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What It Means to be Nothing; -November Freeform-
Topic Started: Nov 30 2010, 10:57 PM (219 Views)
Ayame
Big Dreamer
Stuff


Kamakiri! Slice this grass down to the ground so we have a place to rest!

The Scyther nodded, brandishing his large blade-like arms and slicing and hacking away at the tall grass. The grass came up to her chin almost, so walking through it had been a little annoying to say the least. For now though, all Ayame wanted to do was take a quick break. The Gully, her destination of choice, shouldnt have been too much farther but it wouldnt take too much time at all after their little break. After all, she did promise Mizu to take him there.

Within moments a small clearing, big enough for her, Kamakiri, and Kurokaze her Drifloon, was created. Kurokaze didnt seem too thrilled to land however, simply floating about lazily overhead, allowing the breeze to whisk him away here and there. A smile came to Ayames face, silver eyes watching her beloved ghost Pokemon briefly before plopping down in the clearing with a long, content sigh. She looked up to Kamakiri, waving her hand at him, signaling him to sift through the tall grasses as her bodyguard, like he would have done anyways, in case more wild Pokemon decided to attack her like the Aipom from earlier.

Once his green form disappeared into the tall grass, or at least far enough in to where he blended in perfectly, Ayame pulled her backpack around in front of her. She hummed a soft tune her mother had always hummed while she tended her garden as she started going through her pack. A map, a bundle of clothing, and some other miscellaneous items were strewn in front of her as she emptied the pack out until she pulled from it a rectangular black box. Before she had left home, Ayame had prepared a small box full of pictures in case she ever felt home sick. At first, she had thought she lost it, but her mother simply had put it away in her bedroom for some odd reason.

Either way, she shrugged at the passing thought, opening the box with a smile. Right on top was a picture of her and her mother hugging with her mothers Pokemon hovering behind them. A soft smile graced her face as she picked the picture up, remembering quite well the day that the picture was taken. It was roughly a week before she had went to the Pokemon Lab in order to receive her starter Pokemon. Her mother had taken it so well when she said she wanted to leave home and become a Pokemon Trainer, to be the best, and one day, become the region champion.

Thats what was so good about her dear mother. She was always so understanding and always so strong about everything. No matter what happened in their lives she was always there as a pillar of strength to get them through anything. One day, when she was older, Ayame hoped to be just like her. Retired as a trainer, many badges under her belt with a championship trophy on the mantle. There she and whomever she married would raise children and she would be the pillar her own mother was to them.

Thank you, Mom. I cant wait to see you again. By then, I guarantee that Ill be well known to many. Ill make you proud Momma, really I will

Ayame put the picture down gently on the ground, securing it next to her backpack so the wind wouldnt carry the picture away, and moved on to pick the next picture up, this one face down. As she remembered, it should have been a picture of her with two of her close friends Suisen and Lily. That, however, wasnt the case. She turned the photo around, smile still in place; happy to see her two friends once more, only instead she found a picture of her mother when she was younger with a tall, nice looking man beside her. Or, at least she would only assume from his lean, toned looking physique that he would be nice looking. His face was, oddly, scratched out with black pen and black marker, completely becoming unable to see any trace of the mans face.

Well thatsodd. I dont remember grabbing this picture. I never have even seen this one

Placing the picture down, Ayame pulled the next picture from the little black box, this one being of her mother once more holding a Silcoon and Metapod while a Skipbloom and Combee flutter behind her. Again, the man with the scratched out face was in the picture, laughing a little at a little Growlithe that looked like he was trying to jump up and attack the Combee. These most certainly were not the pictures that she had intended to take on her trip with her. Upon picking another picture up, this one depicted that of her mother and the scratched out man having an arm around each others waists while their free hands were extended out holding a Pokeball each.

As each picture was drawn, it became more and more apparent that whoever the mystery man was, he was someone very important to her mother, or at least, was very important. With each flip to the next picture, more about their fun, happy go lucky relationship was revealed until one photo in particular caused her breath to hitch. Slowly she could feel a jittery shake erupt through her body while no thought or voice could be found. Like the other pictures, this one too had the mans face scratched out horribly to the point of almost causing a hole in the photo. The thing that had struck her hard was, in fact, the fact that her mother was smiling, looking entirely happywearing a wedding dress.

