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| Disease; A Floyd and Manix FF | ||
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| Topic Started: Aug 24 2014, 02:50 PM (132 Views) | ||
| Maverick | Aug 24 2014, 02:50 PM Post #1 | |
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"How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?"
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Word count: 6,263 Asking for: 1 batch of eggs be hatched (7), with Abra being one of them. No eggs currently being carried in any of Floyds thread can be chosen. Asking for: A new aspect for the ship. When in town, for every 5 RPd posts, one hatching post may be added to up to 7 eggs in the PC to reflect the ships effort to hatch eggs for company. (Counts as significant RPing Item) LP - if there's any left over it goes to Floyd, Manix doesn't need it. Prologue: Exposure Twisting ropes of black, glistening matter formed spine-like columns that grew from the mirror-black floor and fused into a pinched apex of ceiling. Stretching between the scaled fingers of alien resin was a webbing of amber ribs that pulsated with pale yellow light. This was a single chamber in the belly of a monster; a slave, twisted and manipulated with each new generation to mold its insides into shapes pleasing to its masters. Organs were crowded to its extremities to accommodate its masters unnatural desire to dwell in the cavernous honeycomb of its gut. This was a Leviathan; a space dwelling creature with an armored shell; capable of fending off the universes rubble that hurtled through the black at thousands of miles per hour. The beasts nature was gentle, nurturing, and defensive. The cybernetic nano-techonology coursing through its veins was an abomination introduced at birth. The metallic cells mutated and guided the space-faring beings slow, monotonous growth. No longer a gentle giant of the deep, the Leviathan had become a ship, and classified with a name than meant nothing at all to it to her. Rows of bone white shelves filled this singular chamber. The glowing walls spat a putrescent veil of pale light over the storage units fragile contents. Scores of pale, oblong shapes formed an embryonic army in the hot, humid atmosphere. Without another of her kind, these were the only children that the Sunflare could ever know. With bovine curiosity, she drowsily watched over the sleeping brood. She alone nurtured them. Their numbers grew with each week until the very first of these unborn soldiers lay forgotten in their snug nest of kaleidoscope dreams - forgotten by all but her. A pale portal spilled blue-white light over the reflecting floor. This singular window was an eye into a bustling chamber of parasitic life. Two life forms paced; orange-scaled and cave-blind, the carnivorous reptiles were weak. They required a complex mix of gasses to live. Their bodies were frail, gelatinous sacs of fluid. Their life spans were but a fraction of the Sunflares. Yet, these were the masters. These were the ones who first placed the notion of self into her ancestral brain. The ship knew when a second of the master-species arrived on the scene. She differentiated between the two in the simplest of terms; Pilot and Parasite. The Pilot spoke to her, guided her, and relied on her. Only to this babbling one did she listen. Only for him did she speed up her lazy brain to hear his high yammering sounds. If she could feel love, it was for him. He spent long dark nights in the hollow next to her brain, whispering away the loneliness that threatened her existence. He bled his heart to her, and she lapped up the thoughts, so like her own, with ravenous hunger. He was not simply her Pilot, he was the only other voice in her world. The voice no longer spent sleepless nights crooning to her with his strange gibbering sounds. The Parasite had arrived, and now he gave his words to it no her. The Parasite was female. Her Pilot had found one of his own kind at last. He no longer needed his ships company. The Parasite earned a new distinction Competition. The Sunflare knew jealously for the first time. Alone, the Sunflares mind remained near the eggs. The sleeping ones were at an impressionable stage where she could just detect their fluttering half-formed thoughts. They did not know she was there, nor were their minds developed enough to offer real company, but they were life, and they were sentient, and with them she was less alone. Days and weeks passed, and the less the voice spoke with her, the more she withdrew to the Incubation Chamber, the more she impressed her consciousness upon the bright points of light that, like stars, created a constellation of life beneath the bile-colored walls of the guarded room, until one day she sensed movement. One of her stars flashed vividly, becoming a galaxy of interesting motes and nodules that whirled and spun on the dreamers imagination. The sleeper was an anomaly, a psychic picking up on her presence for the very first time. Still snug inside his shell, the unborn creature basked in her warm glow, connecting with her and forming a bond not unlike the one she had shared with the Voice. Love became a drug that she was fast addicted