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| Barefoot; ~ A Maikeru Freeform | |
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| Topic Started: Dec 11 2010, 10:29 AM (338 Views) | |
| Air Sylph | Dec 11 2010, 10:29 AM Post #1 |
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Better.
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Word Count Summary Rewards Notes December Contest Post-Smod notes
Edited by Air Sylph, Dec 19 2010, 07:41 PM.
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![]() ![]() Layla - 52.2 | playground Maikeru - 46 | I'm nowhere | |
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| Air Sylph | Dec 11 2010, 10:30 AM Post #2 |
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Better.
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Ge Ge woke up to see that Kay wasnt beside her. She traced the rumpled sheets he had left behind; and it seemed like his warmth still lingered. She rolled over to his side and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. Closing her eyes, she rested for another second. The side of his bed faced the window. He hated the moon looking at them at night, but she loved it. The moonlight helped the roses to grow and she loved the thick scent of roses wafting in with the night-breeze. But where was he? He didnt normally wake up this early. Then she remembered. She leapt out of bed and dashed for the opposite side of the room. Ge grabbed the Giftmas stockings that she left the night before and pulled out the gifts within. She had been a good girl all year and she finally got what she wanted. The red shoes gleamed in her hands; these were exactly what she asked for. She dropped onto the ground and jerked her feet right into them. They fitted her perfectly and she stood up. The heels were tall; and in the mirror, she admired herself. Ge remembered last years Giftmas: she had wished to become an adult. Her mothers figure had always been the object of her admiration. Ge had been devastated when she left. Her heels had clicked against the stairs as she yelled out, her hands running through her curls. Daddy had only kept his silence, standing with his arms folded as she stomped past. Mother had stared at him, eyes shining with fierce tears, and after a sharp flick of her dark head, walked through the doorway with her leather suitcase. She never came back. Ge never understood what had happened. Kays mother had been at the door though, quiet and holding Kay by his arm roughly. His clear blue eyes were full of tears; and she knew at that moment that she had to be strong, at least for his sake. They had been neighbours ever since they were little, separated by merely a drain. However, when Kay stepped into her house that very day, she knew immediately that he was about to be more than a friend. When their eyes met, they both blinked their tears away, as if nothing happened. She took his hand and brought him into her room. There, they played quietly with her dolls. Daddy finally entered the room and said, You two shall be brother and sister from now on. Take good care of each other. He then pointed at the bed. Ge always had the whole large bed to herself, something she enjoyed, but when he said, Kay, youll have to make do with the bed first. Ill get you another one once I can afford it, she was willing to share it. She pulled the sheets off the better side and told Kay, You can have this side. He nodded. His voice had been soft when he had said, Thank you. She twirled. She was finally growing up. She had to get a bra that year, and Grandma had been very helpful. Daddy however, hadnt been there. He always had to go on business trips to earn more money and Ge longed for his return every single time. He always came back just for a while, before leaving again. She tried not to complain though. After Mother left, it wasnt very easy for him. At least, she was more grown-up now; she could help out more in the kitchen and Grandmother didnt have to do everything by herself. Ge then looked at Kays Giftmas stockings and they were empty. He must have had woken up early, saw his present and was now out, trying it out. Ge knew he had wished for a sled and a Pokmon to pull it; and although Kay hadnt really been a good boy recently, she wanted for him to get what he wanted, though how a sled would fit in a stocking, she would never know. Ge didnt understand why Kay had suddenly changed however. It was true that both of them were growing up and she took it as a temporary phase. Girls did age faster than boys, Grandma had always said, and she knew it was only mature to take his actions in her stride. She had cried however when he insulted her, however; his words pierced right through her heart. He had been running in the snow, accompanied by Wally, the Spheal they owned that rolled after him. The cold sunlight had scattered over his blond hair; and suddenly, she couldnt help but blurt out, You remind me of an absolute rose, Kay. His face turned red. She giggled. He came over and said, You should