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Lorenzian Wildlands; gully - > four foot grass 2
Topic Started: Nov 14 2010, 07:29 PM (570 Views)
Jin White
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existential mage
details


lorenzian wilderness
 
it was noon by the time tyler woke up. he felt fine in his black briefs, nothing but wind and sunlight keeping him company. the blankets were soft, and the grass smelled fresh, and even though he knew his feet would be wet all morning he was grateful for it.

everything was soft this afternoon. it felt good to wake up so late for a change; work and school and life pokmon training kept him busy.


his name was tyler. he had blonde hair and bright blue eyes. he called himself ty. his shirt was tie-dyed, a little too tight, his mother would have been disappointed.

----

Ty.

Comparisons are odious;

Jin is nothing like tyler. Jin and tyler are one and the same.

Tyler feels alive; feels warmth and love and is in love with jin. He loves jin whole-heartedly. He sees Jin and loves him: he sees Jins weaknesses and he loves them. Which is why Jin resents him at times Jin is an asshole. But Tyler loves it, see?

Ive always liked the assholes. The ones with the mohawks, the piercings, the ones who yelled when everyone else was too afraid to speak. I remember the first one. I crushed on him hard, real hard, thought wed be together forever. We dated for six days, didnt speak to each other, and we broke up. I felt empty for a while I guess, mostly just sad. Found it hard to be around him and we went to the same school for two years.

I like Jin because hes solid. Hes prone to blow up about little things that tick him off but he listens to me and he trusts me, he looks at me like Im good even when he makes me feel bad. He has confidence. He knows what hes doing and hes wild sometimes, like I dont even know how his mind must be functioning.

Hes popular. He gets along easy. Boys and girls like him because he likes girls and boys.

I like him because hes smart and he thinks hes noble.

The thing is he doesnt listen. He doesnt think hes cute; he thinks hes an outcast. He downs on himself which is why he downs on people that (are) like him. He thinks hes like nothing else on this planet, which is true, and he thinks that no one will understand him. So he doesnt tell them anything. Hes told me:

1.he thinks hes a prophet
2.he is a prophet
3.he thinks he talks to celebi; or that celebi talks to him
4.he wants to tear down the fourth wall because he thinks it will solve everything. he thinks we can just rename the place canaan and tear down the wall and everyone will just hug each other when they reunite. He gets so mad about it, too, like its so obvious and wont listen to anything else. Hell stop talking to you, stop listening to you, obstinate like a child, decided that hes right. Hell tell you youre right, too, and hell mean it, but he knows hes also right so its not even worth discussing. And then the conversation stops.
5.once, he saw a tree glow. There was no reason for it to glow, in his stoned opinion, but it started glowing anyway. The weird part is that he had just been asking, praying, if you will apparently at that very instant that he receive a sign and thats when the tree lit up.
6.he has dreams about celebi.
7.that he loves me, that he really truly means it and that nothing will ever change that. But even as he says it he says it like its heavy, like its a burden. Hes an asshole to the core; he actually enjoys making other people feel bad. Rather, what he feels the need to do will make other people feel bad. And he wants to do it anyway.

Theres two sides to us: zen and nerd. Were always one or the other. Nerd is angsty, zen is love. Nerd is isolation and zen is integration. Nerd is integration into poktechopia and a complete denial of responsibility. He will respond to nothing. Zen is smoother, knows he looks sexy with mustard smeared on his face. Comparisons are odious, yah. Zen is good. Nerd is life.

-x-

The first night was something. He was a kitten, a ball of fire. He was full of closet angst and supernatural anger say the wrong thing and suddenly hes down your throat and around the corner. I was a dick, maybe, dark-eyed and bangled, but I was giving him a chance and he wouldnt look at me. The worst part was he slept with me anyway, and acted like a whore about it. I mean it was hot but it didnt need to go down that way. Actually it was really hot. So heres what happened:

I told him he could sleep in my tent. I knew he wanted it and I stretched as I said it, made sure my shirt lifted up. ---

lorenzian wilderness
 
Jin was a stalk amongst the grasses. His face was cut, bleeding, red rivulets pouring from his fingers. Bloodshot eyes stared into nothing. His face was blank, bored, even. He looked like he was about to collapse.


cut to: lorenzian wilderness
Edited by Jin White, Nov 15 2010, 07:26 PM.
i used to be shy. now i'm reserved.

who the #!@% is j i n w h i t e
character level: 26
{ home base }
43 :lp
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Kari
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Blinded by the magic.
0.3 to me first.

