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| the best laid schemes | ||||
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| Topic Started: Aug 19 2013, 04:25 PM (131 Views) | ||||
| boris | Aug 19 2013, 04:25 PM Post #1 | |||
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Pidgey
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Word Count: 2432 Summary: Tripp has a fight with his brother Jett that doesn't go the way he planned. Notes: I am a slow writer + some mild language, not intended for young audiences? Edited by boris, Aug 19 2013, 04:26 PM.
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Tripp Ryder APL: 10.0 $$: 200 : 266
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| boris | Aug 19 2013, 04:26 PM Post #2 | |||
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Pidgey
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The quiet made him uneasy. It didn't help that he was currently creeping down an alley (on sneaky tiptoe and everything) to keep from making any noise even though he was quite sure there was someone behind him. Poison pokemon were the masters of stealth, keeping low and quiet until their prey felt comfortable and then striking out with a Sludge Bomb or a Poison Fang. Beautiful attacks that preyed on the weak and innocent, exploiting them at just the right moment: contentment. So when Tripp had happened to notice a young girl follow a rolling pokeball down an alley (one that he had tossed, no less), he was very excited to follow her. All sorts of evil things went through his mind. He could slap her and take all of her possessions. Or he could find her name and ransom her off to her parents, no matter how much money they had or didn't have. Hell, he could even sit her down and give her the sex talk. She certainly looked too young to know what it was and he always got a kick out of telling kids lies surrounding sexual intercourse. "A condom will cut off your circulation and your dick will fall off inside of her if you use protection. Do you want to lose your dick?" "Sometimes girls eyes pop out if you squeeze their nipples too hard" "You HAVE to stick your finger in her belly button, every girl likes it even if she says she doesn't. It's biology. Why do you think it's there in the first place?" The grin spread across his face as he imagined the amount of children he'd convinced of these lies and then gone back to his room to use a condom, squeeze the nipples, and completely pretend the belly button doesn't exist. All sorts of lies were going through Tripp's head, making him sneak faster down the alley. A sound echoed behind him and he continued forward, unconcerned with the shadow that was slowly coming to loom over him. He was going to snatch the girl up and use her as a shield; at least, that was the plan. Just as his arms were darting out, the sleeves of his sketchy black shirt sweeping across her elbows, he felt himself being lifted up by the armpits and unceremoniously slung over a thick shoulder. Familiar red hair tickled his nose and he gave a frustrated grunt. "I hate you." "Come now, that's no way to talk to your big brother." " It is when your big brother is a piece of shit." Jett's lazy stride paused and slapped his left hand firmly across Tripp's backside, making the younger redhead yelp in pain from the force. "You always were a pervert." He sneered derisively. "Coming from the asshole following a girl down a deserted alley on tiptoe like this is some lame ass version of Doomy Doo." Jett gave a growl, tossing the body of his brother onto the ground. Tripp's shoulder slammed into a trashcan and sent the lid skittering down the alley, toward the busy street. People continued to walk by. You didn't look down alleyways in Kevin Baconville, it was understood. Tripp rubbed his shoulder as he pulled himself up. "What were you going to do if she turned around? Yell boo?" Tripp's lazy grin showed that he had very quickly entered the I-don't-give-two-fucks mode now that his brother had put him down. "We're on a need-to-know basis and you don't need to know." He said in a sing-song voice, putting a sassy hand on his hip and he fake-flipped his hair. Jett rose a thin pale hand to throw a slap to his brother's face but Tripp dodged out of the way in just enough time for the hand to swipe at the air. "Is it a battle you're looking for Jett? Because, last time I checked, you were a little too obsessed with mind control, as can be seen with your personal relationships, and that's not a battle that I'm willing to participate in." He paused to give his brother a grin and his predatory circle ritual. His hands ran through his greasy orange hair, smoothing it down to his broad skull. His feet made very lazy but purposeful steps in a slow circle around his brother. Slow enough to show a disregard for previous engagements, fast enough to avoid possible retaliation. "Do we really need to involve my Lady? You, of course, remember what happened the last time she made an appearance in a battle of ours." Observe sleazy shark smirk. Tripp