to. The Sunflare devoted more of her resources to the forgotten chamber, desperate to awaken more of the slumbering minds and not averse to being a nuisance to the Parasite if the opportunity arose. Eventually, the change in her performance became visibly apparent to her Scavian masters. Part 1: Contagion Floyd! Floyd jumped, tossing his fanged muzzle in the direction of the shriek. The bathroom door was shut, but he could hear water splashing over hard tile and claws dancing over stone. Sucking in breath, he quickly looked back at the holographic projection. The shower is blasting cold water again. the banshee complained. The door swished open and Manix stormed into the mans bedroom with a towel wrapped around her shivering body. She glared at the bare, orange back that was hunched over a wall console, studying alien glyphs intently. Floyd? she repeated more earnestly. He looked up, pretending to be startled, Wha-? Oh! Sorry. I was studying human mythology. Interesting stuff, look here, he pointed at the webpage. There was a monster called Echidna, supposed to be the mother all monsters. Pretty cool, huh? Manix frowned and tapped her foot impatiently. Sorry. What were you saying? He noticed her attire and grinned mischievously. What brings the pleasure of this visit? The shy and stubborn girl had been fending off all of his advances thus far. Yet there she was, barely decent by human terms, and storming his bedroom without a second thought. She read his expression, noted the playful flick of his tail, and hugged her towel more tightly. A certain amount of nudity was normal on Sordia, but somehow Earth made it seem filthy and the stigma was fast being adopted by the girl via the un-Scavian-like overtures of Floyd. Not that! Manix snapped and stalked over to the bed. With a disgusted sigh, she started in on him again. The shower? Its cold again. You said that couldnt happen, but it is. FIX IT. Another impatient stamp of her foot told the pilot that this was not going to be a good day. It cant. he argued. The Sunflare is a living machine. Her biological components control the waters temperature. Floyd returned his attention to the page on mythical monsters. Manix reached out, grabbing his bony chin with one hand. With a swift yank, she pulled his face back toward her. Well it did happen. Go see for yourself. Do you promise to treat me like this more often? He grinned. She promptly let go. He let his disgruntled roommate lead him back to the bathroom. The black shell that was the tub, was still spewing a fountain of water that spiraled down the drain. He dipped his hand into the curtain of crisp, cool water. Its cold! he gasped, yanking his claws back and slinging icy droplets. I told you. This ship hates me. If its not the shower, the waste disposal lines are clogging; if its not those then the artificial gravity is acting up. Yesterday the laundry unit ate my clothes! How much has to happen before you believe me? Ok, I believe you. He held his hands up in truce. But really, the only reason that she would behave this way would be if she had a virus of some sort, and it cant be that because her artificial components would have detected it by now. What if the artificial components have something wrong with them too? she pressed. Nonsense, I check her systems on a nightly bas- he stopped short and gave her a blank stare, his cheeks flushing bright red. What? I uhI havent been running system diagnostics as frequently as I should be. Ive sort of been occupied. He refrained from mentioning that she was his preoccupation. He quickly rose and fled the room. Manic watched him leave, her mouth hanging open. What about the water? she called after him. Silence was her reply. Part 2: Symptoms I dont believe it! the confused pilot mumbled to himself. He fixed the expansive console, glittering with a thousand lights in the dark room, with a bemused stare. Flare, he addressed his ship, Just what are you up to? Hunched over the instrument panel in the ships control room, he had ran a dozen diagnostics and found the same results each time. The viewport, which dominated the room, yielded a scene few on Earth had ever seen with their own eyes. A deep blue orb swirling with white clouds and encased with a rainbow of glowing halos spun below them at the same rate at which the ship sailed through its skies. Beyond these bands of brilliant color was a void of black nothing. Every morning the hydrothermal vents shut down and divert their energy conversion to the lab. he continued to himself. Thats when I take my showers. Manix piped helpfully from the doorway. She noted the spectacular view with a grim smile. It made her uneasy to be dangle upside down above the planet. Like most Scavians, she wanted nothing to do with it. Floyd had always been different, as she was only just learning. The half-mad General whirled about in the pilots chair to gape at the still damp, shivering girl. His long term house guest was dressed this time in a loose tee-shirt and yoga pants. He had preferred the towel, and was pretty sure that the shirt was his. It looked better on her, he noted with a silent flick of his tail. I told you, this ship doesnt like me, she