Using Tyler's reactions and unabashed abuse of fourth-wall breaking to push your point is astonishingly impressive here.

At this point, I kind of lost my inhibitions at giving a contentious and contestable grade, because I'm really jaded. Which is good for you, Jin, because by instincts I actually liked this.

This is, ultimately, a copious load of indirectly woven ambiguous bullshit to put it bluntly. It will be taken as bullshit by many, many people. Yet no one can dismiss how persuasive you are at pressing your point about Jin. You are undoubtedly a master at stream of conscious writing, and the plain characters portrayed to me actually become all the more appealing. So even if it were bullshit by general consensus I'm willing to suck it up. All of it.

This is simple, but effective, writing. Very simple, very effective, very persuasive, slightly controversial and ultimately it has stepped into the gray areas of Smodding. You clearly don't conform, yet whether it is taken as pure smoke or artistic creativity remains to be judged. It doesn't matter to you, anyway. I think.

You get 4 :ffexp for this, 1.5x considered.
[Satari] | APL: 53
:meganium | :staraptor | :lapras | :jynx | :ninetales | :ampharos

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Jin White
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existential mage
thank you
i used to be shy. now i'm reserved.

who the #!@% is j i n w h i t e
character level: 26
{ home base }
43 :lp
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Jin White
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existential mage
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december monthly freeform entry

TITLE: EXPOSITORY MASTURBATORY

fairytale: beauty & the beast

landmark: 6 foot grass 1 - > Flower Meadow

Just hours before the Jgsei Invasion of Opaddeka, Jin stumbled out of Lorenzo Town and wandered deep into the wilderness. His intention was to reunite with Duke.

CHAPTER THREE: THE RECKONING

Jin was panicking. His face was still burning and he couldnt believe himself: he had two black eyes, a gash across one side of his face, and blood splats over his nose and forehead. He also had cuts on his knee, his ear, and both hands.

Occasionally Jin leaned forward to write in his journal. He wrote a few short passages on the events of the weekend, from arriving at Lorenzo, to falling down, to staying at the pokmon center health ward. It was dizzying for him even to write out his thoughts as they were so scattered; but he scribbled furiously into his journals. Then he would rest, or pretend to rest, and struggle to go to bed while he waited for Tyler to come back.

Or for Willow to write back, or for Duke to come back, or for Psyduck to come back, or oh shit.

He felt himself groan with intestinal pain. He curled back into his bed.

The nurses closed the curtains around Jin's bed. Tyler poked his head in on occasion, usually while Jin slept, or pretended to sleep. Eventually Tyler left and didnt come back.


[flashback: publicity]

- x -

[fade to: pocket monsters]

WHEN JIN LEFT Lorenzo Town that night the snow was falling in thick white sheets. He felt like a complete idiot. He felt like he was being judged; like everything depended on how he looked, how he acted. At this. Very. Moment.

"Please, God, I need a sign."

So as he trudged through the six-foot grass, the icy stalks brushing against his cheeks, he prayed openly to the world. He spoke out loud and he didn't mind who heard. The night was complete now and the grasses were taller than he was, and so it was like a blindfold around his eyes as he stumbled towards Duke.

Dear Willow
 
Hey. It's Jin. Hope you remember me.

Listen, I attached something that I wrote. It's inspired by you a bit even though you're not a man and you're not in the story. Check it, tell me what you think -- it's ahh, based off Beauty and the Beast. Tyler is no one... he's an imaginary friend of mine. Don't worry.

