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Maverick
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Mar 21 2011, 07:49 PM
Post #1
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"How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?"
- Posts:
- 6,598
- Group:
- Mav
- Member
- #228
- Joined:
- July 2, 2005
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- Date: June 1st
- Time: 0100
Intercepted Transmission between the Malral Shooting Star Observatory and the Deepwood Research Facility Systems Operator Private Lex Cambridge of the Opaddekan Air Force.
Operator:Deepwood Research Facility, this is Veronica, how may I direct your call? Caller: Hey yo, this is the Cap. I got something Dr. Strange ought-a take a look at. He in? Operator: I'm sorry Sir, but I don't recognize the name of the person you're asking for. May I ask who is calling? Caller: *A sigh is heard.* Who is this? This Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop, lady! I need to talk to Lavarious S. Isengard, ASAP. Operator: *silence as the line is transferred* Assistant Harrison Price: Who the hell is this? Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: Who is this. Who are you! Give me Strange. Now. Assistant: Dr. Isengard is very busy right now. Perhaps I can leave a message for you. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: *incoherent grumbling* Assistant: I'm sorry? I didn't catch that. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: I said, this is Dr. Percival Farnswatter of the Shooting Star Observatory in Malral. I am calling Dr. Isengard regarding a matter of utmost importance. A possible public health concern! Assistant: *laughter* Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: I'm SERIOUS. Assistant: I know. You're ALWAYS serious, Percy. What kind of public health concern could the Shooting Star Observatory possibly have that Dr. Isengard would be concerned about, THIS TIME? His area of expertise is Biochemisty. Maybe you should call that meteorologist at channel 5 news...what's his name. The guy with the silly toupee - Russ Hawkins. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: You know what? Fuck you. I hope one of these things lands in your back yard and you grow a third eye or something. Assistant: What. Geeze. Percy. Man. Listen to me. As a friend. Lay of the grass. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: No way man. If Strange gives a shit, he can CALL ME. Assistant: Whatever... *transmission disconnected*
- Date: June 1st
- Time: 0800
Channel 5 News The Morning Show With Russ Hawkins
Russ Hawkins: Good Morning Opaddeka! I'm Russ Hawkins and you're watching Channel 5 News. You can expect beautiful clear skies today with Highs in the 70's to continue on into the evening with Lows in the 60's. This fantastic weather is going to last all week folks! So, be sure to get out and enjoy that sunshine. But don't forget to plan ahead! Taking astronomers by surprise, the Earth's orbit will bring us unusually close to the concordia discors asteroid belt this month. Star gazers will get a spectacular view of the absolids during the early morning hours of June the 15th through the 17th. The absolids get their name from the Absol constellation which can be seen in the southeast in early Spring. These meteors come from the Concordia Discors astroid belt. When viewed in the early morning hours they appear to originate from the fabled "Doomsayer" Constellation. Though the meteor shower can be viewed in varying degrees every spring, this year Earth's close proximity to the belt should provide star gazers with a spectacular 100 meteors an hour. You can't miss it!
Intercepted Transmission between the Malral Shooting Star Observatory and the Deepwood Research Facility. Transcript recorded at 0300 on June 8th by Systems Operator Private Lex Cambridge of the Opaddekan Air Force. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: Dr. Strange, if you pleeeeease. Veronica: Oh not YOU again. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: Good, you remember. Transfer me, would you? Veronica: Ugh....weirdo *line is transferred* Assistant: Who is this? Dr. Fartwater is it? Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: FARNSWATTER. Assistant: Right-right. What can I do for you? I haven't grown a third eye lately. What are you predicting this time? A second - Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: May I please speak with Isengard? The matter is becoming more pressing. Time is running out but I'm almost positive this Asteroid is emitting dangerously high levels of radiation and with its current trajectory- Assistant: STOP. Again. Dr. Isengard is a biochemist. If you're worried about an Astroid hitting the Earth, maybe you should call the military. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: Fine. *transmission disconnected*
Monitored Transmission between the Malral Shooting Star Observatory and the Opaddeka Military Establishment Headquarters, Italicus. Transcript recorded at 0330 on June 8th by Systems Operator Private Lex Cambridge of the Opaddekan Air Force. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: Hey, is this that freaky alien dude? Operator: Sir, I must notify you that this call will be monitored. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: Listen lady, I need to talk to your weird alien buddy. The country depends on it! Operator: I should point out that we take prank calls very seriously, Sir. May I ask who is calling? Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: Who is calling? It's Goddamn Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop! Transfer me to the alien already. Operator: *silence as the line is transferred* Security: Sir, this Corporal Jacob Smith with homeland security. What seems to be the problem? Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: Problem? Oh, nooo problem. Only a giant radioactive meteorite about to make a crater out of the mainland. Can I talk to the alien now? Security: Sir. The "Alien" is General Floyd T. Scavian and he does not take unsolicited calls. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: Well he's a dip shit then. Tell your freak show to turn his scopes toward Absol. We have a big problem, man! Security: Yes Sir. I'll pass the message. We'll be in contact. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: AGHH! Idiots! *transmission disconnected*
Monitored Transmission between Opaddeka Military Establishment Headquarters, Italicus - General Floyd T. Scavian's Office and Aridair Outpost - OME Weapons Research Facility . Transcript recorded at 0700 on June 8th by Systems Operator Private Lex Cambridge of the Opaddekan Air Force.