Daddy?

Her murmur went unheard by either of her Pokemon. Ayame was never told much about him, other than he had been a Pokemon trainer and researcher and that after she was born, he left them. Other than that, no happy, sad, or angry stories were ever told. It was then that that pillar her mother had constructed as herself began to falter and crack. Was it all just a faade? Silver eyes stared long and hard at the discernable face of her father, an odd need, a longing more so, to see the mans face now overcame her. Tears dared to sting at her eyes in which she promptly sat straight up, body rigid, as she willed the little devils to recede and not fall.

She was doing a terrible job at it.

Quickly, Ayame let the photo drop from her fingers. It fluttered in the wind some and landed face down next to her bundle of clothing. Frantic now, she began pulling handfuls of photos out of the box at a time, looking at each and every one. Like the ones before the wedding picture, it seemed like just more and more happy times. Along with a few of her father holding up a newly obtained badge, or her mother sheepishly grinning at winning a ribbon. Though, as the pictures went on, the scratch outs were taken further and further. Her fathers face began to get cut out completely from the picture, his body beheaded in a sense. Again, that now familiar sting and hitch in breath overtook her once more with a picture of her mother, belly big and round, with her father having his arms wrapped around her mothers bulging stomach.

There she was, there she was within her mothers stomach and they still looked oh so very happy. Hours seemed to pass as she scanned the picture thoroughly, evaluating the looks on her parents face over and over again. Both smiles looked so genuine, like nothing had ever been wrong between the two of them. But then why did he leave? Like the previous picture that had tugged at her heartstrings, Ayame let it fall from her fingertips and let the wind take it where it willed. This time it got caught up in with her sleeping bag.

The box was becoming more and more empty as she went through the pictures. Until, finally, near the bottom of the stack of things in the box, the last and final picture was drawn. This one, however, nearly made her sick to her stomach. If Ayame didnt suck in a breath and hold it, composing herself to the best of her ability, then she would have broken down within an instant. The picture in hand was burnt badly, one whole half of it missing due to the use of fire. All that was left was the form of her mother, though her back and bits of her legs were missing, holding a cute little baby in her arms. However there was a single trace of a hand resting on her mothers shoulders. There was only one person that that could have been. Her father.

It wasnt just the picture that was burned. Slowly she could feel herself become vacant, hollow, and burned out. Were these all secrets her mother kept from her? All along the strength that her mother exuded was to drown out all the pain and anger towards her father and spare her daughter that same feeling of hate. More cracks appeared on that pillar. Slowly, almost daintily, Ayame put the last picture down. Her body slumped forward slightly, eyes flicking across the ground ahead of her, from picture to picture. It got to the point where the images flashed through her mind and in front of her eyes like a flickering projector. It hurt, and it hurt badly.

Slowly once more, Ayame peered over into the black box. There were still a few papers within it, folded up neatly. The one that had been directly under the last photo seemed menacing to be anywhere near that picture. But it was that fact that she shakily picked the folded note from the box and unfolded it. Immediately upon fully opening it, her eyes shut. It was like an omen, a sign that perhaps she shouldnt be reading this note, or looking at anything else from the box for that matter. Either way, she opened her eyes and began reading.

Kokoro,

This is the end. This fairytale romance has gone on for far too long now. You and I both know that. I couldnt possibly love you like you would want me to. Im tired of fooling myself and Im tired of falsely making you happy. This relationship has held me back greatly from my dreams while you had the chance and luxury to obtain everything that you had ever dreamed of. For that, I resent you more than I resent myself for allowing it to happen. Were through Kokoro. The papers have already been made up; you just need to simply sign them. Im divorcing you and cutting all ties with you and your family. Keep the baby. All it would do is remind me of you and your selfishness. I know you know where to find me, but dont come looking. I wont see you or the baby. Just stay away and let the lawyers take care of the rest. Im going to go enjoy my life and accomplish what Ive always desired since childhood. Normally, Id wish someone luck, but for you, I dont wish you any. Youve had enough good fortune in your life, so Im taking that fortune with me. Goodbye Kokoro, for good. I dont love you and never will again.