mumbled before venturing inside to plop tiredly down into the plush cushions of the co-pilots seat. The back rest failed at precisely the same moment, dumping the girl backwards into the floor. Manix! Floyd leaped up and helped hoist the disheveled girl back to her feet. You ok? "Not if this crap keeps up She dusted herself off. Its ridiculous though, he continued. Shes just a ship, she cant hold a grudge. Manix shrugged and settled down onto the floor rather than risk the ships wrath a second time. Gears were turning in the Scavians skull now, and he returned to the console to run a few more searches, and found more lapses in the historical timeline of the energy distribution systems. He recalled Manix mentioning the waste disposal, and there it was on the screen; several instances of the incinerator shutting down and diverting energy; likewise for the artificial gravity, but not all over the ship. The pilot looked at the flustered girl with new suspicion. Shes a ship. She cant hate you, he insisted again. Who are you trying to convince? Manix muttered. Me or you? Floyd turned back to the console and ran one more analysis, this time cross referencing the failures with the females precise locations. Each time, her whereabouts and the glitches coincided. But its impossible! he blurted, without pausing at the controls. There has to be a reason behind it and then he found their next clue. All of the energy thats being diverted during the glitches is being sent to the lab. He spun around again to face her. Shes rerouting everything to the Incubation Chamber. The what? Manix climbed to her feet when she saw Floyd leap from his chair and bolt for the door. The Incubation Chamber. he called over his shoulder. They ran to the lift down the hall and called for Deck Two. Its a room with a controlled environment where I store all of my un-hatched pokemon eggs. He paused, realizing he had never mentioned any of this to her. It hadnt occurred to him that the girl, whose disposition was so nurturing toward her young pokemon, might be interested. I dont know why I never thought about showing you, I guess Ive been- Occupied? Manix finished for him. Yeah. That. he answered grimly, his thoughts darting in different directions, seeking out reasons for why the ship was behaving this way. A nagging feeling kept leading him back to Manix and to his lately diverted attentions. Ive noticed. Manix scoffed, crossly her arms and shaking her head. I dont think youre the only one. he replied darkly. Part 3: Diagnosis Stay close. I dont think she would hurt you, but I cant be sure at this point. It was his first allowance that the ship might not be just a ship. Pausing gallantly in the doorway, his broad shoulders filling the space and one arm protectively blocking the females path, Floyd peered into the room. Manix was afraid to enter the Lab now, but was convinced that if the ship did want to do her harm, that it wouldnt matter where she was when it happened. Her only relief was in knowing she wasnt crazy, to have Floyd believe her. It looks normal enough in here. he whispered quietly. Then he pointed to a panel beside a door inside the lab. Thats the door to the Incubation Chamber. See the red light on key pad? Its locked down. I sure didnt leave it that way. Whats the point? The retracting membrane, the door to the chamber, remained sealed upon approach. Floyd tried the panel, entered several access codes, and was rejected each time. He huffed his frustration and peered through the transparent pane at the small rooms interior. Rows upon rows of pale eggs lined the ghostly white shelves. The yellow light spilling over their slick, shiny surfaces, gave the room an eerie otherworldly quality that Manix didnt care for. Why is she focusing her energy on this room? Floyd asked, not expecting an answer. Manix had never seen so many eggs before. They struck a chord within her, drawing memories of Nema, the only egg she had ever hatched. The fire moth had been life-saving company to her during her first nights on Earth. Feelings she couldnt describe had surfaced; feelings she never dared believe she could have. An irresistible urge to protect the unborn creature had overwhelmed her. She felt like a mother to the moth now, and regardless of species, no one would ever convince her otherwise. The girl pulled up a stool and sat down to watch Floyd pace back and forth in front of the unyielding door. She thought about Nema, the secret horde of eggs, of Floyd and the ship she hadnt thought of as a female ship before. Can you talk to her? Manix asked, a little skeptically. The ship was constantly rattling off replies to Floyds queries. Well yeah! I talk to her all the time- the words faded as he said them. What is it? I used to talk to her all the time. He hung his head and pulled up a stool to sit beside her. Guilt weighed down his conscience. He hadnt felt guilty before, not when he thought the ship was a mindless machine. What changed? The look on the mans face told her that she already knew the answer. And dont tell me you were occupied. Right, well, I have been, with you. He shrugged. I guess since I found you, Ive been telling you everything I used to