now, Enzo can constantly be seen dreaming up ideas for their next video, and will often enlist friends in filming and otherwise helping. They get a real kick out of being able to entertain so many people, especially those that they've never met. It was also around this time that Vinny began to display more of their affection for singing. Encouraged by friends who had seen them singing snatches of song on their Vines, Enzo became ready to kick off a singalong at a moment's notice, and is always willing to grab a microphone in a club and belt out a few tunes.

Always fond of music, Vinny took up playing the guitar in middle school, getting their hands on a second hand acoustic for cheap. Largely self taught, they are not a great guitarist by any stretch of the imagination, but can play a few tunes halfway decently. Vinny doesn't really view the guitar playing as anything more than an occasional distraction, they just think that it's a neat skill to have, though they occasionally joke it's 'a chick magnet'. Enzo overall prefers listening to music than making it themselves, and are fond of a eclectic array of genres, from electronic and metal, to blues and country. They're willing to try any style of music at least once, and keeps an open mind about most artists and songs, finding that if they just give things a try, even music that they're skeptical of can turn out to be quite good. The sole exception to this was when their mother tried to introduce them to death metal, which wound up just terrifying Enzo that their unassuming and jovial parent could be so heavily into music that sounded that scary.

As a child, Vincenzo had often only had video games for company, especially in those times where they had been frequently bouncing between schools. They had reconciled their difficulty in making friends by playing games, usually handheld, the likes of Pokémon, Mario and Zelda. This developed into a lifelong love of gaming, especially when they began branching out into multiplayer games, which Vinny saw as a way of sharing something they enjoyed a great deal with their friends. They were particularly fond of frantically competitive, fast-paced games like Smash Bros and Mario Kart, although Vinny wasn't particularly good at fighting games. When Vincenza was 16, they stumbled upon the concept of Let's Plays and streaming games, and was immediately not only enthralled, but inspired. There were so many people who were showing off their passion for others to see, and it couldn't be all that difficult to do the same. Enzo threw themselves into the world of streaming and video content with aplomb, combining their love for games with their enthusiasm for being silly on camera and cultivating a personality based around that. In the two years and change since beginning to stream, Enzo has attracted a decent following online for all manner of different content, although their habit of playing follow the leader on popular releases such as Amnesia and Five Nights at Freddy's has prevented them breaking out. Their most popular offerings to date have been a completely blind run of Vampire: the Masquerade, and a humorously catastrophic 'coward' run of Skyrim, where they attempted to avoid combat at all costs. Vinny is aware that a decent amount of the appeal of their stream comes from how open they are about their gender, and the fact that viewers never quite know how they'll be presenting when they begin the stream. However, Vinny isn't quite certain whether they want to try and make the stream into something more major; it's certainly something that they have a great passion for and enjoy doing, but the idea of trying to make a living from it seems extremely difficult.

Vincenza picked up soccer at the age of 14 at the encouragement of their father, an enormous fan of the Italian league club A.C. Milan. Willing to give it a try for the sake of their dad, given the lengths he was going to accommodate Vinny's gender, Enzo found themselves enjoying playing the sport. Not particularly deft with the ball at their feet and lacking the positional awareness to play in defence, Vinny found that their best position lay in goalkeeping. With good reflexes, they were well suited to make diving saves, and they thrilled at the idea of being the last line of defence, though they could become quite frustrated when making mistakes and letting the team down. Regardless, Vinny has been a consistent fixture of Cochise High's soccer team for a few years now, although they don't win too many prizes for their work ethic and don't train very hard, they give it their all when actually playing. Enzo views the sport as a hobby first, a team activity second, and an actual competitive force a distant third. Of course, Enzo still greatly prefers winning to losing, they simply don't take soccer all that seriously outside of games. It's good enough for Vinny that they're pretty good at it and can bond with their father talking about their most recent matches.

Enzo's grades are decidedly average. Although they put in a decent amount of work, they're far too focused on their friendships and other hobbies to truly dedicate themselves to schoolwork, and they aren't naturally gifted enough to get high grades without a lot of effort. Scientific subjects are Enzo's strong suit, and they adore their psychology elective, having a vested interest in psychological conditions and studies of social identity. They struggle badly with English, as they aren't a particularly eloquent writer, and can struggle to communicate their point at times. In any case, Vinny gets along reasonably well without too much cause for concern, although their parents occasionally prod them come examination time to try a little harder, which usually does result in a little more buckling down. Even so, Vinny would much rather hang out with their varied friendship groups than worry too much about work, and much prefers to lend a hand to a friend in need than do extra credit. They have, over time, built up a connection with quite a number of people who understand them, although they can still be a little polarising. No less stubborn about their presentation than when they were younger, years of questioning about gender identity have made Vinny a lot blunter about answering questions people might have about them. Confusion or disparaging remarks are met with a blunt response to just deal with it, which has occasionally alienated people with genuine questions.

