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Three Lessons; Side Character Freeform
Topic Started: Apr 11 2011, 01:59 AM (200 Views)
Kyozuki
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Articuno
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Jennifer entered her small room at the pokemon center. Closing the door behind her, she took out the plain pokeball and opened it, letting the Eevee inside spill out onto the bed. The Eevee looked around in bewilderment. Seeing Jennifer, it let out a distressed mewling noise.

"Hush" Jennifer said, stroking the Eevee's neck ruff as she climbed onto the bed and lay down prone behind the Eevee, forcing it to turn round to view her. "You'll alert everyone else in the center that you're here. And that would be very bad." The Eevee gave Jennifer a look of incomprehension. Jennifer changed her expression to one of concern an act finely honed after years of practise and gave the Eevee a reassuring stroke behind the ears. "Are you confused?" she asked, sounding genuinely worried. "Are you wondering how you got here? Perhaps, where your old trainer is?" The Eevee nodded, getting exuberant at the thought that this woman knew something about her owner. Jennifer allowed herself an inward smirk of satisfaction before continuing in a solemn tone. "I hate to be the one to tell you this... but your trainer abandoned you." The Eevee gave a squeak of disbelief, dropping down on her hindquarters in shock. "It's true," Jennifer continued. "I don't know the hows and whys of it, but there's no way you would have ended up in my hands if your trainer hadn't tossed you aside." The Eevee looked down at the bedspread, eyes welling up with tears. Jennifer traced her finger around the Eevee's head, down under her chin and gently lifted the pokemon's head so she was looking Jennifer in the eyes. "Are you upset?" she asked. "Do you feel betrayed?" The Eevee nodded, trying not to cry. "That's good" Jennifer continued. "You can still feel. They've broken your heart, but not your spirit. Hearts can be healed. Do you want to know how?" The Eevee looked up wonderingly at Jennifer, eyes still misty with tears. "Take that hurt and betrayal... and turn it into anger." The Eevee gave a disbelieving mew. "How do you do that?" Jennifer smiled. "It's simple really. Think about it. You're an Eevee. A rare, beautiful pokemon that evolves into any of seven rare, beautiful forms. You are exquisite. How could any trainer possibly abandon you? Don't they know how valuable you are? How could they? How dare they?" The Eevee looked up at Jennifer with an odd expression for several seconds. For one brief moment, Jennifer thought she'd messed up and done more damage than good. But then, the Eevee's open mouth pressed into a line, and the eyes creased into an unmistakeable scowl. Jennifer beamed, picking up the Eevee and leaning back against the wall exultantly. "There, you see?" Jennifer said. "You see how that anger just burns up the pain?"

"Vee!" The Eevee barked sharply in agreement. Jennifer let out an amused "hmm" before lying down on the bed and gently holding the Eevee up above her. "Now be careful," Jennifer said, looking up at the Eevee. "You don't want to let that anger turn into resentment that will do you more damage that the hurt ever could. So let the anger run its course, and then just... let go. Put that trainer behind you. They're not worth the effort. They didn't know what they had, and they lost it. They're beneath you. Don't give them the satisfaction of ruining your future." Jennifer lowered the Eevee down and held her against her breast, tenderly stroking the soft ruff around the Eevee's neck. "I know what it's like," Jennifer said soothingly. "I was abandoned as well. Carted off to this city like a refugee, stripped of everything I had... I was angry.... I was so angry... I still am, a little... but it's passing. I'm not going to let it ruin my life. Instead, I'm going to come right back. I'm going to show them that they can't keep me down. Just like they can't keep you down." Jennifer stopped talking for a while, stroking the Eevee as she snuggled against her new master. Finally, Jennifer looked down at the brown, fox-like pokemon.

"A fresh start," Jennifer said, locking eyes with the Eevee. "That's what you need. Wipe the slate clean. Start from square one. New indentity, new name, new you. Did you have a name before?" The Eevee shook her head. "Hmm, just called you by your species, eh? Guess they did just see you as a possession. Not to worry, that's easily fixed..." Jennifer pondered for a while, tapping her manicured nail against her lips.

"Vesper" she said holding out her finger and lightly tapping the Eevee on the nose. "The evening. The end of today. The beginning of tomorrow. What do you think?" The Eevee looked up at Jennifer, and for the first time since they'd met, she smiled. Jennifer smiled back, lifting Vesper up and tickling the Eevee's belly with her nose, making her wriggle and squeak in mirth. Jennifer rolled over on the bed, depositing Vesper on the pillow and playfully rolling her around, bringing her hand in for Vesper to biff and nibble on as Jennifer allowed a warm glow of victory to swell up in her heart. Her plan had gone perfectly. Vesper was now hers, and Jennifer would make sure it remained that way.

