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| A family Documentary [Freeform]; No real place to put it | |
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| Topic Started: Sep 29 2011, 09:01 AM (371 Views) | |
| Fuddledy | Sep 29 2011, 09:01 AM Post #1 |
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Charizard
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Alright, so this is my entry for the September contest. It's written in something like a vlog style. Everything you read is essentially what Creedon is saying to his audience in the video. The setting is a video blog type thing that Creedon makes to introduce his family, and shows some of his interactions with the various members of the Evans family. Any breaks... - Like that, indicate a change of scene, where the recording has been stopped and then started again. Anything formatted like this indicates that it is someone other than Creedon speaking, in the video I'm not sure how easy it is to understand the whole thing, since there's no visual element or description of the visual element of the video, but I hope there's enough there for you to still understand what's going on in the video, just from the dialogue that goes on. It makes sense to me... which may not be that reassuring. Word Count: 3036 Rewards: Just EXP |
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Creedon Evans | Kurt APL: 26.2 Mod LP: 41 | |
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| Fuddledy | Sep 29 2011, 09:02 AM Post #2 |
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Charizard
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My latest assignment is to do some videos. Kurt even found a special video guy to help me come up with ideas, and to edit the final product. I'm looking forward to learning about video editing and shooting. I've always liked TV, but it's the first time I'll actually make my own TV show. Anyway, the -production team- hee, it sounds pro just saying it, has decided to go with a natural, video-documentary style thing on my family. So I'll be showing all my viewers just a bit about my family, and hopefully do some interviews with them too. Well, the ones who are willing to talk. So, here goes. - Okay, so here we are, stalking through the corridors of our house. I wanted to start off with Artan, but I don't have a clue where he is, so let's go see Mum and Dad. Firstly, I should explain a bit. Our house has a central portion, and then each of us have designated areas where our bedroom, bathroom, play room, work room, and all those things are. Since Mum and Dad are so busy, they're often stuck in their corner of the house, and they can't always come eat with us, or play. It's always been like that, as long as I can remember. Dad owns some company that makes books, but they're all boring ones about nerdy things, so I've never actually read them. I keep telling him that he should try making some more fun books, like comics, or action novels, but he just laughs at me and pats me on the head. It'd be nice if he took my ideas on board - I bet I'd make him lots of money from it. Mum is this bigshot magazine person. I don't really know that much about her job, either, but I think it's got something to do with clothes magazines. Why would anyone want to read a magazine about clothes? Seems so silly to me. Magazines should be about toys, and video games, or Pokemon. Clothes are so boring to look at. But there must be people who like looking at them, because she's always busy, even busier than Dad, half the time. In fact, I don't think I've even seen her these past two weeks. I think she's been coming home, because Cook has been cooking peas, which she knows only Mum will eat. I hate the things, and so does everyone else in my family. Nasty green blobs. Even Kurt doesn't make me eat them. He won't admit it, but I think that he hates them too. - So here we are, Mum's office door. I think she's on the phone, I can hear her talking to some foreign person in some weird language. Oh, there, she's finished. Ready? Here we go. Hi Mum! Busy? I haven't seen you for a while. Oh, Creedon darling, what are you doing here? Mummy's busy... I know, Mum, I've just got this video assignment thing I've got to do, a quick introduction about my family. That sounds lovely, dear, but now really isn't a great time. Oh, there goes the phone again. Maybe next time I can help you out with your little homework. Maybe you should try asking Florencia. Mummy loves you. Mwah. - Well, there you have it, that's my mum, Anastacia Evans. It kinda sucks that she's always busy like that, but I'm used to it. I know it's important for her to be doing her work, but sometimes it feels like it would be nice if I could see her more. I've got some friends whose mums aren't so busy, and it looks like they have a lot more fun with their mothers. Oh well, she's still special to me. Next, while