Vinny's home life is good; both parents are fully supportive of their choices, even if they do not always understand them. Though they are often very busy with work, Johnny having found a role in a local bank, they both find time to ask Vinny how they're doing, and whether anything interesting has happened. On occasion, Vincenza has even successfully roped their parents into participating in their vines, which Vinny views as an enormous success, occasionally teasing their parents about being internet famous. On a personal level, Enzo has become increasingly anxious about what they plan to do after school; they're not really sure that college is for them, and they're somewhat worried about the continued course of puberty blockers. They're aware that they probably can't continue along on this course indefinitely, and the ideas of ending the medication or beginning to take female hormones are both equally unappealing. They are occasionally dissatisfied with their body, and are not always able to reconcile their identity with their actual physical properties. Enzo often finds themselves wishing that certain body parts were interchangeable. One point of solace in the unsteady ship, however, has been the fledgling relationship that Vinny has struck up with Brady Floyd, whom they met via a mutual acquaintance in BB Gunnerson. Although not quite sure where things are going just yet, Vinny has found themselves glad of the ride so far, though they do sometimes have to repress their own enthusiasm to spare Brady embarrassment.

Advantages: Vinny is in pretty good athletic condition, possessing above average fitness levels and quick reflexes, although they aren't especially fleet of foot. Naturally, this will allow them to keep going for longer and may give them a valuable edge when it comes to avoiding harm. Thanks to their personable nature, they're also likely to be able to stay onside with any allies that they may make, in addition to having a larger number of preexisting friends to seek out and rely upon. Finally, as a determined and strong-willed individual who doesn't allow themselves to be pushed around, Vinny should have the mental fortitude to keep going through adversity.
Disadvantages: Enzo has very few practical skills; they know nothing about camping or survival, for example, and wouldn't have the first idea how to go about roughing it in the wilderness. They also lack much understanding of cooking or working with their hands, and would be highly unlikely to be able to make the best out of materials that they could find in SOTF, both in terms of food and practical jury-rigging. Vincenzo has long been a rather polarising figure at Cochise, owing largely to their no-compromises approach to their own presentation, meaning that they have more than their fair share of people who they have got onto the wrong side of, be it due to open prejudices or just catching Enzo in an unaccommodating mood.

Barry Banks
[+] Namira Slightly Disapproves

You've tackled most of the stuff I asked for, but there's still a couple of things unaccounted for from the initial set, so I'm going to have to bump you back again.

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I think, considering that soccer is so central to his concept, Barry could use a little more detail on it in places. Does he have a favourite team or player? What's his best position? How do the coaches treat his level of dedication? How does he react to less dedicated teammates?

I'd like another interest fleshed out in the profile somewhere, as college hunting is a little bit flimsy as a full time hobby, even if it's something that takes up a lot of Barry's time, and that leaves only three decently-developed interests.


Remember to add the other interest to the hobbies and interests section!

Barry Banks
[+] Namira Disapproves

Close but no cigar. Barry's almost there, just needs a few adjustments here and there to be shipshape.

Firstly, he needs a numerical weight. While you're at it, a hair colour would be good - I can extrapolate from his ethnicity, but it's always nice to have the detail.

Soccer is huge for him, evidently, but how did he first become interested in soccer? I feel like that's a key missing piece of information, especially for something that became so huge for him so quickly. I think, considering that soccer is so central to his concept, Barry could use a little more detail in it in places. Does he have a favourite team or player? What's his best position? How do the coaches treat his level of dedication? How does he react to less dedicated teammates?

I'd like another interest fleshed out in the profile somewhere, as college hunting is a little bit flimsy as a full time hobby, even if it's something that takes up a lot of Barry's time, and that leaves only three decently-developed interests.

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Almost nothing seems to anger or even annoy him, and he can laugh of pretty much any unfortunate thing that happens to him. H


*laugh off


I would also like another advantage and disadvantage apiece.

Lemme know when you're all fixed up.

Wayne Cox
[+] Namira Approves

Wayne Cox
[+] Namira slightly disapproves


I think I follow what you're saying when you mentioned playing basketball 'being a part of his history', but I think it would work better if rephrased as Wayne continuing to play as a force of habit - 'part of his history' sounds a little bit clunky.

