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| RLD's Monthly Baw Thread; tl;dr Warning | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Saturday 16-10-2010, 06:15 (122 Views) | |
| Vespis | Saturday 16-10-2010, 06:15 Post #1 |
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"Yahaa!"
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I feel attention whoreish posting this here, but there's atleast a couple people here that might read it and try and cheer me up. No I'm not emo. No I'm not suicidal. Just slightly pissed off at the way I've lived my past couple of years. Have you ever felt that you were alone? That everyone around has someone they can say they love, and the one person you want to desperately tell that to, you can't? It's so hard to bottle up the emotions that I feel. The emotions I feel as I watch Eric hug and cuddle with Holly. The emotion I feel whenever Austin shouts out that he loves Maria. Listening to how Maria blushes and giggles at every romantic thing Austin does, and how Holly likes knowing what Eric says about her. It all makes me happy, but I feel that twinge of jealousy. That small lining of pure hatred because they have something I don't have. And something I won't have in a long time. It's not a feeling I want to feel, nor a feeling I should even have. It's just there, a part of me. I shouldn't hate my best friend or my roommate because they have the women they plan on spending the rest of their lives with. And I still can't forgive myself for everything I caused. And its not just that incident, its every one before it as well. From her, to Sierra, to Casey, to Caitlynn. The women that I've abused emotionally. It eats at my mind almost everyday. How are some of them able to forgive me, to still be my friend, even after all the shit I've given them, and -plainly- denied that I did it? How is that I'm able to live with breaking apart one of my ex-best friend's and his fiancee? How am I simply able to sit here with the knowledge that I've ruined people's lives before because....because I thought it was fun at the time? I guess I'm sitting here rambling, but at least writing this out makes me a feel a tiny bit better. I guess that the reason that I'm left alone in this world is because of all the trouble I've caused. If you look at love as a string, and each person that you have a chance of being with is attached to you with a string, I may have cut every string that was attached to me in the past four years. Is there still a chance for me? Any string I happened to miss? Any string that I cut but refuses to release that last single strand of thread? |
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| Bagshot | Saturday 16-10-2010, 06:24 Post #2 |
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Party time
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Sounds like it's time to stop being a doucher |
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| Choco | Saturday 16-10-2010, 06:36 Post #3 |
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YEE-HAW!
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First off, we should probably re-define tl;dr. This is short, thank you very much. Now, using this string analogy, what I see no mention of is the potential to, you know, have new strings attach to you. I understand the worry that you have, and I understand the twinge of jealousy. (though, i don't recognize any of the names or situations referred to in the second paragraph, apart from "that incident"). Like I told you before, you are your own worst enemy in this situation. While people are willing to forgive and move on, you continue to beat yourself up, drag yourself back into a depressive fail state. Once again, until you can forgive yourself, nothing else will improve. And it will improve. There's someone out there for everyone, and you will find yours also. But that won't happen as long as you beat yourself up all day long. You fucked up. We know this. However, that's life. Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. You've said it yourself, people have forgiven you, and still are friends with you. That's because they understand you made a mistake, and have bust your ass off to try and make amends for what you've done. Those people were able to see that, and have reacted accordingly. Now...you need to do the same thing. |
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| Vespis | Saturday 16-10-2010, 06:51 Post #4 |
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"Yahaa!"
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I smiled. |
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| Phazom | Saturday 16-10-2010, 07:51 Post #5 |
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NOTHING
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at least you remind 8butt of me |
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| Cole | Saturday 16-10-2010, 10:15 Post #6 |
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I'm Coming Home
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Stop being an ass to chicks and maybe you will get somewhere. |
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| Vespis | Saturday 16-10-2010, 16:13 Post #7 |
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"Yahaa!"
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Well I have now. That's one of the main reasons that when I reflect my high school years, I'm highly disgusted by what I remember myself as. |
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| 8bit! | Saturday 16-10-2010, 19:50 Post #8 |
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I left my computer on.
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but Chris, I felt the exact same way when you were talking to your past relationships. I was left out. Its really not a fun feeling, but you should always know that you have that glimmer of hope. The next day may be the day that you find someone you love. Or it might not. Its all on how you want to FIND that one. or do you want that one to find you. |
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2:47 PM Jul 11