we're here on this side of the house, let's try and see where Dad is... His office is just down the corridor. Okay, here we are! I always liked his fancy door. It's so pretty. I can't hear anything inside, so let's just knock, because I'm a very polite boy. Master Creedon? Your father left this morning on an urgent business trip. What did you want to find him for? Oh? He did? Okay then, thanks. Hey, everyone, this is Jarvis, he's my dad's personal assistant, kinda like how I have Kurt. Give them a wave, Jarvis! See how friendly he is? He's been working in our house for longer than I've been alive, I think, and he'll always know where Dad is, even when I don't have a clue. - Well, that sucks a little. I didn't know that Dad would be leaving again. But then again, he doesn't always tell us when he's going off. I guess these things just pop up so suddenly that he can't always keep us in the loop. It would be nice, though. There have been a couple of times where he's taken me or my brother and sister along, and it's always fun. But that was a long time ago. He used to take us with him on his trips, but I think the last time I went was when I was seven. Did they change the rules or something? I dunno. But he's the boss, so he should be the one making the rules. I think it'd be awesome to go on another of his trips with him. I used to have so much fun on them. There was one time, I was staying in the hotel with Dad, and there were chocolates hidden all over the room. It was glorious! Some on the pillow, some by the TV, some in the fridge, some even in the toilet. I've never been to a hotel where they had a treasure hunt before, and I loved it. I keep bugging Kurt to give me a chocolate treasure hunt at home, but he's stubborn and refuses to do it. Well, okay, then, next, I guess we can try to find Florencia! She's my older sister, and studying to do something with clothes, kinda like Mum. I don't know what the obsession with clothes is. Maybe it's a weird girl thing. She can be nice, sometimes, but most of the time just tells me to buzz off and mind my own business. Maybe if she's in a good mood, I can talk to her a bit and get her on video. - |
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Creedon Evans | Kurt APL: 26.2 Mod LP: 41 | |
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| Fuddledy | Sep 29 2011, 09:02 AM Post #3 |
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Charizard
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And here we are. This is Florencia's room. Before we go in, there's something I should prepare you for. She has this nasty habit of wearing really really REALLY strong perfume. I don't get it. I actually think it makes her smell worse, but when I tell her that she just whacks me on the head and ignores me. I think that's kinda silly not to listen to me. I'm a boy, and she's obviously wearing it to make boys like her more, so obviously she should listen when a boy tells her that she smells weird. Creedon? Do I hear you talking to yourself outside? What the hell are you doing? Oops, that's her. Maybe I was talking a bit too loud. She's coming to the door now. Remember what I said about the perfume, and brace yourselves. Hi Florencia! You smell... er... What do you want? And why are you pointing that camera at me? Well, I'm doing this video assignment thing... doing a video of my family and talking to them a bit. Oh, go away, I'm not in the mood for this. Aww, come on, Florencia, be nice to me, for once. Mum's already turned me down, and Dad's not here again. Pweeease? Ergh, I've told you like, a million times not to make that pouty face at me. Grow up already, Creedon! Hey babe, who's that at the door? Whoa, I didn't expect this. You have a visitor, Florencia? Who is he, who is he? I wanna see! Oi, you little brat, who said you could come in? Get... get back out! Hi. Who are you? Hey little dude. I'm Jordan. Nice to meet ya. A handshake? Err, sorry, this might be a little tricky. The camera's kinda heavy, so it might be a little hard to shake... Nice to meet you. I'm Creedon, her adorable little brother. Are you Florencia's new boyfriend? Creedon! What the fuck? What? Most of the boys you bring back home are your boyfriends, aren't they? I don't even get to meet half of them. I think that, as your brother, I'm entitled to meet them too. Just to see if they're cool or not. You know, just to see if they can balance out your lameness. You little runt, shut up! Hahaha, I like you, Creedon. Yeah, I'm her boyfriend. So what's this video thing you've got going on? Oh, this is just for my homework. I need to make a video about my family. You can be in it too! Sounds cool, what do you want me to do? Anything you want, maybe talk about yourself a bit first, and then I'll ask you some questions. Sure. My name's Jordan, I'm 19, doing a carpentry apprenticeship, and I'm seeing that girl over