Otherwise you're pretty much good to go.

Wayne Cox
[+] Namira Disapproves

You're almost there, Ice - you've got all the bones down, what's missing is just a little bit more flesh in certain aspects. There are several quite intriguing aspects of Wayne that you bring up and then sort of gloss over explaining very much.

- I'd like a little more explanation on the types of things that his sister tricked him into getting involved with. How long did this persist for? Did he ever cotton on?

- How did he get As if he wasn't smart and didn't put in much effort?

- It's interesting that he's been playing basketball for so long if he doesn't really enjoy it. If he's not on a team, where does he play, and with who? It seems strange considering he's such a slacker in other areas.

- If he's personally disappointed with his grades, why doesn't he put in more effort?

- He could use a little more bulk in the advantages/disadvantages section.

Fiyori Senay
Posted Image

A Wild Beard Appears; A Pathfinder Experience
that comic is making me crack up every time I look at it

Fiyori Senay
[+] Namira Disapproves

All right, the basics are all good here. Mostly, there just needs to be a bit of a grammar comb through, alongside a few basic quibbles I have with some of the aspects of Fiyori's background.

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Name: Fiyori Senay
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Cooking, Piano, Partying


I'd like maybe one or two more interests here.

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Appearance: Standing at 6'1'' and weighting (weighing) 138 lbs, Fiyori makes a very skinny and scrawny appearance. Additionally, she has quite the bad posture, as she has a slight forward hunch. Her skin is a dark brown with cold undertones, contrasting the gray-blue eyes resting in her oblong-shaped face. Other general features of her face are interestingly those associated with Caucasian humans (This is awkwardly phrased. She's clearly a human. Rephrase this to something like 'her general features are those associated with caucasian heritage): strongly retreating cheek-bones and a narrow nose with a high nose bridge. Her lips are thin with the lower half pronounced more strongly, while her eyes are down-turned.

Her black hair is silky and straight which through mere genetic luck is very easy for Fiyori to care for; it has a length of 13 inches. Often, she just keeps it behind her ears by using hair clips, which often agree (match) in color with her glasses. Those have a rectangular shape and a light blue frame color.

Fiyori's wardrobe consists out of many colors, with hues of light blue dominating slightly. Primarily, she wears either ponchos in combination with denim pants or she wears shirt-dresses. Her favorite pair of shoes are ballerina flats, which agree (match) in color with her glasses' frame.


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Biography: Antony Senay was a student in a Californian university when he met Birikti Tesfay, a waitress at a local diner. They both shared some peculiar similarities. Both had Eritrean immigration backgrounds with which they tried to reconnect, but they also shared a passion for the Route 66 and it's aesthetic, primarily because they saw it as a sign of freedom and the American Dream. It took them a few years, but eventually they married and on the first of September 1996, Fiyori was born as the only child they would ever get. (This is slightly awkward again, 'as the first and only child' might work a little better)

Soon after her birth, the Senays moved to Kingman. The reasons for Kingman were rather simple. There was a bit of enthusiasm for living in one of the more iconic tows by the Mother Road, but the primary reason was that Antony found a job as an English teacher in a local elementary school. Birikti concerned herself with child-rearing for the first years, but as Fiyori was in the third year of middle school, she tried to rejoin the work force. Incidentally, she found work as a cook in a local low-end restaurant. ('Incidentally' doesn't quite fit here. I think you mean something more along the lines of 'In time')

Initially, the unspoken agreement between the parents was that Antony was at work forenoons and at home afternoons, while Birikti worked afternoons while being at home forenoons. However, Antony still had hobbies and often left the home on his own leisure, leaving Fiyori without supervision. It was a small source of conflict at first, but the Senays soon noticed that Fiyori did quite well on her own: she cooked for herself, kept care to leave their flat not too untidy and was very careful about not loosing the key.


I have something of an issue with this section. Leaving, to my understanding, an eight-nine year old child home alone is both irresponsible and somewhat dangerous. I feel like this is rather glossed over, especially in terms of aspects such as cooking for herself. I would certainly not trust an unsupervised nine year old with a stove. This needs to be reworked to either be a lot more contentious or to not involve Fiyori being left home alone at such a young age. As things stand I'm not happy with this aspect of Fiyori's childhood.

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This allowed Fiyori to have a lot of privileges even at her own age. They set no curfews on their owns, or bothered to stop Fiyori from leaving home whenever she wanted. Additionally, she could easily ask for small sums of money without the parents objecting. However, as they managed to revitalize their social lives, they did not notice Fiyori's lack of enthusiasm.