-Kado

The baby? It? Was I nothing but a thing? A possession to him? He didnt even acknowledge me as a human being or as his daughternot even by name

Am I really nothing to him? She finally mumbled aloud, folding the note back up delicately and placing it back in the box. Silently with vacant eyes, Ayame gathered up the rest of the contents of the little black box. To the best of her ability she put all the pictures back into the order that she had found them in and closed the box altogether, shoving it to the side. She simply stared at the box then a while longer, the minutes ticking by. Her legs were pulled in against her chest, chin resting atop them as her arms stayed wrapped around her knees. The tall grass ahead of her became her focal point now, totally disregarding the box before her as thoughts of her own mixed with the images and words from the boxes contents began to flood and overrun her mind.

Tears stung at her eyes once more only now they werent stopped by shear will or force. Instead they came willingly, pouring from her eyes and streaking down the sides of her cheeks. Ayame buried her face into her knees, trying her hardest to stifle the sobs that erupted from her inner most core. Within seconds, Kakakiri was behind her, patting at her to see what was wrong. Even Kurokaze floated down next to her, his balloon body tilting to the side as if to ask what was wrong.

Unfortunately, she couldnt answer them.

Thats when the pillar collapsed. All of her mothers efforts to hide this past, hide this tragic end to a relationship that could have allowed Ayame to have a perfect household of mother and father. All of Kokoros sadness and anger seeped out from the black box and its contents, consuming all of Ayame right down to the very depths of her heart. Tears still fell from her eyes, wetting the entirety of her usually serene and happy face not contorted with sadness. She hugged her knees closer to her, withdrawing into herself as she continued to think of her father and the true reasons behind his abandonment.
Kamakiri touched her shoulder, trying to get her to turn around with the flat side of his blade. She ripped away from him violently, screaming something inaudible at the top of her lungs. The three of them paused, all staring at each other with shocked wide eyes. It was then that she fell forward; still somewhat on her knees while her face nearly became buried into the ground below. Her hands balled into fists, gripping at the small blades of grass. It felt as though that pillar had actually collapsed onto her itself, crushing her.

Why? Why did she have to deal with this all by herself!? Im her daughter; I could have been there. I could have listened to her. I could have helped her get over it. I could, I could have done so much more than just live my life with not a care in the world.

She paused.

I could have been the reinforcement to that pillar Mom

A fist rose into the air and stayed there briefly, before slamming down against the ground. This was done over and over as her tears slowly began to dry and transformed themselves into bits of anger that slowly welled up inside of her. Her fist, now bruised and scraped up, hit the ground one last time before the thin, wire like arms of Kurokaze wrapped around her arm while the flat sides pf Kamakiris blade-arms rested on her shoulders. Her angry stupor slowed into a stop as silver eyes came up to meet the beady black eyes of the balloon Pokemon, and then around to meet the soft brown eyes of her Scyther.

Slowly, Kamakiri helped his trainer to her feet and wrapped his arms around her. Kurokaze followed suit by resting on her right shoulder and patted along her neck with the small, hand like appendages at the end of his wire like arms. Ayame, however, simply stood there straight, her arms stiff and at her sides with hands still in fists. How could a parent not even acknowledge his own child? How could he even live with himself for not ever being a part of her life? She just couldnt understand it at all.

Even with her Pokemons efforts, it didnt bring her out of the little world that she had found herself in. Despite Kamakiris arms wrapped around her and Kurokazes attempts to sooth her, it just didnt work to the full effect that they had meant for it to. Though her sadness was being held back, the fiery burning sensation in her gut wanted to make her slump over once more and vomit. The want and need to find the man who had contributed to her birth began to envelop her. Ayame wanted more answers. Or really, she wanted to make him feel like a nothing.

She wanted him to feel as she did at this very moment in time, where her threads bound to fate were fraying. Her mother knew where to find him, or at least where he had gone after the divorce. Ayame could call her on her poketech but simply talking wasnt what she needed or could hold the magnitude of the situation. Until she could use the videophone in the next Pokecenter, she would have to bare this pain and anger until she could let it all out to the one person who would understand it. After all this time of not knowing, her mother owed her that.