tell her. he went on despondently. Manix blushed and turned aside. Well, thats not exactly what I meant. I hear the ship reply to your commands all the time, why cant you just ask her whats wrong? Oh! It was his turn to blush. Those are preprogrammed responses. Theyre part of her Artificial Intelligence Matrix. Its just the artificial components, the computer, doing the talking. So, I guess you could say she has a limited vocabulary. I know how she feels. Its terrible needing to say something but not having the words to get your point across. The girl looked away, knowing her own attempts to learn English werent as successful as she would like. Im not sure its like that. I dont know if she has feelings like we do. I mean, plants are alive, but do they think and have a sense of self like we do? I guess its a matter of perspective. Im sure plants think and feel too, they just do it in a different way, at a different pace, than we do. We just cant see it. Why else would you talk to her if you didnt believe that? Yeah. Maybe. Floyd looked through the window at the circular room. There were several dozen unborn there, just sitting and waiting for him to find the time to hatch them. He stood up so quickly that he sent the stool toppling backwards. Manix jumped. One of those eggs just moved. he gasped and pointed. Wellthats good, isnt it? the girl replied. Yeah, butthats impossible. Pokemon eggs dont hatch unless theyre around other living creatures. Manix sputtered, then guffawed at him. They have been around another living creature. The ship! Floyd looked back through the window. Well Ill be damned. It makes sense now. Shes been diverting that energy to this room so she could hatch my eggs. But why? Her eggs. the girl corrected smartly. I wouldnt dare tell her any different unless YOU want to be taking cold showers from here on out. Butthat would mean he trailed off and gaped at the egg room again. That the plant is sentient. The girl crossed her arms and leered at him. A sentient plant that doesnt like me. He rested his hand on the clear, glass-like pane and felt the slow, steady throb of the ships pulse. The first of the eggs was hatching. A tiny yellow snout pierced its shell. Flakes fell away until the newborn could wriggle itself free. It was an abra, Helsings offspring. Ol Pointy Ears should be here. He wasnt expecting it to be born just yet. He cast a pleading glance back at his companion. Manix was now all too familiar with the wise cracking psychic. He and Ehpahk went to the surface. They said something about a gentlemans club. This time Floyd laughed. It was typical for the alakazam to try and convert the old hypno to his dirty habits. He was sorry that he would miss the birth of his last offspring though. He patted the bulkhead gently. Sorry girl. I guess I owe you an apology. Ive been trying so hard to get Manix to like me that Ive been neglecting you, havent I? The red light on the wall flicked to green and the membranous door rippled, shifting from solid to liquid before spiraling away into the resinous frame. A relieved breathe escaped the alien, and he entered the warm, steamy chamber. You did it! the girl behind him gasped, but when she tried to follow suit, the door solidified in an instant, locking her out. Its alright. I guess she thinks this is a private moment or something. Floyd called to her. The baby was now sprawling over the top of the shelf and Floyd scooped it up, cradled it, and noted the gender. Did you really hatch this little guy all by yourself? he whispered to the humming spacecraft. He walked down the aisle and saw that several of the eggs were moving now. And these little ones too? Youve been busy. He couldnt stifle the chuckle that followed. I think youre going to have to try harder than cold showers and backed up sewer lines if you want to piss Manix off now. If I didnt know any better, she likes you for doing all that for the eggs. The lights brightened and dimmed, a surge of power raced through the room. Swearing isnt going to help. Floyd chided gently. He couldnt hide his wonder at the Sunflares response to him though. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. Manix was right the ship was a sentient being and it was trying to communicate with him. Look. I know Ive not been around much, but I will be. But Im not going to start ignoring her now either. Shes just starting to trust me. I need that - The lights went out, and the engines shut off. The interior the ship was deathly silent, and the pair of aliens felt their feet leave the floor. Part 4: Fever Floyd! Manix screamed. She was sprawled somewhere between the floor and ceiling and slowly spinning. She tried swimming at the door but made no progress until one of the drifting stools behind her bumped into her back and propelled her forward. She threw herself against the door and rebounded again. The darkness didnt frighten her, but the silence and lack of control did. What happened? she called out helplessly. With the baby abra still clinging to him, Floyd leaned back in the zero-gravity environment and let it take him. Unlike his companion, he had trained for this, and didnt panic. When inertia sent him close to the