Her parents are coming across as a bit disengaged and distant. Is this intentional?

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While it was true that Fiyori was a responsible young girl, which earned the admiration and respect of her parents, it was also true that Fiyori was having trouble with being motivated. She had friends with whom she hanged (hung out) out with, but she had no passionate hobbies or extracurricular activities. Furthermore, her academic progress was stagnating, not because Fiyori was unable or untalented, but simply because she saw no point in being better than what was necessary to pass all classes.


Is there a particular reason for this level of apathy? It isn't coming across very clearly why she'd be so dispassionate.

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It got better starting with high school, at first with the acquirement (acquisition) of an electric piano. Originally, it was a skill Birikti wanted to have, as part of a new year's resolution, but after she bought the keyboard, she quickly abandoned that project. Nonetheless, Fiyori was curious about the instrument, and began to play it herself. Although she has received no professional schooling aside from music class, Fiyori gained some decent skill in self-study. It was not anything spectacular, but other people were ready to listen to her either on her own or part of some bigger ensemble. However, often Fiyori just plays the instrument after a stressful day in order to relax.

Furthermore, after many years of cooking her own meals regularly, Fiyori developed a certain affinity and even passion for it. Despite this, Birikti and Fiyori did not manage to bond over this passion, as the former was often too exhausted by work and preferred to not be hassled with matters of food preparation in her free time. Which is why Fiyori tends to try out new recipes with her friends or on her own. Also, Fiyori likes to state that she prefers eating dishes to preparing them.

Fiyori is a somewhat social person. She likes to frequent parties and other public functions, although she prefers her own circle of friends over the making of new acquaintances. However, due to the high rate of drug users, (high rate of drug users among what group?) Fiyori herself has started to smoke cannabis at age of 16. She does not smoke regularly, though, and often only whenever her friends are doing so. Yet when she does so, her intake is high and she often wakes up with the typical side effects of overuse the next day (such as? these aren't the same for every person). Despite this, she is aware of Cochise's strict drug policies and is careful not to get herself in trouble by being obviously high. Her parents do not know of her habit, but they have a dim suspicious (suspicion). Given their positive bias of seeing Fiyori as an over-average mature young adult, they turn a very blind eye on her.


Again we see the aspect of her parents being a bit laissez-faire. Combined with the earlier section, I think their attitude to parenting and Fiyori could use a little bit of elaboration, as to be slightly blunt, they don't really seem to care about supervising her too closely.

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As mentioned, Fiyori's academic progress is just enough to get through classes. Her parents do not mind much, although they encourage her verbally to improve every few weeks. They do not pursue any plans however, which means that nothing changes. Fiyori herself has few ambitions concerning academic success. She is theoretically aware that she could have had the chance if she wanted, and that it would have improved (it would improve) her future living conditions, but Fiyori has massive problems developing any motivation and is in the firm belief that exercising herself would not make her happy.


Similarly to before, why is she so apathetic?

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In general, Fiyori has a relatively low affect. She prefers simple emotions and experiences, which are partly seen as hedonistic, such as sexual pleasure or the satisfaction of a good meal. Additionally, she has a certain degree of dislike towards committing herself to certain things, such as a college course. Other ways in which this dislike is exhibited can be found whenever she makes plans with her friends, as she prefers spontaneous meetings to planned trips.

Despite this, Fiyori has a genuine fondness of her friends, and displays a working sense of empathy. However, she does not care a lot about politeness or social conventions, which does endear her to some, but very often people are put off by her snide remarks or other rude if generally inoffensive gestures.

On the physical side, she suffers from rather bad eyesight, with a vision of 20/100, a drastic drop which she experiences (experienced) during her teenage years. As she has her glasses with her all the time, it is usually not much of a problem.


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Advantages: Fiyori's limited affect allows her to make less rash decisions in the wake of being faced with Survival of the Fittest. She has a strong tie (she has strong ties) with her friends, giving her opportunity for strong partnerships.
Disadvantages: On the physical side, she would have great trouble without her glasses, potentially meaning that she would not be able to fine discern details (discern fine details) anymore. On the emotional side, Fiyori might have trouble developing a strong-enough will to survive and fight, or perhaps develop it too late.


This section needs some bulking out, it could use a couple more advantages and disadvantage apiece.

A Wild Beard Appears; A Pathfinder Experience
IT WAS THE SAME PLOT ALL ALONG.

Mah Writings
Walk a Mile updated yesterday. =3

Fiyori Senay
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Lillian "Lily" Caldwell
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Nadia Riva
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