Pulling away from Kamakiri carefully, she patted his shoulder before pulling Kurokaze from her shoulder and holding him up, letting go so he could drift up a few more feet. Weakly, a smile finally graced her trembling lips as she swiped away at a few stray tears. Like the smiles within some of the photos, her own became plastic, fake, and a complete lie. Both Kamakiri and Kurokaze could sense this but couldnt do a thing to help their trainer. All they could do was sit on the sidelines and watch and hope that this train wouldnt wreck.

Lets keep heading to the Gully, everyone. I promised Mizu. Besides, Im sure everyone would like the scenery, right?

Again, she smiled, it being wider than the previous one and much more full of lies. Ayame gathered up her things and re-packed her backpack until she flipped it up and back over her shoulders, taking a few steps towards the tall, four feet grass before stopping. Everything she had ever thought was in disarray. None of her Pokemon needed to be involved in it. Kamakiri and Kurokaze had already seen enough after all. For now, she would have to revert back to the self that they knew her asall smiles and full of innocent cheer.

Problem was, with her mothers pillar long gone; her own had started to crack
Edited by Ayame, Nov 30 2010, 11:03 PM.

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mephistopheles
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~ ANBU (to be) ~
Hmm, this was an interesting and enjoyable read. I'm not sure if it was your rush in getting this out in time for the contest or what, but your writing could use a little refinement and proof-reading. The plot was simple and not something unique, but it suited the flow and purpose of the piece. So in general, it was a good reflection piece that brought the reader along for the ride as Ayame discovered a hidden part of her past.

My major qualm with this piece was some of the consistency issues. You mentioned that in all the photos, Ayame's dad had his face either scratched out with a marker, cut off, or burned off. And yet, you also wrote the following:

Quote:
 
Again, the man with the scratched out face was in the picture, laughing a little at a little Growlithe that looked like he was trying to jump up and attack the Combee.


Perhaps you could justify this, but it wasn't clear to me how Ayame could tell from a still picture that he was laughing if his face was scratched out. And again:

Quote:
 
Hours seemed to pass as she scanned the picture thoroughly, evaluating the looks on her parents face over and over again. Both smiles looked so genuine, like nothing had ever been wrong between the two of them.


This was written right after you mentioning the scratches were taken further and further, to outright beheading her father in the pictures. So it became really confusing when Ayame could see her parents faces and both smiles. It made me wonder if I misread something, but I don't think I did.

That was the big thing. Other than that, there were a couple of typos (including spelling "Kamakiri" as "Kakakiri" in one instant - threw me off) and your writing is awkward at times due to repetition of words.

Some examples I remember:

Quote:
 
The thing that had struck her hard was, in fact, the fact that her mother was smiling, looking entirely happywearing a wedding dress.


Probably could've skipped "in fact" to make the sentence flow a little better. The "in fact, the fact that..." is rather clumsy if you read it aloud.

Quote:
 
But it was that fact that she shakily picked the folded note from the box and unfolded it.


Could've probably replaced "But it was that fact that..." with something along the lines of "It was because of it, however, that..." to avoid the "that fact that" part. Again, sounds a little weird if you read it aloud.

Oh, and I have to admit I wondered slightly at the possibility of the piece. Given how old Ayame is, I would think and assume she would start guessing, querying and finding out about her father a little earlier and on her own rather than knowing the truth in this entirely "accidental" manner.

Loved what you did with the pillar metaphor, and it would have been nice if you illustrated a more gradual "crumbling" of the pillar to the reader. I also quite like the semi-open ending of her own pillar cracking, paving the way for a change in character (I'm guessing) for Ayame and also reader interpretation for what's to come next.

Alrighty! Raw score of 8.8 :ffexp ! Since this is for the November contests, 1.5 boost is still automatic. So you get 13.2 :ffexp for this piece!

And 0.4 :gexp2 for me! Gee gee gee gee baby baby! o/'

Neuron Long
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Ayame
Big Dreamer
Yeah, I do admit I should have proof-read. I decided to write this like two hours before the close of the November contest so it was rushed and a little sloppy. If anything, I'm glad the general use of this freeform got across and when I continue off of this it'll be handled better. And thanks, because the consistency errors with the scratched face and then him laughing/smiling went un-noticed by me...so yeah..haha

Thanks Mephy. <3

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