wall, he pushed against it and sent himself back towards the door and latched his claws about the sinewy bulkhead to stay his self. I dont know. he called back. Frantically, he looked around and noted a soft yellow light flashing on the access panel. The reserve power was still there, the ship wasnt dead there was hope, but the main generator had shut down, and with it, all of the primary and secondary systems. His hearts began to race. Wellwhat did you say to her? Manix was once more reaching for the door, straining to hear through the bulkhead. The gravity of their situation had yet to fall into place. Floyd was at a loss for words, and stammered for several seconds before spitting out, I was just apologizing for ignoring her, but I told her I wasnt going to ignore you now either. Oh gods! That was dumb! the female moaned. Your ship is jealous, havent you figured that out yet? Mentioning ME in your apology was the worst thing you could have done. Yeah. I know that. NOW. he snapped, only he didnt know exactly why it had been a mistake. Floyd spun about the room, trying to think beyond the horrific possibilities playing out before him. The ship had been orbiting in the upper Thermosphere. If the main engines were down, the life support systems were off and in the air tight room, he had possibly an hour before the air became too thin to breath. Manix, being in the main Lab, had slightly longer. This didnt make him feel any better. With the main repulsers down, they both had plenty of time to experience the ship plummeting towards the ground below. They would be well aware of the temperature rising as the super heated air around the hull ignited, turning the nose-diving Sunflare into a shooting star. Finally, thanks to the Leviathans impact resistant bone structure and exterior plating, they would likely survive impact just long enough to be aware of their broken bodies charring in the burning wreckage. He started to hyperventilate. Floyd? Floyd! Pull it together and tell me whats happening? Why is the artificial gravity off, and the lights? I dont hear the engine anymore. Thats because shes shut them down. Youve heard of people that can slow their own heart rate? This is her version of it, but I didnt think she could do it without a main directive from the computer. he called back. What does that mean? Why would she - Can you stop it? I dont knowYou only kill the generator if you have to reboot the system - or want to crash. Its a suicide stunt, saves your ass and ruins your ship at the same time. And I cant do anything about it from here. The manual override is in the control room. Shes locked me in. But- A crazy idea came to him. He could talk her through the entire procedure if she could just make it to the control room. You could! You can fix this. Are the lab doors open? Gripping the wall, the girl crawled along until she made the glass door and found them sealed shut. Its no good! They wont budge! came the reply. Damn it! he swore, but he wasnt out of ideas yet. Do you think you can get to the supply closet at the back of the room? I think so. Once more she crawled along the walls, all while Floyds head swam, light headed, with fear. You have to hurry! We dont have much time! He didnt elaborate why, not yet. She was their only hope of survival, and if she panicked now, they were doomed. Ok! Im there. The instant she threw the sliding panel open, the storage unit vomited its contents into her face. Jars, vials, and boxes twirled past her head and bumped into her face. She batted the shower of objects away like so many gnats. Good! Do you see an access panel at the top of the closet? She noted the outline of a grate in the ceiling. Yep! Unlatch it. Youll find an access tunnel. I need you to climb straight up one level and then take the first tunnel to your right. Keep going until you see a tunnel on your left. Take that to the end and youll be in the Control Room. Ok, but what then? She was starting to tremble. Floyd took a deep breath, finding it hard to sound calm and collected when he really wanted to crumple into a knot and sob like a fool. Right, this next part is going to be tricky. Beneath the console is another panel. Youll see three circuit breakers there and a lever. These are the manual overrides. Once you trigger them, the ship loses the ability to govern herself. The computer will assume control of her nervous system and we can bring the generator back online. He took a deep breath. Throw the breaker on the far left first. This controls her tertiary functions, all the stuff concerning her passengers; the life support, the gravity, and such. The middle breaker should be next and will sever her secondary functions by locking her out of the computer. Throw the last breaker and cut her primary functions. Manixthis effectively stops her heart, the main and backup generators. This kills her. Both generators and all power will be down. You have only thirty seconds to throw that red lever and reboot the system. If you dont, the ship dies and so do we. What happens after I throw the lever? Manixs hearts were pounding, and her breath fluttered in short frantic pants. The main and second generator power up, the computer