keep your mouth shut. She was stunned because he never spoke in that tone to her. His eyes burned with a kind of ferocity she had never seen before. He grabbed her arm so hard that she felt like her arm would soon shatter. When she whimpered an apology, he let go and stepped away. His rough voice: You look ugly when you cry. Her hot tears fell onto the ice. Her heart was beating harder and harder. She stood there and she told herself she had to forgive him. What else could she do? She picked Wally up when he had started to snuggle up to her calves. His warm slippery form had made her feel better that day. Grandmas voice came from downstairs: Youve slept enough, young lady! Now come down and help me! Ge grinned, and then slipped herself out of her red shoes. Grandma planned out a hearty menu for the day and as a new grown-up, she loved to have the chance to help with Giftmas meals. When he never came back the whole day, they prayed. Daddy told her that everything would be fine and that the constable would find him very soon. She clasped her hands together and said a silent prayer. Kay hadnt been a good boy. Maybe something happened to punish him; but he didnt deserve it. Ge didnt want him to be punished. It was true; he had been mean to her especially, all of a sudden. He had made fun of people in the streets, even made fun of Grandma. But all he needed was time, not judgment. He had laughed when Grandma was telling them the story of the magic mirror. It was made by the Devil and he made it so every single flaw was magnified; and when the Devil wanted to show it to God and His Angels in heaven so they would see their own ugliness, he chuckled and the mirror slipped out of his hands and it fell onto the ground. The mirror broke into many pieces. When a piece went into your eye, all the flaws you saw were magnified. When a piece went into your heart, it turned to ice. He had laughed. He had dared to laugh. You dont need a mirror to see how ugly everyone is. Its not hard. In fact, I wish my heart would turn into ice so I wouldnt have to be so disgusted all the time! Grandma had always been proud of her stories but Kay hadn't cared. Ge had patted Grandma, kissed her and thanked her for the story. It hadn't been any use. Grandma had stared out of the window, eyes glittering with moisture. She was so old but she tried her best in her quavery voice to tell them the best story she could muster. He hadn't appreciated it, not at all. With a careless laugh, Kay had ruined everything. Now, on retrospect, Ge wondered if these things he did were all signs. Maybe Kay had been planning to run away all this time. Maybe Kay had been trying to get their attention and by disappearing, he had finally succeeded. When the doorbell rang, she stood up. Her heart burst with hope, but when she saw the constable at the door pulling his hat off and holding it at his waist, something in her stomach told her it wasnt about to be good news. Ge held her red shoes. They glittered in the sunlight. The water gushed over her toes. This was the river. This was where they said he killed himself. The tears tickled the edges of her eyes but no, she shouldnt cry. Kay wasnt dead, he wasnt. These were just rumours that people cooked up because they were jealous of his beauty and his cleverness. Kay wouldnt have killed himself. She threw the red shoes far into the river. They flew in an arc. Her voice trembled: Give me Kay back. The shoes floated on the rivers surface and knocked against her ankles. She picked them up again; were the shoes not enough? But what could be more? She pulled her skirt up higher. Her silky smooth thighs shone in the sun. She stepped in deeper into the waters, the river almost knocking her down. She struggled to stand firm, toes curled up in the water. With the pair of heels in her hand, she moved forwards slowly. Her feet were now caked in mud, on the river floor. She could feel the bits of sharp rock underneath. With a yell, she threw the shoes upwards. They sparkled in the air. Her voice cracked as she spoke again, I dont want to be an adult anymore, if it means losing Kay. Give him back to me, please. The shoes fell with a splash. The water washed them away and they disappeared. Kay wouldn't kill himself, he wouldn't. She sighed. Her hair now stuck to her forehead, her neck sweaty from the effort. The water was strong and grew stronger still. She hitched her skirts higher and she started to walk back to solid ground, but the way back seemed harder. Her shoes resurfaced in the water and she cursed; she didnt want them anymore. Let the river take them; it was a cheap price to pay. She slowly swept a leg forwards with much effort, but it was clear she had gone in too deep. The water swept her off her bare feet and as it happened, she realized the river might bring her to Kay. Edited by Air Sylph, Dec 11 2010, 10:53 AM.
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| Air Sylph | Dec 11 2010, 10:42 AM Post #3 |
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Better.