* * * * *

Jennifer walked out into the Pokemon Center, letting Vesper lap up the oohs and ahs from the trainers scattered around the foyer. The Eevee was already beginning to carry herself in a more suitable manner acknowledging the adulation, but not being surprised by it. Nay, she was expecting it. Jennifer was pleased to see her lessons were taking root. Now that she had the mindset, it was time to back it up with actual talents. And the foyer would provide the perfect training ground.

"Look at them all" Jennifer said to Vesper as she sat down at a bench near the window. "They don't even know you, and they treat you like a friend. That's how people work. First impressions, that's what matters. If your first impression is right, you can get them to respond in almost any way you want."

"Eevee?" Vesper chirped, tilting her head to one side. Jennifer took out her Poketech and laid it on the table, tapping through buttons as Vesper looked on.

"Consider this little device of mine," Jennifer said, scrolling through to the Poketech's networking function. "It can do so many things. It can communicate, call the authorities, browse the networks even let you access the digital realm of Poketechopia. It's almost more skilled than some people. And yet, when you get right down to it, what is it doing?" Jennifer tapped a button and brought up a list of contacts, scrolling through them, before closing the window and switching to a weather update. "It's just responding to button presses. I press the right buttons, in the right order, and it does a certain thing. Press them in another order, and it does something else." Jennifer turned the Poketech off and slipped it back into her bag. "I'm going to let you in on a little secret," Jennifer said, lowering her voice. "People are not that different. Oh, they're intelligent, unpredictable and can act on their own, but underneath it all, they're basically a set of buttons you can press to get any response you want. It's just a matter of knowing which buttons to press. And the best part? The same tactics work so well on so many of them. You can try the exact same thing on five different people, and they'll all react exactly the same." Jennifer sat back, fingers linked together. "This is how you really get anything in this world knowing how to make people do what you want them to." Vesper looked up at Jennifer, a little puzzled. "Hmm?" Jennifer said, noticing Vesper's confusion, "Does that seem strange? I don't blame you it's an idea that a lot of people can't wrap their heads around. Even the ones that do don't really make use of it some of them reject it completely, and spend the rest of their lives trying to convince themselves it isn't true. Such a waste... You're worried about hurting other people, is that it?" Vesper nodded. "Why?" Vesper went to answer, but came up short. "Why is it that someone else having a harder time in life than you is a bad thing? Think about it. You aren't being hurt. They aren't threatening to hurt you. Them being in trouble doesn't mean your life magically gets harder as well. What possible reason is there to be worried when a total stranger is hurt? It's just an overactive protective instinct. We all want to protect those closest to us that's normal and useful. The ones closest to us are the ones we need to depend on when things get tough. They're our backup, our safety net. That's what we are to each other. I don't want you to be hurt, any more than you want me to be hurt. But what about her?" Jennifer pointed at a random trainer. "What about that Zubat over there? What about that boy in the corner? They don't know you, you don't know them. They won't be there to help you when you're in trouble, and you won't be there to help them. So why feel obliged to help? And if they have something you want, why shouldn't you try to take it? After all, that's natural competition that's how it works in the wild. If two pokemon want the same piece of food, they fight for it, right? Away from humans, the natural way of things is that the better pokemon gets the food. Applying that in the human world is just following nature's example. If someone has something you want, what makes them more deserving of it than you? Surely it just comes down to which one of you is better. And if you can get them to give you what you want, that means you were the better person, right?"

Vesper looking at Jennifer, a little overwhelmed by her speech. "It's a lot to take in at once, isn't it?" Jennifer said, patting Vesper on the head. "Well, let me give you a demonstration. You see that girl over there?" Jennifer pointed at a girl sitting in a corner with some friends. "I'm going to get a Paralyze Heal off her. Watch this." Jennifer stood up, surreptiously moving around the center to the doors and slipping outside unnonticed. Then, a few seconds later, she burst through the doors, attracting the attention of everyone nearby. Her serence, calm face was now panicked and haggard she looked like she'd just run here from the next city over. She scanned the room fixed on the girl she'd pointed out before, rushing over to her and clasping the girls hands in her own.

"Please!" she gasped pleadingly. "I need a Paralyze Heal! My pokemon's stuck outside town and I can't move him to the Pokemon center!"

"Wait, what?" the girl replied in confusion.