there. Okay, so, some questions. Are you really hot, Jordan? Creedon! What sort of demented question is that? Hey! Who are you calling demented, loser? He's the one with his shirt off and nothing on other than his boxers. I just wanted to know if that's because he thinks it's hot. Because I think it's pretty cold right now. Actually, come to think of it, why are you not wearing some jacket or something? You always have something on over the top of your basic clothes... God! You're such a little wretch. Turn that thing off and get out of here! Nuh-uh. This is my homework, and I want to do it. And there's nothing you can do to stop me. Nyeh nyeh! Creedon! You runt. Stop running away from me! Jordan! Help me! Heh, heh, sorry babe, watching you and your brother is just way too amusing. He's a pretty sweet kid. There's nothing 'sweet' about him. He's an annoying brat! Teehee! Missed me! CREEDON! FLORENCIA! I can shout louder than you, and you know it. Just get out, and STAY OUT -BANG- Well, that wasn't very nice. She just chased me out and slammed the door. But I guess that was a pretty good show of what it is I do with her normally. We fight a lot. It's fun, and I like having her around to annoy. She annoys me just the same with all her whining and obsession of silly things like shoes and her nails, so we're even. That new guy, Jordan, seems pretty nice too. Sometimes her boyfriends treat me the same as she does, which is kinda mean. We're only like that to each other because we're brother and sister. It's a bit bad when someone random does that to you. Maybe they do it to impress her. I hope I never go weird like that, trying to impress a girl by being mean to others. Why do they even do it? What's so impressive about girls? Florencia is just a mean, funny-smelling girl, who doesn't even look that good. Everyone says she looks really good, but I don't see it. I bet they've never seen her when she first wakes up and when she doesn't have her face covered in make-up. No-one would call her good looking then, I bet! Creedon! Are you still there? Piss off! Oops. Let's go somewhere else. - |
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Creedon Evans | Kurt APL: 26.2 Mod LP: 41 | |
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| Fuddledy | Sep 29 2011, 09:03 AM Post #4 |
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Charizard
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So, there you have it. That was Florencia Evans. She seemed a bit more agitated than usual, maybe she was feeling hot, like Jordan. I don't know why they'd be feeling hot enough to take their clothes off in that room, though. It was pretty cold, I thought. Anyway, let's move on to the last member of my family, Artan. Artan is Florencia's and my older brother. I'm not really sure what he does, but I think it has something to do with gyms, and being a model, and sports. I know that he goes to the gym a lot, and does lots of stuff at parties. He also gets these pictures taken of him wearing underwear. Sometimes there's other clothes as well, but most of the time it seems to be underwear. Why do people take pictures in their underwear? He just laughed when I asked him, and he said that he couldn't be bothered to explain it to me. Why not? Does he think I'm not smart enough? Im plenty smart. I know how to do long multiplication now. Anyway, Artan is a really cool guy, and I love hanging out with him. He's always got time for me, unlike SOME PEOPLE, and we can always roughhouse it a bit. Well, obviously, he's like a giant gorilla so it's a bit unfair, but last time he said that my punches were getting stronger. - Hmm... Artan should be around here somewhere. I checked with the maid, and she said he was in his quarters. He's so big he's hard to miss, so why is it so hard to- AFFHKJHZJNHEDOIPSAFDS Gerroff me you gorilla! Leggo of meeeeee! Who're you calling a gorilla, huh? My little kid brother thinks that he can call me names and get away with it? Grrrrnnnn... Let go of me! I know you're scared that if I hit you you'll hurt so much that you can't get out of bed for a week! If your arms weren't so long I would be able to reach you... What? A kid like you? Don't be silly Creedon. I'm lifting you up with one hand, buddy, you couldn't make a mark on me. What do you know? You take pictures in your underwear! Heh. Still on that, are you? Like I said before, it's not something you would understand. Underwear models are a pretty important pillar of society, you know. They're also in high demand. There aren't that many guys out there with my sort of body to pull it off. Your sort of body? What's that? Big and fat? I can't even get all of you into my camera screen because you're so big and fat. It's called muscle, Creedon. When you get older you'll probably start caring a bit about it too. Just wait and see. Pfft, who would want to be big and fat like you, Artan? You'd