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Kay Kay clutched the warm fur of the Stantler. When his steed leapt over the river, one of Kays boots fell off. He then kicked off the other; what was one shoe without the other? They were always a size too big since they were originally worn by Ges father. Kay knew the truth about him though. Ges father had always been his father as well. When Ma told him, he was very glad. He never had a father. Even if his mother told him that the old drunk outside the pubs was his real father, he would have yelled in joy. This man was Ges father. Ge always talked about how much her father loved her; this meant he would love him as much, right? Fathers always loved their children. Kay never blamed him for pretending though. There had been only once their eyes actually met. When his blue eyes collided with green, there was this sense of connection. Kay never knew how to explain that feeling; but immediately, he knew it was a secret, a shameful one that Ges father would never want to reveal. Ma too told it to him in a whisper; and now he understood. He could never tell anyone, especially not Ge because this would kill all of it. Their families would crumble down into nothing. Not that it had mattered in the end. Ma had become good friends with Ges mother; and Kay hadnt known why but Ma had finally confessed to it. Ges mother had used to give him looks of kindness, tossing him sweets, sending Ge over with pot-pies and more. When she found out, he had transformed in her eyes. He became a monster. When she left the house, Kay had been standing at the door. Her stare burned. Her words weighed down his thoughts. It made him grow up. That day, Ge had been in her room at first while they shouted. He was happy she didnt hear all the poison. Ill take him far away. You wont see us again, Mas voice trembled. Im leaving. Dont bother. Ges mother threw her dresses into her suitcase. Her brown curls swung in the air, as she turned to her husband. His mouth formed one solid line. His forehead wrinkled into countless folds. His glasses reflected the light of the setting sun; Kay couldnt see his eyes. Ges mother then shut her suitcase, snapping the closures. There, Im done. Goodbye. Wait, Daisy, I - Ma held onto her arm. How could you, Jenny? How could you? Her eyes were now dribbling with tears. She jerked away her arm. Her curls now fell over her eyes and a few tears fell onto the floor carelessly. Im sorry. I shouldnt have said a word about it. I shouldve just left. Mas knuckles turned white as she gripped onto Kays shoulder. It hurt, but he didnt say a word. What could he have said? Ma coughed a little; and Ges mother turned her eyes onto him. He looked downwards, afraid to look back at her. In a whimper, he said, Sorry. Kay hated remembering. He hated remembering how his mother left him there and never returned. He hated how his father reluctantly took him in. He hated how she didnt know. He buried his face into the back of the Stantler, as snow splattered against his coat. He only made one wish to Santa: to be able to leave. He couldnt take how his father pretended that he was a newcomer to the family, that he was being altruistic in taking him in. Kay belonged there and he knew it; but despite that fact, things seemed to go wrong. He loved Ge. He really did. He liked watching as her dark locks spilled across the sheets. She would whisper, Goodnight, and promptly fall asleep. He would watch her as she breathed and smile to himself: what else could be more beautiful? When she had held his hand that day when his mother left and brought him to her room, he knew that they were meant to be together. Their hands fit perfectly. He would protect her from everything, he had decided. The cold battered against his coat and he tried to adjust it. Slow down a little, Prancer. The Stantler made a little grunt; he couldnt slow down, not now. He wouldnt be able to reach his destination in time. Kay bit his lip and accepted it. Prancer was his gift this Giftmas; and he would bring Kay to wherever he wanted to go. Kay hugged his neck again, burying his cheek in the fur. The warmth comforted him. It was her warmth that had been his source of comfort though all these years. She would turn in the middle of the night, pulling him close at the waist, with her minty breath on his ear. She would talk to herself in her sleep and he would listen to those secret thoughts that she herself would forget in the morning. He liked it that way; and he knew he had to keep those secrets to himself. He would protect her from everything, he had decided. But as the years went by, Kay knew something was wrong. He loved Ge. He really did. When her arms wrapped around him, her growing bosom pressing against his back, his thoughts ran away with him. The sweet scent of her hair made it harder for him to sleep. When he had gotten his first erection, he pulled away from her and hugged himself. She had woken up that night and asked, Whats wrong, Kay? He had pretended to be asleep and hugged himself tightly. How could he feel this way? She was his sister. Kay whispered into Prancers ear: How long more? Prancers hooves clicked against the hard frozen ground. Not much longer. Kay knew there was only one way to go; he couldnt take it anymore. Every time he saw Ges face, his heart had beat so fast he thought he was about to die. He told her the nastiest of things and tried to get her away. He saw how nave she was, convinced himself how stupid she behaved and tried to turn his heart into ice. You remind me of an absolute rose, Kay. He closed his