Hey! It's Giftmas. Which is why I attached something else too. I stumbled upon a yard sale-cleanout-giveaway-giftmas-miracle type thing, you know, and I scored a totally sweet fossil. Looks uh, kinda important. Remember Arnaldos? Merry Giftmas Willow, I hope you like it.

In other news... I lost Duke.

He evolved, I think. I'm sure. But uh yeah I lost him. Temporarily. Don't worry, really !

Love,
Jin

P.S. No, really, it's fine. I think I know where he is. And... I should have written you once I found him again. But... I dream about him, sort of. I saw him as a Charmeleon. He's strong. I know where he is.


the magic mirror
jin white

preamble
 

...and I looked over at her and thought, Is this love?

Our laughter drowned out the deafening silence; the moonlight flooding her car was designed for us. The car was in park, but I swear I felt myself


Chapter one: the prologue.
Jin is the beast,
Tyler is the prince
The charming prince has come to love a hideous monster.
Jin is cut open now, sliced. His face mauled hes got two black eyes from sleeping on it wrong. He doesnt even know what happened. He just looks like a fucking piata or something leaking jello out of his face. Its not cute.

Tyler was the prince that broke through the enchanted castle: it didnt take very long. Jin was desperate for love. His body needed it so badly that he didnt even know he was searching for it anymore. He came on to Tyler too strong.

Tyler was attracted to Jin, surely. Saw him as something cool. A step up the social ladder. Jin was a beast but everyone knew him as the beast, that big furry monster with a dangerous red temper. Look at his fucking face: did he just get mauled? But Tyler was a prince and thats what made him a brat. He thought only of himself because he never knew anything different.

beauty and the beast
jin white
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle.1 Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.

But then, one winters night, an old beggar-woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold.

Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away.But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within.

And when he dismissed her again, the old womans ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful Enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart; and as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there.

Ashamed of his monstrous form, the Beast concealed himself inside the castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time.

As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope.

For whom could ever learn to love a beast?


Chapter Two: our story begins.

It started soon after Duke evolved.

The enchanted rose held only one petal which teetered feebly against her stem. A soft purple wind brushed through the castle. It swept the abandoned hallways, crept up the golden banisters of the western library, and then it fluttered like death to the Beasts own chambers. The final rose petal whimpered, then fell to the earth. Then the enchanted rose crumbled all at once.

Some of the castle guards, who had believed up until now that this day would not come, were gathered in the grand kitchen. Forks and chairs exchanged words and many numbers of individuals began to cry. The sky blackened and Winter arched across the horizon of Opaddeka. It would be hard to embrace her after such a long and pleasant fall.

The Beast was pining in solitude. How hed wished for this day to come sooner! Vindication, at last! Golden light sprinkled through the curtains. The smell of rosewood and must permeated the small room. Bowing his head, the Beast closed his eyes and wept.

- x -

CHAPTER THREE: THE RECKONING

coming soon...


1. [opening lines of Walt Disneys animated movie, Beauty and the Beast, (1991).

Dear Willow
cont'd
Okay that's the story so far. Listen, I know where Duke is. He's in the flower meadow. It's snowing there, it's snowing everywhere... I'm going to him. He's coming to me, too -- we're going together. Listen, I feel like something bad's about to happen. Like something bad is already happening. Like things could easily fall apart if we're not careful. I know I'm not the trainer with the best track record but... I broke Duke's pokball, let him go free. He's been traveling West and I've been following him, mostly, keeping with our plan to get to Lake Halo. But something happened and we lost each other, and he's ahead of me somewhere, but I know he's still there and I hope to God he didn't get caught. Pray for us, yeah?

Everything will be fine. The Beast didn't find a girl to fall in love with - he found a man. He stayed a beast but he was vindicated. Merry Giftmas, Willow, and happy new year.

Let me hear from you soon.

Yours,
jinwhite


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i used to be shy. now i'm reserved.

who the #!@% is j i n w h i t e
character level: 26
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Kirin
Kirin the Bloodedge
I, uh... Wow. That's basically all I have to say.