"My Pokemon! He's a Snorlax, you see, and he's stuck outside town, paralyzed!"

"Can't you just put him in his pokeball?"

"The pokeball's broken!" Jennifer replied. "He rolled over on it and smashed it! I won't be able to get a replacement one until my money comes in at the end of the week! Please, I'm begging you, I'm desperate here just one little Paralyze Heal, that's all I need!"

"Aw, go on Rachel" one of the girl's friends said. "It's an emergency after all." The girl shrugged and reached into her back. "Here you go" she said, holding out the Paralyze Heal. "Hope that Snorlax is alright."

"Thank-you so much! Jennifer said, taking the Paralyze Heal and pocketing it. "You're a life-saver, you really are!" And with that, she rushed out of the Pokemon Center again. For a minute or so, Vesper was left sitting on the table, a little unsure what to do. Then, there was a tapping sound on the window behind her, and she looked round to see Jennifer outside, waving at her to hop through the window and into her hands.

"You see?" Jennifer said as Vesper jumped out of the window. "I got exactly what I wanted out of her, and she doesn't even know she was tricked."

"Eevee!" Vesper said excitedly. She was getting it now why, she could probably do exactly the same thing in order to get berries from people! It was so simple... why hadn't she ever tried it before?

"Now, you have to be careful with this kind of thing," Jennifer cautioned. "Do it too much, or try it on someone who's really clever, and it can backfire. And then you're in a lot of trouble. But apart from that, it's a very effective tactic." Jennifer set Vesper up on her shoulder, letting the Eevee get a prime viewing location as she walked down the street, deciding where to go while she gave the girl a few hours to be gone from the center; wouldn't do to have her asking how her Snorlax was...

* * * * *

Selling the Paralyz Heal to another trainer for a few Zenni, Jennifer had decided that what they really needed was a treat. Finding a marketplace, she bought Vesper an Oran berry, and herself a small soft serve cone. Finally, they had found one of the still-standing parks in Kevin Baconville and found a bench to sit on and enjoy the sun.

"Ahhhh....." Jennifer sighed in contentment as she sat down on the bench. For the first time in a while, she was feeling satisfied again. The weekly allowance that joining Talon had given her would see to her basic needs. The suggestion to find some kind of legitimate job was not a bad one and with Talon to give her the covert leverage she needed, she would be able to establish herself quite nicely. Everything was slotting into place.

"Afternoon." Jennifer looked sideways at the man who was sitting down at the other end of the bench. She gave a non-commital wave of her fingers before closing her eyes and going back to basking in the sun. "You got the time?"

"Don't have a watch" Jennifer replied, not looking at the man.

"You've got a Poketech though, don't you?"

"Hhmm?" Egrinain reached for her bag and pulled out the Poketech, "oh right, of course, they keep time... just coming up to one."

"So, you're a trainer?"

"Of course" Jennifer replied. This man was being a lot more chatty than she liked, and was rapidly making himself unwanted.

"That your pokemon there?" The man pointed at Vesper, sitting on Egrinain's shoulder and looking at the man suspiciously.

"Mhmm."

"How'd you get her?"

Jennifer shrugged "Gift," she said brusquely, trying to deflect the man's questions.

"Who from?"

The hairs on Jennifer's neck stood up. This could get bad quite fast no need to panic, she could still salvage things... Jennifer gave a slow stretch and yawn, putting her arm along the top of the bench and leaning back. "Does it matter?" Jennifer said, trying to act indifferent.

"No, not especially" the man said. There was a metallic click, and Jennifer felt a cold band pinch around her wrist. Her eyes snapped open and she looked down to see the handcuff that the man had just placed on her. "Your Poketech ID matches one that got put out on the police radio the other day, in regards to an unlawfully acquired Bulbasaur. Not to mention that Eevee isn't registered to your Poketech. You're going to come down to the station with me and answer a few quest- ow!" The man let go of Egrinain's wrist, stumbling back as Vesper launched herself at him, catching him with a headbutt under the chin, before stratching frantically at the man's face.

"Arrrggh! What are you doing?!" the man tried to push the Eevee off him, blood seeping from the shallow cuts and scratches it had inflicted. "Why are you defending her? She stole you!"

"No" Jennifer said, walking over and standing over the man. "I took her in after her trainer threw her away, isn't that right, Vesper?" The Eevee nodded in affirmation, growling at the man. "And you must be a private investigator, am I right?" Jennifer put a sharp, high-heeled foot on the man's chest, holding him down as she fished the key for the handcuffs out of his coat pocket. Undoing them, she clipped the metal bands around the man's wrists, before giving him a painful kick to the abdomen.