eyes as her voice reverberated in his head. His ears were cold without his earmuffs. Prancer suddenly came to a stop. Kay pulled away from the warmth of the Stantler and slowly got down. His bare feet touched the ice and he couldnt control his shivering. Slowly, he stepped forwards to the house. His heart beat harder; he was nervous. He had asked Prancer to bring him somewhere where he could freeze his heart forever. He had asked Prancer to show him how to stop loving someone. He hadnt been able to stop seeing her ugly crying face in his head, her dark hair framing her face with squinted eyes as tears dribbled from the corners. It hurt him so hard; and yet he knew he had to say those poisoned words: You should keep your mouth shut. She wouldnt have stopped otherwise; and he wouldve loved her more, if that was possible. His white knuckles rapped the door. A teenage boy opened the door, his pale skin shining in the moonlight. His grey-green eyes seemed to see right through Kay and Kay trembled, not only because of the cold, but also because he was afraid. His voice spun out from his lips, a velvety tenor sound: Yes? His black hair fell across his forehead, and he licked his dry lips as he looked at Kay. Kay looked up, took a deep breath and decided to speak. Are you the Snow King? Im not aware if anyone calls me that, he muttered, but he opened the door wider. The room glowed within, an electric light burning away on the top. It wasnt any warmer than the outside but Kay stepped in, his toes starting to hurt just a little. The teenager continued, My name is Maikeru, and gestured for Kay to sit. Who are you and what do you want? Kay introduced himself and said, I want to freeze my heart, just like you did. Maikeru grinned. His teeth glowed white under the light. His hand reached out. Kay gave him his hand and the icy touch made him tremble again. Kay breathed harder; mist came from Maikerus breath. When Maikerus lips touched Kays forehead - Suddenly, everything was fine. Kay beamed as the cold took over inside and asked Maikeru in wonderment, How did you do it? Maikeru smiled and slowly, Kay could see her. The Froslass slowly solidified beside Maikeru and her sad eyes fell onto Kay. His feet now felt warm and his heart, cold. He wondered what else he missed telling Maikeru; and he forgot if there were other reasons for being here. It probably didnt matter. His toes were blue but they felt fine. Kay bowed low and whispered, Thank you. The Froslass bowed back but he wasnt sure why she sighed. |
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| Air Sylph | Dec 19 2010, 10:17 AM Post #4 |
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Better.
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Maikeru Eternity, I whispered. My fingers tingled as I watched the teenage boy play around with the ice shards I managed to make. My body had changed ever since Alicia took over; and I felt more powerful than ever. My heart was cold as ice and I felt almost nothing. When Kay came to me, his lean body shivering, I only felt pity because it was obvious something was plaguing him. When my lips touched his forehead, his heart too froze. He had asked me: What is this supposed to mean? I only knew when you loved someone, you loved them forever. Eternity? He cocked his head to the side, fingers still fondling the ice. His blue eyes pierced me and something tingled in my heart, but I thrust it away, letting the familiar feeling of ice grow over. He was an attractive boy, his icy blonde hair falling across his forehead. That old tingling: it was the same feeling that I felt when I saw Samaru. What was it called? I only remembered it brought me sadness and frustration. I grinned at Alicia, who looked away. I knew she felt bad. She was the one who called Professor Willow over to examine me. Professor Willow had run a few tests and everything was perfectly fine; but she did notice I was always in an unusually calm mood and that I could somehow manipulate the cold sometimes. It took great effort, always did and this was the first time I managed to make any kind of ice. Maybe it was because Kay was around and somehow having someone that understood exactly how I felt made it easier. Professor Willow had told me she would come back with the results of her testing, but I didnt really care. Alicia had changed though. We hadnt talked much; I think she felt guilty for turning me into a monster, in her exact words. I laughed it off and said that everything was the same. Things were now frozen; nothing could change. Our relationship should have become deeper; I let her into my innermost feelings. I let her freeze my heart. Why was she so upset? Alicia suddenly disappeared, and I yawned. She had been doing that recently; but what could I do? She behaved how she wanted to and I was sure she would see that she helped me tremendously in handling my feelings. It did surprise me a little when the door slammed open. Her piercing eyes tore through me; and I was immediately reminded of Kay. She looked like him. But in retaliation, I lifted my hand and poured all my energy into slamming her with a blast of ice. However, when Alicia started to appear, I knew it was all for naught. Alicia raised her arm and the few shards I managed to make shattered into pieces. I growled, Why did you bring her here? You know Kay doesnt want to see her! Alicias voice was high and it sounded like the cold wind rushing through the bare branches of a tree: I didnt bring her here. She came by herself. The teenage girl walked towards me, her eyes bright, her dark curls falling by