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Buffy Mafia Fallout Thread
New Un's Eve
Jan 3 2014, 04:44 AM
Lynch all Docs? Lynch all Docs.

Edit: And Flare.
Lynch all yous, you slippery bastard. If this had been a traditional game I don't think you ever would have died, Vyse was the only one on to you from what I can tell XD

Buffy Mafia Fallout Thread
VysePresident
Jan 3 2014, 04:11 AM
Claiming LyLo when nobody knew about the Villains really should have been a dead giveaway, though.
You're just too much of a threat, Vyse. ;)

I am tickled by the fact that my bullshit and the things I actually believe seem to fit together seamlessly. It's the sort of thing that makes me laugh when people say I have a scum-style when really I just play as a townie and subtract my scum knowledge from my reads. I will say I stopped doing this starting at the LyLo call, so I need to check my gluttony more than a bit given how everything went after that.

Buffy Mafia Fallout Thread
Yeah, this one fell apart pretty quickly on us because of a few little misplays and a couple big ones.

We really should have strong-arm killed Toben one night earlier. Ignoring the doctor was a bad idea.

We should have scum-hunted with our kills more, and we should have killed Ricky and Dom earlier.

We should have bussed Grim immediately, but I played too cautiously. The strong possibility of Ricky as an SK or an extra mafia member made me gun-shy of losing one of our own that way, though. It was a stupid play that went against my style, and ultimately put us in a desperate position.

I figured by that night that Ricky was some scum-outlier, and he was probably going to kill either me because he wasn't sure I could get lynched, Biki because he was the least likely to have a watcher on him, or Dom because last-minute watcher savior. Jailing him and killing Dom was probably the best damage control we could have managed, but at that point the game was already pretty much over for us.

Oh well. We got greedy in the end. If I never see another watcher or tracker again, it will be too soon :P

Plush Wants To Read Your Dead Things!
You are far too kind, sir. I'm glad to hear it was helpful, it's clear you've put a lot into him, and I hope the rest of his story goes well for you!

Plush Wants To Read Your Dead Things!
I'm glad it was helpful, Sansa! I look forward to seeing where Bella goes in the future :)

Gonna keep this love train goin' with CRITIQUE: IAN WILLIAMS

THE COMPELLING

Ian's the sort of character I have an easy time getting into. He's intellectual, introspective, and very, very observant. He picks up on a lot of details in his scenes and explains them clearly from his perspective. It's clear that Vyse has put a lot of work into his motivations, his emotions, his desires, his fears, and nearly every other aspect of this character. What's more, he seems to be committed to a very well-defined arc. His first thread, Dawn of the First Day, establishes his strong desire to escape pretty well. This motivation has been continued solidly through every thread that he's been in so far. If nothing else, it's a strong commitment that gives the character purpose, and I can respect that. The biggest problem you can run into, in my opinion, is a lack of direction, and Ian has managed to side-step that.

THE DRAGGING

However, a lot of these strengths also come back to haunt Ian throughout his posts. He's placed in the uncomfortable position of having too much of a good thing. Dawn of the First Day is a good example of this, because we see a lot of strong characterization from Ian. However, it's delivered in a large exposition dump that is quite frankly intimidating to look at, let alone read. There's so much to parse here, and it doesn't stop with his one-shot. Most if not all of Ian's posts are on the longer side of the curve, and while they tend to be packed with non-superfluous information to his character, not all of it is necessary for the scene at hand.

This become especially distracting when Ian starts interacting with other characters. I'd like to do a breakdown of his first post in The two people in the distance were Paulo and Becca: It contains 14 paragraphs, and one fragment. Out of those, one paragraph and the fragment contain information that other characters can interact with. While he's rarely this out of balance again, it's an extreme example that shows just how big of an issue this can be for him. It's wavers some, and he ends up becoming better about giving off hooks by the end of Paulo and Becca, but it carries through the rest of his story so far. It's not bad writing. It would work well in a different format, such as a novel, but clarity and conciseness are high-value traits in a game like this, because it allows for greater levels of interaction. All in all, I think Ian would greatly benefit from spreading out his narrative a bit. He's only had four threads so far. One is a one-shot, the other is a multi-shot, and another is only just starting. He has plenty of time to develop as a character. It doesn't all have to be so front-loaded. Let it breathe a bit and space things out over a few more threads. His posts will become easier both to write and read, and you'll be able to roll with the punches a bit more in case something develops and you want to change his arc, instead of being locked in from the start.

THE NITPICKY

Everything that goes here can basically be lifted from Mirabella's critique. Multi-shots frustrate me to no end, and I feel like they're an especially bad environment for a character like Ian whose main downfall is a lack of hooks and an overabundance of exposition, because a multi-shot feeds both of these traits eagerly. I would strongly advise staying away from them in the future.

I want to like Ian. I really do. I think if I had more time, I could. As it stands, though, he has too much bound up in large info dumps for me to become truly engaged with him. I'm going to try to follow him in the future to see if this changes, and if it does, he'll definitely go on my must-read list.

Cliff Notes on Profiles
Slam
Jan 1 2014, 08:55 PM
If you just want to read my character, then read them without the profile. Nothing's forcing you to; I'm not going to go 'Then Kiddo McGee thought back to that really important thing that happened in their past: the one that involved a matchstick and a trio of prostitutes on their eleventh birthday".
I knew it was a bad idea to give you a sneak peek at my SI.

Cliff Notes on Profiles
Profiles are shorter than some characters' posts. Boiling them down misses a lot of the nuance that's helpful to getting into a character's mindset and driving motivations, and as you point out, encourages both a bit of sloppy writing and sloppy reading. I'm not really into the idea.