I had to read this, then re-read this just to make sure I was in fact reading what I was reading, and boy was it chaotic. I'm left with so many questions, all of them good: what actually happened to Jin after he stopped in the snow, why is he writing to Professor Willow, and what's going to happen next?

The fact that your freeform actually includes the fairytale you're referencing is interesting. Since I don't know Beauty and the Beast very well, it helped. Your writing for writing's sake is pretty much awesome, and that earns you some serious points for pure creativity.

Admittedly, content-wise, it's a little lacking, only because you leave so much open-ended. We don't know what's going on in the end. What I expect from this is a follow-up freeform, or something; that's what I'm seeing here from what you've written. A lot of things require reader's prior knowledge of what and why Jin is doing things, and that makes this very difficult as a stand-alone story. Reading and re-reading it doesn't highlight many of the nuances that may have been missed the first time, which is a little disappointing - again, you have to read a bevy of other works to gain that knowledge. I'd say expand a little more inside the piece itself in future if you really want the reader to touch the single work and say 'wow, this is amazing'.

As a whole, this freeform is short, sweet, to the point, and utterly batshit crazy to try and keep up with. The title certainly fits what you've written. As for your prize, I know I modded you to the Flower Meadow already so I don't think you want that. Your final score is 3.5 :ffexp .

.3 for me.
Edited by Kirin, Jan 16 2011, 07:54 PM.
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LP: 70 :lp | 0.5 :ffexp
Albion LP: 144
Modding LP: 12
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Jin White
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existential mage
x1.5 multiplier brings it to 5.25 :ffexp ... rounding it down to 5.2

thanks a million
i used to be shy. now i'm reserved.

who the #!@% is j i n w h i t e
character level: 26
{ home base }
43 :lp
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Jin White
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existential mage
July 2011 Monthly Freeform Contest Entry

Word Count: Short
Summary: Struggling to sort through his memories, Jin notes that Duke, the Charmeleon, serves as something of a mirror to the past.

Comments: Yeah, I wrote this out on paper. Pardon the hand-writing; it gets progressively worse. I wanted to flesh out Jin's character so hopefully this helps.

Click the image to read the whole story. Ignore the other links; just cycle through the photo album. Thanks.


Posted Image

Castform Egg: 14/50
Edited by Jin White, Jul 31 2011, 03:29 PM.
i used to be shy. now i'm reserved.

who the #!@% is j i n w h i t e
character level: 26
{ home base }
43 :lp
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Kirin
Kirin the Bloodedge
I'm not entirely sure upon what basis I need to grade this. I mean, it's... still technically a written piece, like most other freeforms. It's just scanned, hard for me to read at places and really not all that much different from your standard typed entry. A good idea, to be sure, but since it's not all that far departed I'm not grading it any differently. That said, this was a pain for me to read. I can barely read the thumbnails your thing provides, and the fullscreen view wasn't working properly for me. Took me about ten minutes to start being able to jury-rig a way to read it. I would've used the thumbnails but the text was just really squishy and messy at that point.

Onto the freeform itself.

I'd comment on how jerky it gets, but since it's a series of journal entries it's sort of meant to be that way, so it works. I'm not entirely sure what the point of the first section is, about some crazy-cult Team Aqua. It feels like a bit of a loose end, even given the last bit. However, the bar anecdote was indeed amusing enough to make up for it, the poor bastard.

This does provide an interesting point of reference for Duke, at the very least. So, you'll definitely be getting your 1.5x.

In general, writing-wise, there's no errors, it's grammatically good, and flows (for journal entries) well. However, I don't feel it's up to your usual standard of writing. Perhaps the different format is making it harder, but, either way.

Your score: 3.3.
With 1.5x mod: 5.0.

.3 for me.
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LP: 70 :lp | 0.5 :ffexp
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Jin White
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Appreciated. I actually like this more than most anything I've written, I think, because Jin is finally becoming a real boy.

I transcribed each of the pages in the comments under the image; should've mentioned that maybe.
i used to be shy. now i'm reserved.

who the #!@% is j i n w h i t e
character level: 26
{ home base }
43 :lp
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