the sides of her face. Kay raised his head and he bit his lip. Who are you? The female snapped her head to the side, now staring at me. She shouted, What did you do to him? I ignored her. She wasnt anything to me; but Alicia how could she have done this to me? What help did you give her? Was this pain that I feel in my frozen heart? Was this betrayal hurting me? Alicias eyes turned to the side. She couldnt look back at me. Theres no power I can bestow on her. Dont you see how strong she is? I turned to look at this Ge. Her lower lip trembled, and hot tears trickled down her cheeks. Her voice wavered in the air between us. What what have you done to Kay? He doesnt remember me. I went towards her but even then she took a step back. Alicias voice continued to explain, Wild Pokmon helped her here, people too. She managed to get here, barefooted and still safe: it is her heart. Her beating heart, full of innocence and love, that has brought her here. I said, He wanted to forget you, Ge. I froze his heart for him. Her hot tears splashed on the frozen ground. I dont blame you; I only blame myself. What did I do to him that made him hate me so? She kneeled down to the ground and shuffled over to Kay. Her toes were blue with frostbite. He didnt seem to see her and his fingers only kept playing with the shards of ice I made. Her lips went near his ear and she whispered, Dont you remember me, Kay? He stayed aloof. Im supposed to form Eternity with these. You know how? She said, Yes, and kissed him on the cheek. Immediately, his cheeks started to turn red, just like his cheeks were before. I watched, Alicia by my side. He broke into tears and both of them embraced. I choked, feeling awful. I didnt mean to cause them anything; I just wanted to give him what he wanted. Alicia put her arm around my shoulder. I kept my silence even though my heart shuddered. They pull away and Kays cheeks were stained with tears. When they fell to the ground, the ice shards started to melt then freeze again, and there it was: Eternity. My throat felt dry and my voice broke the silence: When you love someone, you love them for eternity. Ge nodded at me, sighing as she turned back to look at Kay. He smiled then looked away at me. I bit my lip and nodded. He exhaled and looked into Ges eyes. He spoke, Ge, I love you. Ge hugged him. I love you too! No, you dont understand Ge. I love you, like how your mom loves your dad. Ges eyes became misty with confusion. Her hand grips his back. I think I think I love you that way too, Kay. She breathed. But I never knew how you would think of me. I mean, we are supposed to be siblings right? He bit on his lip harder. I urged him to say the truth. We are siblings, Ge. Your dad is my dad too. I just never told you She sucked in another cold breath. Oh. She pulled away from him and stood up. Her feet were blue. Kay looked on the ground and slowly got up, legs trembling. His feet too were bare. In the silence, I only felt the agony of love that could not be. Alicia broke the ice and spoke, Anyway, I found these in the river. She tossed a pair of red shoes and a pair of boots. They both grinned and started pulling on their shoes. I said, Wait! You cant put them on when you have frostbite. Especially you, Ge. She nodded, her dark curls shaking around her face. He pulled his boots on though and led her to the fire-place. She winced every step she took and groaned when she put her toes near the fire that I lit. Her red shoes sparkled in the warm light of the flames. I struggled with my words for a moment, stuttering, before managing to blurt out, So what if youre related by blood? Cant you just continue loving each other? Ge and Kay both shared glances. I dont know I wanted to stop loving her, so I came to you. Kays blue eyes shone. He touched my heart, somehow. He thought I was someone to look up to. I made a mistake. I shouldve told you that theres no way to stop loving someone. I made the puzzle: eternity is the answer. I scratched my head. Im gay, but it sure as hell didnt stop me from loving who I did. I had to get Alicia to freeze me. I chuckled and looked at her. And for the first time in a long while, Alicia smiled back at me. It felt good. Better. Ge grinned. Youre right. So what if we have the same father? Kay laughed. They looked at each other and their lips came together. I hugged Alicia and she whispered in my ear, I told you she was strong, with her beating heart. I could feel my heart too almost bursting out of my chest, as if happy to have become alive again. Kay came over to me and hugged me. He was a handsome boy and I couldnt help blushing. His warmth engulfed me. Thanks, Maikeru, for all the help youve given me. Ill always remember you. Keep in touch? I nodded, my eyes filling up with tears. He grabbed Ge by the hand and both of them left the house, red shoes in hand. Ge waved to Alicia and I: Thanks for the shoes and the help, Alicia! Alicia nodded back. Kay released his Pokmon. Prancer appeared in a blast of white light, his body standing straight and strong. He helped Ge up on him and then got up as well. Theres no place like home, is there, Prancer? Prancer groaned, stamping his hooves on the ground for a second before taking off. They flew away into the horizon and I stood there, with Alicia, wondering whether I would ever see them again. Now, can we get a move on in our journey instead of sticking around Slumber? Its as if youre frozen in place, Maikeru, Alicia said, giggling. I grinned at her. She was right; it was time to put on our shoes and move on. Edited by Air Sylph, Dec 19 2010, 10:31 AM.