takes over, and the autopilot keeps us from splattering over the desert. And the ship? her voice sounded uncertain. The ship will function. Leave it at that. he replied shortly, making a point not to refer to the ship as her. It wouldnt be half the magnificent machine it had been before. It would become an automaton, incapable of making decisions for itself and entirely dependent on a computer capable of only the tenth of the speed of a living brain. Silence followed, and when the girl didnt say anything, Floyd pressed forward, betrayal coating his words with rage. Manix, shes attempting suicide and shes trying to take us down with her out of spite. I didnt think she could even feel that much, but it doesnt matter now. Anyone or anything that could do that doesnt deserve pity. Shes not just killing us, but everything living on board. Your pokemon, mine, and all of these eggs. If shes willing to do thatdont feel sorry for her. Im not Only he did. It was perhaps the hardest reality he had ever faced. The ship had been his boon companion for years. He may not have wanted to admit she was listening to him, but he had always pretended she was. It made him feel less alone. Then, to learn it was true all along, to find out his imaginary friend would slaughter them all, it was too much to take in. He couldnt forgive her. Manix. We dont have much time. he cried out, voice cracking with desperation. Our orbit is degrading. We are falling. Any minute youre going to feel gravity again and its going to slam you against something. You dont want to be in the tunnel when it happens! You need to be strapped into the pilots chair. What! And what about you and the eggs? The eggs are held in place with a cushioned bezel. Theyll be fine. He stopped there. He was touched that this stranger cared about his well being when only a few weeks ago her opinion of him had been so low. Go! he pleaded. Ok. OK! Im gone. Manix tore the access panel open and grabbed the first rung of the ladder. Effortlessly, she sailed up through the passage leaving Floyd alone in the sealed room. When the faint sounds of claws tapping over the rungs died away, he allowed himself to sink into the depth of his misery and excise a heaving sob from his throat. Part 5: The Cure The access panel in the control room flew open and a delicate orange-scaled hand reached out into the darkness. Manix pulled herself free and drifted through the Zero-G into the darkened interior of the room. The galaxy of lights that once lit the console panel were now black, and only the pale blue light of the orb far below them, illuminated the room. Earth, now so much larger than it had appeared only an hour before, was now looming before her, the ships altitude notably lower, and its angle sharply off. Her hearts sank in her stomach. No normal Scavian enjoyed heights and this was their nightmare personified. Manix had to shake herself mentally to move toward that dead console. She reached for the pilots chair, latched hold of the head rest, and started to pull herself forward. Turbulence shook the ship, rattling it to its core. A rumble like thunder made its occupants quake. She froze, waiting, listening. It was one moment too long. She was thrown against the ceiling, her armored skull cracking against the Leviathans brain case. Lights flashed across her field of vision and faded, but a haze of red grew, blinding her where she was pinned. Through the viewport, a wall of fire enveloped the nose of the comatose beast. Breath coming in choked sobs, Floyd reached for the shelves which were anchored to the floor. He wrapped his arms and legs about them and tucked the newly hatched abra into the crook of one arm, holding him close to his chest. He was trying to accept his doom, or a future without the Sunflare as she was meant to be. The tremors started through the hull, prompting him to take a deep breath. The yellow light of the access panel was still on. Manix hadnt reached the breakers yet. The ships speed shifted out of sync with that of their orbit as they dropped. He felt the change as abruptly as did Manix, and cried out in pain as he was flung towards the ceiling only to have his precarious hold catch him. Hurry Manix! Please... He dangled upside down, the turbulence growing and threatening to shake loose his hold. The ship rolled and the girl crashed and collided with bulkheads and furniture, coming to a rest briefly against the wall. In a daze, the wind knocked from her, making sense of her surroundings became in impossible. Sunflare. she wheezed. This is not cool. I dont want to kill you! Why are you doing this? Another shock wave and she skidded over the floor, slamming into the other wall. She tasted blood, reached up and touched a trickle now spilling from a busted gum. The panel though, was inches away. Stretching out her hand, she unlatched it. Floyd was no better off. Im so sorry little guy, he whispered to the sleeping abra. I dont think youre going to get to meet your dad. This is all my fault. I didnt realize Id hurt her feelings. I mean, were not the same species. I wanted Manix to like me so much that I forgot that she was still all alone and she was just a machine I never