be surprised, kiddo. Lots of guys want to look like this. I don't. Well, you're just a special case, then, aren't you? Anyway, what are you doing running around with a video camera? Some special project you're working on? Mmhmm... it's for my homework. I need to make a video about my family, and show a bit about them. That so? Who've you talked to so far? Well... Mum was too busy to talk, Dad isn't here, and Florencia was being annoying as usual. She's in her room with Jordan, and she didn't seem too pleased to see me. That sucks, then. Don't worry, I'll be glad to help you out with your video. Who's this Jordan character? I dunno too much about him. He's like her new boyfriend or something. He seemed pretty nice. Maybe you'll like him. Highly doubt it. Why? You never seem to like the boyfriends that Florencia gets. Florencia keeps saying that you go out and bash them. You don't, do you? Haha, of course not. Why would I do that? I dunno. That's what I asked her, and she just called me a doofus. You wouldn't do something like that just because they're her boyfriend, would you? That's so mean. Don't you worry about it, buddy. I don't get into fights if I can avoid it, and well, most of them are such scumbags that I'm sure plenty of other people are out to get them as well. Hmm... yeah. Hey, Artan, can you explain something to me? Why do people like to take their clothes off? You do it all the time - it's like you love walking around wherever you go, at home or outside, without a shirt. And just then, when I went into Florencia's room, Jordan was the same. It wasn't even hot. Even Florencia was wearing less than usual. Why do people do that? Wait, why are you looking at me like that, Artan? What's wrong? You walked in on them, and you saw them in bed without their clothes? Well... uh... Jordan was in the bed, Florencia came to open the door... Where are you going? Sorry, kiddo, something's just come up and I've got to go take care of it. Just play XBOX for a bit and I'll be back real soon. Well, that was weird. I wonder if it was something I said? Artan practically ran out of the room. He was looking really angry, too. I hope I didn't say something to annoy him. He's only been angry at me once or twice, and it's pretty scary when he is. I'd hate to be anyone that he really gets angry at, I bet he jumps on them with his gorillaness and just pounds them. That would suuuuuuck. Anyway, XBOX... - Hey Artan! You're back. That didn't take long. Did you take care of your business? Yeah, he's taken care of. Huh? Forget it. So, what did you want to do for this video thing? Well, okay, I'll just introduce you first. Hey everyone! This is Artan, my big brother. He's 24 this year, and is like a big, fat gorillaman. For some unknown reason, he doesn't like wearing shirts, and he gets pictures taken of him in his underwear. He's pretty cool, and I like playing with him and beating him up. Are you being silly now? Beat me up? When have you managed to do that? Don't laugh at me! I do it all the time, I'll show you now! CHAAAAAAARGE!!! -At this point the video shows the camera falling to the ground and sounds of a scuffle can be heard. Occasionally Creedon and Artan come into the picture, and are wrestling on the ground- |
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Creedon Evans | Kurt APL: 26.2 Mod LP: 41 | |
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| Kirin | Oct 3 2011, 07:55 PM Post #5 |
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Kirin the Bloodedge
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Let me just say this to start: CREEDON IS SO DUMB. For a twelve year old he just does not get it, does he? Wow. I'm pretty sure most 12 year olds understand that no clothes = sexy time. Anyway. This is actually reasonably well-done. The format works, and I think it would have been obvious even without the explanation at the top - but that worked as well, too. No, that bit's fine. Formatting = good. I like the way it's done. Next! There's not much special about the writing itself, but that's a sort of part of it being first-person. The video format, though, is a really novel touch and I like the choice. There's nothing wrong with it, but showing what you did worked really well. I really don't have anything bad to say about this FF. I really don't. And that, my friend, is a good thing. It's good. It's funny and it works. So, without further ado: Creativity: 4 Believability: 4 Technical Prowess: 4 Your score: Sections: 11 Multiplier: 1.2 Basic Score: 13.2 WC/Sum/etc: 1.1 Laughter bonus: 0.5 Easy to read: 0.5 Total Score: 15.3 You get 23.0 as your reward for this freeform, with the 1.5x modifier. 0.4 for me.Edited by Kirin, Oct 3 2011, 08:00 PM.
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as your reward for this freeform, with the 1.5x modifier. 

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6:56 PM Jul 10