"Knock him out" she commanded Vesper, standing there as the little pokemon proceeded to box the man senseless. Once he was fully unconscious, Egrinain lifted him up onto the bench, looking around to see if anyone had noticed, before rifling through the man's pockets. Locating the man's wallet, badge and cellphone, as well as a couple of pieces of investigative paraphernalia, she walked over to the small pool nestled between some of the trees in the park and dumped the handful of equipment into the water, leaving a ring of keys and a single card in her hand the man's business card, with his name and work address."Alright," she said, turning back to Vesper and scooping her up, "we need to be long gone before he wakes up. Time to start laying low for a while, until the heat dies off."

"Eevee?" Vesper mewed nervously, looking up at Jennifer.

"No, this wasn't your fault, don't worry." Jennifer said soothingly. "I should have been more cautious. You should always assume the other guy wants to pull the wool over your eyes and try to pull the wool over his eyes first." Jennifer looked down at the Eevee in her arms and gave an amused smile. "We'll consider that another lesson for today, shall we? And now to take care of a little business..."

* * * * *

Finding the investigator's office proved quite easy. And like all good private investigators, he worked alone. Trying to locate the files pertaining to herself in the mountains of paperwork and folders was a lost cause, so Jennifer instead concentrated on piling everything she could find into the fireplace computer and printer included. By the time she was done, the investigator had nothing to his name but a desk and a chair, and a faint, acrid smell from the melting silicon of the computer.

"Right." Jennifer dusted her hands off as she looked around the bare office. "Let's see him try to find me again now."

"Eevee!" Vesper replied, sitting on Jennifer's shoulder, wearing the same, smug look as her new owner.

"Time to head back to Talon, I think," Jennifer said, leaving the office and heading for the front door. "See just how the other members work, look for possible leads on income sources. Maybe see if I can find a better place to sleep... It's going to be a busy week after all..."
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Egrinain Aldwin (Click to Open)

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Jennifer Clavs (Click to Open)
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DarthEevee
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Cute and Fluffy Evil Overlord
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WALL O TEXT!

Uh, yeah. Both of these could be split into five paragraphs, minimum, probably more. It wouldn't hurt them any, probably would help, and would make it a million times easier to read. I got lost at least twice trying to read each one of these, personally. A good length for a paragraph is five to six sentences. Going over eight is generally a bad idea.

Quote:
 
Vesper looking at Jennifer, a little overwhelmed by her speech.


Missing an action for the eevee in this sentence, making it a little confusing.

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Little bit of character confusion? Gotta watch that when you start getting more than one character you're playing somewhere. Takes a little getting used to. *nodnods*


I know that Kirin's pointed this out a few times, but you're missing commas at the end of a lot of dialogue in here. Not going to say more than that, though. It does make reading easier, again, to have them, is all. There are a few other spots a comma could have been used for a pause in a sentence, but I'm not going to nitpick every detail.

On the other hand, the characterization is quite good for Jennifer, and the story flows quite well from beginning to conclusion aside from the difficulty in reading the super-DOOM-paragraphs. It was completely believable, a very good story as far as it goes. At least, comparatively speaking. After all, this is a story about a villain or at least a non-good character, as it were. *chuckles*

It was a little fast-paced for a believable shift in Vesper's personality as much as it seems to, but making an assumption that he's young, impressionable and nave himself, it suddenly becomes a fair bit more believable. And I can see where an eevee is a bit more impressionable than other pokemon, what with its unstable genetic structure making it more easily molded other ways as well.

Which is an interesting thought now that I think about it...but that's beside the point. Let's get to what it is that is what people care about. Grade. Starting items are generally considered free of charge and all that, so sure, have 'em. 5,000z, woo. 9 :happiness , and 3.7 :ffexp left over.

Sidenote: I'd have appreciated it if there had been a footnote about Vesper being your official Talon Starter, tho. I just spent ten minutes trying to figure out if I was supposed to factor in the FF cost for starting with an Eevee into all of this and how to handle that because eevees are a real bitch to obtain in freeforms. I'm just relieved that you're one of the people that states how a pokemon was obtained in your profiles, once I realized Jennifer had one. Having it be an intro freeform just confused the matter. Not everyone mystically knows everything, and I certainly can't see Talon's board to know anything that goes on in there. *goes to hide in a corner now* ._.
Edited by DarthEevee, Apr 11 2011, 07:23 AM.
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Kirin
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