Floyd: Hello? This is General Floyd. Secure the line and transfer me Lt, General Mercer please. Operator: Yes Sir...*silence as line is transferred* Mercer: Floyd? What's this about? Floyd: Never mind that yet. Are we on a secure line? Mercer: Yeah, why? What's going on? Floyd: Something big, we can't let this one get out to the public. Mercer: Ok. I'm listening. Floyd: There's an Astroid roughly a quarter mile wide on a trajectory course with the earth. The calculations are sketchy but best guess pin point the central continent for impact. Mercer: Oh I see. Well that's not too bad. I'll just launch a missile and blow that sucker up before it can close. End of story and no unnecessary panic from public. Floyd: Easier said than done. This one is hot. Shooting Star says radiation but the Sunflare's Sensors are picking up something organic. If you don't blow this thing to dust, we could be scattering a biological hazard through the atmosphere. Mercer: I see. Let me put my best men on the problem. We might be able to minimize the damage. I'll be in touch. *transmission disconnected*
Monitored Transmission between Opaddeka Military Establishment Headquarters, Italicus - General Floyd T. Scavian's Office and Shooting Star Observatory, Malral . Transcript recorded at 0900 on June 9th by Systems Operator Private Lex Cambridge of the Opaddekan Air Force.
Floyd: This Floyd T. Scavian calling for the - Captain. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: It's about damn time! What the hell have you nutcases been up too? Central Opaddeka is six days from being flattened! Floyd: Calm down Percival, we have a plan in motion to eliminate the threat. I need your help for damage control. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: Me? What can I do? I can't even get those shit heads in Deepwood to take me seriously. Floyd: I need you to notify the news station that there may be some debris that does not burn off. Meteorites, nothing more. No Astroid. Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: But there IS an Astroid- Floyd: In two days time, there will not be. Do you understand? Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: You're destroying it. Floyd: Yes. Can you do as I ask? Captain Crunch of the Spaceship Lollipop: Yeah. I guess I can.
Channel 5 News, 8AM Broadcast on June the 10th. Russ Hawkins: Good Morning Opaddeka! I'm Russ Hawkins and you're watching Channel 5 News. You can expect beautiful clear skies today with Highs in the 70's to continue on into the evening with Lows in the 60's. This fantastic weather is going to last all week folks! So, be sure to get out and enjoy that sunshine. And for you lucky star gazers out there, keep your eyes to the sky! Closer study of the approaching absolid meteor shower expected later this month reveals the high probably of several large bodies making contact across the continent. While most meteors burn up in the Earth's atmosphere, those that do not will pose minimal threat to the populated areas of Opaddeka. However, Residents are advised not to approach these meteorites in the event one is found in their immediate vicinity. Authorities should be notified immediately.
Monitored Transmission between Opaddeka Military Establishment Headquarters, Italicus - General Floyd T. Scavian's Office and Deepwood Research Facility. Transcript recorded at 0900 on June 10th by Systems Operator Private Lex Cambridge of the Opaddekan Air Force.
Operator: Deepwood Research Facility, this is Veronica, how may I direct your call?
Floyd: Dr. Isengard please. This General Floyd T. Scavian. Operator: Yes Sir. Please hold. *The line is transferred* Lavarious: Isengard speaking. Floyd: Strange. This is Floyd. I have a favor to ask. Lavarious: Floyd! Pleasure to hear from you again? I don't suppose this means you've changed your mind about the blood work I requested? Floyd: Hardly. Listen. There's this guy at the Shooting Star Observatory that's alerted me to an unusual asteroid entering our atmosphere in a few days. We're going to destroy the thing but there is a chance of some heavy debris still making it through. I want you to work with this Percival fella and find out all you can about the nature of the rock. From what my equipment can tell it's throwing off massive amounts of energy. Radioactive. I'm also detecting organic matter of a microbial sort. I want you to determine the level of threat. Lavarious: But Floyd, would your superior equipment be better suited for this task? Floyd: No. My vehicle is not a science vessel. It does not have the appropriate sensors installed. Willy ou do this or not? Lavarious: Oh of course Floyd. Of course. But you owe me... *Transmission disconnected*
Edited by Maverick, Mar 22 2011, 07:36 PM.
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