was, of course, referring to the last time he and his brother had engaged in battle. The last time they had seen each other was months ago, in similar circumstances. Tripp had happened upon his brother seducing women in a very well-known corporation to hand over their money to their exotic and passionate red-haired lover who had "swept them off their feet". Though Jett will not admit it to any who ask, he was searching for true love, of all things. It just so happened that Jett's understanding of love had nothing to do with compassion and affection and everything to do with intimidation and false pretenses. It was that underlying insecurity of an ability to find real love that Tripp had exploited during their battle. -x- It had started as a normal Ryder interaction: surprise confrontation and invasive, self-probing remarks. Tripp had decided that he wanted to add a pokemon to his party: a Gulpin. But he didn't have the energy (or the money) to make a trip all the way back to the Blighted Plains. So, instead of accruing LP like a normal person, he decided that he would infiltrate a company to search their underground labs (which he was sure all companies had after the infamous betrayal of the Game Corner in Saffron) to see if they had an "Excellent Pokemon" division where they kept poor poison pokemon chained to walls and exploited them for their amazing talents. The horrible thought had spurred Tripp into action, taking out two guards and stealing their uniforms to get a thorough look of the building. During his inspection, he ran across a tall, thin man with hair of auburn leaning over a womans desk, staring deeply into her eyes as she fanned herself and giggled like a child. Using the guards keycard, he slipped into the office, closing the door with a grin that threatened to split his face in two. Jett's hard look of disapproval (bordering hatred) would have torn a weaker man but this only urged Tripp's diversion. He had only planned to tip his hat and be on his way. But the angry look that attempted (but failed) to hide Jett's uncomfortable dream crushing made him pause and make something of this interaction. "Up to your old ways I see." "Get out." "I will, soon as you tell me what's going on here." "It's none of your business. Now get the hell out." Tripp grinned widely, tossing a pokeball across the room. Jett reached out to catch it before it could release whatever disgusting poison was inside but was surprised to see a Vulpix instead, her tails extending out behind her in a lurid fashion, heat warming the color of her appendages, giving a hint of the power that flowed in the cute pokemon. Jett defensively tossed a matching pokeball in front of him, his powerful Hypno appearing before them in a silent hiss. Before anyone could react, the Vulpix launched herself at the Hypno, her tiny teeth digging ferociously into the left leg of the psychic beast. With a strangled howl, the Hypno dropped his charm and Lady leapt on top of his flailing body, warm teeth sinking into exposed sensitive parts of the pokemon. When it seemed no hope left, Tripp called the tiny pokemon off and she returned to his side, fire in her eyes, hungering for more. Tripp held his hands above his head with a sly grin, offering a retreating stance. "You're right. Its none of my business." His eyes went dark for a moment and his smirk turned menacing, eyebrows digging into the bridge of his nose. "Next time I won't be so nice." With the Hypno giving agonizing howls from his spot on the floor, suffering painful but not fatal wounds, Tripp turned to go. As he pulled the door closed behind him, he heard the woman pipe up. "We should give that man a raise." -x- "Do not make threats that you cannot follow through with." The confidence in his statement made Tripp pause and narrow his eyes suspiciously, a falter in his steady circling. His brother had some bite left? There was a tone that made Tripp wonder if his brother hadn't acquired some new fancy pokemon that could confidently blow him out of the alley. But what? He had been bluffing earlier; Lady was nowhere near that ferocious anymore. Since her evolution into a sleek Ninetales, the pokemon's hormones had kicked in and she was certainly entering her sexual prime. Not only was she constantly looking for other pokemon to mate with, she was also twirling her tails around her in a lurid motion during conversations with humans! She wasn't quite useless but she certainly wasn't the amoral powerhouse. "I would be more than happy to put you in your place, Jett. You're nothing but a pathetic mind manipulator with a lack of morals, a lack of spine, and, well, youre unlovable." Jett's lips hardened into a pink line of disapproval. "Don't make me end you, Tripp. I have let you live thus far but I will put you in your place if I have to." Tripp couldn't hold back the guffaw that naturally spewed from his mouth at his brothers threat. "Well if youre so keen on ending me, let's stop standing around then. Go on, Nutmeg, show 'em whos boss!" Tripp tossed his current pice de