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| Jin White | Jan 11 2011, 02:20 PM Post #5 |
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existential mage
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Hi! I read your story and I liked it a lot, so I figured I would smod it. I give it 12 for being easy to read, elegant, and interesting. My favorite part was the end of Ge's segment. Up until Kay's suicide I had been just barely attached, but suddenly the story took a major turn and I wanted to read it through until the ending. I thought you introduced the suicide skillfully and you definitely piqued my interest.Kay's section was equally impressive albeit confusing at the start. I think in retrospect it would have been much more interesting to have heard a more fully developed version of Ge's story before cutting to Kay. But I understand why his perspective was important - and you handled it well. I'm glad you explored third person. I also appreciated the transition into Maikeru's first person account... I thought it distinguished the fairy tale characters' voices from "your" voice. However, the final segment was a little discordant with the others as it distracted from the main plot. You introduced Maikeru as the magical Snow King with little explanation as to how he became known as such. That was my major peeve: how did the kids find Maikeru? How did Ge, especially, know where to look? You skirted over a lot of the back story and that's where my beef is. No technical errors, save some awkward phrasing (e.g. "on retrospect" instead of "in retrospect"). Would've been nicer if it were longer. As I said, you get twelve . Because Maikeru's ice powers were all an element of the fairy tale - pretty and magical, but uncalled for - it's a no-go on the learning how to full on manipulate the weather. Not yet, anyway. For Maikeru's effort, I present you your prize:Door #1 ! O R . . . Door #2 ! Edited by Jin White, Jan 11 2011, 07:57 PM.
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i used to be shy. now i'm reserved. who the #!@% is j i n w h i t e character level: 26 { home base } 43
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| Air Sylph | Jan 12 2011, 05:56 AM Post #6 |
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Better.
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Thanks! I'm honoured; I love your freeforms, especially about tyler haha, so I'm pretty stoked. Did you smod this with the guidelines involved or just winged it? I have to say that your suspicion was right -- it was meant to be a longer piece. I didn't know if I had enough time to finish such a long piece, but still kept it within the word limit so I ended it a bit early and awkwardly. The right ending just came to my head earlier today and it's sad that it only came to me after your smod -- but don't worry I wouldn't have changed it anyway. Anyway, keeping all the other things in the backstory made sense to me just because I was telling another intepretation of the fairytale and well, since the fairytale was mainly about Gerda's journey, I made it more about Kay and Maikeru's journey. The fairytale of course didn't make much sense... but I guess I should've pitched in more clues to tell you who actually helped Ge all the way to Maikeru's house. It was meant to be Alicia, how she found the shoes in the river, how she appeared with Ge. I thought it was obvious enough. Kay wished to leave his house to freeze his heart and somehow with Giftmas Magic, it brought him to Maikeru. That's his explanation -- I tried to make it obvious too, with how he just told Prancer to go home and off Prancer went in the right direction. And about Maikeru being a Snow King, he wasn't that well known: like Maikeru said, he didn't know he was being called that. It was just Kay and his imagination. I would have to wait and see if the 1.5 bonus stands to decide! Thanks a lot for your input! EDIT: I have chosen Icy Wind! Thanks. I currently will take Icy Wind and 2 FFEXP -- but once the 1.5 bonus comes in, it becomes 6 FFEXP, am I right? (: Thanks. Edited by Air Sylph, Jan 15 2011, 08:59 AM.
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| Jin White | Jan 12 2011, 07:25 AM Post #7 |
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existential mage
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Followed the guidelines. HOWEVER, the word count is way less important to me than... everything else. I'm sure you'll get the 1.5x bonus =) Happy writing! |
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i used to be shy. now i'm reserved. who the #!@% is j i n w h i t e character level: 26 { home base } 43
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for being easy to read, elegant, and interesting. My favorite part was the end of Ge's segment. Up until Kay's suicide I had been just barely attached, but suddenly the story took a major turn and I wanted to read it through until the ending. I thought you introduced the suicide skillfully and you definitely piqued my interest.

6:26 PM Jul 10