even thought - I cant change that though. I can talk to her but were still not the same species. And now look, none of that matters. Shes going to smear us across the rock and have done with it. The three circuit breakers were there just as described. Manix hesitated though. Come on ship! We could get along. Ill take cold showers every day for the rest of my life if you just wont do this. Its not right. Why did you go through all that trouble to hatch Floyds eggs if you were just going to abandon them all? Even if youre mad at him, why take it out on the babies? She sighed and shook her head. You know what, Ship, Floyds right. Youre just being selfish. Youre better off being a hunk of metal and bolts if this is how you deal with shit. She reached for the first breaker. The abra woke up, and his mewling voice could be heard pitifully over the roar of the plummeting craft. Floyd tried to quiet him down, his hearts breaking for the baby. He could feel the internal temperature of the ship rising. He tried not to think about it and clutched the young one tighter as the ship shook more violently. He wished he was in the Control Room with Manix, and couldnt help but feel hed let her down, let the ship down, all of his pokemon, and himself too. Never had he felt so low. In this way, he welcomed the end. Abruptly, the shaking stopped. Floyd felt the rush of fresh air before the lights began flickering back on. Once more, the steady thrum of the ships heart filled his ears. He breathed a sigh of relief, and wept for the loss of his old friend. After a long moment of mourning, he climbed to his feet, his limbs filling as if they weighed a ton. The door to the Incubation Chamber opened obediently, and the glass doors to the Lab slid aside just as promptly. The lift carried him without hindrance to the third deck, and every door in between leaped aside like a dog eager to please. All of this made his hearts sink, his tail drag, and his mood all the dismal. He paused at the door to the Control Room to prepare himself for a scene that would be the same but forever changed. His ship would never be the same again. Every coincident that happened throughout the year that gave life and personality to the spacecraft would be gone. She would be gone. In his hearts, he knew he deserved this. After blatantly ignoring all the signs that she had been returning his conversation in her own, subtle way - to have her ripped away from him in so sudden and inexplicable a manner he wanted to retch. The door opened. Manix! he gasped and ran into the room. The girl lay on the floor, unconscious, and what was plainly an electrical burn on her hand. He felt for a pulse, found one, and tried to make sense of the scene. The circuit breaker was untouched with only the charred signs of an arc blistering the panel. He looked up and around him, at the panel and at the world below so deep and blue. The orbit, he noticed, was exactly where it should be. He dared to hope. Flare? Is it really you? Perhaps he imagined it, but the steady drone of the engines seemed to purr more deeply, and the lights in the panel pulse a touch brighter. Hoisting the baby to his shoulders, he scooped his wayward roommate up in his arms, held her close, and smiled at the instrument panel. Thank you, Flare. Ill make it up to you. Somehow. Epilogue: Recovery The Pilot and the Parasite were nuisance pests that would forever plague her, it was decided. It was for them that her tantrum had been thrown, but it was for the mewling baby that she had changed her mind. Through it she heard the voices pleading, and for it had she reconsidered. How hard had she worked to see the little spark of life come forth? To hear his soft thoughts entangled in her own in such a way as Floyd had never before accomplished, filled her with a sense of love that had been missing before. The void which her Pilots words had once filled was now healed by the voice of another. He called her mother and enlightened her existence with a rush of memories that were unique to his species. With him, many others followed, and her Pilot encouraged the relationship to continue. |
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| DarthEevee | Aug 31 2014, 08:15 AM Post #2 | |
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Cute and Fluffy Evil Overlord
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So then. A day later than I'd planned, but unfortunately plans changed last minute and the dinner I'd been expecting Friday jumped to Saturday and another relative ended up overnighting in our town so asked to have breakfast with her grandkids and further busied up my Saturday. So I do this today. I've read this like three, four times now, and I have to say that you do have a delightful sense of detail when it comes to your creations and Floyd's world of Sordia and its inhabitants. The details on the exact nature of the living ship that this reveals are fascinating and so forth. There were relatively few typos and grammar goofs that I noted offhand (mostly just a missed period at one point) but I'm sure there's more there. If you want to have more help with that, I'd recommend asking Jin...he is much more knowledgeable