rsistance and with a ferocious roar, a green scaled Nidoqueen appeared, beating her short arms on her pink chest plates. Jett rose his eyebrows at the shiny pokemon, looking nowhere near as impressed as Tripp was hoping. "Is that all?" He tipped his head to the side, streams of red falling across his face, long nose angled every so slightly in the northward direction. "My turn then." A white pokeball, enhanced with a line of red, sprung from Jett's left hand and a white light flashed between the two men. The Nidoqueen, huffing and puffing, hunkered down and prepared for a battle. A strange pokemon appeared, one that Tripp did not recognize, which showed on his face. It was brown no, tan- and had three bulbs on each of its arms, red green and yellow and it had strange black lines running down its head, which contributed to half of its height. Its eyes were green and two black dots hovered in the middle of the green circles, glaring at its opponents. Its torso looped down into a skirt-like body with four beige dots (Tripp assumed they were dots) on its front. It looked almost extraterrestrial almost too strange to be a pokemon. Expecting some sort of explanation from his brother, Tripp had been too involved investigating the strange pokemon and was caught off guard when he looked up to see his brother was already laughing. "You don't know my pokemon, do you? That's a shame, because you're about to see what he can do." Before Tripp could register what was happening, Nutmeg had turned and was roaring in his face, pulling herself up to her full height with an angry growl. Too stunned to move at his pokemon's sudden betrayal, the Nidoqueen slammed him against the wall with a whip of her tail which lowered more than his defense. He coughed hard as he struggled to stand up, facing his once beloved pokemon before him. "You see, Liam Beheeyem's power is extraordinary. He doesn't shed his skin or intimidate his foes, he erases and rewrites their memories!" Jett gave a happy bark that was also filled with malice and hate. "So all those lovely images of you and your little Nutmeg frolicking through the woods and bashing in Spinarak heads are gone. In fact, I wouldn't doubt it if she thinks that you're the killer of her babies. Or worse, her mate." He grinned, putting his hands on his hips as he gave the memory maker a nod of his head. As they both began to recede into the shadow, Jett gave a final call. "Don't forget, poison has very little effect on poison. And next time, I won't be so nice!" And with a laugh, he was gone. GREAT. Now Tripp was stuck here, staring at his pice de rsistance as she neared closer to him, hatred in her eyes. Tripp had nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. As she pulled her arm back, he closed his eyes and wished for a miracle. No such luck. When he came to, there was a massive gash across his face and dried blood had merged his face with the ground. His entire body was stiff; he had taken a beating last night. He dislodged himself from the ground with a sickening crack and pain soared across the right side of his face. He woozily pulled himself into a sitting position, pulling his knees to his chest. It was then that his brother's actions truly hit him: he had really lost his shiny Nidoqueen to fucking mind games. He gave a frustrated howl to the heavens, screamed until his throat was raw and his lungs had no more air to give. With a defeated sigh, he pulled himself up to his feet and dusted off his clothes, gingerly touching the open wound on his face. He began to limp down the alley, on a hopeless search for his ally. |
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Tripp Ryder APL: 10.0 $$: 200 : 266
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| Maverick | Aug 25 2013, 08:25 AM Post #3 | |||
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"How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?"
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Creativity: 5 Believability: 5 Technical Prowess: 2.5 Pros: EXCELLENT start. This is the most colorful beginning to a free form that I've read in a long time. It's insightful, and gives a brilliant view of Tripp's personality. More importantly, it made me like him. I wanted to read more. Your ability to paint just enough ambient detail adequately placed me in the story. I'm giving you a +5 for this alone. Cons: I skimmed in the middle. The explanation, while necessary, was just an explanation, and didn't grab my attention. You picked back up into the world of interesting again once it was over. No obvious spelling errors jumped out at me, and I'm going to assume you have a few grammar issues with commas - you structure sentences in much the same way as I do. I'm always getting slapped for misplaced or missing commas. You probably have the same problem but given that it's one we share, I can't really point them out to you. 73 LP for you! Oh and 3 for me for grading. Woo. Edited by Maverick, Aug 25 2013, 08:26 AM.
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8:25 AM Jul 11