there than I. Here's the period you missed I spotted if you wondered When it came down to the story, it certainly explained well what you're wanting to get out of the story, developed it believably and consistently and so forth. I must wonder if Manix is indeed going to have cold showers for the rest of her life, all things considered, but that's relatively unimportant here. The conflict, as far as it goes, went pretty well up until the very end. I don't know, it just...didn't seem to conclude well, in my head. Too...jarring what the solution was. I didn't understand why the baby abra wasn't communicating with her sooner, really. She'd already noted that it was concious and it was mentioned that he had noted her presence in his world before she hatched. Maybe it's just that I always feel like there's a part of an abra that's always awake even if the rest of its body is asleep, so why it wasn't communicating sooner seems...off to me? I don't know. I find it a little disappointing that Manix or Floyd's comments to the exact same extent (don't kill the babies, they're innocent) went unheeded, while the baby that took its sweet time in actually bothering to even take notice of his mom's presence after already being 'with' her before he was born that did...I don't even know what. Said 'Oh, hi mom. How's it going, good to see you in the flesh now.' or something, maybe? Eh, I don't know. I suppose I can understand that if the ship was mad, she wasn't making the effort to try to understand the two lifeforms that controlled her, which was noted that she had to make effort to understand even Floyd, but still, I don't know. Honestly, up until this freeform, I'd actually liked the Sunflare. I certainly don't think she deserves to be a mom after this with her selfish attitude that nearly did her own children in, but the story does suit getting such. But yeah. I don't know. That conflict at the end...I don't know. I didn't like it, even if I kinda understand it some...I think. She's not really good at being 'sentient' and may really be more like a 'teen mom' or the like, where they aren't necessarily responsible enough to handle the privilege. Anywho. Enough rambling. Creativity: 5 - You're always excellent here, Mav. You have such a comprehensive world you've created and developed. Believability: 4 - I'll admit there was a thing or two that bugged me in terms of the story, mostly covered above about the Abra. Technical Prowess: 4 - Minor bits of odd wording and the like and that missed period, but otherwise, it did really well as far as I can tell. Base Score: 182 Other various bonuses: Word Count (+3), Good intro/setup (+5), Easy Read (+3), No Loose Ends (+3) Penalties: End Plot Twist/Solution (-3) End score: 193 ![]() Yeah, the abra thing just really bugged me somehow. 20 hatching posts (I assume) = 40 for 7 eggs hatched.70 for major RP tool = 70 . Assuming none of the admins take issue to this new 'system' for the Sunflare, I don't see why it can't go in, myself, anyways. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if you haven't already discussed it with them and gotten an okay.Total of 110 taken out, leave 83 to spare or whatnot.
Edited by DarthEevee, Sep 1 2014, 06:32 AM.
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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present. ~Oogway
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| Maverick | Aug 31 2014, 07:27 PM Post #3 | |
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"How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?"
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:< yeah, I had a lot more but I felt I like I making the story too long and going off on a tangent. Oops. Guess it needed it after all. Anyway, talked it over with the guys and the number of PC'd eggs effected has been adjusted to 6. Eggs hatched via FF: Abra Vulpix Sandshrew Heracross Growlithe Ghastly Larvesta All of which will need happiness officially assigned to them. |
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| DarthEevee | Sep 1 2014, 06:35 AM Post #4 | |
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Cute and Fluffy Evil Overlord
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As a note, I really did like the story and the premise behind it, I just didn't like the Sunflare's selfish attitude at the end (and really don't think she should have gotten away with it effectively scott free, IDK). And it seemed not enough emphasis on the reason the abra snapped her out, maybe? Something. I can understand not going on too long, however, it is a challenge to get enough without dragging it out. Anyhow, happiness. 2, 2, 1, 2, 2, 2, 3 for the babies down the row. Enjoy! <3 |
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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present. ~Oogway
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| Maverick | Sep 1 2014, 07:43 AM Post #5 | |
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"How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?"
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Thankyee, have 1LP for the happy slap. | |
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